I can do it myself

My youngest child is just over 18 months old. He’s reached the stage where he wants to do everything, and I mean everything on his own. I’m no longer allowed to feed him, he gives me dirty looks if I help put on his shoes, and he wants to open all the doors and climb into every chair on his own. This phase requires maximum patience from any parent. It’s slow, it’s messy, and while I realise it’s an important developmental stage for his independence, it would be so much easier if he’d just let me help out.

Like mother, like son

Watching my son and his determination to do things on his own has not only placed demands on my patience, but has also caused me to realise something I’ve suspected for a while. I really hate asking for help. It’s not something that I ever thought was an issue but the older I get, the more I find myself avoiding scenarios where I may, possibly, need someone to give me a hand. After all I’m the mom, I can do anything, right?

What’s your problem?

When I started looking into this struggle, I found that I’m not alone when it came to my aversion to sending out an “SOS”. It seems many people feel the same way about seeking aid and list similar reasons why reaching out to others is so hard. Here are a few factors you may be able to relate to:

  • Being afraid of appearing weak: No one wants to be perceived as being incapable, especially in an area where they should be an expert. We believe that by asking for some assistance we are admitting we’re not able, but all we’re really saying is, on this occasion, we need another pair of hands.
  • Being afraid of losing control: It doesn’t matter how laid back or easy going you may be, everyone has a level of wanting things done “their way”. There’s nothing wrong having your own standard or preference but it shouldn’t stop you from letting someone else get involved when you need a friend to help out.
  • Being afraid of being told “No”. Rejection is hard at the best of times, but the thought of being told “no” when you’re in need, can cause the bravest of us to run for cover.
  • Being afraid of being “in debt”. Some people don’t want to ask for help because they don’t want to feel like they owe someone something in return that they possibly can’t deliver.
  • Being afraid of being an inconvenience. Life is busy and full for everyone. You don’t want to feel like you’ve burdened someone else with your problem.

Pride comes before a fall

Each of these fears place a hurdle in the way of requesting help. On the surface they may all seem to be unique but the string that ties them all together is pride. In the book of Proverbs, the Bible tells us that if we put our ego first we are going to crash and be worse off than if we choose to worry less about what people will think and more about what we need. It makes much more sense when faced with the option of either holding on to your pride and struggling alone, or putting pride aside and asking for a hand, to go to those who care for you and let them share the burden.