Depression is a very sensitive matter, especially for the person suffering from it. I have a few friends who have depression – various kinds actually, and all of them are awesome people! When it comes to depression, I find those who don’t suffer from depression to be rather naive on the matter, just as I was. We seem to box all depression into one broad category and make stupid comments about depression; ultimately we just don’t understand what depression is all about and how to deal with depressed people.
However shocking your experience might be (and perhaps you are that idiot who just keeps putting their massive naive foot in it), it’s time we all made some effort in understanding the white elephant that no one has time for. Let’s decide to school ourselves and become a little more informed. Look, I’m being harsh here, and believe me, I too was very naive and thought that depression was a choice people made – how bad is that?! I now know that it is far more than just an emotional state.
In the hopes of educating myself and others, I thought this might be a very good place to start. I recently discovered this article which highlights 10 things not to say to a depressed person:
1. It’s all in your head. You need to think positive.
While optimism is certainly important in training the brain, studies have shown that people who are severely depressed or acutely anxious only activate their amydalas (fear center of the brain) by forcing positive thinking.
2. You need to get out of yourself and give back to the community.
This is one that certainly makes bad things worse. Because now, in addition to feeling severely depressed, a person also feels guilty and self-absorbed. Yes, giving back is important, but only when a person is healthy enough to hold a ladle at a soup kitchen.
3. Why don’t you try and exercise?
This is good advice. Exercise has strong antidepressant effects. However telling someone that they need to exercise is a little like telling someone their butt looks fat in those jeans. You need to hint at it, but not put it directly on the table, or else the person may very well take up kick-boxing and practice with you.
4. Shop at Whole Foods and you will feel better.
Why does this get me? Because 1) I don’t have the money to shop at Whole Foods, and 2) although I know that my diet affects my mood, and the more organic the better, I resent your telling me that my Frosted Flakes is what’s causing power outage in the left frontal lobe of my brain.
5. Meditation and yoga are all you need.
While some make the claim that meditation of one form or another is a fix for mild and moderate depression, the reality is that depression is much more complex. There is no quick fix and so, to suggest that a single course of action is needed, may be irresponsible. Yes, there is value in doing something relaxing, which takes one’s mind off things, but there’s so much more to it than that. Acute anxiety and severe depression are different animals altogether. In fact, my suicidal thoughts worsened with yoga.
6. Get a new job.
Maybe the job is making your loved one depressed. Stress is never a good thing for our health, and especially our emotional health. It pours toxins into our bloodstream. But don’t encourage a major decision while the person is depressed. A balanced perspective is needed.
7. Are you happy in your relationship?
Again, relationship problems might certainly be triggering the depression, but I’ve talked to too many people who almost left their husbands and wives when they were clinically depressed, thinking that something around them must be the problem. Since a spouse is the closest thing, he or she gets blamed for the mood dips.
8. You have everything you need to get better.
This, of course, implies that all pharmaceutics are toxins that do nothing more than dull your emotions. Guess what? Some forms of modern medicine actually aid recovery!! Seriously! Kind of like chemotherapy for cancer patients, and insulin for diabetes. Would you tell a woman with breast cancer she has everything she needs to get better? No. I didn’t think so.
9. Do you WANT to feel better?
This was my very favorite. Because it suggests that we can ‘will’ ourselves to be as happy as we want. Want to be a little more giddy? Let me just adjust the optimism lever a tad. There we go … happy again! Again, I do think you do to watch your thoughts, retrain them and retrain them, applying tools for optimism. But I don’t think we can pull ourselves up by our bootstraps without any help every time. Please don’t make the person feel like a failure in addition to depressed.
10. Everyone has problems.
Although mentioned in the CBS News article, it’s important to note again because it comes up so often. Forget about Congo and Bangladesh when talking to a depressed loved one. Some people absolutely do have it worse. But that doesn’t make their pain any less real or profound. Chances are if you do bring it up, they will also feel weak and pathetic … like they have no right to feel the way they feeling, which will, of course, make them feel worse.
If you suffer from depression and would like some advice as to how to deal with it or if you would like advice on how to accommodate someone close to you who has depression, why not click on the pop up at the bottom or on the banner, and we’ll gladly give you advice.
Credits: Edited // Psychcentral