“A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.”
My wife tbV [the beautiful Val] and I attended the marriage of our friend Ronel and her Jordanian found man, Hythem, on the weekend. It was an incredible outside ceremony at a beautiful wedding venue in George on South Africa’s Garden Route. Vows were made, petals were thrown, and competitive boulle was played as we waited for the couple to return from having their photographs taken. It was great.
Then it was on to the reception where I had the honour of being the Master of Ceremonies and the dangerous task of trying to navigate a roomful of guests through ten sets of speeches (half of which were by couples). Yes, ten? I know.
A CLEAR AND PRESENT DANGER
My wife and I have been married for close to seven years and we would both highly recommend marriage to the right person. But we also both know that it has taken a lot of work and effort and tears and apologies and reconciliation and growth. Marriage is not for the faint of heart. Which is why I get so annoyed when people make jokes about marriage in which they take subtle digs or insult the husband or the wife but all in the name of humour. And it’s even worse when it happens at the wedding – which I have seen so many times.
What was stunning about this wedding was that through ten speeches (some by couples) not one person did this once. Hythem had asked the various people (mostly family and close friends) to share a story or memory of either himself or Ronel, and it was done to perfection. So much so that I didn’t even have to bring my prayer bowl gong (modelled on the Oscar ceremony speech music that gets louder and louder as people talk too long) into effect once as those speaking kept pretty much to their three minutes.
SPEAK LIFE
Even though it is “a joke” when you say something that pokes fun at marriage, you are creating the opportunity for a crack. “What if she really thinks that?” might be his response. “Does he really see me as a ball and chain?” might be hers. It creates the possibility for erosion or mistrust or adding to insecurity or worry that might already be there.
So how amazing was it to watch person after person grab hold of the mic and speak truth and love to this newly married couple? It was transforming. Some of the siblings had not had the closest relationships growing up and yet even in that they spoke life to their brother. It was cement for an already solid foundation, and one of the most powerful speech times I have been witness to in recent years.
WORTH FIGHTING FOR
In a world where marriage is so much under attack from so many different places, where the divorce rate is soaring and people are really struggling to stay together well, how about we choose to do everything we can to be cheerleaders for marriage. To fight for marriage. To lift it up and honour it and stand alongside those who are venturing into it and saying, “We are with you in this. We want to see you succeed.”