“I haven’t seen Carol in ages.”
“Yeah, me neither. What happened to her?”
“Ahhh, I think she left church.”
“Really? But she seemed so into it….”
People leave church for many reasons. I think it’s sad when people leave church. I see my church as a small family, and in my mind you don’t leave your family. Sometimes, all the same, it is the right thing to move churches. Other times, you need to look at your motives and check if they are thought through. If you have changed churches three times in the last year, I would say you need some sticking power. Don’t base your church selection on how cool the pastor’s haircut is, but at the same time don’t stick in a church which lacks substance and depth. Don’t take the decision lightly – moving church is a big deal so think it through and speak to wise friends.
How do you know if its time to find a new church?
Circumstances
If you need to move churches because of health problems, your children’s education, or your family’s job, it really can’t be helped. You need to make sure you look after your family (this is first priority). If you emigrate to Australia, we don’t expect you to fly back to Zimbabwe every Sunday for church.
Competencies
We all need to be in an environment where we are given the opportunity to grow, and be challenged. If your current church does not challenge you, provide you with good friends, and you feel like you are stagnating, then it may be time to look at another option. Don’t stick around because your high school friend is there; be intentional about the place you choose to call your spiritual home.
Burn-out
Burn-out is sadly all too frequent amongst Christians. We just do too much, and become jaded and exhausted as a result. If you are feeling bitter towards helping at church then the best thing you can do is take a break. It may be time to change churches – but don’t jump to this conclusion. Chill out, keep a low profile for a while, and come back when you are rested and ready.
Poor leadership
If a church has division in the leadership and vision it will not be a positive or uplifting environment. No church is perfect, however, if the church is dysfunctional this can affect your family. Ideally a church has unity in vision and amongst the leaders. It should be moving forward.
Conduct
If there is evidence of lying, cheating, or sexual misconduct then you will need to consider leaving your church. If unethical practices are not dealt with in a wise and mature manner, and the church has lost trust, it may be wise to move on.
Doctrine
If the teaching at the church does not line up with the Bible, or your core values, your integrity may cause you to leave. If you are concerned about the teaching at a church, do some research and invite along a friend you trust. Don’t be someone who attends church without thinking.
Uncomfortable
If you are feeling manipulated, afraid, intimidated, or uncomfortable at church then you have every right to go and look for what you are after someplace else. Church should be a sanctuary which you are excited to go to. If you don’t want to go to church, you need to ask yourself why and make some decisions accordingly.
If you’ve never been to church – don’t let this put you off. Yes, the church has had some bad moments in history and yes, not all churches are happy and healthy. However, the church can be a great support and community for so many people. The church has and continues to do so much good for so many people. It’s the way God chose to show his presence on earth, broken and messed up; a beautiful mess. The church is not perfect, and you may need to leave a church for valid reasons, but don’t let this steal from you or get you down. I love my church and I believe you will find one you do too.