“Until we’re ready to fully commit to a relationship, we’ll never receive the full benefits of a relationship. Commitment precedes blessing.” – BJ Thompson (@bj116)
As a single you get hit by a barrage of situations every day and you need to know how to deal. Examples include but are not limited to: The baby announcements (they’re on number two and you’re on number don’t-even-have-a-boyfriend-yet); engagement announcements; the occasional, “ah, she’s a big girl now – she’s married,” from the mums or aunties, implying that you – no matter what age – are not grown because you aren’t married; loss of potential friendships because of the lack of boundaries in their relationship; the “stop-pretending-you’re-a-boy” when you have to drive out and about late because of work and don’t really want anyone to accompany you because you’re a ninja…and more.
Moping about my plight and the plight of my fellow compatriots would be fun if I didn’t have a life, and internet dating was my only option. But I do have a life – so do my lovely friends, and internet dating is an excluded option (there are stories there, but not for today).
The opening quote is a tweet from one of my most favourite godly-advice giving people to follow at the moment, BJ Thompson. I know for a fact, because of the thread (of tweets preceding), that Thompson didn’t direct the tweet to singles, but I’m taking it for singles because I feel that it applies: Commitment precedes blessing.
Commitment to God
Jesus first: I find it hard to believe that one would be able to walk into the right relationship without a commitment to God first – even before a commitment to yourself. Chasing after God is a lifetime pursuit, and there’s no way to move forward if that relationship is not in place first.
Living for God, loving people: Moving beyond your feelings, selfishness, and insecurities will take you to a place where God can not only grow you, but also teach you about yourself. This happens quickly when you’re serving other people. Let me tell you, being actively involved in the life of my church has been the cure for many stupid ideologies that I began to form on my own.
Commitment to yourself
Combat boredom; it makes you do stupid things: As a kid, I learnt very quickly never to say that I was bored around my parents. Saying you were bored was one of the surest, quickest ways to get a hiding, and so I learnt to be okay with entertaining myself. On some holidays I picked up a bow and arrow that my dad had made me; on others, a book. I can’t remember ever feeling bored all through my teenage or adult life. Bored people (singles) make stupid mistakes, and can mistake the aching need to know themselves as the aching need to constantly have someone around.
Educate yourself: Do it. Get that qualification; get them all – because you won’t be able to do any of that when you have to focus on a whole lot of other people! I learnt from my parents who have a “don’t-go-five-years-without-improving-yourself” policy. You’re never going to get this time back!
Connect with others: Find yourself a mentor. And find yourself some honest friends who are also going to say the stuff you don’t want to hear.
Commitment to family
The sanity of family: I’m the biggest family advocate. I remember a few years ago meeting a friend who became someone I loved for a little while, who couldn’t understand why I did so much with my family, or why I even still live with my family. Family isn’t always sane but the sanity that family produces is worthwhile. If your biological family is super messed up, then that family could take on a different form (maybe family of friends). Read Psalm 68:6 for more.
These three commitments are super important because until we are able to fully commit to where God has us now, we’ll never be able to receive all the benefits of this season of being single (in a – hopefully – healthy relationship with yourself). Don’t worry about the Facebook and Instagram updates; put your head down and put your hands to the plough, because really, it’s not how long you’re waiting, it’s what you do while you’re waiting.
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