You’ve just broken up. I’m sorry friend. Go immediately to the nearest pharmacist and get yourself a box of soft (say no to raw flesh) tissues. Do not pass begin, do not look at any old photographs, do not go to any of your favourite places and please, I beg of you, do not listen to Adele. This is your how-to-get-through-a-breakup-alive post (aimed at girls, but guys there may something of value here too).
Breakups are so hard. Break my bones and I’ll drench myself in painkillers; cut open my skin and I’ll put tissue oil on the scar and forget about it; pull out my teeth and I will hate you and your pliers forever; but break my heart… whew, we’re in new territory. There is something gut-wrenching about pouring your heart and soul into a person, trusting them with everything, building your life and planning your future with them, and then having it all come apart at the seams (as Katy Perry puts it).
Breakups are a part of life and if we navigate them well we can come out the other side better, stronger, and wiser. As Kelly Clarkson says, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” I know, it’s hard to believe. Everything in us wants to drown our sorrows in Bridget Jones’ Dairy reruns, boxes of chocolates, and vows to never touch the opposite sex again. But if you apply maturity to breakup situations you may not have to book yourself into rehab.
1. Feel the pain: There’s only so much bottling up and ignoring that you can do. It is important that we process our breakup and grieve. If we bottle up our emotions and don’t talk to anyone about what happened, everything may come out in the middle of a business meeting or while you are heating up the pasta. Accept the process and do it well.
2. Assess your life: It is often after breakups that people start a new sport or a new hobby which completely changes the direction of their life. There is always something to learn from a breakup. Keep the learnings and leave the mess in the past. Look at your life and use this as an opportunity to work on some areas of weakness. Find something new to do and focus on that – not the emotions.
3. Share with your friends: We all go through rough times, and now is the time when its okay to lean a bit more on your friends and support structure. Be respectful and appreciate your friends, but also know there will be a time when you will be there for them. This may be a good opportunity to go to church and find some new friends who can pray for you and encourage you in the journey.
4. Give back: A great way to gain perspective and to avoid focusing on all your pain is to do something for someone else. You don’t have to open an orphanage – just do some research; there are loads of great NGOs who would love some help. Maybe you can visit an elderly person once a week. We can all do something in our lives and this is the perfect time to start.
5. Don’t wallow: It’s so easy to get bitter and wallow in our pain. Instead we should think about the things we do have in our life and be grateful for these. Despite what you have lost, you will still have many things to be thankful for. This is a bump in the journey but not the end. Go over it, keep your sights set on the future and be brave.
Don’t forget that no matter what has happened to you, God has a good plan. He has given you the spirit of an overcomer and you will get through. Don’t shut God out – he is waiting to bring you comfort, peace and perspective if you will let him. He loves you and cares for you more than any human could. He will be there for you through this and in the days to come. Trust him.