I’ve started to feel heavy – heavier than I ever have. It feels as though life is a never-ending list of ‘have tos’. Have to go to gym. Have to see this person. Have to make this phone call. Have to get this done at work. Have to clean the house. Have to go to the bank. Have to get to church; on and on and on it goes and all I’m left with is a sense of never-ending scrolling tasks I need to get done and zero time to breathe in-between.
How can one little person handle it all? Well, she often feels like she isn’t.
So many of us get to that place where we feel like we can’t handle all the ‘have to’s’; it becomes overwhelming and it affects our emotional health.
Why do we always find we add more and more ‘have to’s’ to your list when they are actually optional? They aren’t ‘have to’s’; they are ‘like to’. Not everything can be a ‘have to’ – it simply doesn’t make sense. Each of us have a finite amount of energy and doing everything is only going to lead to a big mess.
Why don’t you try these tips to eliminating the ‘have to’s’ in your life and getting back in control?
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You have agency
Agency is the capacity to make choices and the power to act on them. Even though you can not control how these choices will play themselves out, you can control your own choice.
If you aren’t happy about something you can act on it and make a change. This can apply to the smallest areas of your life and the biggest areas of your life. Either way you have the power to decide and to act which means that your life is your responsibility.
2. Recognise your worth
People who don’t know what they are worth are more inclined to be pull in 700 directions trying to please everyone else out there in order to “prove” themselves. Everything in your schedule doesn’t just land itself there – it was put there by you.
When we forget our worth, we forget what really matters to us. If you value your time and abilities don’t sell them to the lowest bidder. Use them only on the things that matter most and are most rewarding.
3. Picture your future
Life coaches often tell you to picture how you want your life to be in 5 years. When you do this, it helps you to prioritise so that you are able to get there and move your life in the direction you want to see it go.
When you know where you are going you will soon start to recognise that many of your ‘have to’s’ are actually optional. This means you are able to make decisions with a clear mind.
4. Everything in life has limits
When you say yes to one thing, you say no to another. Life and people will place pressure on you to do everything and be everything but it is up to you to know where your boundary ends.
Your family can’t be your everything, because you have to do your job. Your job can’t be your everything because you need to spend time with the people who are important to you. When you realise that you aren’t supposed to be able to do everything you become better at letting it go and making the most of the limited time and space you do have
5. Replace your ‘have to’s’ with ‘get to’s’
‘Have to’ is more of a state of mind that an actual real demand. Most things in life has positive and negative spin offs and it depends on how you look at it.
I enjoy this quote from Albert Einstein:
“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”
Many of the simple and normal every day things in our lives lose their mundane if we look at them from another angle. These things build our character and teach us commitment.
Maybe it’s time to take your ‘have to’s’ in your hands, draw some lines and decide to live your life with a sense of wonder. Try taking a step back today and looking at your life from a distance. What can you take out of your schedule? What can you try to see the positive side of? And where are you taking away from something valuable to build something which doesn’t matter to you?