My wife Val (aka “tbV” or “the beautiful Val” to me) and I recently celebrated seven years of marriage.

We managed to find a cheap place to go away for a few days and celebrated in fine style with walks and wine and movies in bed and jigsaw puzzling. Those kinds of celebrations are important and good and healthy.

But one way I really love to show my wife how loved she is by me, is to celebrate her outside of the official times (and this works for all manner of celebrations, so spoiling your mom not on Mother’s Day, appreciating your secretary outside of Secretary Day, and giving someone a gift not on their birthday or Christmas). In fact, to be completely honest, if it was up to me I think we’d stop celebrating birthdays and Christmas completely (in terms of gift giving) and leave it up to me to find other times and ways of letting the people in my life know that I love them.

But back to my wife

Flowers is one clichéd, yet for many, underrated way of showing your wife that you love her. I remember chatting to a woman who had been married for over 50 years who confessed to me (and she seemed really upset by this) that her husband (who I know to be a completely loving husband) had only given her flowers twice in that whole time. I have met one person who didn’t particularly like flowers, but typically I think most women love receiving them and I love the flowers-for-no-discernible-reason-at-all (except to remind Val that I love her).

Husbands – if it’s been a year since you gave your wife flowers, you should seriously consider it.

Walks is another way that you can show your wife you love her (although I think this may depend on the wife). Val loves going out to walk, and so I know this is one way I can really demonstrate my love for her. But I also don’t think it is so much about the walking as it is about the time spent together. No phone zone. And so create regular spaces for quality time with your wife where everything else is pushed to the side.

Touch can be huge as well. When last did you give your wife a massage or a back tickle? She won’t expect you to be a pro, but often it’s the time and the intimacy that comes with touch that will really convey the message that she is much loved.

Doing the dishes may cause your wife to have a heart attack (I’m looking at you!). Hopefully not because household chores should be something you are sharing equally (it is 2016 and all). But if there is a particular job that she hates and you beat her to it when she is out, that can really let her know she is loved. Maybe there is something small that she has been wanting to have done around the house and keeps mentioning that you haven’t got to. This Saturday, when she is out, grab your stepladder and fix that curtain rail/painting nail/clogged up gutter.

It’s all about intentionality

I could mention a hundred more things. You (hopefully) know your wife and so know what really makes her feel loved. But are you taking and making the time to do those things on an irregular basis? Out of the blue, unexpectedly, without being prompted.

So, continue to celebrate the birthdays and anniversaries and official occasions if you want to,  but also be on the lookout for small and big ways of keeping the fire alive and for her to have a strong sense of being loved.

Oh, and make time to listen as well. Women love to be heard. Are you creating times in your day and week to simply ask her how she is doing and what’s on her mind?

What is one way that your wife really feels loved by you?