Set up for a loss
I read a really interesting blog post this week about why Generation Y folks aren’t happy. It was interesting for a few reasons, firstly because as a 30-something I fall into the age group of the Gen-Y demographic (anyone born between the late 1970’s and the mid 1990’s) and yet I would say that I am (on most days) happy with my lot in life. But also it made a claim that I got me thinking. According to the writer, one of the reasons why this age group is seemingly dissatisfied is because we were raised to believe that we, as individuals, are special and generally given an easy ride. This led to unrealistic expectations when we entered the ‘real world’.
Special is the new average
The fact is we can’t all be special. We can be interesting, intelligent, gifted and downright wonderful but not everyone can be given the label special. Special by definition means better, greater, or otherwise different from what is usual. If we believe that everyone is special, then what we are actually saying is no-one is.
I love telling my kids that they are amazing! Praising my children and encouraging them is second nature to me but if I constantly tell them that they are wonderful for being able to finish their dinner or so clever for remembering to say thank you I am probably doing them a disservice because I’m celebrating things that should be the norm.
Don’t get me wrong: I believe that the right kind of praise and encouragement is vital, but very often praise isn’t given because it is genuinely deserved. We live in a society that likes to reward people for just having a go. Some schools no longer give prizes at sports day or athletic tournaments to the winners, but instead reward anyone who participated. While I love the idea of every child getting some recognition I know that in the adult world just showing up isn’t going to win you anything and I’d rather my children understand that they have to reach and work to achieve their goals than have them believe life is going to be a cakewalk.
Hands-off approach
Moms and Dads have a tricky job. On top of all the other wonderful and ticklish aspects of parenting (of which there are many), they must walk the tightrope between building healthy self-confidence and giving their offspring the idea that they are the next superhero. They must make the decision over which challenges they allow their children to face and work through and possibly fail at, and which difficulties to lend a hand with, cushioning the blow and saving the day.
The truth is that difficulties and challenges aren’t all negative. Very often the hard times can be the most valuable learning experiences. Being one of the crowd and an ‘average Joe’ doesn’t mean you don’t have value, it just means you may have to work a bit harder to rise above common-place. By allowing your child the opportunity to work for the things they want in life you are giving them the gift of being able to appreciate the true value of the things they earn.
You’ll never walk alone
As parents we aren’t supposed to be a fairy god-mother who fixes every problem or supplies an escape route whenever times get hard. We’re there to support, give guidance and comfort when needed. God’s role is much the same. Very often people get angry at God when things go wrong or life isn’t fair, but God never said he’d fix all our issues, keep us from tragedy or make life full of daisies and rainbows. He’s not that kind of parent. He did promise that he’d never leave us. God has promised to always be there, no matter what we are facing, no matter what life throws at us or how badly we fail.