Assumptions possess the ability to kill and destroy relationships, friendships, and marriages. Assumptions happen when someone believes in a thought or a notion even if it is not factual or true, they then react and respond emotionally based on their thoughts. Which in turn causes a lot of damage to the person on the receiving end. Negative assumptions derive from our own personal fears and past experiences.
I remember when my husband and I were newlyweds, I did not realize how I feared him leaving me and our marriage. It was obviously a lie, and a very real fear for me. Therefore I would read into things that weren’t even there. I would start arguments based on what I thought and assumed of him and his character. Which weren’t true at all, and were very hurtful for him.
The truth of the matter was that I had been hurt in the past and I did not realize how many walls were guarding my heart. I did not realize how fragile and insecure my heart was. Therefore if my husband did not respond to me in the way I expected of him, or if he did something that I did not like, I would start to assume the worst of him and lash out on him! I was so fearful of him hurting me, that I would always assume the worst. I assumed the worst of him because I never wanted to feel shocked by the potential hurt. It was almost as if I was wanting to expect the worst for myself and for my marriage. That is not what God intends for us, that is not His perfect will for our marriages! God wants marriages to flourish, and He wants them to be strong, and He wants it to be a blessing!
I remember one night, my husband and I were chatting and I started assuming the worst again. My husband ever so gently, yet firmly said to me; “This has got to stop, what you are saying is hurtful and not true!” I immediately broke into tears, because he was right! My words, my actions, the lies I was believing in my heart were hurting him, and they were hurting our marriage! What a wake-up call! I knew then and there enough was enough! I wanted a strong and healthy marriage based on truth, based on love, based on believing in the best of each other, and most importantly based on the promises of God. I knew that I had to get to the root of my unhealthy way of thinking, by addressing the issue! Ever since doing that, it has added so much strength to our marriage, and in turn has blessed us in so many ways!
KILL ASSUMPTION
Killing assumption may require us to do the following:
Understand the root of assumption – It is important to know and identify the root cause of your assumptions, so that you know how to work on it. You can’t work on something or make changes in your life, if you don’t even know what you are working on or changing. When those assumption triggers go off, pause and ask yourself “why am I feeling this way? Where does the fear come from?” Identify your assumption triggers!
Forgive, let go, and let God – Once you know and understand the root of your assumptions, decide to forgive the past offense, decide to let it go, decide that you will no longer let it control you and negatively affect those around you. The great news is that we can come to God with our concerns, because He wants to heal us, He wants to replace our fears with His promises and with His truth. He wants us to be whole and thriving in our marriages.
Retrain your brain – Once you have a fair understanding on the root of your assumptions, and you have chosen to forgive and move forward from the past. You will now have to go on a journey of retraining your brain to think in a different way. Instead of always fearing the worst, and allowing your mind to go down that harmful road, you will now have to train your brain to think in a more positive manner. This will take time, but if you commit to it, both yourself and your spouse will benefit from it long-term.
Do it together – Marriage is a partnership, you do things together, and you experience the ups and the downs together. Therefore it is important to encourage and to be patient with your spouse especially if they are working on this vulnerable area. When you decided to marry your partner, you decided to have the good and the bad, the sweet, the not so sweet parts of your partner. There is nothing more beautiful or rewarding when watching your partner grow in all areas, because you did it together!
Believe the best – Start to believe in the very best of others! Do not allow your mind to drift into assuming the worst of others, before speaking to them. Therefore that means we need to give others the benefit of the doubt! This is not always easy to do, as it requires us to have faith and to trust in others!
If you have been struggling in this area of assumption, and you feel overwhelmed and consumed by fear. Just know that God wants the best for you, and he wants the best for your marriage! If you would like to know more about God, then may I encourage you to click on the link below. Here’s to many more years of happy and thriving marriages!