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Brad K

Respect

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I’ve started to wonder if 20 year old me would like almost-40 year old me, and visa versa.  If I were to meet my younger version, would I be pleased with my general behaviour?  The reason I’m asking such a bizarre question is because I’ve started to wonder if the way I act now is solely based on wisdom and experience, or if I’m still the same person, just older and wiser, with the same values that have always been part of me. Would I look at my younger version with disappointment and an itchy hand, or would I see a person acting as I hoped I did, with just less wrinkles and no grey hair?  Are the good manners my parents insisted upon, as active in my reality now as they were back then, when my parents were more involved in my upbringing than they obviously are now? People say that ‘times, they are changing’ and when we see others treated so poorly, face to face, and now even more so online, we feel there desperately needs to be a big download of respect.  Perhaps there were bad seeds in every generation and now, where I’m concentrating more on raising a family and living a life of integrity, the lack of respect and the obvious downward spiral of society has become obvious to me.  Perhaps, when it wasn’t as important or obvious to whippersnapper Brad, there was an older person singing the same song I’m belting out now.  I think so.

As I type this, the lyrics of Aretha Franklin’s R-E-S-P-E-C-T is running through my head, and I realise this was a 60’s issue as it is now a 2014 issue between lovers, kids and their parents, kids on the playground, players on a sports field and in the anonymity of cyberspace. I firmly believe that there is a greater need for respect now than ever before as we are seeing the byproduct of more modern styles of parenting and all of today’s issues that seem more out of control than ever.  It’s partly a perception issue, yes, but I also believe that there is fact in some of the statistics that we see published so regularly. If only there was a way that we could get guidance, and direction, and some help in being the kind of people that will make this world a more enjoyable place to be a citizen.

We are more convinced than ever, that living a life that has purpose and meaning and is injected with values and direction, is one that we all want to live.  Why not watch the video that follows, to find out how you can step into your purpose and understand the greatest guidelines for living.

All For You – A Christmas Story

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“I don’t like Christmas.  It’s not like I’m going to set fire to the giant tree in the shopping mall or anything like that.  It makes me feel odd, that is all.”

“What do you mean by ‘odd’?”

“It’s all so fake.  When I’m standing in a supermarket queue in the first week of November and I’ve got to duck under a huge piece of red tinsel and then be subjected to carols played on pan pipes, I just get irritated.  It’s fake; that’s the right word; fake!  The supermarkets and all the department stores are only doing all of the decorating and music and special offers to get me to spend money!  It’s all capitalistic manipulation!  They are trying to lure me into their stores to get me to buy stuff I probably don’t really need and I can’t stand it!”

Richard was all red in the face and he was clearly upset.  He was trying to loosen his shirt collar from around his neck, but the first 2 buttons were already undone.  It wasn’t making a difference.  Maybe someone turned off the aircon. Was he having a panic attack?  He was now shifting around on the soft brown sofa, like he wasn’t able to get comfortable.  His doctor stood up with a look of concern on her face.

‘You ok, Richard?  I’ve never seen you get quite so upset.”

“I’ll be ok.  Let me just have some water and stretch my legs.” He could feel his pulse pounding in his throat.

Dr Lewis had been treating Richard Gladstone for a year now.  She couldn’t diagnose him with anything specific; at least not according to what she’d been trained to do.  The poor man just seemed overwhelmed by life and its circumstances, and sometimes you just need an ear to hear you out, without being bullied by objections and ideas that ‘things are not so bad, you’re just overreacting’. He knew he wasn’t.  Richard needed an ear and Dr Lewis was the one.  He asked around, Googled, and even pulled the old Yellow Pages’ out of the hall cupboard.  Weird how he never used it anymore. It was so much thinner than years ago.  He ended up with her number scribbled onto a small piece of paper torn off a golf score card.  His friend Geoff once played golf with Dr Lewis’ husband, also Dr Lewis.  He practiced as a dentist in the city center.  ‘Word of mouth is best’, thought Richard.  ‘I’ll call her.’  It took him a month to build up the courage.

“I’ll see you again next week, Dr Lewis.  I’m not sure what got into me today, but you’ve got to agree, Christmas just doesn’t feel like Christmas anymore!”  Whatever than means.  Richard didn’t always say the right thing at the right time. but at least he knew what he meant.  Christmas seemed to be missing the love that it used to have.  The sincerity.  The heart.  Christmas was feeling cold and forced and something that everyone just did, because what would the end of year break be without gifts, and cards and debt.

Richard didn’t feel like going home.  What was the point of being distracted by the TV he knew he’d switch on as soon as he walked in the room.  The sun was still high in the sky and the cool summer breeze made the sticky heat bearable.  A walk along the quiet street would be the tonic for this evening. Alone; except for the sound of his shoes on the tar, and the thoughts tumbling around his head.  What is Christmas really all about anyway?  The giant reindeer in the town square, and the morning radio show presenters’ mention that there were only 3 shopping weekend’s left were a fat clue, but the day is only 24 hours long.  Is it worth getting all excited for just one day?  There has got to be more to this life than what we make of the holiday season.  All the questions.  Maybe we should all just go with the flow?

To be continued…

Who Do I Talk To?

The fact that so many women and their children are abused are beyond shocking.  The more statistics I gobble up, the worse everything seems, and then it dawns on us that the stats are wrong; this is even worse than what we read.  Way worse!  Fear, poor reporting, poor policing and hopelessness see the numbers smaller than they should be.  Would we react differently if we could see the real truth? Would it change anything or are we beyond being helped?

I’ve often read the ‘starfish’ story and smiled, and sometimes also scoffed.  It’s really hard to imagine that this monster called ‘Women Abuse’ could ever be tamed, but I’ve come to realise that 1 woman, or 1 child rescued from the clutches of abuse, can be the start of a new story.  It can be a better story, one with the kind of ending any family would hope for.  That can be a reality; not just in our wildest dreams, or the pages of a fairy tale.  There is hope; real honest-to-goodness help from a huge number of caring people and their organisations that want to see a whole lot of 1’s turned into a multitude; a multitude of rescued people with a new lease on life, a life that is now worth living.

Representing one of the many organisations that have been established to rescue women and their children, is Angela, from Sisters Inc. near Cape Town, South Africa.  Angela shares the steps to take, once you’ve removed yourself from the abusive relationship; where and how to find help, and what to expect from a ‘safe house’.

If you know of someone who has successfully ‘moved on’ or you have shown bravery in the face of a seemingly hopeless situation, please share your story in the comment section below.  You might inspire and instill hope in someone that simply needs a push in the right direction.

Weekend Sports Wrap – 1 Dec ’14

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Another sporting weekend is behind us and Monday means I get to update you on all the thrills and disappointments of the weekend’s results.

We dish up some African Football, La Liga highlights and British Premier League results.  The International Cricket Council has commented on the ‘bouncer’ after the death of Phil Hughes and there’s a documentary on the life of Novak Djokovic.

Click and listen for all the freshest details.

World Aids Day

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The 1st of December is officially recognized as World AIDS day and they’ve been rolling around ever since 1988.  As a citizen of sub-Saharan Africa, I’ve been bombarded with every bit of AIDS awareness our collective health departments can muster, and it’s starting to feel like we’ve heard all there is to know about this monster pandemic.  It would seem, from where I’m sitting at least, that our government and those of other countries, have slowed their AIDS awareness campaigns down and in some instances, apart from free government issued condoms in public restrooms, this is all they appear to be doing.  Gone are the large number of ‘Condomise’ billboards and the Love Life posters inspiring the youth, in particular, to make better life choices.  Maybe they are all still there and we don’t see them anymore?  Perhaps the fears raised by the Ebola concerns out of the West of the continent has distracted us, or perhaps it’s the latest news that makes our parliament building in Cape Town seem like it should be replaced by a circus tent.  Maybe we’ve made peace with where we are as a nation in terms of AIDS education, and that is now up to teachers, parents and community leaders to take the baton.

The World Health Organisation reports that 35 million people are currently living with HIV and about a million people a year die from the disease and life expectancy could drop by 20 years in some African countries.

So, if we can agree that although at face value, it may seem that the emphasis isn’t being placed on AIDS education by local government as it once was, that they are still doing something, and that there are many other people and lobby groups, busy behind the scenes, despite what we might be able to see from the outside.  What then is being done and what is being recommended as sure fire ways to nip the spread of HIV in the bud?  At one of last year’s World AIDS day gatherings in Mpumalanga Province in South Africa, the then deputy president said the SA government was planning to launch a medical male circumcision campaign.  The target was to medically circumcise four million men by 2016.  Then, there would also be an increase in testing centers and counselling.  The idea would be to reduce the infection rate by half a million and prevent 100 000 deaths over the next 10 years.   So, in the face of these medical campaigns, and addressing social determinants that fuel the epidemic, is it making a difference?  This remains to be seen and with the 2014 AIDS Day awareness campaigns being launched internationally, it raises the following question: is the world’s greatest-ever pandemic simply being paid lip service, or do you firmly believe all that is being done is in fact the key to slowing down it’s spread, adding value to those infected, and preventing the spread to those who live HIV free?

How much do you know about HIV and AIDS?  Why not take this eye-opening QUIZ.

It may seem that the emphasis has moved to some other concern, but we know that HIV and AIDS are here to stay.  Despite the spotlight’s shift, may we never cry ignorance in the face of something so enormous.  Keep yourself educated, have yourself tested if you must, and make sure the power stays in your hands.

Weekly Roundup – 28 Nov ’14

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Here at 1Africa we’ve been working hard to bring you some HOT new content over the last week.  Our Weekly Roundup is our showcase of the most popular stories from your favourite online magazine, and we want to give you a heads-up on the daily contributions we’ve got on the 16 Days of Activism for no violence against women and children. Lady Lee and Brad bring you all the top stories, and don’t miss the comments on the very moving Facebook post by NFL professional, Benjamin Watson, that helps us to see what has been happening out of Franklin, Missouri, with a new perspective.

Don’t forget to leave a comment!

 

Benjamin Watson on Ferguson

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Ferguson, Missouri is suddenly on the map.  You probably have no real idea where it is, but you know the name, and it’s claim to shame. With very little really invested in what is going down in the Greater Missouri area, it’s been hard to get my head around all the reactions. For the most part, demonstrations around the US have been peaceful.  That’s not been hard to do, since Monday night was one many shamed ‘Fergusonian’ would like to forget.  Shops looted and properties and cars set alight, and yesterday, 44 people were arrested. And yesterday was considered quiet and uneventful!  Some people have asked me what smashing a shop window, and stealing a case of beer out of an off-license, has got to do with Monday’s controversial Grand Jury decision, and the initial answer is, well, nothing.  It has nothing to do with it.  For minorities in the US, it’s not only about the controversial judicial outcome; that was just the straw that broke the camel’s proverbial back. I’ve been reading too many opinions on all that is going on, and it’s clouding my own judgements a little bit.  Not being an American, experiencing life on the ground, and also exposing myself to too much skewed mainstream media, has got me feeling too far out of the loop to really grasp this properly.  It has taken a Facebook post from NFL player, Benjamin Watson, to shed some much needed light on this for me, and it will help you too.  It’s powerful beyond what I had imagined when I first started reading it, and I simply must share it with you.  Here’s Benjamin Watson on Ferguson:

“At some point while I was playing or preparing to play Monday Night Football, the news broke about the Ferguson Decision. After trying to figure out how I felt, I decided to write it down. Here are my thoughts:

I’M ANGRY because the stories of injustice that have been passed down for generations seem to be continuing before our very eyes.

I’M FRUSTRATED, because pop culture, music and movies glorify these types of police citizen altercations and promote an invincible attitude that continues to get young men killed in real life, away from safety movie sets and music studios.

I’M FEARFUL because in the back of my mind I know that although I’m a law abiding citizen I could still be looked upon as a “threat” to those who don’t know me. So I will continue to have to go the extra mile to earn the benefit of the doubt.

I’M EMBARRASSED because the looting, violent protests, and law breaking only confirm, and in the minds of many, validate, the stereotypes and thus the inferior treatment.

I’M SAD, because another young life was lost from his family, the racial divide has widened, a community is in shambles, accusations, insensitivity hurt and hatred are boiling over, and we may never know the truth about what happened that day.

I’M SYMPATHETIC, because I wasn’t there so I don’t know exactly what happened. Maybe Darren Wilson acted within his rights and duty as an officer of the law and killed Michael Brown in self defense like any of us would in the circumstance. Now he has to fear the backlash against himself and his loved ones when he was only doing his job. What a horrible thing to endure. OR maybe he provoked Michael and ignited the series of events that led to him eventually murdering the young man to prove a point.

I’M OFFENDED, because of the insulting comments I’ve seen that are not only insensitive but dismissive to the painful experiences of others.

I’M CONFUSED, because I don’t know why it’s so hard to obey a policeman. You will not win!!! And I don’t know why some policeman abuse their power. Power is a responsibility, not a weapon to brandish and lord over the populace.

I’M INTROSPECTIVE, because sometimes I want to take “our” side without looking at the facts in situations like these. Sometimes I feel like it’s us against them. Sometimes I’m just as prejudiced as people I point fingers at. And that’s not right. How can I look at white skin and make assumptions but not want assumptions made about me? That’s not right.

I’M HOPELESS, because I’ve lived long enough to expect things like this to continue to happen. I’m not surprised and at some point my little children are going to inherit the weight of being a minority and all that it entails.

I’M HOPEFUL, because I know that while we still have race issues in America, we enjoy a much different normal than those of our parents and grandparents. I see it in my personal relationships with teammates, friends and mentors. And it’s a beautiful thing.

I’M ENCOURAGED, because ultimately the problem is not a SKIN problem, it is a SIN problem. SIN is the reason we rebel against authority. SIN is the reason we abuse our authority. SIN is the reason we are racist, prejudiced and lie to cover for our own. SIN is the reason we riot, loot and burn. BUT I’M ENCOURAGED because God has provided a solution for sin through the his son Jesus and with it, a transformed heart and mind. One that’s capable of looking past the outward and seeing what’s truly important in every human being. The cure for the Michael Brown, Trayvon Martin, Tamir Rice and Eric Garner tragedies is not education or exposure. It’s the Gospel. So, finally, I’M ENCOURAGED because the Gospel gives mankind hope.”

You can link to Benjamin’s Facebook page, here.

This is bigger than I thought.  I’ve no reason to consider much about what was taking place, but my eyes are now wide open.  What is happening is important, and even as a non American, there is much that is going on my own nation that fits this like a glove.  It’s very easy to look outside of ourselves and looking inside of ourselves requires a lot from us, something we’re not always prepared to do.  The persecutor and the persecuted need to introspect; because sometimes the only way for things to change, is for us to change.  But are we prepared to?

What Does Abuse Look Like?

“I’ve never laid a hand on her!  Don’t you dare stand here, in my house, and accuse me of such a thing!  You’re my brother, for heavens sake!  How dare you accuse me of abuse!”

She doesn’t need to have a black eye, or another broken rib.  Her broken spirit, her broken resolve, and the anger and disgust she feels as she runs the events of the day through her shattered heart, are enough.  She doesn’t have to be lying in a heap, bleeding at the bottom of the stairs, to be a victim of abuse.  The broken plate on the kitchen floor, with the remains of the meal dripping down the wall, are evidence enough. The insults being hurled at her and her children; the name calling; the manipulation, the lies and the days of silence are more than enough proof.  She is an abused woman.

Perhaps this answers our question of today: ‘What Does Abuse Look Like?’ In South Africa, 90% of women are abused, and it’s the highest rate in the world. In the US, women experience more than 4 million physical assaults and rapes because of their partners and more than 3 million children witness domestic violence in their homes.  This monster takes many forms, and it stays fiendishly frightening.  It cannot be totally annihilated, but it MUST be tamed, or what hope is there for a woman in this world, but to be a statistic, or strive to defy those odds and flourish.

What would you say are some of the more subtle ways that women are being abused, that have sadly become ‘acceptable’?

Turning Negatives to Positives

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Let’s not kid ourselves, this life is tough.  There are those with problems ’cause they’ve got no money and those with problems ’cause they’ve got too much; and those in between, who are wondering if they’re maybe not better off, but have heaps of problems anyway. We have health concerns, concerns about our kids, difficulties making enough money or difficulties spending less.  We argue with our spouses, or we’ve just lost our jobs or we don’t like the new one we’ve just got.  We’re sad, or we are faking that we’re happy, and everyone seems better off than we are in some way or the other.  It seems like a mess, a big hopeless mess!  I think there is a truth here, and that is in the world, we will have troubles.  This is without a doubt a universal truth, and isn’t helping us out one bit here, but it’s a good start.  If we know things are going to be difficult, then there is little point in hoping to have it all together and for everything to always be a-ok.   So what now?

I’m no psychology scholar here but who can live like this?  There must be something we can do to turn it all around and find hope despite the obvious.  I’ve been keeping my mind and eyes open to things that can help to get us thinking the right way, despite feeling it’s all going wrong.  These ideas might not solve the dispute with your husband, or add some zeros to your bank balance, but they may buy you enough sanity to put some real effort into making a difference in those area.  It’s amazing what you can do when your attitude is right.

The first thing to do is to take control of your thinking.  When your thoughts always seem to come out negatively, you need to put a positive spin on your thought processes.  Your situation doesn’t have to be ‘the end of it all’, but could be the start of a new work opportunity, or a better salary, or some introspection that could end an argument and inspire you to change your perspective or belief or value.  There is good in ANY situation if you look for it, and pursue it.  Something I’ve recently started adding to my daily routine, when I make a quite time for thoughts and prayers, is to write a gratitude journal.  I write down several things every day that I am grateful for and when I focus on them, I realise what adds value to my life and think and act on them, and that is a great way for me to be turning negatives to positives.

Another thought I’d like to share, is that of taking things a day at a time.  This is something that was placed on my heart a while ago that has been so valuable to me.  I cannot let my thoughts live in the past, because that is done and if I focus all my attention on the future, worry, and confusion and pressure seem to mount.  But dealing with the new day God has given me, sets me up with the idea that today is a gift, that I can and must make the most of it and its opportunities.  The day in isolation seems somehow manageable and emotions spent on the day seem more controllable.  Should I ‘mess things up’ today, I take the lessons from it, acknowledge I didn’t achieve all I could have, and look forward to a new, gracious day.  I’m now NOT a failure, I’ve simply failed at something, and the new day is chance to make it right and move on.

We can all agree that life stretches us daily, but there IS good to be found, and with the right outlook, and desire to learn, acknowledging what is already amazing about your life, and looking for more everyday, it makes logical sense that negativity should start to fade as the bright lights of the positive begin to shine.

We all experience difficulty from time to time and we need help; we will struggle to do this alone.  Watch the video that follows, and get a greater understanding of how you can forge a new path, one that can bring joy and peace and hope, in spite of those difficulties.

The Word

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What came first, the chicken or the egg?  This is really not a tough one to answer since I’ve read Genesis 1:21.  Perhaps a better question is: What came first, me or the Bible?  This one is obvious; and includes both you and I. You see, the Bible, unlike Google, has been around for thousands of years and is God-inspired.  (2 Timothy 3:16)  The point of this is that the Bible has been written for a number of purposes, and one of them is to guide us through this life, and give us guidance through circumstances, and although times now are very different to when Moses left his sandal prints in the Red Sea floor, the struggles we face are not too dissimilar and we’ll find what we need for Godly living in its pages.  After all, it does an amazing job in teaching, correcting and training in righteousness.

Let me give you an example: You have a disagreement with your wife and you decide, out of spite, that you are going to give her the silent treatment, or something like that.  Everything in you makes you want to get even or maybe teach them a lesson, heck I don’t know, you just get plain ol’ mean.  Is this the right way to behave towards your spouse?  Of course not, but we still do it sometimes.  Then the verses from Ephesians chapter 5 come to mind.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.  He who loves his wife loves himself.

There’s no way you could possibly justify your selfish ambitions in the face of the blatant truth of God’s Word, certainly not if you choose to be a godly person.  There is a reason that the Psalmist called the Word a ‘lamp to my feet and a light to my path’.

Has there ever been a moment in your life where you made a selfish decision and the Word very quickly set you straight?  How did doing the right thing change the situation?  We’d love to be inspired and directed by your stories so go ahead and get typing in the comments section below.

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