Brad K

Do you feel unloved?  There…I said it.  I thought of beating around the bush and making it sound all soft and sweet and make you feel all comfortable but how else should it be asked?  After all, this is a rather raw subject anyway.  So…do you?  I have.  Actually quite often in fact and it sucked!  It hurt so much because it’s what I craved for so desperately.  Often.  And, I’m not unusual, crazy, demanding, or selfish to desire to be loved.  And neither are you if you feel the same way that I did.  So, I’ll ask you again: Do you feel unloved?  It’s ok if you say yes, because then you’ve made peace with the way you feel, and acknowledged the fact that something is not right in your life.  Are you saying then that it’s wrong to be unloved?  Absolutely!  Why else do you think you’ve been created?  If you’ve ever been told that you were a ‘mistake’ or that you were never ‘planned for’ or that you’re now only ‘in the way’ than I’d say you’ve felt unloved!  There are other horrible things that parents and family have said that may sound a bit different to those words I’ve used but are no less evil.  Whichever ways they were said and no matter what age you were when you heard them, they cut so deep and it’s the kind of cut they never make a band aid for.  It hurts on good days and it hurts on bad days.  On the days you get hugs or a handshake; those feel good moments; not even those things have the power to heal that wound.  Those moments put a plaster over the hurt, but the cavern runs deep underneath the temporary cover-up.

When you find your quiet space; that time and place when you disconnect from the world around you to just think or daydream; do you try to justify what people have said to you?  You probably say things like ‘they’re probably right, I am just in the way’.   Maybe you’ve said: ‘I’m not surprised they don’t love me, after what I did, how can anyone love me!’  You’ve probably made excuses for the ones that have claimed not to care for you, and you can’t understand why, but you trust them for everything else in your life so you trust that they must be right about those things they say too.  When it’s really quiet…and you’re thinking a lot…those are the days it can hurt the most.

I know what you’re thinking.  You’re thinking this is just 1 of those places where we’re just going to say that ‘Jesus loves you, even if no-one else does’ and that somehow must make it all ok.  Now, that is a true statement:  Jesus DOES love you.  Actually, He loves us more that our brains can even comprehend, but that information can not be enough to pull people through.  That statement must be the building blocks on which an emotional turnabout is built, yes, but the statement on its own, in the middle of your pain, simply doesn’t cut it!

I would like to add a few truths and lay that foundation even thicker, and then it’s the responsibility of each individual to acknowledge that they want to pursue the truth of who they are and who they are meant to be.  That is a personal journey that you must want to take, it’s a destination you must seek out for yourself.  We can suggest a ‘mode of transport’, but you must get in and RIDE!

Here’s my 2 cents worth.  I am qualified to make these statements so I’ll make them and I’ll make them confidently!  I know what it feels like to be unloved and discarded, I know what the end of my rope feels like and I know what hopelessness feels like.  I know what it means to be alone and I know what broken trust feels like too. That’s the dirty side of the coin of life.  On the clean side, the opposite is true.  I’ve come to understand that there is a truth about me (and you) that cannot be changed.  It’s just that people speak out of anger, hurt and selfishness and lead you to believe that the absolute truth about you is not absolute.  If you believe the truth about who you are and why you were ever created and know that that truth is absolute, then the words of others, no matter how much they may hurt us are simply untrue.  This is the kind of hurt that can be erased over time as we shovel the muck away and reveal the shiny truth again.  The Love that God has for you and the purpose on your life is a part of God’s DNA flowing through your veins and lies and hurtful vengeance cannot take that away.  You can be lead astray by lies and follow another path for your life, but it’s not the path you were destined to walk.  That is someone else’s path.  It leads to destruction.  God’s path leads to a Final Destination of Glory.  Take this truth now, chew on it and swallow it and allow it to fuel you search for truth.  You know the truth, now it’s your choice to chase it.  So, what’s your next move?

Earlier this month on Bassline, I spent time in the studio with musical prodigy, David Imani.  Originally from the DRC, now based in Johannesburg, South Africa, David brings many years of musical experience. Starting off as a lead vocalist in the Children’s Choir in the village of Musheke when he was just 7 years old, he learned how to play the guitar and became lead guitarist of The United Pentecost Gospel Choir.   At 15 he became part of the Jerusalem Gospel Choir where he released 7 albums.  Fearing for his safety, his parents sent him to South Africa and it wasn’t even 2 years later that he released an album.  David performed several live African Jazz performances in South Africa with top local artists and was given the opportunity again 2 years later, leading to a recording contract.  A Reggae album followed, but it was not to last.  He moved on as a solo artist and has just released his very first solo album “African jazz – time to shine”.

We speak about his love for music, the moment it all came together, what his future might look like, and when you’ve achieved so much already, where do you go from here!

Maybe you’ve just asked the question.  Perhaps you recall a time when you asked it and the possibility exists that, even though you feel really great right now, that you’ll ask this in the future.  To be blatantly honest, I don’t have the answer for you.  I don’t know why you’re sad.  There are just too many variables at play here to give you a concise answer, but if you take a moment and think really hard about this, you’ll probably have an idea of what it might be.  It’s seldom just 1 thing, but a combination.  You’ll have a much keener idea of what the expression “The straw that broke the camels’ back” actually means.  To be honest, I’m also not talking about the ‘I lost a dollar’ kind of sad.  I’m talking about the kind of sad that lingers and hurts deep down inside. Weird, isn’t it that we can all relate to this.  It’s negative, but sadness is something we can all relate to.  Here comes the challenge:  What can be done now?  How do we turn our situations around?

Why am I so sad? I’m not 1 for frivolous nonsense.  Seriously, I’ve been around the block and through the mill enough times to know that pats on the back and “it’s going to be ok’s” just don’t cut it.  You want to slap people that say that because it’s not useful.  Thanks that you care but really!  You’re not really helping!  You need some time out.  You need to think.  You don’t want to talk right now, thank you.  You just want to process your emotions.  You want to regain control.  You don’t want to feel like this but you do and now you need to do something.  You don’t want to rush out of this too soon because you can’t afford to white wash this.  You need to be real with yourself.

May I interject my own thoughts with these words, because I mustn’t stay in that place.  As hypocritical as this might seem right now it will get better!  You are going to be ok and the sun will shine again.  How do I know this?  What has convinced me?  It’s hope.  Plain and simple.  It’s hope.  Not hope that tomorrow will be sunny, or that they might cancel the maths exam.  I’m talking about Hope that is sure.  Hope that gives you a crystal clear vision of the future, a future that is so bright, so positive, so sure.  So confident am I in this hope that even though I’m feeling low and defeated and desperate right now, I’m able to actually turn the light at the end of the tunnel on myself, and get up and start walking towards it.

I’m happy to walk the tunnel because true hope is built on something solid, something firm and something worth walking towards.  Perhaps I should say it like this.  My hope is built on Someone solid, Someone firm, and Someone worth walking towards.  One that has promised His ever-presence in my life.  One who is a Promise Maker and a Promise Keeper.  His Light expels the darkness.  His comfort is sufficient; His Love is all I need.

Are you sad right now?  That’s ok. Take your time, and when you’re ready, lift up your face, hold out your hand, and let Jesus lift you up.

The possibility exists that you are selfish. It’s true. You might be more concerned about how things affect you and how that might make(s) you feel than how much another person might need you. Don’t feel condemned, because we all do that. I’m convinced that it’s ok to wonder about this or that for yourself because you DO need to take care of yourself and your needs, but I’m talking about your overall demeanour. I’ve thought a lot about this concept over the last while. I don’t remember how it all started but I do remember my train of thought at the time: Do I listen when other people talk, without saying:  “Oh yeah, me too!” or “Yes, that reminds me of when I…”? Or do I just listen, nod, give advice, or do whatever their conversation might dictate.

I want to be a better listener, and show that I care for the person and am interested in what they are saying. It’s so easy to make things about us, but I’m not sure how or why we instinctively do that. Perhaps it’s part of the human condition that is often the root of all sorts of evil.

I’ve realised I can be a bit self-obsessed sometimes. It makes me feel terrible and bothers me a lot. It might seldom happen but there have been enough ‘seldoms’ for me to conclude I don’t want to be that type of person.

My wife and I have just recently become parents for the first time and having this beautiful little boy in our lives has had me thinking once more. He needs all my time and attention, and he needs even more of my wife’s. I have no right to complain about lack of sleep, as my wife sleeps less. I can’t (at least for now) do all the extra mural activities I used to enjoy. This has turned into a real test. I don’t have time to watch TV or read but I’ve got this breathtakingly beautiful boy to take care of and other things don’t matter so much right now.

We aren’t all parents with new little babies, or Mother Teresas or Florence Nightingales but we are all able to spend more time on being attentive to others and their needs.

Let’s shift our gaze and set them upon another, and see our outlook on life and its priorities change. It must! It has to!

I’ve had this question posed to me a dozen times or more.  Just a by-the-way question because “everyone ought to have a favourite and we want to know what yours is”, or back in the day during a ‘how well do you know your future spouse?’ quiz when my wife and I were dating.  Actually, we totally expected that question so we actually prepped for it.  So what ‘was’ and ‘is’ my answer?  Frankly, I have no idea!  Please don’t tell me I’m supposed to have a favourite song and even worse than that, please don’t expect me to have a favourite band!  I don’t know how many millions of songs are out there, and given I’ve not heard a fraction of them, I’ve heard enough to know that I simply like too many of them, and they are NOT by the same artists.  They are no-ways from the same genre either.  If you saw my music collection at home, you’d only be able to tell what I don’t like, by the obvious lack of certain genres.  Sorry to all East European accordion music fans!

Perhaps there is another way of telling my favourite.  Let me look at my music collection, and see which artist is represented more than any other.  If this is the measuring stick, then the answer is U2.  I almost have their entire discography distributed across cassette, CD and mp3 so perhaps it’s the men from Ireland.  Maybe it only represents a phase?  I bought almost all that was available when I was in high school, maybe even in just 1 year.  The rest followed out of a near obligation but I’ve never been disappointed; with the exception of that Green Day collaboration maybe.  The next closest is Hillsong but that was only because we won their entire box set!

Maybe it’s simply music that I’m so crazy about; The diversity of the back beats and the heart behind the myriads of different lyrical content, the cultural differences of all the instrumentation and the hairstyles of the different lead vocalists!

The question has morphed now I think.  It’s no longer who or what is your favourite, but something a lot more rhetorical.  ‘What’s not to love about music?’

I’m really interested in how things work and why they work.  If I understand that, I know how best to handle things ‘cause I know the limits.  When I was a kid I think my parents foresaw an engineer in the making, but now I’m a media guy with a still-insatiable desire for detail.  And when I start thinking about things, the thoughts go around and around until I give it my full attention and find answers…or another ‘thing’ distracts my thinking!  Here’s what’s currently doing the rounds:

So I’m catching up on US politics and the presidential inauguration.  Barak is being sworn in and he has to place his hand on the Bible.  Why?  In court you’re called to do the same. Why?  Has it EVER been an oath that has been taken totally seriously?  Anyway, the Bible is just a book.  It’s the words on the pages that can possibly change us through the Power and Grace of God. But we need to read it first, believe that it’s true and only that faith is credited to us as righteousness.   People who are not in a personal relationship with God don’t take Him or His Word seriously so why would a ‘so help me God’ suddenly change behaviour? As if a hand-on-the-Bible moment could drive people to unquestionable honesty!  We’re all falling short of God’s standards since the first book of the Old Testament and now somehow an official moment will drive us all to the straight and narrow?  I think not.

So then, it’s probably nothing more than tradition right?  If open prayer has been removed from US schools, gay marriage is legal in many states and abortion is protected by the US Constitution it’s clear to me that God’s will has been scrapped for a more liberal approach to doing life anyway.  Clearly few court witnesses, or Western Presidents for that matter, are going to bow a knee to the King just because of an oath they were made to take with their hand on a book!I think we need to take God a lot more seriously.  I read this in the Bible this morning and I think it’s applicable here.  Hebrews Chapter 12 verse 28 says:

‘Let us be thankful, then, because (through Jesus) we receive a kingdom that cannot be shaken. Let us be grateful and worship God in a way that will please him, with reverence and awe; because our God is indeed a destroying fire.’

What do you think?