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Cassan Ferguson

What’s really cool?

Cassan Ferguson
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What’s really cool?

Sometimes I feel like I’m that “uncool yet still cool” kind of person. As I have no idea what is popular, trendy, or cool by society’s standards. When people talk about the latest gadgets, hip coffee shops, new clothing ‘must haves’, I feel totally clueless. I’m not sure if it has anything to do with me being in my thirties or having a different evolving attitude and perceptions on life. But material things don’t really entice me like it used to.

Being cool, or trendy, sounds so exhausting, and definitely sounds expensive – especially when you have to keep up with every new trend, and be ‘in the know’ constantly.  I’m also okay not being apart of any ‘cool’ or ‘popular group’ of people. Why? All those things look cool, maybe feel cool, but it’s a not a long-lasting, meaningful encounter. It’s a shallow, surface level, fly-by-night kind of thing. One minute it’s there, the next minute it’s not. Then we replace it with the next thing, and so on and so forth. It’s not filling, it’s not soulful, and it does not hold significant weight.

To me what makes someone really cool, is a beautiful heart. Whatever flows from the heart impacts and influences an individuals daily actions and it shapes their character. If our hearts are filled with beautiful things, our character and personality will shine brightly to others, hence being cool because of having a beautiful heart.

BEING COOL …..

Means loving others unconditionally and sincerely.

Means always believing the best about others.

Means being kind and gracious with others.

Means lending a hand to someone in need.

Means befriending someone who feels lonely or shy.

Means being an encourager of others.

Means speaking highly of others.

Means being honest with others.

Means staying loyal.

Means choosing to forgive others.

Being cool should never come down to external factors, or relying on material goods to find our confidence and sense of self-worth. Being cool should come from having a beautiful heart that treasures beautiful things. Sometimes, we need to check-in with our heart to see if it’s in a good place. As we may need to realign our focus, and put things into the right perspective. Let’s change our attitudes, by nurturing our hearts wisely and well.

What other things would you add to the above being cool list?

Perfectly boring

Cassan Ferguson
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Perfectly boring

Are you living a perfectly boring life? You know a life that is predictable, maybe too safe. A life that is bubble wrapped, a life that lives and remains in its tiny comfort zones? – yawn, how boring! But how many of us live like this? Fearing the inevitable, fearing the ‘what if’s’, fearing living an adventurous life that dares to dream, that dares to believe.

The truth is that life is VERY unpredictable. It curves, it bends, and seasons change without a moments notice. Sometimes because we want things to be perfect, and how we predict them to be – we often feel shaken, or blindsided, by curve balls that are part of life.

I have known some women who, with the best of intentions, believed that when they fell pregnant, or gave birth, that everything would go according to plan, and go as they imagined – perfectly! Then when reality kicked in, and life happened, they felt a bit shocked, and disappointed.

I have found personally for me, when I let go of the notion of the perfect ideal, I end up feeling more relaxed. When I do this, I am more able to embrace the ebb and flow that is life. I am more content, happy, and definitely more present in the moment. When we want things to be perfect, we ultimately want to have a strong sense of control over things. Therefore, we struggle to embrace change, and struggle to navigate through the unexpected. Letting go and walking in blindly requires faith. Faith in the unseen, faith in what’s to come, and having faith in God. It’s so hard having to carrying a heavy burden or a heavy load on our shoulders. It becomes stressful emotionally, and taxing physically on us.

Thank goodness that God is our source of strength. He will always grace us and strengthen us whenever we feel weak or overwhelmed. If we surrender all of our fears, concerns, insecurities over to Him, He will replace it with His truth, His love, and with His hope and goodness. When we trust in Him, and in His promises we will move with more confidence, and embrace all of life’s challenges with courage and with hope.

Embrace the imperfect, the unknown, knowing that there is a God in heaven who is in love with every facet and detail of your  life. Dare to dream again, dare to step out in faith courageously knowing that God will walk with you every step of the way.

What do our children really need from us?

Cassan Ferguson
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What do our children really need from us?

Parenting children can feel like you’re on a roller coaster ride that never ends. One minute you’re up and everything is great and fun, then another minute you’re upside down contemplating all of your life choices. Raising little people is an adventure all on its own. It’s fun, it’s crazy, a little bit wild and it’s totally worth every grey strand of hair that you find on your head.

Yet, without realizing it at times or with the best of intentions we get a little distracted as parents. We start to focus on things that we think are important for our children. Maybe we overload them with extra mural activities, maybe we work late hours, or three different jobs, as a means of providing the very best for them. Our intentions may be pure and sincere, but what we are forgetting in those moments is spending time with our children. Maybe out of guilt for always being busy  and working late every night, we compensate with gifts, physical objects to make up for not being present. Our children may even love those gifts and happily receive them, but in those moments when you are not there, they feel that the most and that sits with them.

Or maybe we make them live a very rushed “on the go” kind of lifestyle, where they need to always move just as fast as you and keep up with you. More and more children are struggling with anxiety because they are living such fast paced lifestyles, that their minds and little hearts can’t keep up. Now add all electronic devices to the mix, then you have a phone or an iPad that’s required to help parent. Children aren’t getting enough emotional support, and they are suffering without us realizing it. However, we can change that together! It’s never too late to get back to the drawing board and start on a new fresh clean slate with our children.

WHAT CHILDREN REALLY NEED

Let’s try to be aware of the following as we go forward as parents who choose to love our children in the best way possible:

  • Children need our love.
  • Children need our time.
  • Children need our affection.
  • Children need our guidance.
  • Children need to feel respected.
  • Children need to feel safe.
  • Children need the space to feel like they are being heard and understood.
  • Children need to know that we have faith in them and believe in them, regardless of mistakes they may have made.

Parenting like I said, can be challenging, but I think that if we constantly reflect and seek ways to improve as parents, that both parties will flourish. As parents we are not only raising unique individuals, we are also shaping and influencing their character. Therefore, that may mean stepping back to ask ourselves if our children feel loved, safe, and emotionally connected and empowered at home. If that means tweaking a few things from time to time, then so be it. They deserve it. Please know that everyone’s family dynamic is different, and that we are all trying our best with the season we are in, so do not feel down or feel like a failure as a parent. Start by making little changes in your week that cultivates and nourishes extra love within your home. You’ve got this, cheering you on.

Do you over-analyse everything?

Cassan Ferguson
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Do you over-analyse everything?

Do you over-analyse every single little thing in your life, so much so that it makes you feel physically ill? Over-analysing every small thing can feel like a constant mental and emotional battle that often negatively effects yourself and those that you care about.  Of course it’s wise to be cautious and to think things through, as well as questioning and observing things as a means of improving in certain areas. But it’s a whole other thing when you constantly second guess yourself. Some people can over-analyse things and situations until they are completely exhausted, overwhelmed and left feeling completely anxious.

WHAT CAUSES US TO OVER-ANALYSE EVERYTHING?

  • Maybe we fear what others may think of us.
  • Maybe we doubt ourselves and our sense of self-worth.
  • Maybe we fear rejection, fear failure, fear disappointing others.
  • Maybe we assume the worst first.

The more time and energy we spend on focusing on all the “what if’s, potential wrongs, and deep hidden fears”, the less room we have in to focus and acknowledge on all the good that is in our lives. Sometimes, we focus on all the negative and over dramatize it without spotting the good in between and focusing on that.

BREAK THE OVER-ANALYSING MINDSET

Over-analysing everything stops us from being in the moment, causes us to feel ill, and most of all it stops us from enjoying life to the fullest because we are so caught up in our thoughts. If you over-analyse every little thing, maybe it’s time to be proactive about it by choosing to overcome it. The following tips below may do just that, help you to overcome this area that paralyzes you on so many levels:

  • Be mindful and aware of when you find yourself over-analysing and ask yourself what exactly you are over thinking and why?
  • Ask yourself if what you are overthinking is worth the time and effort and if it will add to your life constructively.
  • Know your trigger spots – Insecurities, fears, and what if’s. Replace those trigger spots with a new way of thinking and address hidden fears head on once and for all.
  • Get our of your head and do something proactive , practical or physical. Overthinking can cause unnecessary anxiety which sits in your body and can cause you to feel ill.
  • Choose to the see good in your day to day.
  • Journaling is a great way to monitor and track your growth in this area. You can write down your revelations, and acknowledge the good and how you overcome every day.

Choosing to work on this area is the first step, being intentional about it on a daily basis is the next step. It may not happen over night, but with time and constant effort you will find peace of mind by the retraining of your brain and how it processes things around you. Be kind, patient, and gentle with yourself as you overcome this area of your life, and well done on being brave and courageous enough to overcome this area of your life!

A beautiful mess

Cassan Ferguson
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A beautiful mess

Sometimes life can feel unbearable, and seasons can wear us down until we feel like a complete mess. So much so that we don’t know where to turn, or who to turn to. We feel lost, hopeless, and most of all we feel broken. It’s hard to move forward when all we feel is brokenness, as we don’t know how to put the broken pieces back together.

Have you ever felt like that: broken, lost, hopeless, like a complete emotional mess? I know I have, and it’s not a fun space to be in. There, have been moments in my life, where it felt completely dark, like there was no hope on the horizon. I used to feel like a complete mess, and because it made me feel so helpless, I did not know how to move forward. To add to that I felt ashamed to be a broken mess. I felt like a failure, because I could not pull myself together and move forward. I’m just being honest with you over here, as I think we don’t speak openly enough about these kinds of internal heart issues. As a consequnce we tend to think that we are the “only ones” suffering in silence. When in fact we need to share our stories, and overcoming victories in these areas, as a means of instilling hope and courage into the hearts of those that so desperately need it.

FROM MESS TO BEAUTIFUL

First things first: we need to acknowledge and embrace our personal mess and heartache. We can’t ignore it, or hide it away – that’s like keeping a wound open, it will soon fester and never heal.

Secondly: do not feel embarrassed or ashamed of your mess. Our mess, hurt heartaches and disappointments do not need to define and control us. We can turn our mess into victory stories!

Then thirdly: run to the one who saves, God our father. Surrender your heartache, surrender your mess into His loving and more than capable hands. He will gently restore what is broken, and He will replace it with something new to hold onto. When we lean into Him, and find shelter in His presence, we will find peace, restoration, and we will find strength. I say this with confidence, because I have seen God do this time and time again in my own personal life and the lives of others. He has taken my mess and He has turned into something beautiful, every single time. He has never failed me, He has never rejected me, or left me alone to suffer.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:6 -7

One last thing, just know that in our mess we can come to God. We do not need to be perfect and all together before turning to Him. We can come to Him just as we are, mess and all. Let Him take your brokenness and turn it into something beautiful.

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken. – Psalm 55:22

If this post spoke to you and would like to know more about God, and about being in a personal relationship with him, then I encourage you to click on the banner below.

Can you be friends with an ex?

Cassan Ferguson
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Can you be friends with an ex?

“It’s not you, it’s me, but maybe we can just “be friends” for now.” You’re back in the friend zone and your ex wants to be “just friends” and still have you in their life. Or maybe you are still wanting that friendship from your ex, and you want that ex to hang around. I think in an ideal world being friends with your ex could work, but in reality it’s VERY rare when that is the case. I have heard of couples breaking up and having a very mutual platonic friendship, and it’s never blurred any lines and has remained healthy. But in general it’s not always possible, as it blurs way too many lines and hurts people in the long run.

ASK YOURSELF

Why do I still want to hold onto them? Are my intentions pure when it comes to holding onto them?

  • Sometimes, without realizing it we love the friendship of an ex. We love the way they make us feel, maybe it’s comfortable and familiar to us, so we keep them close by. Maybe having them around keeps our ego satisfied. Dig deep and ask yourself if your intentions with your ex are pure and if they ultimately show love and respect towards them and towards yourself.

By me holding onto them, am I stopping them from healing emotionally and stopping them from moving on?

  • When we try to hold onto our ex’s, we are actually stopping them from emotionally moving on. As they may hold onto the idea that the friendship is sign of hope. Therefore, they will keep their heart open for you, and hold onto a “what if” we get back together fantasy. This isn’t fair on them, or fair on the potential new love it blocks them from, because they’re waiting around for you – when they could be meeting somebody else.

GUARD YOURS & THEIR HEART

I don’t know your situation personally, but I do know that it’s very hard to stay friends with an ex. Especially, when someone’s heart got hurt in the process. Keeping them around with broken hearts forces them to keep their wound open. Which isn’t fair on them, as it stops them from emotionally healing and moving forward.

One of my favourite bible verses says:

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. – Proverbs 4:23

Just as we need to be intentional about guarding our hearts, we too need to be intentional about guarding other peoples hearts. That may mean distancing yourself from an ex, and giving them time and space to heal. Doing the right thing, isn’t always easy, as it means being selfless and it means be considerate of others and their feelings. But doing the right thing for others, will help set them up for a win long term. Having that kind of maturity, love and respect for not only yourself, but for others too will ultimately shape and refine your character.

YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE

Or maybe you find yourself holding onto an ex and settling for their friendship, but you know deep down inside that you are waiting in limbo. You are not emotionally healing, you are not moving forward, and you are holding onto false hope – maybe it’s time to let go and be brave enough to trust that the right person is out there. Know your worth, know your value, and know that just because something did not work out with this person does not mean that you are undeserving of love. Don’t hold onto an ex out of fear, or keep them around as your “plan B.” Trust me, your special someone is out there, and you will meet them at the right time and it will be amazing! 

Opinionated bullies

Cassan Ferguson
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Opinionated bullies

I think it’s safe to say, that we are living in a very opinionated age. Everyone has something to say about everything and everyone. I am all for indivduals having personal opinions based on their values and life experiences. What I am not for, is when opinionated people base their opinions on assumptions and vague generalizations, and are dismissive of others.

Have you ever encountered someone (either online or offline) who has come in guns blazing with their opinions and you haven’t even have a chance to express your views, or maybe your views are shut down without being heard by them? It’s rather frustrating, if not exhausting, trying to have any meaningful conversations with them. They are more concerned about their opinions and their sole purpose is to convert you to their train of thought.

OPINIONATED BULLIES DISMISS & BOX

I once found myself in a conversation with a group of people many years ago. Where a man said quite boldly: “I think it’s very selfish when women want to have babies.” I responded rather confused with : ” Why do you say that?” To which he responded: ” Because women only want to procreate to fill some sort of ‘maternal void’ within them, therefore making them selfish creatures!” I then responded with: “And you would know this because – you’re a woman? That sounds like a rather presumptuous opinion to me.” I think it forced him to stop for a moment and to really think about what he was saying, and how he was boxing in women with an assumption.

How often do we encounter people who do just that: Assume, generalize, dismiss, or box others according to what they presume to be true without actually seeking true knowledge, understanding or information on certain topics or issues.

HAVING HEALTHY CONVERSATIONS

Like I said earlier I really do encourage everyone to have opinions and belief systems. But what I am wanting to focus on is for us to have an opinion that is respectful of others, that is open to listening and learning from others. I am more concerned about having an open conversation with others, a conversation where we can challenge one another, learn from one another and grow in understanding together. We should be able to listen to others and their opinions without wanting to dismiss them, or feel inferior or insecure and defensive when having open conversations.

Sometimes, we won’t always see eye to eye with others, and that is okay. Sometimes, people will try to bully us with their opinions, then we need to step away and not waste our energy and time trying to convince and justify our thoughts and views with others who aren’t open to listening. Have meaningful conversations that enlighten and empower one another, avoid endless debates with stubborn people.

Let’s have the conversations that matter, that build, inspire and encourage one another. Life is too short and unpredictable to waste time having heated arguments that find no end resolve or solution.

Here’s to having more meaningful conversations in our day-to-day.

Don’t suffer in silence

Cassan Ferguson
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Don’t suffer in silence

Often when we walk through dark trying seasons, we feel like we are all alone, like we are battling the situation by ourselves. We feel so overwhelmed and hopeless in those moments that we tend to feel fearful and too afraid to reach out towards others for support and for help. Maybe we fear the rejection or judgement of others, or perhaps we fear being misunderstood, or maybe we fear that our problems will push others away and become a burden for them. So we bottle it all up instead, and suffer in silence. That’s when the loneliness creeps in, when we keep it all bottled up to ourselves.

DON’T SUFFER IN SILENCE

I know personally for me, I struggled to reach out to others and ask for help. I had the mentality that my burdens would become an unnecessary burden for others to carry. Therefore, I kept quiet, bottled it up, and suffered in silence with anxiety and with depression. Until I physically could not do it anymore. I had to let it out, I had to reach out to others that I trusted, and I had to verbalize it. Surprisingly, it wasn’t as bad as I thought, actually it was so freeing and liberating letting all of it out.

Those that I reached out to (the ones that I trusted) supported and encouraged me to keep on going through that tough season. It made me realise that I was not in fact alone, that there were friends out there that wanted to support, encourage, show love, and actively pray and help me walk through a tough season. Which in turn gave me the extra courage that I needed in order to persevere and overcome.

With good friends at my side cheering me on, I couldn’t help but see and believe that the following bible verses below were true for me and the season that I was in. It opened my eyes, and made me more conscious to be a friend that helps and encourages those that feel lonely and overwhelmed with their circumstances.

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time adversity. – Proverbs 17:17

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. – Proverbs 27:17

Whenever I feel lonely, I remind myself of the following:

  1. God is always with me (and with you), no matter the season or situation.
  2. I can trust in God, and I can trust in a handful of close friends with the season that I am in.
  3. Loneliness is a state of mind, and often a lie. If we had to stop, look around and be intentional about reaching out to right people – we would feel loved and supported.

Just as our friends can help cheer us on in tough times, so does God. Not only does He cheer us on, but he strengthens us, so that we can preserver and overcome victoriously.

But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. – Isaiah 40:31

If this post spoke to you, and you would love to know more about being in a personal relationship with God, then may I encourage you to click on the banner below.

Investing in “me time”

Cassan Ferguson
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Investing in “me time”

Do you like having me time, or does it make you feel uncomfortable having your thoughts all to yourself? Often we fear alone time, because we don’t like how it makes us feel. Maybe “me time” makes you feel uncomfortable, because being still and silent feels overwhelming or too daunting. However, when we get caught up in the crowds, or caught up in having busy schedules and lifestyles, we often neglect heart and soul time. We then become depleted, or we are filled with resentment and constantly feel overwhelmed and flustered. Feeling anxious, tired and stressed all of the time will slowly but surely infiltrate into all areas of our lives. Therefore, we need be more aware and conscious of creating ‘me time’ moments in-between our busy schedules, where we can recharge our dying batteries.

BENEFITS OF ME TIME

  • It allows us to consciously rest, and recharge.
  • It encourages us to be more present and to reconnect mentally and emotionally.
  • It can inspire us creatively.
  • It encourages us to have a new fresh perspective on things.
  • It’s is a natural mood booster – as it causes us to feel less stressed and anxious.

We often see ‘me time’ as a selfish thing, maybe we even tell ourselves that there is no time for ‘me time’. But if we keep running on empty eventually it will not only impact us negatively, it will start to negatively affect those that we love around us. We may even start to feel tired all of the time, grumpy, maybe even a little snappy, or maybe we might feel teary eyed from pure exhaustion. Taking time out allows us to stay refreshed, it also allows us to disconnect from daily pressures, and it gives us that fresh perspective that we need when moving forward. Therefore, “me time” will not only be good for you personally, it will also bless those around you.

ME TIME IDEAS

  • Go on a “me time” date to a coffee shop. Maybe take your favourite book with you, or a journal with to jot down some ideas or to write about where you are at.
  • Go for a walk along the beach, and take note of waves, listen to the ocean and breathe in slowly the fresh salty air.
  • Maybe do something that’s completely fun, something that makes you feel spoilt and refreshed.

Investing in ‘me time’ doesn’t have to be a big event, it could mean doing something small everyday. For example start setting time aside to read or journal, whilst sipping some on tea or coffee. It could mean stepping outside on your lunch break. Prioritizing ‘me time’ places significance on your health, which in turn will encourage your sense of self-worth, because you will soon realise that your health is a priority. We often do life with the mentality that we are machines that can easily recharge with a switch of a button. Or we push ourselves as if we were machines: taking on more, doing more, trying to keep ourselves busy right up until the very last minute. We are humans with feelings, yet we treat ourselves as if we were robots.

Pause for a moment, and make mental note of the little things that refresh you, and then start to think of little ways in which to incorporate it into your day-to-day. Start to plan your week, and days making mental note of scheduling in mini  ‘me time’ moments.

Investing in ‘me time’ moments, means you are actively investing in yourself and in your health, so that you can do life well.

What shapes your character?

Cassan Ferguson
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What shapes your character?

Have you ever paused for a moment to ask yourself the following:  “what shapes my character in my day-to-day?” It’s an interesting question to ask oneself every now and then, right? As we often without realising it let the season that we are in, the circumstances and situations we are faced with, as well as what we entertain, or who we hang out with, influence and shape our character. In turn, these things can either inspire and encourage us to be “more than”, or it can cause us to think negatively or think less of  ourselves.

For example, many, many years ago I was in a very emotionally abusive relationship. As a consequence I thought and believe that I was “less than”, as though I was never good enough. Which in turn made me feel like I deserved this kind of unhealthy love. I let that person, that relationship, influence me negatively. It shaped my mind, my heart and my actions in a very negative way.

LET YOUR FAITH SHAPE YOU

Once I got out of that relationship, I had to unlearn all the negative ways of thinking and behaving. I had to realise my sense of worth and identity was (and still is) found in knowing who I am in my faith, as a Christian. When I became familiar with Gods voice, with His nature, and learnt about Him and His promises in the bible, I became confident, I felt whole, I felt loved. My relationship with God continues to inspire, shape and influence me to be a better version of myself. In short, to be who God called me to be.

Because of having this deep revelation and understanding of who I am in Christ, I now know and understand my sense of self-worth, and I therefore, make sure that in my day-to-day that I am letting things shape and influence me for the better. Therefore, I won’t settle for any nonsense that distracts me or points in a direction that will cause me to think, feel, or behave in a way that is less than .

FYI & PLEASE NOTE

  • People in our lives should shape, and inspire us to be better versions of ourselves.
  • What we read whether it be online, or a book should shape and inspire us to think good positive thoughts.
  • Who we speak to and what we speak about should inspire us to speak kindly and highly of others.

WHAT SHAPES YOUR CHARACTER ?

From the thoughts that you entertain in your head, to relationships that infiltrate our hearts, through to things that shape our behavior –  ask yourself the following :

What holds weight and power over you? What shapes and inspires you to be a better version of yourself? What shapes or influences you in a way that is negative ?

Maybe it’s to time to have a closer look at those things and know what things to let go of, and what to hold onto. Maybe it’s letting go of unhealthy toxic friendships or relationships. Maybe it’s time to stop having those negative talks with others that cause you doubt. Maybe it’s time to invest in healthy friendships, maybe it’s time to invest in books that will build and inspire you to dream bigger.

Maybe it’s time to get more personal with God, and let Him to an internal heart check with you, so that you can be the best version of yourself in your day-to-day.

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