Do you ever feel like you have your wires crossed when it comes to communicating with certain individuals? No matter what you say, or how you say it, that person misinterprets it and hears something different. It’s almost as if you are speaking two different languages, and you are both just not getting what the other is trying to say.
Miscommunication happens all the time – in marriages, relationships, friendships, within a family dynamic, and with work colleagues! Everyone hears and interprets information differently. If we aren’t aware of it, we can easily bump heads and end up feeling frustrated, and we may react in a way that we will regret later.
THIS IS WHAT I’M HEARING
We all interpret information differently. Sometimes, we interpret dialogue according to the following:
- We hear what we want to hear, not what the person is really saying.
- We don’t like what the person is saying, so we stop listening and we start reacting by becoming defensive.
- We respond out of insecurity, and therefore hear something different all the time. We hear information based on our insecurities, instead of the truth.
- We assume what the other person is trying to say, without giving them a chance to finish what they are saying.
- We hear a person’s vocal tone, and respond to their tone.
- Sometimes we read into closed off body language, or a lack of dialogue.
WHAT WE SHOULD BE HEARING AND DOING
Some conversations aren’t easy to communicate, and sometimes it’s not always easy to be on the receiving end of it. However, conversations, whether good or bad, need to be had. If we want to grow as a person, we need to know how to respond by being aware of the following:
1. LET THEM FINISH
When a person is communicating, let them finish their thoughts before interrupting them to argue mid-sentence. Not always easy, especially if you want to defend or protect yourself by attacking them verbally. Just breathe, and focus on the words they are saying. Listen carefully.
2. FOCUS ON THE TOPIC
Don’t respond by bringing up irrelevant information. Example: “Yeah, but five years ago, you said this, and then that one time on July 5th you did that!” Only respond with what is relevant to the topic. Respond in a way that will help bring clarity to the problem.
3 . DON’T LET EMOTIONS RULE
Ask yourself if what they are saying is valid and if it holds some truth. Sometimes we need to acknowledge if we made a mistake and own it, and apologise and move forward. If you feel hurt or attacked in character, take a moment to digest the information, and respond calmly. Acting and responding out of emotion does not always turn out well. Often we say things that we tend to regret because we let our emotions fuel our words.
4. ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR FEELINGS
Acknowledge what the person is feeling and what they are saying. That acknowledgement shows respects, and validates the person’s feelings. In doing so, the person communicating will feel comfortable around you because you are approachable. There is nothing worse than feeling afraid of how a person will respond to what you have to say. Always create and establish trust and respect within the conversation.
5 . SEEK THE SOLUTION
Always look to the solution by addressing the problem. Avoid attacking each other’s character, and focus on the problem at hand and how as a team you can move past it together.
6. LET OFFENCE GO
Don’t hold onto any ill feelings. If things were said that hurt you or made you feel misunderstood, yet you have both resolved the issue, it’s time to forgive and let go, and stay focused on growing as a person.
Healthy conversations aren’t always easy, but it can be so rewarding in the long term as it not only grows us as individuals, but strengthens our relationships and friendships. Here’s to healthy conversations, and healthy, growing relationships!
