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Cassan Ferguson

Do you have a low sense of self-worth?

Cassan Ferguson
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Do you have a low sense of self-worth?

Doubting ones self from time to time is normal, however, having a low sense of self-worth can dictate and control every decision you make. Having a good sense of self-worth means; that you value and treasure who you are, you believe in yourself and in your ideas. It also means that you know what you deserve, and you believe that you too deserve every bit of success in life.

According to psychologist Christina Hibbert;

“Too many of us settle for self-esteem – for feeling good about how we act, look, feel, think, instead of seeking what lies beneath. We fail to get to know our true selves, because we get caught up in the selves that we create. Self worth isn’t about what we create on the outside, it’s about knowing who we really are on the inside.”

We get so caught up on working on external things that we think will make us great and acceptable to others, but we often neglect acknowledging and celebrating who we are heart and soul.  Having a poor sense of self-worth limits you, as you will constantly feel like you are being riddled with fear and self-doubt in who you are and in your abilities. If we aren’t consciously aware and intentional about nurturing our self-worth, it may tarnish right before I very eyes.

SURPRISING SIGNS THAT YOU MAY HAVE A LOW SENSE OF SELF WORTH

  • You constantly want to please others.
  • You allow others to treat you poorly.
  • You don’t believe that you deserve much.
  • You neglect your needs and your self.
  • You stopped striving for good things.
  • You measure you worth and value by outside influences.

JUST REMEMBER

  • You deserve goodness and greatness.
  • God created you with such love and detail, and for purpose.
  • You do not need to feel your sense of self-worth and confidence in man or in what you do.
  • No matter what happened to you in your past, it does not have the power to define and control who you are today. God is there for us, to help us, to lead us and to heal us of every wound and negative way of thinking and behaving.

Spend some time alone where you can reflect on your sense of self-worth. Find out and discover what determines and forms the basis of your self-worth. Spend time in prayer asking God to show you through the bible who He is and what He says about you. Let His unconditional love help to reveal who you are in Him, and to find your self-worth in Him.

It’s okay to be wrong

Cassan Ferguson
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It’s okay to be wrong

Why do we struggle with the idea or notion of being wrong?  Maybe we see being wrong: as being weak, or feeling like a failure, or regarded as inferior. The truth is, we are not perfect, we are human and I can guarantee that we all make mistakes, and that is okay. We can choose to either stay in denial, and become prideful when we don’t own our mistakes, or we can choose to learn from our mistakes. Which in turn will grow us in character, empower us, and most likely influence and inspire those around you.

WHY DO WE SEE BEING WRONG AS A NEGATIVE THING?

  • Maybe we see being wrong as failing at something or failing someone, and owning that makes us feel disappointed in ourselves.
  • Maybe we put unrealistic expectations on ourselves, and aim for perfection, then we struggle to admit to our flaws and mistakes.

WHY BEING WRONG IS GOOD FOR YOU:

  • It humbles you.
  • It allows you to grow in character.
  • It empowers you with new ways of thinking.
  • It frees you from the need of trying to be perfect all of the time.
  • Being wrong sometimes can help to think of creative resolutions  to solve problems with others.

I used to struggle to apologize years ago. So much so, that when I did say sorry – it felt like my face was hurting as I said the words: “I’m sorry.” I so badly wanted to be right at every debate or argument, that it ended up making me short-sighted, and filled with pride. One day, my husband challenged me in this area, and asked me why I struggled to apologize. I had to actively pause for a moment, and really meditate on it for a while. Then it hit me, I feared being wrong, because it felt like I was failing at something, or failing someone. It may sound strange but it was a real fear for me.

However, I knew that I couldn’t keep living like that. The constant fight to be right all the time, was so exhausting. When I started to own up to my mistakes, it actually felt freeing. It made me feel more human, and it helped me to overcome and grow in character. Now, I say sorry without hesitation when I am in the wrong, because I know it’s not about being right all of the time, it’s about finding the truth and overcoming hurdles by acknowledging them and moving on.

Learning from our mistakes are essential for our growth. It empowers us, and encourages us to respond better by making better choices. We all make mistakes, and that is okay, do not wallow in it and let it define you in a negative light. Learn from your mistakes, move on and grow from it. You will be better for it!

The importance of making it to the finishing line

Cassan Ferguson
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The importance of making it to the finishing line

Finishing things off to completion, whether it’s work related, personal or just in general, can be a challenge in itself. Am I right?! I think we all may have experienced a moment where we have left something unfinished. This is totally fine, unless it’s something that is recurring and has now become an unhealthy pattern in our lives. We tend to love the beginning of projects, we love the excitement and the idea of what it could be. But when it starts to get a bit challenging, and feels uncomfortable, then we would rather leave it all together. This is because trying to finish something off to completion isn’t all butterflies and roses, it takes hard work and determination, which isn’t fun, nor is it easy!

We live in  day and age where we want everything to happen quickly. Wouldn’t life be way easier if there was an app that could take over the tough challenging bits of life, and deal with it and do all the work for us? As amazing as that idea may sound, the simple truth is that we wouldn’t really profit from cheating the system. We wouldn’t truly learn how to become an overcomer, or how to persevere or grow in character.

WHY DO WE AVOID THE FINISHING OFF OF THINGS?

  • Maybe we don’t like how it makes us feel when things get a bit tough.
  • Sometimes we feel so overwhelmed and distracted by what we feel in the now, that we don’t really consider how it will impact our future selves.
  • Maybe we lack the faith and confidence in ourselves and in our abilities to endure to the finish line.

THE REWARD OF THE FINISH LINE

The Bible says:

Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. – James 1:4

Staying the path, running the distance regardless of the ups and downs requires mind over matter. It means we need to stay focused on the vision (the end goal) and do whatever it takes to make it to the finish line. In doing so we will ultimately grow in character, and feel the joy and freedom of finishing off of things. The good news is that we do not have carry things in our own strength, but we ask God to strengthen us so that we may finish in the way that God intended for us.

Yes, life gets a bit messy, and it’s unpredictable. However, we should never fear it, or let it make us feel anxious or overwhelmed. We need to acknowledge that God is always with us, and that He always has our best interests at heart. Therefore, we can rely on Him, lean on Him, and allow Him to strengthen us and grace to endure life’s challenges and end up being better for it.

God believes in you, He knows your potential and He knows what you are capable of. It’s time to start seeing yourself the way God sees you, and have the faith and courage to see things through! If this post encouraged you, or you would like to know more about being in a personal relationship with God, then may I encourage you to click on the link below.

Raising kids in a broken world

Cassan Ferguson
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Raising kids in a broken world

Raising kids is the greatest honour and blessing. It’s all kinds of wonderful and it’s all kinds of crazy too. Every day as parents we need to be conscious of nurturing, shaping, and leading our children in loving ways. Which can be challenging at times, but most certainly it will reap long-term benefits as they grow up.

On top of all the day-to-day nurturing and shaping of our little people, we now have to consider what kind of world will they inevitably grow up in. As parents you can’t help but feel anxious sometimes when you hear or see yet another devastating world event. From war, through to bombing and killing of innocent people, through to online narcissistic behavior, human trafficking, online bullying that leads to suicide, through to political drama, you can’t help but think to yourself: “How am I going to raise my child in a world that is so very broken! How will I protect them as much as possible? Will something bad happen to them?”

These thoughts are natural, and most parents find themselves anxiously questioning themselves with these plaguing thoughts. Often I look at my son, and I think to myself: “how will I raise him in a way that he will feel confident enough to not let the world negatively shape him, but that he will want to positively shape it?”

I think ultimately that will only come from having a personal revelation that we cannot parent with fear leading us. Of course we want to protect our children as best as humanly possible, but some things in life will be out of our control. If we live in constant fear and anxiety, our children will then behave and live in that way. Which isn’t actually fair on them. Yes, we want them to know and understand that although the world is broken, and the people in it or hurting, there is still lots of good in-between all of the mess and brokenness.

FEAR VS. FAITH

The other day, I found myself in a conversation with a few moms. The main topic of conversation was how they feared the very thought of raising their kids in South Africa, especially with all the political drama that is going on. They were talking about immigrating and spoke almost as if South Africa was finished as a country. This broke my heart, because I love my country. It’s so diverse, beautiful and we have been through a lot as a nation. God is not done with this beautiful country, therefore I will not give up on it.

Yes, we are in a bit of a political mess, but I believe that God will bring a shift into our nation. In the mean time as parents, we should not be shaken. We should see it as an opportunity to raise our children to know and understand that they too play an important role in shaping their home positively. I know that God is always in our future, I know I can parent with; confidence, peace, and with joy.

I’ll leave you with this thought : “Does fear or faith lead you as you parent your little ones?” If fear consumes you and leads you in your day to day, then maybe it’s time to give that fear over to God, and let Him lead you with His peace and with confidence.

Unfollow people both online and offline

Cassan Ferguson
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Unfollow people both online and offline

Whether we’re online or offline, in real life we are sometimes faced with very unhealthy people. Without realizing it at times we let these unhealthy people influence our thoughts, emotions and actions. It happens so easily, and it happens when we aren’t conscious of it. However, eventually the negative influence will show itself in our behavior. The negative influence could make us feel: inferior, insecure, or negative about everything. It may even encourage us to become selfish, to gossip and to judge others, or to act unkind and unloving towards others.

UNFOLLOW THE UNHEALTHY

Sometimes we will encounter people online or offline, that are negative, superficial, rude, judgmental, overly opinionated, insecure, or jealous. Their words are negative, their actions are unhealthy, and somehow it rubs off on us. Then in turn we start to feel down, negative, insecure, judgmental, or highly opinionated. Or maybe they make us feel despondent, fearful, and insecure around them. Sometimes we forget that negative people should never hold any weight or power over us. We have the choice whether we want those unhealthy people to play a part in the shaping of our lives.

I love this quote that was Tweeted by Julia A’Bell :

Suggestion: Unfollow people who are unhealthy for your soul. (Why do it to yourself?)

UNFOLLOW ONLINE

So simple, yet so very powerful! If it’s not good or healthy for your soul, then why entertain it? If it is not adding goodness to your life, then why waste time on it? If people (online or offline) are not influencing, shaping or inspiring us to be better, then why follow them? I have recently done an online social media spring cleaning of sorts, whereby I have unfollowed “influencers” that I did not feel were adding goodness to my life. It was nerve-wracking at first, but truth be told I have not missed those unhealthy people at all. If anything I feel better for it!

UNFOLLOW OFFLINE

Unfollowing people in real life can be a bit tricky, especially if this unhealthy person is a friend, family member, or someone we work with. Somehow with them we may need extra grace, patience and love for them. Yet, we also needs to be wise with what we allow into our hearts when we are around them. This may mean being more aware of the relationship dynamic, and to know where the weak areas are.

However, be extra wise and cautious when entertaining relationships with unhealthy people, know where to draw the line, and make it clear to them and to yourself where that line is. If they are unwilling to grow, and you feel that the relationship dynamic is unhealthy and will not resolve itself, then step back from it for a moment. Press pause on it, and evaluate if the relationship is worth your time and effort. We have the choice what we allow and entertain in our lives. Choose wisely!

The power of trust

Cassan Ferguson
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The power of trust

It’s amazing how much power there is when we have the freedom and confidence to trust not only in others, but in ourselves, and to have faith in the unseen. At some point in our lives we will have experienced a situation, or a relationship that may have left us feeling disappointed and hurt, which in turn broke our ability to place trust in others, in ourselves, and in our future. What is even more sad, is when people recognize that this is an issue, and still choose to live this way. When we let fear, hurt and disappointment lead us in our everyday, we end up living very small, sheltered, fractured lives. Consequently it not only hurts us even more so in the long run, but it hurts those around us too.

Definition of the word trust:

Noun: Firm belief in the reliability, truth, or ability of someone or something.
Synonyms: Confidence, belief, faith, freedom from suspicion/doubt, sureness, certainty, certitude, assurance, conviction, credence, reliance.

WHAT STOPS US FROM TRUSTING?

  • Holding onto our hurt and disappointments.
  • Not forgiving those who hurt us, or forgiving ourselves.

Trust requires a level of faith, faith in the unknown, the unseen, and in the unpredictable. Trusting means letting go of the need to control everyone, and everything. Trusting in others means giving others the benefit of the doubt, and choosing to believe in them. Learning to grow in trust requires daily conscious thoughts and actions that will grow and nurture a sense of trust within out hearts. Easier said than done right?

Personally for me, trust used to be a major issue in my life. I struggled to place full trust in my husband for the first few years of marriage. He didn’t do anything wrong, in fact he has only ever been good, kind, gentle, loving and always encouraging. My trust issues stemmed from a previous relationship where an ex had cheated on me, and had emotionally manipulated me. That hurt, disappointment and fear controlled me in so many unhealthy ways. For me to build trust in my life, meant I had to surrender all my pain to God, I had to ask Him to help me with it, and I had to be conscious when it came to deciding to trust every single day, until it became my norm.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your path. – Proverbs 3:5-6

The above bible verse serves as a constant reminder in my life to always seek God in, and amongst, my trials and challenges. When I put Him first in every area of my life, I become more confident in Him, and in my future. When God is at the centre of our lives, we will constantly grow; in love, in confidence, and in faith. When we turn to God, and ask Him for His help in every area of our lives, He will not only cover us, but He will grace us to overcome every obstacle and challenge.

Use your challenge as a stepping stone to move forward as an overcomer. Do not let your past, fear, hurt, or disappointment stop you from living a life full of purpose. If this post has spoken to you and encouraged you and you would like to know more, then may I encourage you to click on the banner below.

Quick mood boosting tips

Cassan Ferguson
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Quick mood boosting tips

It’s hard to remain upbeat and positive everyday, as life can unpredictable, challenging on most days, and it’s filled with those curve balls that knock us off our feet. Most of us can’t always afford to take the day off to just relax and regroup, and there are some who aren’t allowed to have holiday leave until the end of the year. It’s hard to keep on going, and keep on giving, especially when you forget to make time to do little things that will in turn refresh, inspire and strengthen you to give out all the time.

QUICK MOOD BOOSTING TIPS TO TRY

If you’re feeling a bit down and a bit stressed, then why not try some of the following tips below to help turn your mood around quickly:

  • Sunshine and nature – being outdoors and getting fresh air does wonders for the soul.
  • Music – listen to relaxing music.
  • Lavender, Jasmine & Orange scents – these scents are known to leave one feeling calm and relaxed. You can buy the oils or sprays to spray in and around your home.
  • Entertainment – Go to the movies, to the theatre, or watch live music.
  • Look through old photos.
  • Visit a friend.
  • Be active.
  • Do something creative.
  • Hug someone – This may sound strange, but hugging someone who you love increases serotonin and oxytocin, which are feel good hormones!
  • Journal – as a means of reflecting and filtering through everything.
  • Pray over your situation, and leave it to God. Surrendering our cares and concerns to Him with full trust and faith, will allow us to let go and let us feel calm.

It’s all about balance

Cassan Ferguson
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It’s all about balance

“It’s all about balance!” Easier said than done right? How often do we catch ourselves saying that? Or perhaps we feel like we are constantly out of sync running around like little hamsters on a wheel spinning round and round, because we forgot to balance everything in our lives. Just when I feel like I have it all together, and everything should follow some sort of rhythm and balance, I find myself going back to drawing board, reevaluating, readjusting so that there is some sort of semi sane balance in my life! Ha! Which is no easy task.

I feel like I am constantly juggling all areas of life, from being a mom and all that entails, through to being a freelancer, wife, friend, daughter, household co-ordinator, volunteer during the week, you name it, I’m doing it! That’s why for me it is very important to find that constant balance throughout my week. Without that balance, I end up feel anxious, stressed, don’t sleep properly, and run around like a headless chicken. But life happens too, which means there is the unexpected, the unplanned, which in turn means that my balance flies out of the window. And to be honest with you sometimes I forget that my balance has gone out of the window, until I find myself completely drained and overwhelmed. Then I know it’s time to go back to the drawing board, and find that healthy balance again.

GET YOUR BALANCE BACK

Getting your balance back throughout the week, may require taking a step back and reworking your weekly schedule. This may mean going over aspect of your life, and knowing where your responsibilities lie, and how to coordinate it well. Whenever I feel like I need to adjust my weekly schedule I simply do the following: 

  • Write down what your week currently requires of you – from work, through to family responsibilities, to exercise, shopping, cooking, and any other weekly commitments.
  • Draw up a weekly calendar – write down the days of the week, along with times, and what needs to be done each day, or on regular weekly basis.
  • Take a step back for a moment, and visually take in your outlined week. Make note if there is too much happening on one day in particular, maybe you’ve overbooked yourself, or are overcommitting yourself. Make note of that, and adjust your schedule if need be.

HONOR YOUR TIME

Be realistic with your time, and see your time as sacred when blocking out your week with weekly happenings. You are not a computer or a robot than can simply recharge itself in one hour. Therefore honour yourself by honouring your time.

Just know and believe me when I say, that it is okay to say no without feeling bad about it. You are the one at the end of the day who knows exactly what you can or can’t commit to realistically. Honour your pace, value your time, respect and love yourself enough to know what to say yes to and what to say no to. It’s your time, energy, and life after all. Therefore, look after yourself, by scheduling and balancing your time well.

Loving difficult people

Cassan Ferguson
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Loving difficult people

Some people make loving them so easy, and it comes naturally. Whilst others make it so hard that you don’t even know where to begin. It’s not always easy to love others, especially finding ways to love difficult people, because they make it so hard, if not impossible. Especially if they are family members or co-workers that are a part of our lives in some way, shape or form. We also can’t ignore them, or pretend they do not exist, especially if we have to work them or see them often. Somehow we need to be able to coexist and function together without tearing one another apart.

Many years ago, I had to work with someone who was very hard to work with. Everyone used to tip toe around them, and feared making a mistake incase they would blow up. I knew that I had two choices:  I could either give up and quit, or try to find a way to work this difficult person. Sticking it out, and trying to find a way to make it work felt like the not so obvious choice, yet I knew it would benefit me character wise in the long run. So I stuck it out, and learnt to make it work in my trying situation, with my difficult co-worker, and truth be told we ended up working really well together and achieved a lot of success.

HOW TO LOVE DIFFICULT PEOPLE

The following tips below really and truly help me to work with difficult people in my day to day, and I hope that it will inspire and encourage you to do the same:

PRAY FOR THEM – Now this is easier said than done, especially when difficult people drive you up the wall. However, when you do make the time to pray for them, God somehow softens your heart towards them, and He shows you how He sees them. In turn you will see them in a different light, and find the grace to love them in your day to day.

ENCOURAGE THEM – I found that when I sincerely found specific things to encourage that were personal for said difficult person, it would somehow soften them and make them feel empowered and encouraged.

SPEAK THE TRUTH IN LOVE – Difficult people aren’t always easy to talk to. Either they blow up, get defensive or verbally attack you as a means of putting you in place, or they shut all together and aren’t open to listening to anything that you have to say. However, if you make the conscious effort to speak the truth in absolute love, the person on the receiving end will feel safe in your presence and respond accordingly.

Sometimes we forget that in certain seasons of our lives difficult people stumble across our path for a reason. Maybe it’s an opportunity to show love, grace, and compassion towards them. Like I said before, it’s easier said than done, but I can guarantee it will not only bless those in your path, it will bless you and shape your character in the long run.

Next time you find yourself face to face with a difficult person remember to: pray for them, see them as God sees them, ask God to give you the grace and compassion for them, encourage them and speak the truth in love with them! If I can do it, so can you!

The art of communicating well during conflict

Cassan Ferguson
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The art of communicating well during conflict

Do you ever find yourself in a situation where you thought you were communicating rather well with somebody else, only to soon realize that the topic of conversation had taken a turn for the worse? What started off as a pretty normal honest conversation turned into a heated debate. I think this happens to most of us more than we like to admit, and maybe a bit too often for our liking.

When people take things personally during conflict, they will naturally want to defend themselves. They may even become loud and say things to either evoke a response from you, or to hurt you deliberately. On the other hand, maybe you are guilty of being told way too many times “you’re not listening to what I am trying to say!”, meaning you are hearing the words, but you are listening with the intent to react, to fight, to defend, or attack as opposed to listening for the sake of truly understanding. Maybe you take what other people say as a personal attack and feel the constant need to protect yourself by defending your actions. However if we constantly choose to respond and behave like this, we will soon find that no one will want to interact with us, and we might as well start talking to the birds in the trees.

THE ART OF COMMUNICATING WELL

If we put more of our focus on listening well, we would know how to respond and communicate with others well. Here are a few tips and questions to help you when it comes to navigating your way wisely through conflict: 

STAY OPEN

Am I open to listening to others? Do I show this in my face, in my tone of voice and in my body language? Or do I look defensive, guarded, a bit rigid like a statue that’s about to crack? Am I open, relaxed, ready to listen, and to listen well? Conflict naturally makes us feel tense, but we must learn to remain calm, in order to think calmly and rationally before we respond. Having an open stance, allows those that are sharing to feel safe in our presence.

LISTEN WELL

Do I listen before responding to others? Or am I constantly interrupting, and interjecting before letting others finish off their trail of thought? Sometimes, we react and cut others off by quickly defending ourselves without truly listening to the full context of what it is they are saying and feeling. We may even start to assume the worst mid conversation, and feel the need to defend, when the best thing we could do for the other person and for ourselves is to sit still and listen fully.

SHOW RESPECT

Do I acknowledge and respect the thoughts and feelings of others? Or do I dismiss it? Whether you are having conflict with a friend, spouse, family member, or a co-worker, that relationship needs to have a foundation of love and respect for the other person. When people feel truly heard, they will feel respected and loved, therefore they will show the same respect and love towards you. Don’t disregard or dismiss what others have to say, make them feel safe to share.

RESPOND WITH LOVE

When I respond, am I responding with love? Or am I wanting to hurt the other person? If your motive and intention is to seek resolve, clarity and peace during conflict and you are doing it with love, I believe you will overcome the issues. When love leads us, we seek to solve and fix the issues instead of wanting to attack others.

OWN YOUR MISTAKES

Do I own my part in any of it? Or am I constantly shifting the blame and constantly redirecting the conversation, instead of owning up to my mistakes. No one is perfect, therefore we will make mistakes, and that’s okay. Learn from them, own it, and apologize sincerely, then move forward. That in itself speaks volumes of your character, as you are open to learning and growing through conflict.

Be brave and humble enough to learn from others. Be open, and always remember to speak the truth in love with the deepest respect for those in your presence. Make sure that together you are overcoming the issues, and that you are both actively working on areas that will intentionally bring resolve and peace.

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