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Donna Burke

There are no shortcuts

Donna Burke
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There are no shortcuts

There are no shortcuts to any place worth going – Beverly Sills

Wouldn’t it be great if rather than taking the long way round, you could take a quick little shortcut and reach your goal faster? Being able to cut out the ‘in between’ and instead jump from the start straight to the finish sounds amazing. However, the bit in the middle is sometimes just as important and valuable as the end result. Shortcuts may sound like a dream come true but the process is part of the reward. Very often you can’t have the goal without following the correct path.

Back to square one

A few years ago we bought a dishwashing machine for our family. My dishwasher is possibly my favourite appliance because it saves me hours of standing in front of the sink washing up after feeding my household. As wonderful as my dishwasher is, it does have it’s limitations. If I’ve roasted something in the oven and the dish has become charred and pieces of roasted food are welded to the bottom I know the only way to remove the crusty bits is to scrub by hand until it all comes clean. There have been times when I’ve attempted to put a dish in this state into the dishwasher in the hope of saving myself the trouble of doing it by hand. Every single time I’ve tried to take this shortcut the dish has come out of the machine still dirty. I’ve ended up doing what I should have done in the first place and scrubbed by hand to achieve the desired result.

Do it right

Trying to get around the correct way of doing things very often sees you back at the beginning, doing it the way you tried to avoid. Shortcuts tend to leave you with less than perfect results, wasted time and more than likely a certain amount of frustration. Whether it’s relationships, your education or building a career that will reap the results you desire, if it’s worth having then it’s worth doing properly the first time around.

Only one way

There are many people in the world today that would like to know God. The idea of being connected to the Power who holds all of creation together is very appealing, but very often they look for a shortcut and go about searching for him in a way that cuts out the process he himself gave us. God put in place a path for us to follow that would lead directly to him but for many reasons people choose to look for an alternative route. The bible tells us that Jesus is the only way to have a relationship with God. Jesus himself said the he is the way. There is no shortcut or detour that will lead to the same place. Any other path will lead you to a different destination. It’s through a relationship with Jesus that we are able to find and know the Father.

If you would like to know more about this please click on the link below.

Don’t forget to enjoy your children

Donna Burke
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Don’t forget to enjoy your children

“Parenting: The days are long, years are short”

Anonymous

We live in a very ‘results driven’ world. Most of the things we do are measured by the outcome. What did we achieve? Was it a success? When it comes to raising a family it’s easy to fall into the same mindset. We can become so busy parenting wonderful, well-mannered children that we forget to enjoy the little people we are raising.

Don’t wish it away

I’m sure I’m not alone when I say that there are days when bedtime really can’t come soon enough. Yes, I know that may sound like a terrible thing to admit. I love my children dearly, however, some days my energy and patience run out long before it’s time for lights out. There are moments when ‘being mom’, especially to younger children, can really feel like more of job than a joy but as Mary Poppins said

“In every job that must be done there is an element of fun, you find the fun and *SNAP* the job’s a game”.

Parenting is no different. We should be enjoying not enduring these precious years with our children. So how do you find ways enjoy your kids? Here are a few things that may help:

Talk to them

As soon as your child is able to use words correctly, it’s amazing the conversations that you can have.  Ask questions, talk about the their day.  Discuss likes and dislikes, find out how they feel about things. It sounds incredibly simple but how often do we forget to engage in conversation.  Meal times are a perfect opportunity for this, or even better, snuggling on the couch for a one-on-one catch up.

Watch them

It’s fun to engage with your child.  Watching them engage with others and the world around them is just as rewarding. Take a moment to see how they play, explore and interact with other kids while they think no one is watching them. Witness them being themselves, the wonderful child you are helping to mold.

Play with them

Not all parents are excited about the prospect of play. For some people it just doesn’t energise them and can feel like a burden. If that’s you, find something that you and your child both love. It could be cooking or baking, having a tea party, looking at magazines, kicking a ball, exploring nature or jumping on a trampoline. It really doesn’t matter what play looks likes but having fun together and finding enjoyment in the same activity is magical.

Let go of them

This can be difficult. All parents want their kids to be well-behaved, have great social skills and be altogether lovely. The fact is sometimes we need to stop trying to raise or make our children and just let them be. Instead of always being in ‘parent mode’ sometime it’s better to let a few things slide and relax.

If you find yourself in a place where you’re so busy being the parent that you’ve forgotten how to enjoy the people you are parenting maybe it’s time to get to know your children. Being a parent is hard work, but there is an awful lot of joy in the journey if you remember to make time for it.

Do not throw away your confidence

Donna Burke
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Do not throw away your confidence

…do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded – Hebrews 10:35

Confidence:
1. The feeling or belief that one can have faith in or rely on someone or something.
2. The state of feeling certain about the truth of something.
3. A feeling of self-assurance arising from an appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities.

Confidence is powerful tool. It is also a valuable commodity. Without it, it is very difficult to achieve anything of significance or go beyond the norm. As vital as this quality is in life, it appears to be terribly fragile in many instances.

When you need it the most

It’s easy to be confident when everything is going your way. When you’re flying high and everything you touch is a rousing success. It’s much harder to be bold when your back is against the wall and if feels like everything is against you. It’s at those times though, when life has turned into a raging storm that you need your confidence the most.

Protect it

The first thing you notice about people who are lacking in confidence is that they are easily swayed by the opinions of those around them. You can’t live life avoiding people who reduce your confidence levels. To balance out the times when your confidence is challenged by others build a support network around you of people who will remind you how capable you really are.

Build it

Confidence is about being able to trust your own capabilities. If you feel like you’re lacking in a certain area look for ways you can improve or learn to be better at that particular thing. By becoming better at something you build your confidence because you know you are able to do what is necessary. Look for ways to build your confidence so when you need it, it’s there.

Use it

Being confident is great but what’s the use in being confident if you don’t make use of it. Don’t be afraid to live outside of the ‘safe zone’. Self-assurance is very often something that has been hard-won, so don’t waste it. Put it to good use because the more you use it the more secure your confidence will become.

The bible talks about confidence and tells us not to throw it away.  It talks about being sure of the important things when you’re facing hard times and building your foundation on something that is enduring.   When our confidence is based on who God is, on how he see us and not just our own strength and ability, whatever life throws at you, you will be able to stand firm.

When they go low, we go high

Donna Burke
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When they go low, we go high

Has anyone ever told you that you should ‘Be the bigger person’? When you’ve been treated badly or someone has walked all over you, isn’t that just the last thing you want to hear?

We’ve all been there. Been on the receiving end of someone else’s rudeness or anger. When all you really want to do is give it right back to them. Sadly, this kind of revenge is rarely satisfying and will mostly do more damage to you than to them anyway. So what’s the alternative?

Recently American first lady Michelle Obama said as part of a public speech that she has taught her daughter the motto “when they go low, we go high”. Regardless of politics, this is good advice.

It’s not fair

The truth is, some people are just not nice. For whatever reason there are those in this world who are selfish, mean-spirited and think nothing of taking their frustrations out on others. When someone says something about you, treats you disrespectfully or is just plain hurtful there is nothing you can do about it. Is it fair? No, probably not. Many times you will receive treatment that you really don’t deserve. But that’s part of life. What you do have control over is how you choose to respond. Will you become mean, selfish and spiteful in return? Or will you remain the generous, kind and happy individual you want to be and ‘Be the bigger person’?

Taking the high road

Choosing to remain true to the values you want to live by when provoked to act differently isn’t always easy. Remaining quiet when it would be easier to return the insult is hard at time. The reward for keeping to the high road and not dropping to another’s level is that you have determined who you are. It’s not about being better than anyone else it’s about being the kind of person you want to be.

Jesus spoke in the bible about turning the other cheek. Many people have mistakenly interpreted his words as meaning, if someone offends you, you should give them the chance to do it again. That’s just stupid! Jesus wasn’t suggesting if someone hits you, you should ask them to hit you a second time. He was encouraging us to not show the offense (in this case a red cheek) and to not seek revenge for the attack. It may seem like an impossible standard but when we decide to live with love and respect, not only for others, but also for the way that God would have us conduct ourselves, Jesus can help us to always go high. With his help we can be the bigger person and stay true to being who we were made to be.

If you’d like to know more or if this post has spoken to you, please leave a comment or click the link below.

 

When it all gets too much

Donna Burke
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When it all gets too much

There are moments for everyone, when it all just gets to be a bit too much. Whether you’re a student, a high-flying singleton, a happily married or super parent, some days it feels like all the ‘things’ you have going on in your life are threatening to fall down around your ears. It’s not a fun feeling but we’ve all been there. So what do you do when you can’t see your way through the chaos of life?

Can’t see the wood for the trees

Any woman (and probably most men if they’re honest) have at one time or another stood in front of a wardrobe full of clothes and uttered the immortal words “I have nothing to wear”. Chances are that the main cause of this hopeless statement was not so much a lack of clothing but more than likely an excess of clutter. A cupboard full of clothes where you can’t see what’s going on is a scary thing. If you’re anything like me, if you’re faced with too many options or too many things to sort through it can be hard to make a decision and move on.

Keep it simple

At times when it feels like the world is throwing everything at you, including the kitchen sink, the best thing to do is find some simplicity. Take a step back. Cut out all the clutter until you can see what’s really going on. Not everything in your life needs to be achieved immediately. If something can wait or be delayed put it on the back burner until you have the capacity to see to it.   If someone else can take a task off your hands to give you a break, let them! Once you’ve sorted through the things vying for your time and energy, you should get a clearer picture of exactly what needs to done. Then you can decide what to give your attention to.

True north

When I start feeling a little less than capable of managing the sheer magnitude of life it tends to mean I’ve forgotten the important things. When it all feels too big, I’ve probably lost sight of those things in my life that keep me moving forward and guide me towards being the person I should be and the life I want to live. For me those important things are:

My family – the people who I love the most need me to be the best me I can be but love me when I’m not that great. There are people in your life who love and need you, but they still know how to cope when you’re having a bad day.

My purpose – I truly hope that when I leave this life I have somehow contributed to making the world a better place than it was when I arrived. You were born for a reason, find out what it is, embrace and keep at it.

My joy – My grandfather gave me a picture frame many years ago with a simple bible verse in it. The verse was simply this:

“Delight yourself in the Lord”

When the weight of the world is on my shoulders I need to remember to look for joy that comes from knowing Jesus. It’s the knowledge that I have a God who cares for me and that nothing I face can steal that away.

If you would like to know more about the joy and peace that can be found in the midst of difficult times, please click the link below.

 

Is it need or are you greedy?

Donna Burke
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Is it need or are you greedy?

According to Oliver Stone’s 1987 film ‘Wall Street’ “Greed is Good”. But is it really?

We live in a world of limited resources. Land, wealth, food; all of these things need to shared between the people who live on this beautiful planet, and yet at times there barely seems to be enough to go around. Have you ever noticed how some seem to always want more of whatever it is that they have. Even if it means others will have less?

“There is a sufficiency in the world for man’s need but not for man’s greed.” — Mahatma Gandhi

What is greed?

The dictionary defines greed as being:

a selfish and excessive desire for more of something (as money) than is needed

This is certainly what most people would understand when you say the word greed. The question this definition raises, however, is who says when the amount you have of something (money, food or power for example) has gone beyond what is just ‘needed’? What is enough?

Each man for himself

The urge of wanting more than you really need is something that I encounter on a regular basis. Whenever we have biscuits for snack time at my house, my kids are allowed to take their portion from the packet themselves. As any self-respecting parent would do, I tell them to take one each but invariably at least one of my kids will try to take a handful. I’ve come to know this as the ‘grab reflex’. The motivation behind my kids using the grab reflex seems to be a fear that there won’t be enough to satisfy them so they better get as much as they can first.

Never enough

When we feel we ‘need’ it can blur the edges between necessity and desire. Greed can masquerade as need but the problem with greed is it’s never satisfied. When greed is talked about in the bible the word used in the original language has been translated as meaning the ‘accursed love of having’. It’s not about need at all. Greed is all about desire and having, normally at the expense of others. We’ve somehow bought into the lie that through getting  the things we desire we will quench the ‘need’ we feel and become happy. The truth is that if you don’t learn to control it, your greed will continue to grow.

Feeling ‘full’

It’s hard to be greedy if you’re content and grateful for what you have. Finding a way to be satisfied and at ease with what you have keeps you from being consumed by greed. Being sure that your needs are taken care of also helps. The bible tells us that God is able to take care of everything that we need. This doesn’t mean that we have all we want. It does mean that when we entrust our lives and needs into his control, he is more than able to see that we are given all that is required.

Celebrating the success of others

Donna Burke
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Celebrating the success of others

Very often in life it can feel like it’s each man for him-self. It is almost as though in order to get ahead you need to make sure everyone else doesn’t. It’s you against the world, or so it seems, but what if that’s not the case? What if we took more time to celebrate the success of those around us, putting aside any competition? Hopefully you have learnt that comparison is a destroyer of joy, but how about taking it one step further? How about getting excited when someone else does well? Even if you don’t directly benefit from their success.

Feel good factor

I love watching The Voice TV show. People who know me won’t be surprised because I’m passionate about singing. However, there’s more to my enthusiasm than just that. If you’ve not seen the show, the idea is that singers perform for four coaches who can’t see the stage, they can only hear the singer. If the coach likes what they hear, they get to pick that performer to join their team. That singer then progresses to the next round. It’s very exciting and nerve-racking all at the same time.   I have to be honest, I get emotional every single time a coach turns around. I’m silly like that, but what get’s me really teary is seeing the friends and family of the performers, standing backstage, willing someone to turn around for their friend. The raw emotion and complete joy when their loved one secures a place in the next round is truly wonderful.

Leading the cheer

Being able to cheer someone on and celebrate that person’s victories is a privilege. Many times we may feel that their success somehow threatens our own chances of achieving great things but in reality, the opposite it true. Celebrating someone else’s promotion, the realization of their dream or some other recognition of a job well done adds to your life in ways that may not be immediately apparent.

  • Being genuinely pleased when someone else does well gives you more opportunity to be happy. You may have little to celebrate personally, but you can still be pleased for someone else.
  • If you can encourage another person to achieve their dreams and goals, chances are that when it’s your turn, they will be celebrating the success you have achieved.
  • While you are cheering on someone who is doing a good job, you have the opportunity to learn and grow by watching what they do.
  • The person you are cheering for may just be inspired to celebrate someone else’s success. By being generous with your enthusiasm for others you can, in some small way, make the world a better place.

Room enough for everyone

Our inability to celebrate others normally comes from a place of insecurity. Somewhere along the line we’ve been told that if another person does well, their success detracts from our own opportunities to succeed. This mindset robs us of the chance to be connected to those around us, to share happy occasions and to be better people. So don’t be afraid to celebrate with those who are celebrating, in fact, be the person cheering the loudest!

Are you a people pleaser?

Donna Burke
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Are you a people pleaser?

Do you find that no matter how busy your schedule is, if someone asks you a favour, you always say yes? Even if you have no idea how you’re going to manage another task? If you generally put other people’s needs before your own chances are you’re a people pleaser.

 The heart of the matter

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to help people. It is actually a good thing.   Being considerate of someone else’s needs and being kind to people who need help is also a good thing. The trouble with people pleasing is that the motivation for helping out is less about caring for someone else’s wellbeing and more about being liked and accepted. Fear of being rejected causes you to say yes when you really want to say no, and that is never a good reason to do things for people. Living out of a need to please everyone creates a life where you are constantly trying to measure up. Sadly you’ll probably end up pleasing no one, including yourself.   If you find yourself saying yes to something just so someone will like you, maybe it’s time to make a change.

Choose to be true

You can please some of the people all of the time. You can please all of the people some of the time. But you can’t please all of the people all of the time – John Lydgate

  • Accept it
    To break the habit of people pleasing you must make peace with the fact that not everyone is going to like you. It may be a hard fact to swallow but it’s OK! You will disappoint some people and possibly annoy others, but those who love you for who you are, and not what you do, will stick around.
  • Be Honest
    If you find yourself saying yes to something that makes you uncomfortable or that you really don’t want to do, be honest with yourself about how you feel. Pretending to be happy only to please someone so that they’ll like you is actually manipulative and dishonest. Don’t deceive people by doing things you don’t agree with.  Be true to yourself and allow people to like you based who you really are, rather than the distorted picture you’re trying to create.
  • Take your time
    As a people pleaser, you may automatically default to ‘yes’ before you’ve had a chance to consider what is being asked. It’s perfectly okay to take your time and think about whether you want to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Think things through, give yourself the space you need before committing and if an answer is needed immediately, ‘no’ is also an acceptable response.
     
  • Don’t worry about why
    ‘No’ is a hard word for people pleasers and it can be tempting to soften the response with a whole list of excuses. As much as this may make you feel better, it’s just another way of gaining acceptance by reasoning. Be polite but stick with your convictions. You don’t need to justify your decisions or explain yourself.

Barking up the wrong tree

Looking for acceptance with people and trying to please them so that they will like you is never going to bring the satisfaction that you seek. Placing the opinion of others on a pedestal will mean you’re always striving for something that you will never be able to keep hold of. The bible encourages us to rather focus on what God thinks of us, instead of seeking the good opinion of other people.

5 great things you should do for your children

Donna Burke
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5 great things you should do for your children

It’s been said many times, but children really should come with a “how to” manual! According to a recent article in the Daily Mail it can take up to 14 months for new parents to adjust to having a baby around. The truth is that most people start having children at a time when they’ve only just figured out how to be a grown up themselves, and in some cases becoming a responsible parent is a very rude awakening.

Don’t panic!

It’s an amazing privilege to raise a family, but at times you may wonder if you’re really doing a good job or merely getting by. It is hard to measure, day to day, whether your efforts are benefiting your children. It can sometimes feel like you’re getting nowhere but take heart, here are a few things you can do for your children that will be beneficial life skills for their future.

  • Talk about the big things!

Make time for the big questions when they arise. Topics like what happens when we die? Who is God? Where do babies come from? Giving an opportunity to ask these questions and talk about the answers shows your children you care about the things they think about. It also shows that you’re willing to help them find answers to their questions and if you do it when your children are little they are more likely to feel comfortable coming to you when they’re older.

  • Give them jobs to do around the house

You may think that your child is too small to help with the housework but even something as simple as dusting the bookshelf or replacing the toilet roll has its benefits. Helping out builds responsibility and community. It can also encourage a feeling of confidence in their own ability to complete tasks.

  • Limit screen time

We live in a media rich time. Television, the Internet, computer games and smart phones are the norm in many families. However, just because these things are present doesn’t mean they should be constantly available. Turn off the TV and show your kids how to better spend their time. Get outside, play a game, read a book or make something. Learning how to keep yourself busy and entertained without the use of an electronic devise is a valuable lesson.

  • Show them how to save and be generous

Teaching your children about the value of money is one thing, but showing them how to exercise self-control and save rather than spend, takes their financial education to a whole different level. Encouraging your children to think of donating some of their money to a charity will encourage generosity and also teach them to think about others, not just themselves.

  • Make health a priority

Consider the food you put into your own body, as well as your child’s. Talk about what foods are good for you and why physical exercise is necessary. If you are making being active and healthy a part of your family’s culture, you are laying a foundation for your child to have a strong and healthy future.

The right path

It’s never too early to start doing practical things that will teach your child the kind of skills that will make them a happy, well-rounded and capable adult. The Bible says in the book of Proverbs:

Direct your children onto the right path,
and when they are older, they will not leave it

Showing your child through your own actions and habits the right way to approach life is one of the most valuable gifts you can give them.  Remember that your actions will speak louder and be more enduring than anything else in your child’s life.

Parents need strong marriages too

Donna Burke
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Parents need strong marriages too

Becoming a parent is a blessing and a joy. Becoming a parent can also feel like an uphill struggle that saps every ounce of your energy.   There are times when you can truly forget who you were before you became “Mom” or “Dad” because the majority of your focus has shifted onto the little life that you are now responsible for.

That is how it should be! Being a parent is a full time job and hugely important. The problem is that there are other things that are also important and those things can sometimes get neglected once parenthood comes to town.

Who’s No. 1?

Great relationships don’t just happen. Strong, healthy marriages require effort and intentional focus in order to be all that they can be. Neglect in any relationship is a recipe for disaster, but especially the relationship between you and your partner. In many families the needs of the children are always the first priority. Sadly, this can be counter productive if it comes at the expense of their parents’ marriage.

The greatest gift a parent can give to their child is a happy, healthy marriage. When mom and dad are working well as a team and are loving each other as they should, the home is a happier place. When their parents are in harmony, children feel safer and more secure. If the needs of the parents are consistently left unmet, it can be easy for one or both parents to feel neglected. Constant battles and resentment between you and your spouse create a less than ideal environment for your children. By prioritising your marriage and your spouse, you are creating a win/win for them, for you, and for your children.

Before and after

Your pre-parenting days may seem like a lifetime ago but it’s important to remember that before children joined the picture, you and your spouse chose to spend your lives with each other. In the beginning you were two people who fell in love. That’s why you created a home and a family in the first place. It’s important not to lose sight of why you started out on this journey. It’s equally important to remember that after your children are grown and have left to build lives of their own, you and your spouse will remain. Your marriage is the constant that should continue beyond the “raising kids” phase of your life together. Spending time valuing each other and strengthening your marriage will only benefit you in the long run.

Have a game plan

Great marriages are one of the things that make life wonderful but you have to make a great marriage. There’s no substitute for quality time and connection when it comes to growing a relationship that will last. Having a plan and working towards a goal may seem to suck all the romance and spontaneity out of the process, but when your focus is split between being a parent and being a spouse, having a plan that helps you keep things balanced can be a game changer. Many people commit to regular date nights but this isn’t the only way to ensure that you give uninterrupted consideration to your spouse and your relationship. Finding what works and bring the two of you closer together is worth the time and effort because in the long run you will be better off and so will your children.

Unbreakable

Marriage was God’s idea.  He created it when he made Eve for Adam. The Bible tells us that…

“…a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. Since they are no longer two but one,  let no one split apart what God has joined together.”

When we place God at the centre of our family and allow him place within our relationship he can provide us with the wisdom and love needed to build a strong and lasting marriage.

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