Donna Burke, Author at 1Africa

Something’s missing

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April 14, 2016

My husband recently changed responsibilities at work and his new role means that he has to travel and be away from home from time to time. Fortunately the trips are never long and he’s usually home within a couple of days but his absence from home changes the dynamic of our household. Jobs and duties that he normally does around the house, need to be completed by somebody else, usually me, and I never manage to do them in quite the same way. The house is less full with one person missing and you can just tell that something is different.

Business as usual

During the day when everyone is busy going about their daily routine as usual, not having everyone in the same place is less noticeable. My kids go off to school much the same as when Dad is around. They get on with their tasks and don’t really give their father a second thought. It’s at night when everything quietens down and we are usually all together as a family that they miss him the most. Speaking to him on the phone from a distance doesn’t seem to help when all you want is a cuddle and my oldest daughter tells me frequently that it “doesn’t feel right without Daddy”.

No substitute

Whether we acknowledge Him or not, we have a Father in heaven who desires to be a part of our lives. When we keep Him away from us, by choosing not to recognise who He is, we may be able to function just fine, but the gap He leaves in our lives will still be there. To fill the role that He should be playing in our lives we tend to look to other, lesser things to make do, but they don’t fulfil the need quite like God can.

In the busyness of life we can easily continue without giving God a second thought. The speed with which things happen around us can drown out the realisation that something is missing, but it’s in the quiet moments when we are more aware of the relational hole that is missing a vital part. The truth is that without God it just “doesn’t feel right”.

I don’t know everything and that’s just fine

Donna Burke

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April 12, 2016

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I don’t know everything and that’s just fine

I’ve often asked myself why there isn’t some kind of mandatory training and examination before someone becomes a parent. For driving, practicing medicine, teaching, selling property, and a great many other occupations there are required qualifications, and yet for bringing another person into the world and training them to be a valuable addition to the human race (which is no small task) you literally learn on the job.

Why?

One of the aspects of parenting that I find myself least prepared for are the random questions I get asked by my kids on a regular basis. Every day my children are being increasingly more aware of the world around them. This awareness has lead to questions on a dizzying variety of topics and I, as mom, seem to have been marked as the go-to-person for the required answers.

In my house we’ve moved passed the proverbial ‘Why?’ and the questions now require a bit more thought. Why is it nighttime in New Zealand when we’re eating breakfast? Why is the sky blue? Why do we get sick? How come I can see the moon during the day? Why do I hate fish but love tuna?

To all these and a fair few others I have managed to sketch together simple, and mostly accurate, answers that satisfy young, inquiring minds. But every now and then a question is posed – for example: how do cellphones work, exactly? – which is beyond my knowledge and I have to answer “I don’t know”.

There is a limit

Initially my “I don’t know” response was always met with disbelief and anger, as though I was keeping some wonderful truth from my children on purpose. My children have had to learn that while they may think I’m omniscient, I have more than a few limitations, but that it’s more than acceptable to have questions and have to seek the answers rather than know everything in an instant.

All my ducks in a row

It’s nice to begin a process, or embark on a journey knowing everything there is to know at the beginning. Eyes wide open, all your ducks in a row, no surprises or unanswered questions; but life isn’t always so clear and organised.

I’ve been a Christian for many years. I believe there is a God and I believe that Jesus is his son and it’s through Jesus that we can have a relationship with Him. Do I understand all the deep theological aspects of my faith? No. There are things about God and our relationship with Him that I may never get my head around. The Bible says that God thinks differently than we do and He works in ways that we won’t always understand but just because I have questions doesn’t make my faith invalid or lesser in any way.

On a journey of discovery

I use electricity every day. Without it my life would look vastly different than it currently does but honestly, I don’t know exactly how it works, how it’s made or how to harness it. The good news is that my limited understanding doesn’t mean that the information isn’t out there and it doesn’t stop me from benefiting from its ability to make life easier and seeing it work through things around me. My faith in God is similar.

I’m on a journey of discovery about the workings of my faith and each day there is more to explore and learn and discover. Having questions about my faith doesn’t stop me from enjoying a relationship with God within my current understanding, they just mean I’m on a journey. I can still benefit from His presence in my life and even if I don’t understand everything about God I can certainly see how He affects my circumstances and situation without knowing exactly how it all hangs together.

Do we really need clothes?

Donna Burke

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April 7, 2016

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I’ve recently discovered a television show called Naked and Afraid. Each episode is basically seeing if two strangers who are dumped in an extreme location with two pieces of survival equipment can survive for 21 days using their skills and survival know-how. And to add to the excitement, they are completely and utterly naked. It’s a fascinating concept and all of the appropriate (or should that be inappropriate) body parts are subtly blurred out. I have to say I can’t think of anything more unappealing than surviving the elements and sourcing my own food and water for 3 weeks, and that someone would choose to do that without a stitch of clothing on really makes me question their sanity.

Optional extras

I live in a household where over 50% of the inhabitants feel that clothing is optional. I should probably point out that the 50% are all under the age of five, but still nakedness is a daily occurrence. It’s kind of cute at the moment but I know that if my children are still running around naked in their teenage years I will feel that I have somehow failed as a parent.

If you’ve got it, flaunt it

There is a lot of debate at the moment about what is appropriate or inappropriate when it comes to state of dress. Numerous celebrities, male and female, feel completely at ease posting pictures of themselves in the nude all over their social media accounts and anyone who dares criticise their decision is accused of body shaming or being a prude. It may seem inconsistent that at the same time as people are supporting others’ right to be naked, some people are making noise about nursing mothers needing to cover up while breastfeeding in public. Opinions on this topic are varied and very often conflicting. It seems to be up to the individual to decide how they feel about how much of their body is on show to the world.

Bare essentials

The truth of the matter is, for the majority of us, clothes are not an option we can choose to do without. Imagine the look on your colleagues or classmates’ faces tomorrow if you chose to turn up to start your day nude. I’m fairly certain someone would send you home and suggest (or demand) you cover up. We do, however, have a choice over how much we cover and what we feel is appropriate when it comes to how we dress and present ourselves.

I am a parent to my three daughters and one son. While I believe it’s important that they feel comfortable in their own skin and are not ashamed of their bodies, I also want them to learn that there are parts of their bodies that even though they are wonderful and perfectly acceptable, they are in fact private.

I think my husband is a hottie. I love the way he looks, but I would have serious concerns if he felt the need to share pictures of his nakedness, and all its glory, with our friends and family. What purpose would that serve?

Some things are just not meant to be shared with everyone.

Can you love yourself too much?

Donna Burke

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April 5, 2016

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Good self-esteem is a vital part of becoming a balanced and rounded individual. How we view ourselves has an impact on our confidence levels, the respect we demand from those around us, and our ability to accept love and to make decisions. A person who has a positive self-image knows how to treat others well and doesn’t need to belittle their peers in order to feel good about themselves. It’s good to be able to say you like who you are, but is it possible to like yourself too much?

Too much of a good thing

You don’t have to look very far to see that society as a whole has become, shall we say, a little self-obsessed. Those of us who were born in the 1980s and 1990s have been dubbed Generation Me and a study conducted by academic Keith Campbell in 2008 recorded that the self-esteem of one in five college students in the US registered the highest score on the scale. There has been a rise in narcissistic tendencies in recent years. These include:

Being strongly adverse to criticism
A marked sense of entitlement
Turn each conversation back to themselves
Lack of empathy
Highly concerned by appearance
A desire to get ahead and self-promote
Arrogance

Who’s to blame?

Back in 2006 the general public were given access to something called Facebook. Since then social media has ballooned and today we have multiple opportunities to share the daily details of our lives with as many people as we choose to include on our friend list. It’s not all bad, but the need to look perfectly polished and have something of interest to share with the world at a moment’s notice is no longer just a requirement of those paid to live in the limelight. It has to be said that, while researchers have shown that those who have more friends, post frequent status updates, and regularly share selfies also display the most narcissistic tendencies, social media encourages the narcissism that is becoming so common, instead of being the primary cause.

Can you ‘keep up’?

Narcissism or an inflated opinion of your own worth has also been attached to reality television. A recent survey revealed that there is a connection between the narcissistic tendencies exhibited by an individual and the amount of reality TV they watch on a regular basis. It was unclear whether vain and self-absorbed individuals were drawn to programmes that showed celebrated characteristics or if shows centred on lives of celebrities merely normalised this behaviour and made it acceptable.

It’s all an illusion

At the root of all narcissistic behaviour is the belief that you are extraordinary. We all want to be unique and special, but take that desire too far and the ultimate outcome will be disappointment. Most of us, while being wonderful and amazing, are pretty much the same as the next person. The trouble is sooner or later most self-obsessed individuals will realise that they are the same as everybody else and the rules that apply to the rest of the world actually apply to them as well.

Having your cake and eating it

One of the strangest phenomena about this epidemic of over-pronounced self-regard was reported on in a recent Daily Mail article. The newspaper posted a series of comments by philosophers, authors and religious thinkers regarding the rise of atheism in the United Kingdom and the seemingly contradictory rise in the belief in the afterlife.

Author A.N Wilson commented: “… belief in an afterlife is consoling to those narcissists who cannot imagine a future which does not contain them —preferably for all eternity.

Once this is appreciated, you will understand why the ‘me culture’ would wish to discard all the difficult bits of religion but hold onto the prize at the end. We do not wish to deny our carnal appetites, or to curb our selfishness, but that is not going to stand in the way of our insisting that we will live for ever.”

It’s an extreme stance to take, but when self-obsession gets out of control, why shouldn’t the sense of entitlement extend to an eternity in heaven? But just as with any other narcissistic trait this can only lead to disappointment. The Bible makes it clear that the only way to heaven is through a relationship with Jesus.

How bad can it be?

The effect of the rise in narcissistic characteristics, beyond far too many selfies on your instagram feed, will most obviously be felt in the area of our relationships. Individuals who display a bent towards over-appreciation of themselves tend to care less about those around them, find it hard to open up to others, like to do everything themselves, and control their relationships. The irony of too much self-love is that it can make receiving love from anyone else very hard. An over-inflated opinion of yourself will only ever lead to unmet expectations and disappointment.

How to beat your need for sugar

Donna Burke

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March 31, 2016

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In the past month both the British and South African governments have announced the introduction of a tax on sugar sweetened drinks in their respective budgets. It may seem like an odd thing to add a surcharge to, but these two nations are not alone in their desire to target the sweet stuff. France, Mexico, and Norway have been taxing sugary drinks for a number of years and Denmark first introduced a sugar tax in the 1930s (although the government has since reversed this decision.) America has also seen as many as 33 of its 50 states imposing a tariff on fizzy drinks. The motivation behind this bid to increase the cost and consequently reduce the amount of sugar-filled beverages being purchased is to attempt to slow the alarming increase in obesity in these various nations, specifically amongst teenagers.

A little goes a long way

The recommended amount of sugar per day for a person over the age of 11 is around 30g. That’s approximately six teaspoons of sugar per day. Considering that a single can of coke contains 36g of sugar you can see how difficult it can be to stay within the healthy limits. Sadly it’s not just soft drinks that push sugar consumption through the roof. Cereals, sweets, fruit juices, and most processed foods all have hidden (and not so hidden) sugars in them and that’s before we add extra ourselves.

The truth hurts

It’s easy to see where all the sugar is coming from, but maybe the bigger question is what effect too much sugar is having beyond the tightening of waistbands.

It’s bad for your teeth
It worsens cholesterol, which can contribute to heart disease
It causes damage to your liver
It can cause type II diabetes
It can contribute to cancer
It is addictive
It increases the signs of aging

These are just a few of the adverse effects sugar can have on the human body when consumed beyond the recommended levels. You would think that with such a depressing list of undesirable side-effects it would be easy to just say no and make better choices but anyone who’s attempted to reduce their sugar intake will tell you it can be a hard habit to kick. It is possible to limit the amount of sugar in your diet and here are a few ways to begin:

Reduce the amount of sugar you add to drinks. If you’re a tea or coffee drinker and take sugar in your beverage of choice, begin to cut back, even as little as half a spoonful at a time. It may take a while to get used to having a half spoon less of sugar but you will adjust and then you can drop another half spoon until you stop adding sugar altogether. If you drink two or three (or five) cups of coffee a day and are adding two spoons of sugar to each, that’s a huge reduction if you can cut that out.
Turn on the tap. Fizzy drinks are known to contain large amounts of sugar, but even fruit juices and flavoured waters contain much more sugar than you may realise. Instead of choosing sweeter bottled options grab a glass of water instead. It’s cheaper and definitely won’t contain sugar. If you struggle with water in its natural form add a slice of lemon.
Learn to read food labels. Food companies are sneaky and can very often hide sugar in food under different names. Sucrose, glucose, fructose, molasses, corn syrup, and honey are all sugars by another name. If you know what you’re looking for, it’s easier to avoid.
As close to the ground as possible. Where possible avoid food that has been processed by food companies. Try and buy items that are as close as possible to the way that they have been grown. Instead of tinned vegetables, like tomatoes, choose fresh. Your food will be less likely to have hidden extras.
Don’t give up all at once. If you try and cut out all sugar all at once it’s going to be really hard to keep it up. Cut back slowly and stick at it. Rather reduce bit by bit and make the changes permanent than cut back all at once and crash hard.

Why is it so hard to ask for help?

Lifestyle

Donna Burke

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March 29, 2016

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I can do it myself

My youngest child is just over 18 months old. He’s reached the stage where he wants to do everything, and I mean everything on his own. I’m no longer allowed to feed him, he gives me dirty looks if I help put on his shoes, and he wants to open all the doors and climb into every chair on his own. This phase requires maximum patience from any parent. It’s slow, it’s messy, and while I realise it’s an important developmental stage for his independence, it would be so much easier if he’d just let me help out.

Like mother, like son

Watching my son and his determination to do things on his own has not only placed demands on my patience, but has also caused me to realise something I’ve suspected for a while. I really hate asking for help. It’s not something that I ever thought was an issue but the older I get, the more I find myself avoiding scenarios where I may, possibly, need someone to give me a hand. After all I’m the mom, I can do anything, right?

What’s your problem?

When I started looking into this struggle, I found that I’m not alone when it came to my aversion to sending out an “SOS”. It seems many people feel the same way about seeking aid and list similar reasons why reaching out to others is so hard. Here are a few factors you may be able to relate to:

Being afraid of appearing weak: No one wants to be perceived as being incapable, especially in an area where they should be an expert. We believe that by asking for some assistance we are admitting we’re not able, but all we’re really saying is, on this occasion, we need another pair of hands.
Being afraid of losing control: It doesn’t matter how laid back or easy going you may be, everyone has a level of wanting things done “their way”. There’s nothing wrong having your own standard or preference but it shouldn’t stop you from letting someone else get involved when you need a friend to help out.
Being afraid of being told “No”. Rejection is hard at the best of times, but the thought of being told “no” when you’re in need, can cause the bravest of us to run for cover.
Being afraid of being “in debt”. Some people don’t want to ask for help because they don’t want to feel like they owe someone something in return that they possibly can’t deliver.
Being afraid of being an inconvenience. Life is busy and full for everyone. You don’t want to feel like you’ve burdened someone else with your problem.

Pride comes before a fall

Each of these fears place a hurdle in the way of requesting help. On the surface they may all seem to be unique but the string that ties them all together is pride. In the book of Proverbs, the Bible tells us that if we put our ego first we are going to crash and be worse off than if we choose to worry less about what people will think and more about what we need. It makes much more sense when faced with the option of either holding on to your pride and struggling alone, or putting pride aside and asking for a hand, to go to those who care for you and let them share the burden.

What’s the point of Easter?

Donna Burke

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March 24, 2016

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More bunny for your bucks

It’s that time of year again when all those poor souls who are still attempting to shed the extra weight they picked up at Christmas, should run for the hills, or at least avoid any shop that sell edible items. It’s Easter and that means chocolate and lots of it. Eggs and bunnies in various shapes and sizes. Some filled with sweets, others with marshmallow, all wrapped in shiny, colourful foil and looking like they belong in Willy Wonka’s imagination room. You must also remember the hot-cross buns because lets face it, it would be rude not to!

With all the focus on bunnies, eggs and sweet treats you would be forgiven if you thought Easter was some kind of chocophile’s festival but behind the yumminess and overindulgence the true reason for the celebration is cause for more joyfulness than any basket of eggs could ever hope to achieve.

What is Easter?

Easter is a Christian celebration and until the 4^th century, was one of only two holy days observed by the church. It’s the time when Christians remember the death of Jesus (on Good Friday) and celebrate his resurrection (on Easter Sunday). So how did we get from commemorating a crucifixion to chocolate eggs? In the northern hemisphere Easter coincides with the beginning of Spring and the symbols of bunnies, eggs and baby chicks were originally part of springtime celebrations of new life. The idea of new life is a big part of the Easter story and so the symbols of bunnies and eggs became part of the celebration. And the chocolate? Since when did anyone need an excuse to add chocolate to anything?

Why is Easter important?

When you compare the celebrations of Easter and Christmas you may possibly be tempted to view Easter as the poorer cousin. No wise men, no gifts, no virgin birth, no choir of angels. Just a cross, a painful death, and an empty tomb. It’s not the happiest collection of things to be celebrating but without Easter, Christmas really doesn’t have much of a point.

Christmas was when Jesus came, God born as a man, to live with us. He gave up his home in heaven to dwell on earth. It was a significant moment but at Easter Jesus gave up his life and his connection to God so that he could pay the price mankind owed for turning away from God in the garden of Eden. His birth didn’t change the separation between God and man, but his death and resurrection bridged a gap that had been caused by Adam’s sin. Easter is all about new life. It’s about Jesus being resurrected after three days but it’s also about the new life that is offered to everyone if we accept the sacrifice Jesus made for us.

Are we too child-centred?

Donna Burke

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March 22, 2016

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Then and now

I think every adult has done it at some stage: Look back to the time when they were children compared to the adult world they currently live in, and shrug off the differences with a sigh, saying “it wasn’t like that when I was a child,” or something along those lines.

It’s true. Change is constantly happening all over and the world of our childhood is a very different place to the world today. Attitudes towards parenting have shifted. Discipline is approached differently. The way we interact, the distractions many parents juggle on a daily basis, and access to information have all created a completely new environment in which to raise children – not to mention the change in economic climate, political correctness, and the attention to human rights, that all play a role in the way we navigate life in this current day and age.

When I was a lad…

Many of today’s parents grew up in a time when the world was much more adult centred. Television programmes were predominantly made for a grown-up audience, except for the hour or two of children’s shows in the afternoon shortly after school and just before dinnertime. Restaurants were for sitting at a table and eating, and although children were generally welcome in most places the only acceptable behaviour was to be good and sit still. Today we have multiple children’s channels on demand 24 hours a day and entire restaurants tailored to feeding and entertaining kids. As a parent I know the struggle all too well of trying to keep a family of little ones entertained and under control in public, and the assistance of child-centred media and facilities are, of course, a welcome helping hand.

There has also been a shift in the approach to family life in general. Where the norm used to be that kids fit in with their parents’ world, increasingly kids are being put first in line and parents are fitting their own schedules around their children’s. I do wonder at times whether, in our desire to include and provide for our kids, we’ve gone a little too far.

Parent vs. child

Most parents want their children to be content and have a happy childhood. Unfortunately, in the pursuit of this goal, many believe they should be catering for every whim and providing for each desire their offspring may have, whether it’s another toy, being at all the offered sports or dance classes, or the entire packet of sweets. Well meant, I’m sure – but maybe not an entirely effective course of action. Happiness isn’t about getting everything you want. In fact getting everything you want, especially when you don’t have the maturity to discern what is good for you, will more likely make you unhappy and ultimately dissatisfied. So why is giving a child all the things they desire an acceptable parenting practice?

Train up a child

I love that I can take my kids to places that cater for them. It’s wonderful that as a family there are restaurants where we can enjoy a meal without worrying that the children are talking too loudly or disturbing the next table. It’s also great on occasion to go somewhere where they can run and play and aren’t expected to sit still for an overly long period. Having said that there are times when it is good and right for my children to learn that the world doesn’t revolve completely around them. At times they need to sit still, they must learn to keep their voices at an acceptable volume, and display the kind of manners that society expects from adults.

Great expectations

I firmly believe that children need to be allowed to be children – but how will they ever learn to be responsible, self-controlled, and considerate adults if we don’t expect, at times, a little grown-up behaviour? This may mean at times being told no and accepting it without a fuss. It may mean helping to tidy up a room instead of disappearing to play while someone else packs away. It may mean sitting at the table for dinner and being part of the conversation, instead of getting down before everyone else has finished. I know it can be easier for mom and dad to just say yes and avoid a battle for the sake of family harmony but parents are allowed to parent, and that means saying no and expecting more at times.

I’m glad that society has moved beyond “children should be seen and not heard” – but let’s not lower the expectations to the point that the next generation grows up believing they can behave any way they choose, refuse to help others when it’s an inconvenience, and believe everyone and everything has been placed on the earth to serve their needs.

Making sleep a priority

Lifestyle

Donna Burke

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March 15, 2016

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The positive power of sleep

Sleep. I can’t remember what effect that word had on me before I became a parent, but since giving birth to my first child eight years ago, the mere mention of the word sleep feels like a sigh of relief or a long, cool drink on a hot day. I have to confess, I’ve had a very easy run in the sleep deprivation department. All my brood were, and continue to be, wonderful sleepers but regardless of how well your child sleeps, the level of energy required to keep up with a house full of kids leaves the best of us longing for a few extra minutes (or hours) of shut-eye. My heart goes out to the parents who, try what they may, share their home with troubled sleepers, because there is nothing more taxing than functioning on little (or at times no) sleep.

It’s quality, not just quantity

On average adults (between the age of 25-64) need somewhere between seven to nine hours sleep a night. Unfortunately for parents, a study done at the University of Tel Aviv found that being woken up from a deep sleep and getting a broken night’s rest has the same effect as getting only four hours sleep. On the other hand a good night’s sleep has many benefits, including improved memory, happier outlook, control over weight gain, better health and immune system, and an increased ability to make decisions.

The power of a great night’s sleep doesn’t just apply to mom and dad. A good night’s rest can work wonders on a child as well, especially considering that there are few things as difficult as an overtired child. Just as adults become grumpy and unreasonable when they’re in need of a nap, children are no different, but sadly have less of a filter on their outbursts and lack the maturity to control their frustration.

Easier said than done

As with many things in the life of a parent, a good night’s sleep won’t necessarily just happen, it takes a little intentionality and planning. Here are a few things you can try to aid your quest for a bit more sleep.

Make sleep a priority. Yes, there is cleaning to do! Yes, there is laundry to fold! Yes, there are hundreds of TV shows to watch that don’t revolve around a purple dinosaur or talking animals! Yes, it’s amazing to kick back and spend quality time with your spouse while your children are in bed! All these things are true, but when you’re running on empty and desperately need to catch up on your sleep, all of these distractions should take a backseat to your need to rest. All the chores, television programmes and opportunities to chat will still be there in the morning.
Get into a routine. Just as children tend to sleep better if they have a consistent bedtime routine, adopt a routine that works for you to ease you into a more relaxed, sleep prepared state. Try to avoid going straight from work mode to sleep mode. Get comfortable, maybe take a bath, read a little or do something else that relaxes you.
Sleep when you can. Most mothers-to-be and mommies of newborns are told to sleep when your baby sleeps, but when your child no longer naps during the day (or you have more than one munchkin running about) it’s difficult to catch up on missed sleep when they require your full attention. It may be that your spouse is around during the weekend and you’re able to take a nap while they look after the children, or if a friend or family member offers to babysit, there’s nothing wrong with using the time to rest instead of going out or running errands.

Sleep is a natural activity, something that everyone needs and everyone (to varying degrees) does every night, but it still requires everyone, but particularly parents, to make it a priority.

How to break bad habits

Donna Burke

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March 10, 2016

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Nose picking, nail biting, thumb or dummy sucking and general ickiness. For some reason bad habits tend to be part and parcel of parenting little (and not so little) kids.

Most of these rituals, no matter how gross or socially inappropriate, can be chalked up to nervousness or a way to self-sooth. That doesn’t make them any more acceptable, especially when done in company and without a hint of shame. It can be considered comical to see a child, who is barely able to walk, with their finger so far up their nose that you can hardly see it, unless of course that child happens to be yours.

Old habits die hard

Habits have a tendency to be hard to break. Formed over time through repeated behaviour and used as a coping mechanism for stress or boredom, it’s very possible that these habits are done without the child being aware that they are doing it. As a former nail biter I can attest to the fact that I didn’t intentionally bite my nails to the point of pain, but certain things like new situations, meeting strangers, and facing exams always triggered my bad habit.

Handle with care

Unfortunately certain habits can have long lasting and problematic side-effects, like delayed speech and physical development issues. Parents over the years have tried many methods to deal with embarrassing habits – from bribery to public humiliation – with varying results and at times causing new problems in the process. Here are a few things to remember when trying to break a bad habit.

What are you trying to achieve? Sometimes our desire to break a bad habit is more about us than it is about our child. If the habit is not doing any damage but annoys the heck out of you, maybe you need to take a deep breath and let it be. Something like hair twirling or finger snapping, while irritating, don’t equate to a huge hill of beans in the grand scheme and you should choose your battles wisely.
Look for the cause: You may find that your child reverts to their habit of choice on specific occasions, at certain times of the day, or has a trigger of some kind. For example, biting their nail while watching television or sucking their thumb when they’re tired. If you can find the root cause, maybe a change in routine or some other adjustment will help to break the cycle.
Be kind: Try to remember that no matter how yucky or embarrassing the habit may be, your child is just a child, and possibly using this action to try and cope with feelings they’re too small to cope with in other ways. Humiliating them, scaring them, or generally being an ogre about it is not helpful and probably only going to make things worse.

We all, parents and children alike, have coping mechanisms and things we do that help us deal with life and the circumstances we find ourselves in. When those crutches are inappropriate or cause unforeseen issues, it’s time to make a change and find a better support during times of worry or stress. After all, chewing your nails may give you something to do but it isn’t going to fix the problem. The Bible offers an alternative to the habits we often use to cope and says:

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus”

If you would like to know more, please click on the link below.

Donna Burke

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