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Donna Burke

You probably won’t bother to read this…

Donna Burke
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You probably won’t bother to read this…

We’ve all done it. Shared or liked an article because the headline looks like something we would agree with but when it comes to reading the actual post… well, the headlines tell you all you need to know, right?

Click! Share

Last year Forbes magazine reported on a study that found that 59% of people who share articles on social media don’t actually read the post that they share.  Whether this is because they don’t have time or just can’t be bothered with the fine print is up for debate but the truth is people want bullet points and the bottom line. The rest is surplus to requirements.

Beneath the surface

Believing or sharing information based on high level statements may seem foolish but it’s a surprisingly common practice.  Very often the motivation is not truth and fact but sensation.  We love drama, intrigue and excitement and headlines tend to give us this. The truth, in comparison, feels boring.  Sadly building your life and making decisions based on statements made without context or background is like building on sand.  With no real foundation or footing, the moment reality and fact hits, it will crumble and fall.

On the other side of the coin you could miss out on things of value and importance if you only glance at the headlines and move on without finding out more.  Judging something because of how it is communicated or perceived by others can give you a biased view and a false picture.  The only way to really know something is to experience and discover it for yourself.

See for yourself

There are many ideas and opinions about God.  For some God is an unknowable force that guides the universe but has little or no interaction with our lives.  Others see God as an angry and vindictive ruler who watches our suffering but is disinterested in involving Himself in it.  For some He is a father, both interested and involved in their lives. Depending on who you talk to, God can be everything from terrifying and distant to compassionate and intimately known.  However, it doesn’t matter what anyone else says about God, when it boils down to it the opinions of other people are just headlines that could conceal shifting sand or great treasure, but you’ll never know unless you read past the title and find out what is there for yourself.

If you would like to find out what God is like, for yourself, we would love to help you do this.  Please leave a comment or click on the link.

Positive thinking will only get you so far

Donna Burke
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Positive thinking will only get you so far

I went to a sports tournament recently to cheer on my daughter and her school team. It was fun. As a parent I loved the opportunity to cheer this group of nine-year old girls on as they ran around the court, but I have to be honest as a sports team, they aren’t very good. They tried their best and were initially enthusiastic but ended up losing their first two games. By their third match, having failed to score anything, heads were drooping, feet were getting heavy and it was clear that most of them would rather be anywhere other than on that court. It was hard to watch from the sidelines as these little girls struggled to keep going.

Shout a little louder

Between their third and their fourth (and thankfully final) game myself and the other parents did what we could to raise morale and promote every kind of positive vibe you can think. When the match started, all the moms and dads were cheering on our team, shouting encouragement and positivity, and generally being loud and enthusiastic. I’d love to tell you that our team won but they didn’t. Did the encouragement help? Yes it did. They had more energy and didn’t look as defeated. There were moments when the girls even played better but they still lost. For all the positive thinking, encouragement and loud ‘You can do it’s’, our team still didn’t achieve a positive result.

Power of positivity

So often in life when things are tough or you have to dig a little deeper to realise your goals you’ll be told to ‘think positive’, ‘believe you can do it’ or ‘visualise a positive outcome’. We’ve been encouraged to believe that by changing our attitude and giving off positive vibes we can work miracles. It’s true, being positive does make a difference to how you feel, your energy levels and your overall outlook but sometimes being positive alone won’t go far enough towards taking you out of your current state and putting on the right track to achieve something bigger.

Reality check

It didn’t matter how positive my daughter’s sports team was, they were never going to be as strong as the other teams. They didn’t need to be positive, they needed to improve their skills and spend time practicing in order to improve and become stronger. We sometimes hope that thinking right or looking on the bright side is going to be the key ingredient to securing us a win, but in many circumstances if we don’t have the basics down and haven’t put in the work beforehand positive thinking is just feel-good noise and hot air.

Make a change

Maybe your life doesn’t look the way you want it to? We all have moments when we look back at the dreams we had and realise that somewhere along the way they got a little lost and our current situation doesn’t quite measure up to the heights we once hoped for. When that happens you have a choice. You can be positive, visual your preferred reality, boost your confidence with affirmative statements and ‘believe’ everything will turn out fine. Or you can make a change, begin working towards greater things, make decisions that will alter your course, and actively pursue a better tomorrow.

If this post has spoken to you please leave a comment or click on the link.

What’s the point of faith?

Donna Burke
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What’s the point of faith?

Are you a person of faith?

To a question like that, some people will say a definite yes.  Others will say they aren’t. There may also be those who need a little more definition to the word ‘faith’ before committing themselves one way or the other.

Keep the faith

Faith isn’t necessarily something that is confined to the religious or overtly spiritual.  Secular society, contrary to what you may think also embraces and relies upon faith.  Ever heard someone encourage you to ‘have faith’ when you’re facing a difficult situation or struggling with life? Faith is the belief that things will work out okay. Faith keeps us hopeful.  It’s about having confidence that what we rely upon will continue to be the way it should.  It’s faith that causes you to trust that the sun will rise again each morning. The complete reliance you place on your heart to keep beating is a form of faith.

Faith is to believe what we do not see, and the rewards of this faith is to see what we believe – Augustine of Hippo

We see displays of faith in action every single day and very often take them for granted.  Some types of everyday faith are justified more tangibly than others – your faith in the movement of the earth around the sun is confirmed each morning.  Whereas other acts of faith take a bit more time and trust.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said that faith is taking the first step, even when you don’t see the whole staircase.  Our faith can be the belief that circumstance will work out okay even when you’re not completely sure how that will happen.  When you look at faith in that light, it’s obvious that everyone needs a certain amount of faith in order to do anything in life.  It’s a fundamental building block that propels us from where we are towards where we hope to be.  Without faith there is no hope, no trust and no assurance that life will improve or even continue.

To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible – St Thomas Aquinas

As good as their word

Faith is not about having concrete proof beyond any doubt that something is sound or real.  Faith is having a trust that something (or someone) is what it claims.  We have faith that our marriage partner will uphold their vows, that the car we are in will deliver us safely to our desired destination or that the medicine the Doctor gives us will make us well.

Faith is the assurance of things you have hoped for, the absolute conviction that there are realities you’ve never seen. – Hebrews 11:1

As with many things though, faith is only as certain as the thing in which you put your faith.  You can choose to have faith that a chair with a missing leg will hold your weight when you sit in it, but regardless of how strong your faith is, that chair will most likely still give way and you’ll end up on the floor.

So, are you a person of faith? And maybe more importantly, what or who are you putting your faith in?

If you would like to know about having faith or if this post has spoken to you, please click on the link or leave a comment.

Compromise can be a good thing

Donna Burke
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Compromise can be a good thing

Wouldn’t it be nice if all the people we care deeply about agreed with us all of the time. Life would be so much simpler if everyone we had a relationship with always saw things the same way that we do. Imagine! No disagreements, no negotiations and perfect peace and harmony. In truth, this utopia would probably be rather boring but the reality is that in any relationship, whether it be with a partner, friend, family member or work colleague, there will be times when you don’t agree.

Happily ever after

Compromise has often been tagged as a bad word. To compromise on your ideals can be perceived as settling, being weak or giving in. No one likes to lose and somehow compromising feels like you’ve been given second place, but it doesn’t have to be that way. When you learn to compromise well it can be your best tool to finding the best solution to those sticky relational problems that come up from time to time. Here are a few tips about compromising that may help you:

Take off the gloves

Going into a disagreement with your boxing gloves on means you’ve already started the fight even before the first bell rings. If you’re on the attack before you begin you probably aren’t thinking about finding a solution, you’re looking for a victory and those two things aren’t always the same. Go into a discussion looking for a conclusion that will accommodate everyone’s needs and desires, make that your goal and you’re already one step closer. To compromise effectively you need to be able to listen and understand all the different viewpoints. If you’re only looking to get your own way, you’re not really considering anyone else but yourself and it’s unlikely that you will achieve anything productive.

Know your limits

Before you even begin to discuss the differences you may have you need to know what you’re willing to let go of and what you consider important. Have an idea about your non-negotiable points and know where you’re happy to be flexible. Thinking on the go works sometimes but having a clear idea of your own boundaries and why they are important to you will help you communicate more clearly and have a better picture of what a win/win scenario could look like.

Work together

If the relationship is important to you both don’t look at your differing opinions as a chance to score points against each other, instead work together as a team to beat the problem, not each other. Look for solutions that make you both happy, makes sure you both feel heard and considered during the process and find a way to put your relationship first, rather than your individual desire to have your own way.

Finding a successful way through disagreements isn’t necessarily easy.  You won’t always find a solution immediately.  Strong, healthy relationships take time and commitment and working out compromises that allow everyone to feel valued and considered may take a while but it’s worth the effort.

 

If you are struggling in your relationships or if this post has spoken to you, please leave a comment or click on the link.

 

Signs that you need to take a break

Donna Burke
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Signs that you need to take a break

You may have seen in the media that Justin Bieber has cancelled the remaining dates of his Purpose world tour. Understandably some people aren’t happy. Not much has been said about the reasons for this change in plans but his manager commented on Instagram that Justin’s soul and wellbeing needed to come first.

Taking a time out

Sometimes all you really want to do it take a break. It could be stepping away from your workspace for 10 minutes to get a coffee, or it might be a couple of days doing nothing much. Whatever it looks like, we could all do with time away from the stress and strain sometimes. Knowing when you need to take a step back and regroup can be difficult. Especially when you have pressing responsibilities. However being able to read the signs can also be the difference between a happy healthy you or a stressed, burnt-out, emotional mess.

If you can relate to any of the following, it may just be time to put everything in hold and just give yourself a bit of a rest:

Little things matter far too much

If you’re a bit on the sensitive side and every little set back or problem feels like an insurmountable obstacle it may be time to take a break. Life is full of unexpected moments but if you come to the end of your self and each curveball sends you into a tailspin, you need to stop, breath and regroup.

Your ‘get up and go’ has gone

We all have days when we struggle to get motivated but if you are constantly struggling to muster up any energy or enthusiasm for your day-to-day life there is something wrong.

The important things aren’t happening

Each person has their own list of things that are important in their life. It may be spending time with family, connecting with close friends, taking time to talk to God or looking after your physical health. If you’ve stopped doing the things that mean the most to you, the ones that really matter, that’s red flag that you shouldn’t ignore.

There are more wrongs than rights

Mistakes happen, but if you’re getting more things wrong than you normally do and noticing yourself making careless errors it’s time to step away for a while. When we need a break we often lose focus and aren’t as meticulous as we would normally be. That’s when silly lapses happen.

People keep saying you look tired

It’s never nice to be told you look awful but if friends and family are asking if you’re alright or saying you look rundown, listen to them. We can easily develop blind spots to our own needs so when those who care about us pick up that we’re not quite our usual selves, it’s important to pay attention.

Your temper is on speed dial

You know you need some rest and relaxation if you’ve lost control of your temper. If little things tip you over the edge and you fly into a rage at the smallest provocation switch off your phone, step away from the desk and take some time off.

Finding rest

Rest is an important part of life. Without it everything else will quickly unravel and you will cease to function. The Bible tells us that true rest is found in a relationship with Jesus. When we step away from stresses of life and hand the burdens we carry to Him we are able to find rest and the strength we need to live this life well.

If this post has spoken to you and you would like to know more, please leave a comment or click on the link.

How do you parent a strong-willed child?

Donna Burke
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How do you parent a strong-willed child?

What it is like to be a parent? Sometimes it feels like you’re trying to herd cats.   There are those amazing days when you get it all right (mostly) and everyone is happy and content and it’s a joy. Then there are days when it would be easier to convince a Bengal tiger to take a bath than persuade your offspring to do, well anything. Convincing another human being to do something they’re not inclined to do can be tricky at the best of times but when that human being is below the age of 18 and knows you love them more than anything, there are times when getting them to comply is nigh on impossible.

It’s fair to say that most children can be strong willed from time to time. This can be labelled as wilful, stubborn and at times naughty but more often than not it’s a case of asserting their independence and exploring boundaries.   A truly strong willed child however has a natural inclination to challenge the status quo and a determination to have their say in any given matter.

Here are some behaviours often displayed by someone with a strong will:

High energy

Childcare experts tend to agree that strong-willed individuals tend to have higher levels of energy. If something is worth doing, then they want to do it quickly. This can also mean that they struggle to be patient and when they want something, they want it now.

Great debaters

A strong willed individual will find loopholes and alternatives in any argument if they disagree or don’t see the reasoning behind a decision. Power-struggles don’t scare them, in fact they seem to welcome the opportunity to prove their mettle.

Very particular

A spirited child can sometimes be seen as bossy and fussy because they want things done a certain way. This can come across as controlling and inflexible and be highly frustrating for a parent trying to achieve certain ends when their child doesn’t agree with the methods employed.

 

Finding a way to effectively parent and nurture a strong willed child, without crushing their spirit, can be challenging. Having a strong will and being able to follow your convictions is a powerful trait in an adult but it needs to be correctly handled in a child so that it is a positive characteristic and doesn’t become a problem in later life.

Here are a few parenting practices that may help:

Don’t fight fire with fire

Having a power-struggle with a toddler (or a teenager) is never pretty and more than likely will end in a lose/lose scenario. If you win, your child is crushed and you’ll need to repair the damage; if they win, you’ve created an even bigger problem for yourself because they will feel like they can walk all over you. Don’t get into a battle of wills, instead have boundaries and rules in place and stick to them. These non-negotiables could look like; Bedtime is always at 7pm, snacks are always eaten at the table, we always hold hands when we cross a road, homework happens before television. When you take discussion or options out of equation you can avoid becoming involved in negotiations or bartering.

When possible give options

Telling a strong willed child exactly what they should do can cause problems, instead try giving them a choice between two scenarios. This could be two snack options or choice of outfit for the day. Pick something that you as the parent are happy with either way, that way you get your win and your child still feels that they’ve had a say in the process.

Engage and listen

A strong-will child wants to be heard and contribute to the decisions being made. Communication can go a long way to diffusing frustrations and making sure you catch melt-downs before they become really ugly. This way you may be able to work as a team to find a solution rather than pulling in opposite directions.

 

Raising any child can be challenging but with love, patience and a little wisdom parents are able to find a way to bring out the best in their children and raise incredible individuals who will contribute greatly to the world around them.

 

Things you can learn from Dude Perfect

Donna Burke
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Things you can learn from Dude Perfect

What do you get when you mix five enthusiastic, sports-loving guys with a panda and the Internet? The answer is Dude Perfect.   If you’re not laughing, don’t worry it’s not a joke but rather one of the most ridiculously huge success stories born out of a YouTube channel.

Coming together during their time as university student Tyler, Cody, Cory, Coby (yes, that’s three different people) and Garrett began challenging each other to make trick shots in exchange for food. Throw in a video camera and more than 20 million subscribers and you have the 16th most followed YouTube channel. My children huge Dude Perfect fans and so we’ve watched pretty much every video available. They’re fun, short and kind of addictive plus they’re completely family friendly. Having enjoyed a good few hours watching these five friends do what they do, there are a couple of things that really stand out and are worth remember.

Fun is attractive

You only have to look at the vast number of followers these guys have on YouTube, Instagram and Facebook, not to mention their high-profile fan base, to see that what they are doing is attracting attention. Yes, the trick shots are great and the athletic skills really quite incredible but without the enjoyment, enthusiasm and good, old-fashioned fun, I’m not sure they would have made nearly as much impact. Fun draws people. It’s contagious and when daily life is less than wonderful, being able to find fun and share it with others is a valuable thing and shouldn’t be taken for granted.

Success doesn’t require compromising who you are

There seems to be this expectation that to be really successful (or famous) you will need to compromise the things you believe in and the values you hold, in order to really get ahead! All five of the ‘Dudes’ are Christians and as a result have turned down sponsorship deals with alcohol companies and features in magazine that don’t line up with their faith or values. Their decision to hold true to who they are and what they believe in hasn’t hurt them at all, in fact it’s probably adds to their appeal.

The ‘magic’ is all in the preparation

When you see the final product it’s easy to be in awe, but the truth is that very few things in life come together on the first attempt.   The trick shots performed on Dude Perfect all look effortless and completely natural, but behind the scenes it can take multiple shots (sometimes as many as 20 or more) to get the final take. According to one interview the guys gave, their giant sling shot trick took two whole days to get right. Preparation and practice is key. If you want to look completely at ease doing something you need to practice, not until you get it right, but until you can’t get it wrong.

Your life is bigger than just you

When it boils down to it the Dude Perfect videos are really just a bunch of friends playing around with balls and things, trying to beat each other and having a great time. You could argue that what they do isn’t exactly going to change the world but according to their website these five guys have a slightly different point of view.

Obviously when that first ball swished, we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into, but we believe that nothing happens by accident, that God’s given us this platform for a reason, and that we have an opportunity to make an impact on the lives of countless others all around the globe. Above all else, our ultimate goal is to glorify Jesus Christ in everything that we do. We want to use this platform for something much bigger than us.

In every walk of life, whether you are famous or not, you have the capacity to use who and what you are to make a difference. What you have been given; your job, your skills, your influence; is not just for your own benefit. Whether you know it or not God gave you all that you have so that you can impact those around you. Use what’s at your disposal to reach beyond your own existence and touch the life of someone else.

Work in progress

Donna Burke
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Work in progress

There are lots of ideas about God. Some people believe God is a force or energy. Some people believe there are multiple beings who are divine. There are others who really don’t know what to think and would rather avoid the topic altogether. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about who and what God is and one of the key things about who God is, is that He’s perfect. He is complete; without flaw or fault; lacking nothing and exactly how He should be. If He wasn’t perfect He just wouldn’t be God.

Below par

As great as God’s perfection is, it’s this attribute that so often trips up those of us who seek after Him and want to be more God-like. Let’s be honest, there are no perfect people on this earth. There are nice people, kind people, wise, brilliant, generous and compassionate people, but no perfect people. We all have weaknesses, blind spots, flaws and limitations. Some are more obvious than others. Some hide their failings a little better but they are still there. So how does an imperfect person justify their imperfections when they are trying to live like, and be true to, a perfect and faultless God?

So much to learn

Have you ever tried to master something difficult? Maybe you wanted to become a virtuoso musician or a master artist? How about a first-rate sportsperson or an expert in science, technology or mathematics? Whatever the skill or ability, you have to work at it. You have to grow and develop, become better and along the way you make mistakes, take a few steps backwards at times but you keep going. Anyone who has become great at something will tell you that the more they learn and the better they become, the more they realise there is still so much to learn, more to discover, perfect and achieve.

In progress

We will never reach the heights of completeness and perfection found in God, to do that we’d have to be God and there is only one of Him. However, we were created in His image and the only way we can ever become more like the people we were designed to be, is to become more God-like in our behaviour and our character. To become like God, we need to know what He is like and this takes time; it takes relationship. Anyone who wants to be more like God needs to realise that they are a work in progress, not perfect, not complete but always looking to learn, applying themselves and pressing on towards the goal.

If you would like to know more about how you can discover God for yourself we’d love to talk to you. Please leave a comment or click on the link.

The wrong kind of perfect

Donna Burke
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The wrong kind of perfect

There are a lot of people in the world and a large percentage of them are looking for ‘Mr or Miss Right’. It’s a lovely thought that there is someone out there who is perfect for you and I’d be willing to bet that if you’re still looking for that special person you possibly have a list of ideals. Depending on taste it could read something like, tall, dark and handsome maybe or blonde with a lovely smile. What about a great sense of humour, good with kids, successful career, considerate, athletic and lovely to look at? The possibilities could be endless and, to be honest, these ‘must haves’ tend to read more like a Christmas wish list than an actual description of a real life person.

Perfectly imperfect

Fantasy is wonderful and dreaming up the perfect partner can be fun, but the truth is that very often what we think is perfect, isn’t actually what we should be seeking. The problem with looking for the perfect partner is that perfect doesn’t exist. Just as you and I are flawed, have morning breath on occasions, are subject to bad moods at times and fail to float 2 foot off the ground, the person who you would like to form a relationship with also has limitations. Very often when we’re single we are looking for the Hollywood ideal but forget that we happen to be the person next door (and that the Hollywood ideal is also the person next door, just with a stylist and fitness trainer)

Work in progress

Have you ever heard a single person (maybe you’ve even said it yourself) say that, “all the good ones are taken?” What they are saying is that any person they would consider being in a relationship with, is already in a relationship with someone else. What they fail to realise is that the wonderful things they see in the people who are already taken have probably been highlighted or encouraged by the person they are romantically attached to. Relationships change people; when you start dating or get married you don’t start out with the finished version of the person. Being part of a couple should draw out the best parts of who you are and round you out; so the trick is to be able to look a little deeper and see the treasure that will be revealed as you grow as a pair.

Digging for gold

Finding someone who you can build a meaningful and hopefully lasting relationship is less about fulfilling an ideal shopping list of characteristics and more about discovering a person who bring out something in you that no one else does and who likewise you bring out the unique best.

Maybe it’s time to put aside the lists and the ‘must haves’ and to have a slightly different perspective. A hunt for perfection will always leave you critical and alone but finding the gold in someone will show you that reality can be far better than a perfect dream.

 

What to do if you’re afraid to commit

Donna Burke
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What to do if you’re afraid to commit

It’s fair to say that many of us would like to be in a relationship with someone special. We love the romance and excitement and the idea of being with someone but when it comes down to it committing to a real live, actual person is harder than our imaginings would suggest. In a society where people (and specifically 20-something Millennials) struggle with high levels of F.O.M.O (fear of missing out) and bemoan signing a phone contract for a mere 24 months, committing to one person and one person alone can be down right scary.

Scared? Who me?

A fear of commitment doesn’t always just related to relationships but if someone has difficultly committing in other areas of their life, the chances are good that they will also face challenges in the area of committing to others; be they romantic connections, friends or family. Here are a few tell-tale signs that someone has a commitment phobia.

  • They don’t like to agree to plans in advance. Someone who doesn’t want to commit will very often avoid giving a guarantee or promise that they will be available in advance.   What if something better comes up or they change their mind?
  • Their past relationships are mainly short-term connections. If there is a pattern of short and low commitment relationships, chances are that although there is a desire for companionship to a certain level, there is also a fear of getting too close, or maybe falling into a rut, or just becoming bored.
  • They may have lots of friend but none of them are really close. Commitment phobes don’t necessarily only fear romantic connections but fear any commitment to other people.
  • Commitment phobes will have a hard time defining relationships. Words like boyfriend or girlfriend will make them nervous and you can forget about the ‘love’ word. Anything that ties them down or restricts their freedom will be a stumbling block to someone who fears commitment.

What can be done?

Being afraid to commit, whether it’s to a relationship or to any other life decision can have many causes. It is a fear that may stem from dread of rejection. It could be triggered by a fear of missing out on something better. A fear of commitment might be caused by unrealistic expectations, looking for perfection or worrying that you will lose control of your life. Whatever the root of this fear is, there are ways to address the problem and move toward a healthier place where commitment is no longer a terrifying prospect.

  • Admit there is a problem.

    It’s easier at time to go through life happily ignoring issues rather than facing them. Acknowledging that you are afraid is the only way that you are going to deal with the fear of commitment. So stop lying to yourself or justifying your behaviour and take an honest look at why you struggle to commit.

  • Be more discerning.

    If you have found it hard to commit to the relationships you’ve had in the past, maybe you need to be more careful about which relationships you choose to get involved in. It’s hard to commit to someone you kind of like but you have some red flags waving. Make sure you have common interests and values. Choose carefully; but be realistic. No one is perfect but there are lots of amazing people in the world.

  • Try being considerate.

    Not wanting to commit to plans or feeling like you want to swap the relationship you’re in for someone better or new, is at best rude and at worst, just plain nasty. How would you feel if someone decided to upgrade you for no better reason than there could be someone better around the corner? Being in a relationship is about considering the feelings of the other person and not just thinking about your self.

  • Take a chance and trust yourself.

    Whether it’s a romantic relationship or a close friend, learn to trust your ability to judge people. If you are drawn to someone you are never going to find out how amazing that relationship could be unless you show you are willing to give yourself to the process.

  • Make relationships your priority.

    Life can get extremely full; work commitments and responsibilities can quickly take up all your time but it’s your relationships that truly determine your quality of life. Put your energy into the relationships that will enrich your life and give you a chance to sow into someone else in a significant way.

No fear

Although many people feel this way, we shouldn’t be afraid to love. The ultimate example of what love should be is God. He is love and the Bible tells us that the kind of love God displays has no room for fear. God’s kind of love drives out all fear.

If you are afraid of committing or would like to know more about loving without fear, please leave a comment or click on the link.

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