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Donna Burke

How do you know what is true?

Donna Burke
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How do you know what is true?

Truth seems to be a difficult concept in the world at the moment. In an era of ‘fake-news’ and ‘post-truth’ it is forgivable to be completely confused about what truth actually is and how to find it. It’s not uncommon for opinion or personal preferences to be touted as fact and, thanks to the spread and accessibility of the internet, it has become hard to verify sources and judge information.

So what is truth?

The dictionary defines ‘Truth’ as being:

The quality or state of being true; That which is true or in accordance with fact or reality; A fact or belief that is accepted as true.

Dig a little deeper

In basic terms if we are looking for what is true, we are looking for something that is real. Something tangible, that can be experienced and that is present in reality. To find out the authenticity of something you need to establish how real that thing is. This takes time, it takes effort and it requires involvement. All too often (especially in this age of online information) we accept statements as truth without verifying their reality for ourselves. Just because someone said it, wrote it or published it, doesn’t make it true. Nowadays, anyone can pass off their opinion or idea as gospel on the Internet but it’s up to us as the reader to find out if what they are saying is accurate or nonsense. Truth needs to stand up to scrutiny. It needs to be questioned and if it is actually true it becomes stronger as a result of the investigation; it’s not weakened by it.

Ask, seek, knock

The Bible calls Jesus the Truth. It seems like a funny name for a person really, but if you consider that being true means to be faithful, right and without error, it’s probably the best description of who Jesus actually was. For some reason people tend to take Jesus at face value and either believe He is who He said He is, or discount Him completely without a second glance. To be honest this is no different to reading something on the Internet and adopting it as fact just because someone wrote it. However, as with anything that claims to be true, Jesus should be investigated to prove His legitimacy. If what the Bible says about Him is true it will bear analysis; and when someone claims to be the key to knowing God and spending eternity in Heaven, isn’t it worth taking the time to see if what they are saying is true or not?

Bringing out the best in others

Donna Burke
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Bringing out the best in others

Have you ever stopped to think about all the people who you come into contact with while you are just living your life? Everyday each of us interacts with others on many different levels. Some are close encounters born out of relationship. Others are just passing moments. Regardless of the length of time or depth of the connection, each time we interact with others we have the opportunity to leave that person better or worse than when we found them.

Worth your weight in salt

Any cook knows that if you want to bring out the flavour in your food you need to add salt. On it’s own salt is, well salty, but when added to other things it doesn’t necessarily highlight it’s own taste but it enhances the flavours that are already there. It brings out the best in the ingredients and it the right amount makes everything taste great. Salt can intensify sweetness, it can counteract bitterness and if it’s missing, you know it’s not there.

Just like salt we have the capacity to bring out the best in those whose lives we touch. It’s not about creating qualities that aren’t there or making people into something that they aren’t, but it’s about drawing out the best in them.

When they win, you win

Bringing out the best in others means looking for ways that they can display their strengths and display the best of who they are. To do this requires generosity. You can’t bring out the best in someone else if you’re showing off your own greatness. Instead you have to be willing to point the spot light at another and allow them to shine. The good news is that when we create an environment where others can step up and be the best they can be, it in turn allows us to be the best version of ourselves.

When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves – William Arthur Ward

 

Helping your child with their anger

Donna Burke
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Helping your child with their anger

Anger happens. Chances are you see or experience it in some for or other every single day. Road rage. Social media rants. Frustration at the supermarket checkout; anger can happen just about anywhere, but that doesn’t mean it’s always appropriate or helpful. Uncontrollable anger in an adult is ugly and can be highly destructive; in a child it’s not different and can be heart breaking for the parents.

Weathering the storm

It’s important to remember that anger, in itself, isn’t wrong. It’s a natural emotion that is our body’s way of getting into fight mode. The problems start when anger is allowed free-reign, free expression and becomes unmanageable. Children get angry for all manner of reasons and lack the emotional ability to control their feeling. It’s up to us as parents to help them work through the rage they may feel and find a helpful way of dealing, or expressing, their anger.

Here are a few things that may help you, help your child with anger.

Stay calm

A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare – Proverbs 15:1

In the face of a raging child it can be tempting to rage back but this along adds fuel to the fire. Keeping calm and controlled is the best response and models the kind of behaviour your child should be displaying.   If you can keep a clear head it will help you to judge how best to help your child with their feelings.

Acknowledge the feelings

Ignoring or belittling the intense feelings of your child will only add to the issue at hand. If you take the time to recognise that there they are upset or frustrated, they are more likely to listen and take on board the advice you give. Sometimes just knowing that Mom and Dad understand and empathise with their struggle can help to diffuse the angry feelings.

Recognise the signals

Anger tends to build (in grown-ups as well as kids) and if you can catch it early it’s easier to manage. Recognising the warning signs that an outburst is coming can help you to diffuse an angry episode before it reaches full-steam. Pointing out that your child is getting worked up also helps them to recognise their feeling and teaches them to be aware of their own emotional state.

Find the cause

Very often when anger takes over communication goes out the window. Encourage your child to tell you why they’re mad. What is it that is making them so angry? What would help them feel better? Finding the cause and looking for a solution takes the attention off the problem and gives the emotion a better outlet than just raging or destroying things.

Develop coping techniques

When anger becomes an issue teach your child ways to calm down. It might be for an older child that they can step away from whatever it is that is making them cross or maybe write down how they are feeling. For a younger child, taking deep breaths or doing an angry dance might help. Destruction of property or harming someone else is never acceptable so finding an alternative outlet can help manage their emotional response.

Be there

Extreme emotions can be scary and anger especially so. Anger also has the ability to alienate and this is particularly unhelpful for children. If your child is angry let them know that you’re still there for them, even if it’s you that they are angry with. If your child knows that they can depend on you they are more likely to develop the necessary skills needed to cope with their emotions and solve their problems.

 

As a parent, knowing how to navigate the various challenges that come with raising children can be difficult and draining. The key is to remain patient and recognise the wonder and value of your children. Everyone has hard days and situations that demand every ounce of their capacity but God chose you to parent your child and give you the grace you need to do it well. On top of that God cares for your family and if you ask He will help you to be the parent He intended you to be.

If you would like to know more or if this post has spoken to you, please leave a comment or click on the link.

It’s not your fault!

Donna Burke
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It’s not your fault!

It may be a cruel reality for some, but the truth is that we can’t choose the circumstances into which we are born. We have no say over our family, our financial status, the emotional stability of our home, the colour of our skin and the privilege or lack thereof we inherit at birth. These things (and more besides) are out of our control. However, these factors all have a role to play in who we are, how we related to others and how successfully we navigate our way through life.

It could be anyone of us

I recently heard of a young man who has made some bad choices in life. Unfortunately, as a consequence he feels like the world and his family are all against him.  The sad truth is that in some ways he was set up to fail. He was born into a largely dysfunctional home where alcohol abuse was the norm. His role models set a poor example and it wasn’t the best start. Now as an adult, his life reflects the conditions of his upbringing. It’s not his fault. He didn’t choose his home or his family. He couldn’t control the example he was given as a child.

Break the cycle

Circumstances of birth or upbringing are often blamed for the problems we face as adults. Sometimes it’s very easy to trace the origin of our issues back to our parents or childhood experiences. However, regardless of whose fault your challenges are, if you are ever going overcome those hurdles you are going to have to take responsibility for your issues.

You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. – Jim Rohn

The choice is yours

Blaming others or life, or anything else for that matter, is easy and feeling sorry for yourself isn’t going to change much. If anything it will only make matters worse. Your life, your happiness and future will be determined by the choices and decisions you make. The Bible talks about the fact that God has given us free-will, the ability to choose our own path in life. It’s an amazing gift and an enormous responsibility. It basically means that we can choose either to be forever defined by our circumstances and our past, or we can rise above the things we can’t control by making better choices and replacing the negative with the positive. It’s really up to us.

 

Finding a good balance between work and play

Donna Burke
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Finding a good balance between work and play

For many of us the saying ‘So much to do and so little time’ rings all too true. Fitting everything required of us into a 24 hour day is at best a stretch and at worst practically impossible. Work, family life, social commitments and sleeping are all the things that need to happen but how do we find a balance and make time for all these necessary components to life.

Priorities

It’s forgivable to find yourself in a cycle of putting work before everything else, after all without work, how would you afford to live, but it’s also true what they say that:

“All work and no play, makes Jack a dull boy”

Just as play or time away from work is important for children, we adults also need to make space in our lives for a little down time. It’s how we were made.

The Bible tells us that we were made in God’s image. It also says that after God created the heavens and the earth He took some time to rest. This doesn’t mean sleep (although for some of us, we could do with more of that) but it means time doing something other than work.

Work hard play hard

Wherever you are, be all there! – Jim Elliott

With everything that needs to be achieved in life, it can be easy to try to multitask and split your focus. This isn’t always helpful. If you are able to give your attention to one area of your life at a time, you will probably find that you’re more productive and achieve greater results than if you try to accomplishing too many things at one go. If you’re working, work hard! Make your time count and do the job at hand to the best of your ability. If you’re spending time with your family or friends, make it worthwhile. Don’t be distracted by other things and dilute the moments you spend with your loved ones.

A happy medium

Finding that perfect balance isn’t always easy. It takes a bit of effort, thought and sometimes disciple to make sure you’re giving enough time to all aspects of your life. Sadly for many, it’s all too easy to feel overwhelmed and guilty that you’re spending too much of your time on one area and neglecting another. Becoming emotional or beating your self up isn’t going to fix the problem though. You need to be proactive and start intentionally allocating time to those things that are more important to you. Make dates with friends, even family members. Schedule in time when you give all your attention to those you love, without interruption. Make space in your day for some personal time, if you need it. Treat these things as you would business appointments and make yourself unavailable for anything else.

Times and seasons

We often believe that balance means consistent timetables and everything working like clock-work in perfect routine, but life isn’t this measured. There are seasons and times for everything. One day you many need to put the majority of your effort and time into a project for work and everything else needs to take a back seat.   On another day you may need to prioritise your family and let a colleague carry the bulk of responsibility at work. It may not look balanced on the surface but on the larger scale you shift your weight as the seasons demand.

The Bible tells us that there is a season for everything. Some days we reap and some days we sow. The wisdom is knowing what to do on which day and giving your all to that which is needed.

Finding your momentum

Donna Burke
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Finding your momentum

Have you ever noticed how some days everything just seems to be against you? Maybe you over slept or someone had finished all the cereal before you were able to get any breakfast. It could be that you ran out of clean socks or just woke up in a seriously unpleasant mood. Some days, it doesn’t matter what you do, it just feels like you’re wading through mud and everything is hard word. For some of us, this isn’t just a ‘some day’ occurrence this is a ‘welcome to my life’ kind of scenario.

Stuck in the mud?

Feeling stuck or like you’re battling to make ground is hard going. It’s exhausting. Staying positive when every step is a chore isn’t easy either. It is at those moments in life, when everything seems to have ground to a halt, that you need momentum. Forward motion, a kick-start to get you going again. The question is how? How do you get moving when it feels like your life is stuck in reverse?

Find your focus

Gaining momentum is all about moving, but it doesn’t help much if your movement is in the wrong direction. If you want to get somewhere it helps to know where your desired destination is, so you need to decide where you’re trying to go. Pick a dream. Visualise a preferred future. Set a goal. Having something to aim for is the first step towards moving forward. It helps you map out your next move (regardless of how small that may be) and gives you the motivation to get going.

Momentum is the bridge between a vision and its results.”
― Farshad Asl

Go for a ‘win’

Nothing knocks the wind out of your sails faster than a loss. Watch any sports team after their opponents have scored against them. Heads drop, legs get heavy and it requires a real effort to regroup and keep going. It’s much easier to find, and keep, your momentum when you already have a win under your belt. There’s nothing wrong with looking for an easy ‘win’ to boost your confidence and to get you moving. It can be something as simple as clearing a cluttered space that you’ve been meaning to tackle, completing a task you’ve been putting off or making your bed in the morning before you leave the house. It doesn’t need to be big or important because a win is a win. Even the smallest victory has the power to reset your day and put you on a positive footing.

Commit to the process

Momentum happens when you throw all your weight and energy in the right direction. Finding that forward motion becomes much harder when your approach is half-hearted and less than enthusiastic. If you want to get somewhere and see results in your life you have to commit to making it happen. Don’t believe the myth that momentum is always easy and pain-free, because you will be left sadly disappointed. If you want to move forward and achieve something in life you have to commit and keep at it, even on the tough days.

 

We all have bad days and rough weeks (and sometimes months) in life. The key is to remember that when circumstances seem to be warring against us we can choose how to respond. Finding a way through difficult seasons doesn’t always require a bold life-changing event or a dramatic twist in the storyline, sometimes all it takes is a single step in the right direction, every day.

Why we need good dads

Donna Burke
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Why we need good dads

A good father is one of the most unsung, unpraised, unnoticed, and yet one of the most valuable assets in our society. – Billy Graham

Dads are important. Whether you’ve grown up with a great father or with a not-so-great, or even completely absent, Dad, you can probably see that this statement is true. We need Dads in our lives, even if, at times, we can’t quite put our finger on the reason why they are so significant. Surely it’s Mom who does all the really necessary stuff? She takes care of the cooking, cleaning, gives great hugs and all the rest. Isn’t that enough?

Missing in action

Just as Mom’s are vital, Dad’s too fulfil a unique role and when I say ‘Dad’ I don’t necessarily mean the biologically linked male who sired you, but rather the male figure who nurtures, loves and significantly impacts your life. Sadly, a bad father has the ability to cause huge heartache and the consequences of his actions can be felt for decades, leaving painful scars. Children who grow up with a poor father figure, or a completely absent one, tend to experience lower levels of self-esteem, can blame themselves for his absence, struggle with feeling of abandonment and at times show more aggression than those who have had a positive male role model.

Wanted: Good Dads

I was fortunate enough to grow up with an amazing Dad. He was (and still is) my hero and as a child, I wanted to be just like him (only without the very handsome 80’s moustache) Now I live with a really wonderful father, who helps me raise my own kids and I see again the importance of having a strong and supportive Dad. If you’ve never stopped to consider the significance of a Dad, here are a few reasons why we need more good fathers.

Good Dads make you feel safe

Sigmund Freud once said:

I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection.

There is something unique about knowing that Dad is on your side. It might be something to do with how tall he is or how big his shadow can be, but knowing that he is there to fight in your corner and watch your back is incredibly comforting.   The world can be a big, scary place but when Dad does his job, it feels less intimidating because you’re not facing it alone.

Good Dads help you take risks

Normally Mom tells you to be careful, watch out and don’t step to close to the edge (I know I do!) but Dad encourages you to climb higher, go faster and push a little harder, to see what you can really do. A good Dad wants to help you see what you’re made of and is there to dust you down if you fall and help you to try again.

Good Dads set a benchmark for our relationships

One of the most important things a father can give to his children is good self-esteem. When we are loved well by our Dad we are more likely to seek out people who will treat us well and in term will treat others with the same level of respect. It’s Dad who shows little boys how they should treat others and shows little girls how they should be treated.

Good Dads provide what we need

Not all good Dads have the financial means to give everything they would like to their children but providing for the family goes much further than money and possessions. A good Dad will do everything in his power to makes sure his child has enough. Enough love, enough resource, enough attention, enough opportunity, enough everything. Dad puts the needs of his family as his priority and does what he can to see those needs met.

Good Dads love fiercely

Not every Dad expresses his affection in the same way, but all good fathers love deeply. Even when we are at our least loveable and we’ve messed up or been completely out of control Dad still loves us. There is a security that comes from knowing that Dad will love us no matter what.

Good Dads don’t let us get away with nonsense

Even the best of children need discipline and a good Dad will correct behaviour when necessary, in a way that won’t harm or pull down. Dad loves us too well to let us continue doing things that will cause problems in our future or develop habits and behaviours that will hurt us in the long run.

Many people grow up without a dad and I’m certainly not saying that all the single Moms haven’t done an amazing job raising their kids. I am saying that those good Dads out there need to be celebrated for what they do and we need more of them because they make this world a better place.

Our Father

The Bible often refers to God as being our Father. All the attributes of a good Dad are found first and foremost in Him. So whether you’ve had a great Dad growing up, a not so perfect example of fatherhood or a completely missing piece, there is a Father who wants to show you exactly what a Dad should be.

If you would like to know more about how you can know this Father personally, please leave a comment or click on the link

What I learnt from my miscarriage

Donna Burke
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What I learnt from my miscarriage

Facing the death of a loved one isn’t easy, but how about a loved one you’ve never met?

Miscarriage, especially early on in a pregnancy, is surprisingly common. It’s surprising because it’s rarely discussed and most women wait until the magical 12 week mark to announce they’re expecting. Experts estimate that 50% of all miscarriages occur within the first 12 weeks of pregnancy, many pass unnoticed before the mother is even aware that she has conceived. My miscarriage happened in my eighth week.

Each lost pregnancy has it’s own story and each one is unique. I was already Mom to an 18 month old and after adjusting to life as a parent (and feeling I nearly knew what I was doing) was excited to add to our family. My husband and I were thrilled. We hadn’t announced our news as yet, but we’d told my family and couldn’t wait to see who this new little person was going to be. Then I started to bleed.

I’ve never felt so helpless. Knowing that something was very wrong. Knowing that my baby needed me to protect it but being completely unable to stop what was happening. Having had a completely ‘easy-breezy’, plain-sailing first pregnancy the loss of the second was totally unexpected. And yet there I was at the hospital being told that my baby was gone.

It’s very hard to find reason in loss, no matter how hard you look for it. I tried to console myself with the fact that most miscarriages occur when there is something wrong with the developing egg. That being the case, surely it was better to find out early than further down the process. Although this made sense on a rational level, it didn’t really help with the empty, pain left behind. It’s been eight years this week and although I wouldn’t have ever chosen to walk this road there are some valuable things I have learnt on this journey.

Sometimes things don’t go to plan

Having a plan and expectations for your life is a very good thing but don’t hold too tightly to those ideal scenarios. Things change, the unexpected happens and it’s easy to get blindsided by unforeseen events. One day we were expecting another baby and the next we weren’t. That wasn’t part of the plan and it would have been easy to just lie down and mourn the future that wasn’t meant to be. It’s okay to be thrown off-balance when things go a little off the rails but after you’ve grieved for your loss you have to dust yourself off and take the next step.

Some wounds stay with you

I now have four beautiful children but I still think about it and at times shed a tear for the one didn’t meet. Thankfully I no longer need to cry when a friend tells me their pregnant or become emotion at the thought of my child being in heaven but this baby changed me in a way that none of my other children have. Everyone carries things that can potentially effect who they are. It may be loss or some other emotional experience. Not all scars are ugly, some times they just remind us of what we’ve come through.

Life is precious

Life, in all its forms, is precious. It shouldn’t be taken for granted because it is also fragile and holds few guarantees.   Each day you have with the ones you love is a gift and should be treated as such.

There is always hope

At times loss can feel like the end but that isn’t true. It took a while but eventually we did add a new little person to our family, and we called her Hope. Death may be hard to face and it can sting when it touches those we cherish but when you have faith beyond this life and a hope for a future in heaven, the pain of saying goodbye is lessened.

You aren’t alone

While each miscarriage is different and everyone feels the pain in their own way it can be comforting to know that others have been through something similar. Being able to share how you feel or even just cry with someone can help provide the support and love you need.   My greatest source of comfort was in my relationship with God. When I couldn’t talk to anyone else about how I felt I could talk to Him. The Bible tells us that God is close to those who are grieving and that He collects our tears, and is there, in our sorrow.

 

No experience, no matter how difficult, should be wasted. There are always things that we can learn and take away with us. Being able to take something painful and find something positive means that the pain has not been pointless.

If you have experienced loss in your life or would like to talk to someone, please click on the link or leave a comment.

Getting what you want but not in the way you want it

Donna Burke
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Getting what you want but not in the way you want it

Have you ever wanted something really badly? Maybe it was the latest gadget or an amazing pair of new shoes? It could have been something bigger like a great job or a life-changing opportunity or to be noticed by the person who made you weak at the knees? There are often things in life that we look at and long for. Desiring new, or seemingly better, circumstances isn’t wrong and it can help us have a sense of purpose as we try to attain or achieve those goals. However sometimes our wishes aren’t always realised in the way we would like.

I live in a part of the world that has been suffering from a severe drought. Dangerously low dam levels and strict water restrictions have left the local population fearful for the future and desperate for rain. This week the people got their wish. It rained – a lot! The national weather office has said that the storm that brought the rain is the worst we have seen in the last 30 years. The severity of the storm meant that all the schools were closed and we’ve experienced flooding, damage to buildings and sadly injury and death to some of the population. Social media has been buzzing with people complaining about the storm and bemoaning its inconvenience, but we still had rain!

Sometimes what we wish for the most may seem like a great idea but in reality the consequences that come with getting our hearts desires may not always be to our liking.   We can’t always know what the cost will be but in order for your life to be different things need to change and the change on the surface may not be very appealing.

When Jesus came into the world, people were looking for someone to save them from their circumstances. Society wanted someone to change the way things were and make everything better. Jesus did that, but not in the way they wanted. They wanted someone to change the political state but Jesus wanted to change the state of their hearts. Still today society wants peace, hope and to find purpose in life. Jesus provides all these things, but they aren’t necessarily wrapped up in the way many expect.

Just because something doesn’t come in a convenient package or look the way we want doesn’t mean it’s not what we need.

What does it take to be a hero?

Donna Burke
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What does it take to be a hero?

Sometimes the things you find on your Facebook news feed are just wild. This week I came across a video showing a woman jumping in front of a car in an attempt to block a child from being hit. It was harrowing to watch. Thankfully, although they were both seriously injured, the lady and the little boy are alive and recovering in a local hospital. The amazing thing is that this woman, Shanta Jordan, didn’t know the boy she saved but she put herself at risk in order to protect him.

Just your average hero

We often think of heroes as being extraordinary people. People who have trained and developed skills to make them extra brave, extra strong and extra amazing but this isn’t always the case. Last year Najih Shaker Al-Baldawi sacrificed his own life when he hugged a suicide bomber and took the major impact of the bomb that was detonated. Although people were still killed and injured in the blast his actions saved lives.

This week another terror attack has taken place in the UK. Three men, armed with knives, randomly attacking people on the streets of London, and yet in the face of danger, average people put themselves at risk in order to help others. A man distracting the attackers as they targeted a woman on the street. There was another person who rushed to the aid of the doorman who was fighting off an attack and the baker who tried to stop the violence using a food crate. Not to mention the police and medical personnel who put themselves at risk while caring for others.

What does it take to be an average, everyday hero? Would you be able to sacrifice yourself for people you don’t know?

The secret ingredient

After the recent bombing in Manchester, a homeless man who helped the victims denied that he was a hero for helping. He told reporters that he had only done what any decent human being would do.

There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends – John 15:13

These are the words of Jesus telling us that the greatest display of love is seen when we sacrifice our own life for the sake of our friends. Putting others before your self.   Paying the ultimate price for someone else’s safety. In a world where we often see self-preservation and self-interest taking precedence over serving and sacrifice, to be love in such a way makes a powerful statement.

Jesus asked us to love each other in the same way that He loves us. His greatest example of love was giving up His life to repair our relationship with God so that we could one day go to Heaven. His reward for this sacrifice wasn’t riches or fame, it was us. Jesus gave up His life so that we could have a relationship with Him.

If this post has spoken to you or if you would like to know more, please leave a comment or click on the link.

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