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Donna Burke

Dealing with grief

Donna Burke
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Dealing with grief

Loss, in any form, is painful. The grief that comes with sickness, death and crisis can feel suffocating. It’s sometimes hard to know how to deal with the emotional turmoil. Coping with grief can also be a very lonely experience because everyone deals with pain in their own way and at their own pace.

One step at a time

It’s difficult to know before the event how each individual will cope when faced with devastating and life changing circumstances but there are several stages to the grieving process that seem to occur in many cases. In the 1960’s a psychiatrist working with patients with terminal cancer outlined five stages of grief that are commonly experienced by those faced with tragedy or loss. These stages are:

  • Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
  • Anger: “Why is this happening?” “Who can I blame?”
  • Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
  • Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
  • Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what has happened.”

Not everyone dealing with tragic circumstances will experience all of these emotions (or follow this specific order) but these are some of the common responses during the grieving process. However grief and loss affect you, and how ever long the process takes, it’s important to realise that while the loss will always be a part of your life in the future, the depth of the pain will reduce over time. It’s because of this that no matter how hard life may feel while you are grieving; there is still hope for the future.

If you are dealing with loss, or grieving in someway, here are a few things you should remember:

It’s okay to feel

Part of the grieving process is about accepting how you feel. There is no right or wrong way to deal with loss in life. You may feel angry, alone, sad or even numb and all of those things are okay. Finding someone to talk through your emotions with, or who will just listen to you may help you to process how you feel.

Be kind to yourself

When everything else seems like too much to cope with you are allowed to take a step back and just focus on looking after yourself. Going back to the basics of making sure you’re getting enough sleep, eating healthily and not trying to carry everything on our own can make all the difference to your well-being.

Ask for help

Picking up the pieces after a tragic event or facing loss can feel very isolating. Finding people who understand or who have gone through similar experiences can be a way to feel less alone. Sometimes even just having someone who you can talk to about the good memories or happier times can help you move forward.

 

The Bible tells us that Jesus came to earth so that He could comfort the broken-hearted and that God is near to everyone who grieves. During the darkest days of loss and pain, you are never alone. In another passage it says that while tears may last for a season, there will be a time again for laughter and joy. So as hard, and as bleak, as grief can be, if you allow yourself, over time your heart will heal.

If you are dealing with grief or if this post has spoken to you, please leave a comment or click on the link below.

Learning to choose your battles

Donna Burke
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Learning to choose your battles

Conflict is part of life, and if it’s not something you encounter at least a few times during your stay here on earth, you’re maybe doing something wrong. Disagreements happen. It’s normal. We don’t always agree with everyone. There will be differences of opinions, various perspectives and possibly the odd full-blown argument, depending on how you choose to engage with others. There are occasions when it’s necessary to take a stand and not only state your case but push for a win. On the other hand, there are also moments when instead of going on the attack it’s wiser to turn and walk away. Knowing which to do, however, isn’t always easy, especially when things get heated.

Generally my children get along. It’s not all sunshine and daisies but on a day-to-day basis they tend to like each other. However, there are days when conflict boils over and happy harmony is replaced by world war 3. Every parent wants their child to be able to stand up for themselves, but there comes a point when a child needs to learn that they can’t lose their composure every time someone does something they don’t appreciate, says something they don’t like or (heaven forbid) looks at them. We all need to learn that sometimes you have to let things go because otherwise you’ll live in a constant state of battle.

“Choose your battles wisely. After all, life isn’t measured by how many times you stood up to fight. It’s not winning battles that makes you happy, but it’s how many times you turned away and chose to look into a better direction. Life is too short to spend it on warring. Fight only the most, most, most important ones, let the rest go.” – C. Joy Bell C. (author)

Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should

Being able to discern when to fight and when to walk away is a sign of maturity. Wading knee-deep into every argument that presents itself doesn’t take much wisdom but being choosing your battles and let others go takes a bit more thought and consideration. Here are a few things to bear in mind when picking your battles.

Is it important?

Not every issue that arises is life and death, but some topics are more important and carry more weight than others. Don’t fight a battle over something that you won’t be concerned about in a week, a month or a years time.   If the outcome won’t have any major repercussions beyond making you feel better if you win, it’s not worth the effort, time or fall out to wage that war.

Have you considered the options?

Sometimes we choose to fight over issues that haven’t been fully considered. Going to war can occasionally be avoided if you take the time to consider the options and look to find a solution that suits everyone.   Just because on the surface it looks like you need to stand your ground to get the outcome you want doesn’t mean that there isn’t an alternative remedy that will avoid a battle and still being about the desired conclusion.

What will it cost?

When deciding whether to turn and walk away or to stand and fight, it’s important to consider what’s at stake. Is what you stand to gain worth the risking what you may potentially lose in the process? Don’t be fooled, conflicts often involve some kind of cost, whether relational or otherwise. Are you willing to lose something for the sake of your win?

 

There are times in life when choosing not to fight isn’t an option. Standing for what is important and what you believe in is sometimes the only course of action.

The Bible encourages us that there are times when we must ‘Fight the good fight’. Over time we’ve come to believe that this means to dig in, hold firm and persevere in our cause. While this is true in part, the ‘good’ fight it speaks about is all to do with our faith in God. Things that are worth having are always worth fighting for but these are also the things that tend to come under attack because of their value. Having a faith in God doesn’t mean that your faith won’t at times be tested. If anything the value of your faith makes it a target, which is why you need to hold tight and fight to keep it strong.

How do you discuss terrorism and crime with children?

Donna Burke
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How do you discuss terrorism and crime with children?

It’s been a particularly harrowing week. Between the bombing of a refugee bus convoy in Syria and the attack at a concert in Manchester, England, the international news has been full of tragic and distressing realities. It’s hard enough to process these events as an adult. Trying to make sense of the loss and pain that has been caused to innocent people, many of whom were young children, is in many ways impossible.   It just doesn’t make any sense. Sadly, that doesn’t take away from the fact that families have been exposed to the worst kind of pain and will be forever changed by the events of this last week.

Knowing how and when to discuss disturbing news stories with our children can be challenging but in a day and age where media is so easily accessible it’s not always possible (or even wise) to keep them uninformed.

Wake-up call

My eldest daughter recently came home from school and recounted several news topics that had been discussed in class. Our local press has been covering a number of high-profile child murders and cases of violence against women and her teacher decided to talk about these things in school. My daughter is nine and doesn’t have very much access to the news or any interaction on social media. I was surprised when she started to tell me what she had learnt because I didn’t expect her to have been exposed to such mature topics.

It’s safe to say that often on this parenting journey whether we’re ready or not, things happen that we have to deal with.  So how do we best protect our children and maintain their sense of security when the events in the news are so hard to digest?

Too much information?

Experts seem to agree that ignoring the issues of violent crime and terrorism can cause more harm than good. The reason is that children will pick up information from somewhere and unless their source is accurate and measured, the story they hear can be confusing and magnify the threat to their own safety. When you decide to address events in the news remember to be age appropriate and consider the sensitivity level of your child. Young children (under the age of 7) will have very little understanding about the context of things like terrorist attacks and you could end up causing anxiety that is both unintended and unnecessary.   Likewise a more fearful or sensitive individual may well struggle with too much information and be distressed at the thought of bad people doing bad things.

Be aware that a once off chat about something like the Manchester attack may not be enough. On going questions or fears may surface further down the line and it’s important that you are able to talk through these things as they arise. Discussing how your child feels about the things that are happening helps them to learn how to deal with the complex emotions that tragedies can cause.   It’s also important that you are able to reassure them and help calm any worries they may have. Yes, terrible things happen but so do good things and there are many more good people than bad.

The most important thing for any parent when discussing crime or terrorism is that your reaction will set the tone for your child. If you react with panic you will add to their fears but if you are calm and sensible about the things that are happening your family is more likely to follow suit.

Don’t be afraid

The truth is that we live in a world where very bad things happen everyday. As much as we as parents would wish to shelter and protect our children from this reality at some stage they will be faced with the harsh and ugly truth that people are capable of terrible crimes and sometimes cause unimaginable pain.  It’s been repeated a few times in the press and on social media but this quote by Fred Rogers bears repeating:

 “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”

The Bible tells us that bad things happen and that this shouldn’t surprise us. It also says that we shouldn’t be afraid because God is ultimately in control. If we focus on the terrible and evil things in this world, the picture is very bleak but if we pay attention to what is good and support what is right we will overcome.

“Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.” – Romans 12:21

 

The powerful whisper

Donna Burke
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The powerful whisper

If you ask anyone to tell you what surprised them most about becoming a parent I’m fairly certain that the list of unexpected realities will be long and varied. It doesn’t matter how much you think you know about being a parent or which books you read, which shows you watch or how many parent friends you have, the experience of being Mom or Dad (like many life experiences) has to lived to be truly appreciated. One of my top ‘I never expected that’ scenarios is that having kids is loud. I don’t mean loud as in ‘my baby is crying’ loud, I mean loud as in kids who are full of energy, laughing, yelling, talking all at the same time, ‘can’t-get-a-word-in-edgeways-and-even-if-you-could-you-won’t-be-heard’ loud.

If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em

My method for overcoming this phenomenon is to attempt to beat them at their own game and be the loudest by far.   Possibly not the smartest approach but what else can a mom do, right? The truth is that when I resort to raising my voice (even when I’m not cross) in a bid to be heard, it tends to make very little difference and, if anything, only adds to the hullabaloo and mayhem, which is completely counterproductive. I then found an article online in which another loud-house Mama decided to change the status quo and whisper at her kids instead of yelling above the din. I was inspired! So I sent it to my husband and together we’ve decided to bring down the decibels and reverse the trend of ‘he who speaks loudest wins’. I can’t say that we managed to win this battle as yet but there is certainly something about lowering your voice that changes the atmosphere and commands a different type of attention.

A different approach

It never ceases to amaze me how when I try to make myself heard above the other voices, by employing the method those voices are using, I am completely ignored, but when I buck convention and do things differently, suddenly my words cut through and are considered noteworthy.  There are many voices clambering to be heard in the world.  They may be loud, opinionated, controversial, harsh and enticing, but each one is screaming for your attention.  Yet there is another voice which calls in a different way.  The Bible talks about the fact that God whispers to us:

“I hear this most gentle whisper from One
I never guessed would speak to me” – Psalm 81:5 (the Message)

In another place it tells us that God isn’t in the noise and drama but He is found in the stillness and calm. Whereas man may try to get your attention with loud noises and flashy images, God is less about booming voices and neon signs but tends to speak to our hearts with general promptings and a still, small whisper that invites us to pay attention and draws us in.

If you feel like God is whispering to your heart or you would like to know more, please leave a comment or click on the link

Things to remember when what’s in your hand isn’t enough

Donna Burke
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Things to remember when what’s in your hand isn’t enough

Woody Allen once said

“The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don’t have.”

It sounds like the simplest thing to do but in reality how often are we truly satisfied?   How many times have you looked beyond your own experienced and longed to have that relationship; that career; that experience and in the process completely forgotten the good things you do have in your life?

I want that as well!!

My son wanted a snack today – he chose little dried fruit bites. The bag they come in is quite big, far too many to give to a two-year old (even if he does have the appetite of a ravenous beast) so we got out a bowl and I proceeded to pour out a portion of bites into his container.

As I was returning the snack to the cupboard my little boy looked at his bowl (which was half full) and decided he wanted the fruit pieces that were still in the bag. He had a big portion, more than enough to satisfy his munchies but instead of enjoying what he had in his hand and curbing his hunger, he chose to stay hungry and argue that he needed what was out of reach. His tenacity was incredible but he would have been so much happier if he had appreciated what he had, because after all, what was in the bag was exactly the same as what was in his bowl.

True contentment is not having everything, but is being satisfied with everything you have. – Oscar Wilde

It’s not wrong to want to progress in life. Bettering yourself and your circumstances is a praise-worthy ambition but when we are so busy looking at things we desire that we no longer appreciate what we do have, our perspective becomes tainted and we can quickly become resentful and disillusioned. Here are a few things to remember when you feel like what you have just isn’t enough:

Don’t compare yourself to others

If you insist on comparing your life with the lives of those around you there will always be an area where you come up short. The grass is greener on the other side of the fence because you haven’t had to water it and tend to it and have no idea what sacrifices it took to get it that way. Celebrate when someone else does well but don’t covert what they have. Learn what you can from those who are doing well but keep your focus on your own garden.

Have a ‘big picture’ point of view

So maybe right now you don’t think what you have is all that great (you’re wrong but that’s okay) but life isn’t just about one moment or one season. Being satisfied with your life and all that you achieve is a big picture thing – it’s about looking at life as a whole and appreciating the journey you’re on and that path you’ve already walked.

Have goals

This may sound like a contradiction but having goals for the future can make you more appreciative of what you have. Just because you want to achieve something new doesn’t have to make you less grateful for what you have. Working for something new can sometimes be the best way of reminding yourself of the work it took to get you to where you already are.

Added bonus

It can be hard at times to live in a place of being content with your lot. We all go through season of being dissatisfied but in the midst of the frustration it’s important to remember that our lives are a gift and that all that we have, has been given to us by God. The Bible reminds us that we shouldn’t be too concerned about what we own or have in life, we arrived on earth with nothing and when our lives are done we can’t take anything with us, everything we have in between is a bonus. True contentment and satisfaction is not found in achievement or possession but in a relationship with Jesus, it’s there that we find real peace and rest.

 

 

 

 

Be so much more than pretty

Donna Burke
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Be so much more than pretty

Most of us love beautiful things. Something that looks nice can be an absolute joy and we are naturally drawn to that which is aesthetically pleasing. Sadly, as so often happens, we have taken a good attribute and pushed it a little too far. Society today has forgotten that beauty goes beyond the outside appearance and is found in varied and wonderful expression. Instead, we have become more than a little obsessed with what a person looks like physically and focused more on the skin-deep attributes that will only change and weather over time.

It’s hard not to be aware of the pressure on young people, especially young girls, to look a specific way. Photo-shopped images, quick-fix diet solutions, cosmetic surgery and so on and so forth, are all for the purpose of changing the outward shell, but do little to create a well-rounded, confident and interesting individual.   During her TED talk, Victoria’s Secret model Cameron Russell pointed out that a study in the US found 53% of 11-year-old girls were unhappy with their bodies. This number increased to 73% by the time the girls reached 17. It’s a sad reflection on where we, as a society, place value.

As a mom of four, three of whom are girls, I feel the responsibility of raising my children with a more balanced appreciation of physical beauty. Looking nice is great, but it’s not everything. Of all the things that my children could be, pretty is not top of my wish list, even though I find my babies breathtaking (every mother feels that way about her children). Physical looks are, in many ways a lottery of genetics and popular culture. What was pretty 50 years ago may not be attractive tomorrow so there are other things we should cultivate and aspire to. Here are some of the things that I wish for my children that are worth so much more than being pretty.

Be Brave

Bravery is a powerful attribute. If you are brave whatever obstacles may arise, you face them head on. Bravery isn’t about not being afraid, it’s about not letting your fear hold you back and limit what you can achieve. There is an ancient saying that says

“Fortune favours the bold”

It reminds us that we often find rewards that we would otherwise miss out on, if we choose to be brave and step out. If you want to achieve anything in life you must have the courage to face things that may scare you.

Be Kind

Showing kindness and compassion to others should really be considered a super power. A simple act of kindness can transform someone’s day or possibly change a life. Kindness also happens to be addictive and contagious. The kinder you are, the more you want to be kind, and the more those around you will follow your example. We were made to take care of those around us, it’s not a trait that you either have or you don’t, we all can be kind and are internally wired to feeling amazing when we show kindness to another person.

Be Passionate

Passion, enthusiasm, excitement; whatever you want to call it, be that! Feel deeply about something, find a cause, look for things that move you to joy; or to action; or to tears, but invest part of who you are in things that you can be passionate about. Without something to be passionate about life can be very dull and sadly lacking in purpose.

Be Wise

Intelligence is great but not everyone has a super high IQ score. However, being able to use the smarts and knowledge that you have, and apply it in a way that brings benefit, shows wisdom.   A wise person will be able to navigate challenges and obstacles without causing more issues for themselves and those around them.

“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.” – Miles Kington

Be Curious

Curiosity may seem like an odd trait to desire but a yearning to ask questions and to seek out answers broadens your horizons and makes the world a much bigger place to explore. Curiosity will also teach you that not everyone thinks, feels or looks the way you do and spurs you on to discover more about the diverse and expansive world we live in. You will never be bored if you are curious and the world becomes a much richer and more wonderful place as you seek out the answers to your questions.

 

There is nothing wrong with being beautiful, looking nice or taking pride in your appearance. In fact the Bible tells us that we are God’s masterpieces, beautifully crafted and who ever saw an ugly masterpiece?  However, the problems start when you pursue external ‘perfection’ above everything else. It’s a fools game because there will always be something to change or something else to desire.  There is a an old saying that goes:

“Beauty is only skin deep but ugly goes to the bone”

If you neglect to cultivate character and inner strength, your outward appearance will never truly cover those flaws and a truly beautiful person (whether male or female) is someone who has character and who understands their worth.  The Bible tells us that physical charms are only temporary and outward beauty is vain but a woman (or a man) who seeks after that which is eternal and a relationship with God has made the wisest of choices.

 

If this post has spoken to you please leave a comment or click on the link.

Why do little things cause big problems?

Donna Burke
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Why do little things cause big problems?

Just because something is small doesn’t mean it can’t cause a whole lot of trouble. In fact sometimes, the very fact that something is tiny means that it can cause much more trouble than if it were bigger and more obvious. Little things can remain unseen and undetected which can translate to them being completely overlooked – giving them much more time to create major havoc!

A drop in the ocean

Did you know that as little as just under a litre of oil has the power to contaminate over 945,000 litres of water? Not only that, but that same amount of oil can create a slick on the surface of the water of around 2 acres in size. That’s an incredible amount of damage when you consider how small one litre actually is.

A grain of sand

Recently my family went out on a day trip to a dam, the kids were having a ball in the water, until my daughter cut her foot open. Although it was sore, the cut didn’t look too big so we cleaned it up and put on a bandage so that it could heal. She was limping for a while but the wound soon closed up and everything looked okay until she pointed out to us that there was a lump under the surface where the cut had been. Something obviously wasn’t right, so we took her to the Doctor, who reopened the wound to see what was wrong.

The problem, and lump, were both being caused by the tiniest piece of grit. It must have got trapped when she cut her foot but it was so small that we missed it when we cleaned the wound. It may have been too small for us to spot but it wasn’t too small to cause continuing damage.

How bad can it be?

It doesn’t matter how small or insignificant something is in life, if it is allowed to be somewhere that it shouldn’t be it can cause some big problems. It could be a negative thought that may seem insignificant, but if you allow it to linger it can become something much bigger and more toxic. What about a relationship that isn’t as healthy as it should be or a bad habit that you think you can kick at any time but when left unchecked puts down much stronger roots than you thought possible. On the other hand, it might even be a ‘white lie’ or a dishonest act that you did without thinking, but causes all sorts of problems down the line.

Less than intended

The word sin tends to cause all sorts of reactions in people. Debates are raging as to what is sin and what isn’t, and far too many of us allow this little word to trip us up completely. We tend to think of a sin as being something bad or evil, but the American preacher Billy Graham describes it this way:

“A sin is any thought or action that falls short of God’s will. God is perfect, and anything we do that falls short of His perfection is sin”

God created us with a purpose and a standard in mind. It was perfect. When we choose to allow things into our life that aren’t meant to be there, and that don’t measure up to God’s standard, that’s sin. Just like a piece of grit or sand stuck in your foot, it may be small and insignificant but it’s in the wrong place and will cause irritation and pain and possibly change the way you walk. In order to correct the problem, the cause of the issue must be removed and like a doctor taking out a piece of grit, God wants to take away the things that are causing us to be less than we were made to be. The Bible tells us that God wants to remove our sins as far from us as the east is from the west, all we have to do is ask Him.

If you would like to know more or if this post has spoken to you, please leave a comment or click on the link.

The pursuit of happiness

Donna Burke
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The pursuit of happiness

Deep down all that the majority of us really want is to be happy.   Sounds simple enough but happiness for some people is surprisingly complex. Is happiness based on your relationships? Is it affected by your health? What about your financial status or material wealth? What happens if you have everything you want and you’re still not really happy? I told you it was complex.

Always look on the bright side

The London School of Economics and Political Sciences recently conducted a study of 23,000 adults between the ages of 17 and 85. The finding concluded that there are two ages when people are at their very happiest, those being 23 and 69. So if you’re, like me, not either of those ages then you are possibly not as happy as you could be. However, it’s not all bad news. Regardless of your age, psychologists tend to agree that happiness is less about our situation in life and much more about our decision to be happy.

The greatest discovery of any generation is that a human can alter his life by altering his attitude – William James (Psychologist)

If you want to boost your levels of contentment here are a few things that may help you.

Be grateful

Gratitude and happiness tend to go hand in hand. When you appreciate what you have it focuses your attention on the good things in your life. Even seemingly negative situations can highlight things to be thankful for and cultivating gratitude makes you aware of all the things you have that you may otherwise take for granted.

Don’t compare

Measuring your life against someone else’s rarely leads to good things. It’s been said many times but it bears repeating that comparison is the thief of joy.   Celebrate other’s victories and be happy for those who achieve good things but don’t compare your journey to theirs.

Own it

You may not be able to control what happens in life but you are in control of how you approach the inevitable ups and downs.

Not everything that happens in life will be happy and it would be silly to pretend that every difficult or sad situation is less than it is, but you can decide to walk tall and keep going when you hit a bump in the road. You can’t control everything but you can choose how you respond.

Invest wisely

All of us have things that intrinsically make us happier.   Whether it’s being in nature, spending time with loved ones, solving problems or completing a task, learning something new, exercising and taking care of our bodies or just losing yourself in a great book, whatever it is for you, invest time in doing more of it. We are only given so much time on earth and using all our hours to do things that don’t give us a sense of satisfaction is a bit of a waste.

Keep active

I don’t know whether you’ve noticed but bored people don’t really seem to be very happy. People who are active and doing something, especially something they enjoy or that gives them a sense of purpose and accomplishment are much more likely to be happier than if they are at a loose end with nothing much to occupy themselves. Use your days and make them count.

Happiness is a choice not a result. Nothing will make you happy, until you choose to be happy. No person will make you happy, unless you decide to be happy. Your happiness will not come to you. It can only come from you. – Ralph Marston. (The Daily Motivator)

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Having healthy boundaries

Donna Burke
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Having healthy boundaries

The Oxford dictionary defines the word ‘boundary’ as meaning:

  1. A line which marks the limits of an area; a dividing line

  2. (Often boundaries) A limit of something abstract, especially a subject or sphere of activity

In other words, a boundary is about defining a space, setting a limit and drawing a line. When it comes to a boundary in relationships it is no different. Regardless of the type of relationship (for example, a friend, work colleague, parent or acquaintance) it is important to have clear boundaries so that the parties involved know what is and isn’t acceptable. If you don’t have healthy boundaries in life things get messy. Without boundaries, there are no limits and nothing to tell the people who you are interacting with who you are and how they should be treating you.

Wide-open spaces

While it may sound wonderful to be without limits or restrain in your relationships, the truth is that when there are no lines drawn you may end up being exposed and vulnerable. Someone without healthy boundaries is at risk of being controlled or manipulated by others, over-committing themselves in order to people-please, suffer from feelings of guilt or anxiety and find their relationships are mostly difficult and prone to drama. Being able to define your limits and communicate them to those around you, sets the tone for how you wish to be treated. It also speaks about the value you place on your self.

Stake your claim

Putting boundaries in place may feel like a monumental task, especially if it’s a new concept to you and you are worried about upsetting those around you. Fortunately there are a few steps that you can take that may help you on that journey.

Know your limits

It’s very difficult for someone else to successfully interact with you and keep to the appropriate spaces if you yourself don’t know what those spaces are. You need to find out how you feel about the way people treat you. Analyse what’s important to you. Know what you value and what really makes you crazy. Having this information will help you to know what’s okay and what areas are ‘no-go’ zones.

Be clear

As with just about any aspect of relationships, communication of your boundaries is key. It’s no good having a boundary but keeping it to yourself and then being offended when someone over steps the mark. Don’t be afraid to speak out and make your feelings heard. Knowing where you stand will help both parties and hopefully avoid unnecessary misunderstandings.

Learn to be flexible

Boundaries are good things but if they are set in stone they can becomes walls that isolate us from others. Just because you know your boundaries doesn’t mean that you have to say no to every request that doesn’t adhere to your ideals. Remember feelings and circumstances change and develop over time and your boundaries should also adapt when necessary.

Living a courageous life

Donna Burke
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Living a courageous life

What do you think of when you hear the word ‘courage’? Most of us would immediately picture something epic. Rescuing someone from a burning building maybe? How about swimming with Great White sharks or possibly jumping out of a plane? All these things take a measure of bravery (or madness) but courage isn’t limited to the daring or dangerous. It takes many forms and is a necessary ingredient to life.

Everyday courage

Courage is not the absence of fear, it is acting in spite of it – Mark Twain

Without fear there really isn’t any need for courage. No matter how confident and assured a person may seem, all of us feel fear from time to time. It’s how we deal with our fears that it the important thing. Courage isn’t about never feeling afraid or having doubts, it’s about not allowing your fear to stop you from doing what is needed.   Fear is a natural, necessary emotion designed to keep us safe from harm but if we allow it to, fear will keep us from achieving our dreams and goals.

Doing it afraid

The big question is how do you find the courage you need to face your fears? Here are some tips that may help:

Take a stand

It’s very difficult to be courageous if every time you feel afraid you run in the opposite direction. Avoiding situations that make you afraid won’t make you braver. You need to confront the thing you fear. Yes it might be scary but that’s the point! Remember, no fear means no need for courage. If you’re afraid of talking to new people, put yourself in situations where you have to do just that. If you are afraid of failing, try something new and challenge yourself.

Be inspired

Courage is contagious. Seeing someone else do something in the face of their fears can be the greatest encouragement to do the same. Find others who are being bold. It could be people you know or someone you read about but look for courage in others and let it inspire you.

Be honest

There is no shame in feeling afraid. Find people who you are able to be honest and open with about your fears. Look for those who won’t just sympathise but who will encourage you to rise above your misgivings and cheer you on as you boldly overcome them.

Keep the goal in mind

“If your dreams do not scare you, they are not big enough.” – Ellen Johnson Sirleaf (Africa’s first female President)

Courage is about doing something to achieve a purpose. You can’t be courageous for no reason, it doesn’t work that way. When you need to be brave remember what it is you are hoping to achieve. Let your dream or goal motivate you to face up to that which you fear and be bold.

Don’t be afraid

Fear can be a lonely place. It’s easy to feel ashamed or discouraged when our courage deserts us and it seems like no one is on our side. Finding the boldness to bravely confront our fears and the strength to stand can be difficult but in the Bible God say that we shouldn’t be afraid because in our fear, He is with us. He promises to strengthen us and help us when we are at our weakest and in need of courage.

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