Brett Fish, Author at 1Africa

Picking the right movie

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July 14, 2016

Choosing a good movie can be a bit of a minefield these days, right?

My wife tbV (the beautiful Val) and I just returned from celebrating our seventh year anniversary. We found a cheap cottage in the middle of McGregor (slash nowehere) cut off from the internet and work and distractions from home.

But before we left, our DVD store has a five-movies-for-five-days special which suited us just fine and it was my job to choose the movies. Which is such a hard thing to do because everyone has different tastes. My wife and I agree on a lot of things in life and tend to have similar movie choices for the most part so I hoped I would at least be able to get it mostly right.

I picked four movies (and they had to be older movies for the special) and one series we had been watching, and somehow managed to strike it gold on every single one.

So I thought it might be helpful if I gave four quick movie reviews in one, with the hope that those of you looking to find a good classic to watch might enjoy one or all of these.

THE TREASURES I FOUND

The four movies I chose were in alphabetical order: A Late Quartet, Begin Again, The Hundred Foot Journey and St. Vincent. Let me give you a brief overview in the order that we watched them.

St. Vincent: I am a huge fan of Bill Murray and he doesn’t disappoint in this coming of age type movie about a divorcing mom (played surprisingly powerfully by Melissa McCarthy, normally known for being over the top and boisterous in her roles) and her young son, Oliver. Murray plays the very unlikely saint candidate, Vincent, and is not the person you should choose to leave your son with, but McCarthy’s Maggie is struck for choice. With the strong support cast of Naomi Watts and Chris O’Dowd, this movie and Vincent works its way into your heart with a powerful climax where we get to see who Vincent really is through young Oliver’s eyes and words.

A Late Quartet: How do you go wrong with a movie boasting Christopher Walken, the late Philip Seymour Hoffman, as well as Catherine Keener in the roles of three of the members of a world-renowned quartet struggling along in the face of the mortality of life and the complexities of the relationships around them? Quartet is not a fast movie and focuses hugely on the individual characters and interconnected relationships of a truly dysfunctional family trying to find each other in the face of an impending tragedy. Stunning acting and cleverly crafted story-telling will pull you right in and have you gasping for air right up to the thrilling and satisfying climax.

The Hundred Foot Journey: With each of these movies, the actors in them played a huge part in my choice and Helen Mirren is no exception. Journey is a movie I had been wanting to see forever and also has the same kind of indie movie vibe that the rest of these choices contained, focusing on relationships and character, with storyline almost playing a supporting role in the background. Simply put, it is the story of relative newcomer Manish Dayal’s young character Hassan as he moves from being a cook in the shadow of his late mother’s family business to a Michelin-star accomplished chef. The movie follows the uprooted Kadam family as they find a place to land in France and compete with Madame Mallory’s Michelin-starred eatery which is directly across the road from them.

Begin Again: Lastly, this beautiful movie, from the same director that brought us Once (another classic) this time with Mark Ruffalo and Keira Knightley as a not-couple who start to find themselves through an unexpected and glorious music collaboration. After her breakup with her Adam Levine rock star “Dave Kohl” and with his broken marriage (Catherine Keener once again starring in a complicated wife and mother role) trailing behind him, the two manage to create magic on the streets through her music, which spills into their lives.

What connects all four of these movies are broken, hurting, flawed characters and the way each of them still manages to find some sort of redemption or beauty and togetherness in or through the lives of the other people around them. If you appreciate great acting and solid story-telling, any of these movies will be good for you to watch.

Do you pay a living wage?

Brett Fish

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July 11, 2016

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I ran a fun experiment on Facebook recently by asking people what they paid the person who cleaned their house. This is my status:

I’m interested to know what people are paying the women who come in to clean their houses. I know there has been a lot said about minimum wage vs living wage but just trying to find a ball park figure for someone who only comes one day a week. In light of a conversation I am having with a friend. Anyone able to share?

Having written a few controversial statuses related to money and what people earn and spend recently, I wasn’t sure anyone would respond. But they did. In numbers. And most of it was quite pleasant.

The wages ranged from R130 per day to R450 (which was for once every two weeks) with a friend who also shared how someone he knows pays their lady R5 500 per month (and have paid for her previous and present studies with the hope that she will move on in three years to better employment).

BUT WHAT SHOULD I PAY?

As with most situations in life, there are a number of different factors and it’s not necessarily as simple as just comparing amounts. But I hope that little experiment at least got some of the lower range end of people carefully considering what they are paying the person who cleans up after them.

Nigel Branken wrote an amazing article on it years ago (which you can read over here), in which he looked at the difference between minimum wage and what he called a living wage. It’s the idea of paying someone enough for them to live on, rather than simply paying the least amount you can legally get away with paying.

One of the things that challenged Nigel in the writing of the article was a verse that came out of the Bible in Isaiah 58 (verse 3) that essentially said: “You live with your pleasures while you exploit your workers”.

I have heard some incredible stories through the years of friends of mine who really make an active difference in the life and family of the person who cleans their house, looks after their children, or even works in their garden.

HOW TO DO BETTER

With many of these things, we tend to inherit a system or structure from someone else (ask what our friends are paying the person who cleans their house) instead of really thinking about it. A helpful tool is the Living Wage Calculator which you can find over here. You can enter what you are paying the person who works for you and as you scroll down you get to input more specifics and gain a better idea of what difference you are making and whether you need to pay more.

I think looking at the money is important, but even before that, it is a good place to start by looking at how we relate to the people that work for us. Do we treat them like human beings? Do we know their name (and if they have an easier-for-us-to-pronounce English name, have we bothered to learn their African name?)? Do we know the make-up of their family and how their children’s schooling is?

We have a long way to go still, but getting it right in our homes is a great way to start. By seriously considering how we pay and treat the people who do so much for us, we can perhaps begin in some small way to look at restitution, reconciliation, and a brighter future for us all.

What do you pay the person who cleans your house? And have you ever had some of these conversations with her? Share some thoughts in the comments below.

The BFG: A visual delight

Brett Fish

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July 7, 2016

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If you’re looking for a fun and brilliant movie to watch with your children, BFG it is.

I took my wife tbV (the beautiful Val) out to watch BFG as part of our seventh year anniversary celebrations and we were not disappointed. Steven Spielberg, who has seemed a little quiet of late, is back to his story-telling best, accompanied by an excellent digital effects team that bring Roald Dahl’s much-loved classic very much to life.

THE TEAM

Mark Rylance, fresh off his Best Supporting Actor win (for his role in Bridge of Spies with Tom Hanks), voices the title character, and newcomer Ruby Barnhill is Sophie, the little girl that he steals from the orphanage. They are both superb and give such warmth and demonstrate different perspectives of compassion in their particular roles. The film hangs on the relationship between the two of them and the plan they must hatch to prevent the other more aggressive giants (superbly led by Flight of the Conchord‘s Jemaine Clement) from eating more human “beans”.

With a superb blend between real world and animation it is almost impossible to tell where one ends and the other begins. From the streets of London to the dangerous Giant Country and into the secretive magnificent Dream Country where BFG plies his trade as a dream catcher, you will believe every part of it.

The story takes a bit of a sillier slapstick tone, which feels slightly out of place with the rest of the movie, when BFG meets the queen and has breakfast with her. But this scene is so delightful that the young children behind us were beside themselves when the queen and all her dignitaries started drinking the Frobscottle (knowing that this drink made from Snozzcumber, with bubbles that go down instead of up, is responsible for the biggest farts imagineable). Watching the BFG fed with a pitchfork and spade as cutlery and a watering can to pour his coffee really humanised the character for all of the palace folk.

A VISUAL SPECTACLE

For those of us who have grown up with Dahl’s BFG, the story is pretty much the same but it is the extravagance of visual delight that makes this particular telling of it so compelling.

From moments of fear and trepidation to smiles and belly laughs, this rendition delivers on all accounts. While younger children may be a little scared by some of the more frightening parts, I believe that BFG is an event that most families will really enjoy. Try and catch it on the big screen.

When your (real) friends show up

Brett Fish

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July 4, 2016

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Who are your friends?

If I posed that question to you, I imagine a number of names quickly come to mind. Some that you feel very confident about make it to the very top of the list. Then possibly some others that you’re not quite as sure of but you might add to the list to help make up numbers.

WHEN THINGS HIT FANS

Yesterday my wife tbV (the beautiful Val) and I moved house (again!). Having needed to move from our previous rented place six months ago and being unable to find a new place to rent till now, this became the second move since the beginning of the year (with a temporary stay with family in between).

We bought out a call on Facebook both times to see if any friends had time and inclination to come and help us move. It was interesting to see who responded.

Everyone is available when it’s a birthday party, a show or a celebration, but when it’s a move or a hospital visit or a crisis, that’s when you start to figure out who your real friends are.

STAND IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR

It’s easy to feel hard done by and disappointed when you put a need out into the open and not too many people respond. But perhaps a more helpful reflection is considering when last I helped someone move. How quick am I to jump to my friends’ calls for help when it’s not a particularly glamorous request? Ouch. Point made.

To be honest, my wife and I have some incredible friends in our lives and so we always know that we will have enough people jumping in to save the day when we are in desperate need. But we need to make sure that we are equally as ready to assist when they have needs.

I have heard many people moan about the state of their friendships. But I really believe that it is largely related to the state of the friendship you hold out. It borders on Hallmark card cheesy but I honestly believe that the best way to get a good friend is to be a good friend. It’s also the only variable we have any control over.

A HEALTHY DOSE OF GIVE AND TAKE

So, what kind of a friend are you? Are you someone who lifts up your friend’s needs above your own? In a balanced way, because you can also quickly become a doormat who only ever gives out and doesn’t receive and that is not helpful either. Good friendships are those which have a healthy balance between giving and receiving.

Is there perhaps a friend who comes to mind who you can reach out to and encourage today? Let them know one thing you really appreciate about their friendships. Good friends really are a gift from God.

Marikana: The importance of remembering

Brett Fish

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June 30, 2016

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Marikana platinum mine, near Rustenburg, August 16, 2012: 34 miners killed by police, at least 78 people injured.

June 27, 2016: A small carload containing a couple of activists and two of their children arrives at a house in Marikana for a last minute planned sleepover and a trip to the koppie where the massacre took place.

SETTING THE SCENE

I had flown up to Joburg a few days earlier to compete in the Icon Game and Comic convention’s Settlers of Catan competition. It had not gone well; I had been sick since the day after I arrived and it was starting to feel like this whole trip was a waste.

Monday rolls around and I’m staying with my friend Nigel Branken, who lives in Hillbrow and is involved in a number of exciting community development conversation and actions. We end up having coffee with a friend of his, Napoleon Webster, who has a house at Marikana, and before I know what’s going on, we’ve decided that a road trip and sleepover will be a great idea.

Suddenly this trip feels like it has done a 180 degree turn. Only a week ago had I finally managed to get my eyes on a copy of the Marikana documentary by Rehad Desai, Miners Shot Down, which I’d been wanting to see for months. I believe it is a must-see for anyone living in South Africa, trying to navigate issues or race and justice.

And suddenly, we, along with two sons of Napoleon and Nigel, are in a car, armed with blankets and braai food, heading for Marikana.

THE VISIT

On the way, we stopped off briefly at the Hector Pieterson monument, which is in the exact place where 13-year-old Hector was shot and killed during the Soweto uprising of 16 June, 1976.

Today, 16 June is Youth Day, reminding us how key the youth were in standing against the brutality of the apartheid government.

It was a brief but powerful moment to look back and reflect on a significant moment in our country’s history.

Then we arrived at Marikana and had a meal together and heard some stories as well as meeting a number of the residents of the area, many of whom are employed at the mines. We got to hear some of their story and circumstances and it was deeply moving.

The following morning we drove up before sunrise (with people already heading for work and the mine up and going already) and spent some time in silence at the koppie. The mixture of peace and presence combined with the memory of the footage I had seen just a week earlier, of violence and confusion and ruthlessness and collusion.

CAN’T WE JUST FORGET AND MOVE ON?

I find that many people who are not wanting to engage with issues of justice and race often bring that one up. The past is the past – can’t we all just move on?

George Santayana was the man who said: “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”

But the Marikana massacre was the single most lethal use of force by South African security forces against civilians since 1960. And it happened just four years ago. This is fresh. The scars have barely started to heal. Some never will. But in order to move forwards I am convinced that we need to keep the past close to us, as a reminder. As a motivator. As a warning of what we have been capable of and likely will be again.

WHAT CAN I DO?

I believe I was so privileged to get that opportunity and am so grateful to Nigel and Napoleon for making it happen. We probably can’t all hook up a sleepover at Marikana. But we can find a way to watch Miners Shot Down and start to educate ourselves on what is going on in our country.

We can get hold of books like How Can Man Die Better by Robert Sobukwe, Run, Racist, Run by Eusebius McKaiser or Begging to be Black by Antjie Krog. If you’re in Cape Town there is the Slave Lodge, the District Six museum or the Holocaust museum, whereas Joburg has The Apartheid Museum – all difficult places to walk through that help tell us important stories of our past.

There are independent movie makers who run regular movie nights all over the place, giving us a chance to hear the same stories through different voices as well as brand new stories educating us about where we are and where we’ve come from.

So many ways for us to really start growing our engagement with the story of our country past and present. And this I feel is vital if we want to be a significant part of helping tell a new interconnected story, which I think we all need to be doing.

Why not share a story in the comments section of something you read, or saw, or experienced, that helped you gain some momentum in this journey?

Eat, play, love

Lifestyle

Brett Fish

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June 27, 2016

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“Why don’t adults play more?”

That is the question I was asked on the Twitterer this week, after posting this quote:

“You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.” – Plato

And for a lot of people I guess that’s true. Play can be seen as something that is reserved for children or else just something responsible adults don’t have time for.

WE GOT TO PLAY JUST TO MAKE IT TODAY

Yet in some ways, it definitely does seem like play is on the increase. From mobile phone games to the increase of interest in board games; from online fantasy league sports competitions to adult colouring books; it looks like play is on the rise and that’s a good thing.

You may be surprised, as I was, to discover that the invitation for adults to use colouring books goes back all the way to renowned psychologist Carl Jung, whose reason for encouraging his patients to indulge in a little bit of keeping-within-the-lines was that he thought it would help them access their subconscious and new self-knowledge.

A lot of people are using things like colouring-in as well as simple mindless phone games or puzzles such as Sudoku as a bit of a breather from life – a de-stresser to help regain focus or to help center themselves in between activities.

WHEN PLAYING HELPS US TO GROW

When it comes to board games, there has been a large move from one dimensional single-strategy games like Monopoly, Risk, and Scrabble to multi-layered changing-board games such as Settlers of Catan, Carcassonne, and Game of Thrones. What this has added to simple game-playing is more complex strategising, collaboration, learning to read people, and problem-solving. So an overlap between work and play as well as general life.

There is also a move to combine food with games and so coffee shops containing a selection of board games customers can access or board games shops with a coffee and sandwich section are becoming more common. An example of this in Cape Town is the Big Box Cafe in Gardens that regularly hosts theme nights, competitions, and even all-night games sessions that you can enjoy while drinking a decent cappuccino and munching on a bacon, avo, and feta toasted sandwich.

As I write this article I am about to get on to a plane to Johannesburg to compete in the National Settlers of Catan competition, which is part of the Icon Comic and Games Convention 2016. I am topping my Formula 1 fantasy league on Superbru. And keeping a firm eye on the South Africa/Australia/West Indies cricket series that is heading to its climax. Because adults do play. It just looks a little different from when we were children.

How do you play? What games or activities have you found form part of your regular adulting life?

Show me the money (or don’t!)

Brett Fish

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June 23, 2016

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So recently the internet exploded, and it didn’t even involve a single Kardashian.

Well okay, maybe not quite exploded, but it did get a little frenzied after I asked it one little question: How much money do you earn?

HOW MUCH MONEY DO YOU EARN?

My wife and I had been out of the country for three years and since coming back I have been working freelance and she has been working for a non-profit. Before that she was studying and I was working for a church. So we realised that we had no idea what people are earning. And so we asked.

And it was so interesting to see how people responded. (If you are on Facebook and want to try an interesting experiment, ask your people what they earn]. It started off with a lot of crickets (as in nothing) for a long while, which is actually what I was expecting.

But then people slowly started to venture in and give general ideas of salaries of people in different industries. And then a surprising thing happened when one or two people jumped in and shared their actual salaries (and what job they were in), which opened the flood gates to a lot more people doing that. So we ended up with quite a decent understanding of how things looked.

DON’T SAY THE ‘M’ WORD

There was some great conversation about why speaking about money feels like such a difficult thing. One woman said that her parents found it easier to talk about sex in their home than money. And because I knew that for so many people that was likely to be a thing, it was one of the motivations for asking the question in the first place.

But why don’t we talk about money? People said because of culture or being polite (But how is that polite? Who decided that talking about money was impolite and what were their reasons?) or not wanting to brag and various other reasons. Some people were unable to divulge their salaries because they had actually signed no-reveal clauses when they were hired, which is obviously something they have to keep to.

But I imagine that for most of us, it was something we grew up with and we just never asked why. We know “it’s a bad thing to talk about money” but only because someone told us that.

THE CAUSE OF ALL EVIL?

In the letter to Timothy in the Bible (chapter 6, verse 10) Paul writes that “The love of money is the root of all kinds of evil.” So money itself is not evil. But when we get captured by its lure; when we are addicted to having more and more of it; when we become comfortable with a lifestyle it affords us while refusing to consider those who are struggling to even get food on their tables; when we spend all our lives chasing it; that’s when it can become a problem.

I wonder if all this secrecy we’ve drawn around it might not be working against us, though. Perhaps some of the hiding away of my wealth is because I am ashamed to say it out loud in the midst of your poverty. We find safety in always pointing to someone wealthier than us so that we don’t feel the need to change.

What are your thoughts on the money we earn? Is your salary something you would share on social media? Do you think we should know what pastors earn? Or politicians? Is there a challenge you are facing at the moment with how you deal with your money? Please share some thoughts in the comments section below.

The perfect chocolate melt

Lifestyle

Brett Fish

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June 20, 2016

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I once read a quote that said, “Forget love, I want to fall in chocolate.” And while if I had to choose, I’m pretty sure love would win, I’ve not too much doubt that chocolate would come in second.

Let’s just say I’m a fan. But not in the way that people tell me they are big cricket fans but then don’t get up at 3 am like me to drive over to someone else’s house with DSTV to watch the South African/Australia test series. I’m talking a real fan.

And so over the years I have done a lot of experimentation to try and discover just what the perfect combination of chocolate is. I tend to be someone who lives on budget and so I’m going to exclude “money is no object” extravaganzas and make this more a “for the person on the street” kind of experience.

THE BIG FIVE

5. Divine Lindt

Coming in at number five because it is an exception to the rule I just established above, was the time I was given a bag of Lindt balls and decided to melt ten of them in a mug and eat that with a teaspoon (and science has proved that eating melted chocolate with a teaspoon is a much higher experience than a normal desert spoon, and by “science” I mean “me”). So that is the expensive person’s choice, but it was so so good.

4. The Milo paste

I was never a big fan of drinking Milo as a child, and am still not. But a tin of Milo on a youth leader’s training camp and teaspoons (a common theme) all round and it would be demolished quicker than you can say “Chubby bunny”. If you have never eaten a teaspoon of Milo, you should step away from whatever technology you are reading this on, go and find a tin, and give it a go.

But… the really great way to eat Milo is with a little bit of milk to make it into a thick paste and you can throw in some chocolate chips for variety. It makes a great companion to a movie or your latest binge-watch TV show. The paste also works with Nesquik, and I find a combo of the two is really amazing.

3. Nachtmusiek or chocolate shots.

I try to get a bottle of Nachtmusiek as a gift once a year on my birthday. It is a chocolate liqueur so a thick chocolaty drink with the tiniest kick, and so, so good. We recently went to the Spice Route in Paarl for the first time with friends and they served chocolate shots, which I have had at one other place in Cape Town and also in San Francisco when we were there – and they have to rate as highly. A short mouthful of solid chocolaty goodness is always a hit.

2. The Deck

My top go-to on the Melted Chocolaty Goodness Spectrum (this should be a thing!) after many years of experimentation is a melted slab of good old Top Deck.

The way it works for me is to grab a slab and break it into its individual pieces. Then break each of those in half if you can. Stick in a microwaveable bowl and put it on for thirty second increments, stirring after each one and feeling when it is done.

Then, grab two teaspoons (’cause let’s face it, why would you not want to share this incredible experience with a good friend or partner) and your favourite sporting event (for me it used to be Formula 1 but now would more likely be cricket) and indulge away.

1. The Plot Twist

For years, the microwave-melted Top Deck would have topped this list. But then a happy accident occurred. Someone had given me one of those giant 200g Top Deck slabs and I left it on my car dashboard while I was driving home. It was a really hot day and the chocolate was completely melted by the time i got home.

I had an idea and cut the corner off the chocolate and squeeze drank a whole 200g slab of Top Deck. Mouth heaven. For some reason sun melted chocolate is a lot better than microwave-melted chocolate. Which is why a slab of Top Deck melted (preferably on a car dashboard for nostalgia’s sake) and then drank out of the packaging wins my number 1 chocolate melt for reasonably budgeting people.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

Which brings us to you. You wouldn’t have made it this far down if you were not a fan of the chocolate. What is your absolute favourite chocolate thing? Is there something on this list that you are now keen to try? Let us know how it goes in the comments below. And please let us know if there is something you think we missed.

Save your marriage before you need to

Brett Fish

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June 13, 2016

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My wife tbV (the beautiful Val) and I have been married for close to seven years and we attend marriage counselling.

I know, I know, it sounds a little bit like an AA confession. And I think for most people it will be. The idea of marriage counselling for a marriage that is not in trouble may seem a little strange.

CART BEFORE THE HORSE?

Most people I know who get married have a series of counselling sessions before the wedding to prepare them for the journey ahead. This is a good thing. But a lot of it is hypothetical stuff, especially for the couple who at that point are typically zoned-in on the wedding day and not much beyond that is actually being taken on.

Then we have the wedding day, and in another mysterious tradition we put all the finances and focus and attention on that one day as if it is the end point, whereas in reality that is just step one of an exciting journey. The crowds show up, the music, the presents, the food, and an amazing day is had by all…

…and then… crickets.

Now that you’re married, you’re on your own; best of luck to you.

WHEN MARRIAGE COUNSELLING HELPS

But then comes your first fight as a married couple. Then comes the realisation that you both have very different ways of dealing with finances. Then comes the moment that you realise that his parents want to have a much larger say in your day-to-day life than you had expected. Perhaps she totals the car, or you lose your job, or you both face the after-effects of a miscarriage.

One thing a lot of people fail to tell you about marriage going in, is that it can be difficult! You’ve lived the majority of your adult life on your own, making all your own decisions, spending your money how you choose, and now suddenly there is someone else involved in all of those decisions.

Which is where marriage counselling comes in.

To be honest, there were some big issues that tbV and I had when we started receiving marriage counselling. But we found that getting an external perspective on different things we were struggling with really helped us, even when those issues weren’t around any more. It has also helped us do conflict so much better when other issues have come up.

And it’s for that reason that I really want to suggest that all married couples consider signing up for some sessions.

WISDOM FROM THOSE WHO HAVE WALKED THE PATH

It doesn’t have to be a professional counsellor – maybe it’s even just being able to find an older couple who you both respect and who will agree to hang out with you at regular intervals.

For too long counselling has carried the stigma of being a sign of weakness, whereas seeking out ways to improve your walked out journey can only be a beneficial thing. It helps having people who have faced issues you are working through or might be able to give you an outside perspective that sees past some of your blind spots.

I would love to hear stories from anyone else who has been to some form of counselling and found it helpful and life-giving.

The beautiful duckling

Lifestyle

Brett Fish

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June 6, 2016

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So yesterday i was sitting with a grade six guy helping him translate The Ugly Duckling into Afrikaans (as one does), when something hit me.

I looked across at A and asked him, “Do you like this story?” (he was reading it for the first time)

He said, “Yes” without really thinking.

I asked him, “Do you think it’s a nice story?”

He thought about it for just a short while and responded, “Actually, no!”

And you know what, he was right.

The Ugly Duckling is a horrible story.

Just like all those nice fun nursery rhymes we grew up singing that we discovered were all about children dying from the plague (you know, Ring a ring of roses and the rest), it’s a story we were told and we were mesmerised and what a happy ending and everyone lived happily ever after… but the problem with being taught things, and not how to critique things, is that all you are left with are the things.

For any of you who might have escaped hearing this diabolical tale, it is basically the story of a “duckling” who is actually a baby swan but somehow his egg gets mixed up among some duck eggs and so when he is born he is ugly and all the other ducks hate him and tease and bully him (’cause that’s what we do to ugly people, right?). Throughout the whole book he is just looking for love, friendship, and acceptance. And then one day he manages to survive till old age and looks at his reflection in the water and he has been transformed into a beautiful swan – and of course now everyone loves him and wants to be like him. What a piece of crapamole!

But really? What a horrible life lesson to teach kids. You are only acceptable when you look good. And we ate it up.

Because we were told stories, we weren’t taught to think

If you’re a parent reading this, then as a non parent (but one who grew up with parents, so that has to qualify me for some measure of understanding and wisdom; and one who has lived with a number of parents) this might be one of the most important lessons you can teach your children: to critique, to think, to question, to ask why until you get an answer that somewhat satisfies you (even if that answer is, “I don’t know!)

Teach your children to think

As adults, many of us need to grasp that one as well – and mostly perhaps those of us who weren’t taught it growing up.

We certainly weren’t taught it much in school – we were taught 1 + 1 = 2 and that the capital of Africa is Africa is not a country, Americans – that was a trick question. But we were taught facts, or at least the appearance of facts. When what we needed (especially growing up in apartheid South Africa) was to be taught to question: Why does it seem that white people are viewed as better than black people? Why are these beaches for only white people and those beaches only for black people? And so on.

As a follower of Jesus, this story is even more offensive to me.

Why? Because we believe that everyone is created in the image of God.

Which is why we are against abortion.

It’s why we are against euthenasia.

It’s why we are against murder.

It’s why we are anti war.

It’s why we are against looks based plastic surgery.

A fundamental belief of ours is that the image of God exists in every person (which is why if we are truly following Jesus we will never ever give up on someone – God has the power to transform the worst of people) and that when we dishonour that image in any way we dishonour God.

Does that mean we are born looking like God? Not at all. But it means that inside of us exists the seed, the image, the fingerprint of God, and that when we embrace that we start to become the God-like people we were created to be.

We grow up though in a world that has embraced the image of self. Which is why disgusting stories like The Ugly Duckling are able to be told and embraced, because it is the lie we have believed from birth: that this is all about me.

You are beautiful. Within you lies the image of God and the invitation to follow Jesus is the invitation to become all that you were meant to be.

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Brett Fish

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