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Twitter: Are you a tweeter or a retweeter?

Brett Fish
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Twitter: Are you a tweeter or a retweeter?

I made this statement on Twitter the other day: Imagine if the logo for Twitter was a cute little pig rather than the bluebird – all our messages would probably be called Oinks.

It got a decent number of likes and retweets and even a little bit of conversation going. It was nothing super significant and I don’t think it changed the world at all, but for a few minutes it made people smile and think about happier things and engage in some connection.

TWEETER OR RETWEETER

For me, that was not the norm. I would like to spend more time being creative both in significant and inspirational ways, and also in just plain fun ways. But the majority of my Twittering is spent on liking, retweeting and clicking on interesting looking links that other people tweet.

Well, apart from the number one South African Hashtagging game that I have shared about before. The name of my game is not ironically called @AFrikkinHashtag (say it out loud) and that involves a lot of creativity and some creation (but again also predominantly likes and retweets).

Some people tend to generate more content than they share: I think of my mate Grant Hinds who mostly uses Twitter to post links to the Gaming You Tube channel he has which is hugely popular.

While others simply find things that make them laugh or inspire them and the majority of their activity on Twitter is sharing that with others.

So which one are you?

TO TWEET OR NOT TO TWEET?

The cool thing about Twitter (as with most forms of social media) is that there is no single right or wrong way of doing it. It’s largely about finding out what works for you and your audience if you have an audience.

Some people use Twitter hugely to expand their business marketing, others use it to gain exposure for their artwork, some people bounce in and out for a fun little moment during the day, whereas some people seem to almost live on it.

As with anything, I would warn about being sucked in too much and having it ‘take over’ your life. Too much of anything tends to be a bad thing. So figure out your rhythm and your style and let it work for you, rather than against you.

THE AFH LOUNGE

Shortly after starting the Hashtagging games I have spoken about I started a private messaging group on Twitter. It operates similar to a Whatsapp group on your phone or even a Facebook group. Basically the invitation is extended to anyone who co-hosts a game with me to become a part of what we call The UnNamed Ones. It’s really collection of present and past co-hosts of the game.

But The AFH Lounge has become more than that, because it has really developed into a strong community. Because I have had co-hosts from a number of countries including Holland, India, Australia, England, Canada, America and of course South Africa, it has become an international affair. Which means for someone it is always daytime and so there is usually a buzz of conversation in there which is great.

It’s just been another way of using Twitter for good, to bring people together. At the moment there are about twelve to fifteen regular people in there sharing laughs, serious moments, highs and lows with family and friends and just getting to know each other better. It has been such a huge bonus to running the game.

What about you? If you are someone who has a Twitter account, how would you describe your relationship to the Blue Bird? Are you a part-timer or someone who is regularly in the mix of things? Have you ever met someone in real life who you started off meeting on Twitter? We would love to hear those stories in the comments.

Gluttony: When it becomes its own reward

Brett Fish
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Gluttony: When it becomes its own reward

I have a saying that goes ‘Gluttony is its own reward’.

As we sit a day or two after Christmas and reflect on that statement, I wonder if it is was true for you this year?

Twas the day after Christmas

And All through the House

Not a Creature Was Stirring

Not Even a Mouse 

The Belt Buckles were loosened

As both women and men

Had thrown themselves at the feast

As if they’d not see food again

Does that poem describe your Christmas eating? I really hope not. As I am writing this before Christmas, I want to prophetically state that it will not be true for me. Not this year but it definitely has been that before.

And it really is so stupid.

ENJOY THE TASTE

One of the reasons for it at our Christmas dinners is that it is the one time a year that my mom makes her incredible pumpkin fritters. I have never tasted anyone else’s that come close to hers and so of course I have to make sure I eat about thirteen of them.

Another huge issue when we dinner at my folks has been the enormous selection of food. My mom loves to make all the things all the people like and so generally it ends up being a lot. My mistake is often feeling like I have to have a generous portion of everything. I typically run out of plate. It is not good.

In the past I have traditionally had to have a break between mains and dessert (of at least an hour) to go and lie on the couch and feel bad because of over-eating. Which is okay, if you do it once, right? But year after year? When does the learning kick in? And surely I am not the only one falling for this, right?

A CHRISTMAS RESOLUTION

Fortunately I tackled this a couple of years ago. Unfortunately I’m over 40 years old and should have dealt with it a couple of decades ago – clearly a slow learner.

So the last few Christmas meals have been a lot more enjoyable, because I have slowed things down. Eaten as if I am going to eat again the following day. As if the food is not going to be all gone by the time I want to go back for seconds. I think last year I was actually able to go straight into dessert without needing the break. Progress.

I think learning this lesson well around the Christmas meal table is something that will benefit us across the rest of life as well. We tend to get attracted by ‘shiny things’ in all different shapes and forms: The latest entertainment, the new car or clothes brand, the very newest latest cellphone, and more. Greed trumps need, and it leaves a wake of waste in its path.

I imagine it would be tough for us to sit together and come up with a definitive list of ‘What we need to get by in life’ that everyone would agree on. But I imagine that most of us would probably admit that we have a lot of things that fall outside what that list would look like for us. What if, as we head towards a new year, we commit to living a life that sticks a little bit closer to that list?

CULL THE FAT 

How about taking this challenge as a good way to head towards the start of another year?

If you’re a couple or a family, you can do this together and if you’re single maybe invite some friends to do it with you to get that sense of community togetherness. Go through every room of your house, look at your stuff and get rid of the excess.

If we’re talking clothes for example, maybe a good line to use is if you have not worn something for the last year, get rid of it. What shoes do you not wear any more? Same thing.

Kitchen accessories that you never make use of, tupperware containers that live untouched in that cupboard, sporting equipment you are done with. And so on.

Better than throwing any of this stuff away, why not look for a person or a place that will make good use of it (preferably someone who might not have the opportunity to buy it for themselves). But only if it’s in decent condition – we need to learn to move away from a place that says it is okay to pass our junk on to someone else. Let’s give some good quality stuff away.

If gluttony is its own reward (and a really horrible ‘reward’ at that) then imagine what it might feel like to venture on to the other side. Let’s commit to pacing ourselves with food and spending and things. Choosing to enjoy what we have more and sharing what we can with those around us.

How about it? Any of you in? Share your stories in the comments below.

Shalom: Peace to a world in conflict

Brett Fish
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Shalom: Peace to a world in conflict

What does peace mean?

When we hear the word, I think most of us tend to think of a definition along the lines of ‘an absence of violence’. But I think it is a lot more than that.

SHALOM

I love the Jewish definition of the word ‘Shalom’ which is often translated in the bible simply as ‘peace’. But it means so much more.

Shalom is more a combination of completeness, soundness, welfare and peace.  It is both applicable to an external lack of violence between two entities, as well as the presence of an inner sense of well-being and peace within an individual.

When you think of two small children fighting. Our simple idea of peace is that the conflict would end. But the idea of a biblical Shalom would see a restored relationship and friendship emerging in addition to that. How much more beautiful a concept is that?

Our world is definitely in need of this kind of Shalom in so many places, right?

DO YOU BRING PEACE?

As I sit down to write this, I am looking forward to an event that is happening tonight. It is a story-telling and thank-you session for a group of people who volunteered as Peace Justice Witnesses on different university campuses. In the last few months as student protests disrupted and threatened to lead to violence in South Africa, a number of people signed up to be agents of peace and hopefully de-escalation at our places of learning.

In some ways we saw that it was very successful. At other times not so much. But overall there have been stories that have come out from many different places of how these PJW teams had a positive impact.

I believe that part of the success was that we were not simply interested in peace. We sought Shalom. (Perhaps we should change our name to Shalom Justice Witnesses?) But more than just wanting violence not to happen, we had a deep desire to see conversation between staff and students, to seek solutions together and pave new ways going forwards. I guess we will only know in 2017 how successful those were, but for now it feels like there has been great progress.

I look forward to celebrating with those volunteers tonight because Shalom is an amazing thing to seek together.

PEACE IN 2017

We head into a new year, after what has been a terribly difficult 2016 for many people. A question each of us would do well to answer, is, ‘Where will I seek to bring Shalom in 2017?’

Is there a family relationship that requires assistance? An issue in my community that could use my voice or presence? Is there even perhaps a matter of national significance that I should get more involved in?

Before we enter 2017, we will celebrate Christmas. A time to remember that God stepped into the world. To usher in Shalom. More than simply wanting to put a stop to the animosity that existed between Himself and mankind, He wanted to offer something new. Calling it the Kingdom of God, Jesus spoke of a new way of doing things.

Instead of the selfish and greedy ways that the world seemed to gravitate towards, Jesus demonstrated firstly by serving and then by dying, that a greater world was possible. One where the first would be last. Where those who had been pushed to the side, would be seen and acknowledged and raised up.

Does that sound like something you’d like to know more about?

Letting go of unforgiveness

Brett Fish
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Letting go of unforgiveness

I’ve heard it said that holding on to unforgiveness is like drinking a cup of poison and hoping that the other person dies.

Now I don’t know your story and I don’t know what pain you might be carrying. Perhaps it is an argument you had with your husband this morning or maybe a friend did something on social media last week that really made you mad? But it might even be way bigger than that. Some of you reading this will be reeling with the effects of a broken relationship, it might have been physically, emotionally or even spiritually abusive. Or you may be living with the damage done by the drunk driver who ended the life of your best friend.

Whatever it is, what I do know is that if you hold on to unforgiveness, and the bitterness that so easily accompanies it, sooner or later it is going to start affecting you.

CAUSE AND EFFECTS

Back to the poison analogy. I have found in life that many times someone you are really angry with and embittered towards doesn’t even know about it. The anger and bitterness corrodes at your heart and emotions (and start affecting all your other relationships). While the other person often continues life blissfully unaware.

So the first thing to do is to approach someone and let them know that they have hurt you. If it is the case where it was something unintentional or unrealised then this can often be where the whole thing is cleared up without too much fuss.

But where it has been more intentional or malicious and they refuse to seek forgiveness or help put things right, then my suggestion to you is forgive them anyways.

WHAT FORGIVENESS ISN’T

Many people mistakenly think that forgiveness is saying that what the person did to you was okay. Actually it is quite the opposite.

It begins by acknowledging that what was done to you was not good and it is looking to make things right.

My best mate Rob had this analogy – when someone hurts you it is as if a fish hook has been placed in your skin with some fishing line and then another fish hook in their skin. You are both connected by the pain from what happened between you and it affects you both. When you choose to forgive that person though, it is like taking the hook out of your own skin and giving it to God. So the hook still remains in the other person’s skin – until such time that they realise they need to seek forgiveness – but you are refusing to let it cause you pain any more.

BEWARE THE WALLS THAT KEEP OUT THE GOOD

What many people who get hurt by someone do is build up an emotional wall around themselves. The hope is that no-one else will ever be able to hurt them again. But the reality is that by creating walls that keep people out, you are also keeping out positive things like love and friendship from other people who really do care about you.

The best thing to do is deal with whatever pain comes your way as it happens. Don’t let it linger on for days and especially not for weeks, months or years.  When you hold onto it, it will keep chipping away at you. What I have found super helpful is to have amazing people in your life who you allow to get close. Those who can add the love, respect and friendship that is needed to keep you strong.

Some of the bigger pains we have (losing someone, sexual abuse, broken relationships) might require that we see someone whose job it is to help people deal with these hurts. There is no shame in spending time with someone who has trained to be able to deal with stuff that we haven’t been able to get through by ourselves. Getting yourself some healing and learning some skills to help you move forward with life is sometimes the best thing you can do.

As we head towards the end of what has been a truly horrible year for so many people across the world, this is a good time to stop and reflect and examine your heart and soul. Is there anyone who has hurt you that you need to forgive? Is there someone you need to approach and speak about something they did or said in the hope you can resolve the problem? Is there a deeper pain from years ago that it is time to address and work through so that you can move on?

I hope that this end of year sees you free from any kind of bitterness or unforgiveness that might have been holding you back. Look forward to starting 2017 in a much better and more together space.

 

Lemony Snicket: A series of a series of unfortunate events

Brett Fish
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Lemony Snicket: A series of a series of unfortunate events

There is a new series of Lemony Snicket, and this time it’s heading to the smaller screen and it looks incredible.

Neil Patrick Harris (‘How I Met Your Mother’s Barney) is unrecognisable in the role of Count Olaf, famously played by Jim Carrey in the 2004 movie of the same name.

The movie actually inspired me to read the Daniel Handler book series (13 stories in all) which I thoroughly enjoyed. Delightfully dark as a children’s series and yet with miraculous escapes for the children at every seemingly impossible turn.

MISSION IMPOSSIBLE

It really could be renamed ‘Mission Impossible: Orphans’. The story centers around three newly orphaned children (Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire) who are being stalked at every turn by their evil uncle Count Olaf, who is trying to steal the family inheritance.

The trailer really seems to catch the gothic steampunk environment that the books are described as being set in. The casting of Harris as Olaf is unexpected but seems absolutely spot on. Shades of the Dr Horrible character he played in the 2008 ‘Dr Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog’ which became a cult hit. And with talent such as Catherine O’Hara, Alfre Woodard and Usman Ally making up the supporting cast, it really seems like this is going to become an immensely popular show.

If you have not yet been introduced to the world of Lemony Snicket (who is the voice of the author narrating each story) then I suggest you do yourselves a favour and get hold of the books as preparation for the tv series. Then head along to Netflix and pull up a front row seat.

Reach for the Kingdom

Brett Fish
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Reach for the Kingdom

What kind of kingdom would you want to be a part of?

Jesus spoke these incredible words to His followers:

‘But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.’ (Matthew 6, verse 33)

It can be easy to hear that wrong. After all, many of us grow up hearing the message of : ‘Reach for the stars. You can be anything you want to be. If you dream it, you can do it.’ 

Hollywood certainly feeds us that message as we see movie after movie of the unlikely hero conquering the odds to save the day. And win the girl in the process (as if girls are a trophy to be won, but that’s another article).

Sometimes we buy into it as well. It’s an easy thing to do – ‘All these things’ sure does sound like a lot of things.

LIFE IS LIKE A BOX OF CONTEXT

Which is why it is so important to read verses in context. Read by itself, Matthew 6.33 is the kind of verse you can build a movement around. And people will follow because, “All these things”.

But in the verses leading up to it, we see that Jesus is actually talking about what we eat and what we drink and what we wear. You know, the basics, the necessities, the things we need to survive. These are the things that Jesus is saying you will have if you seek after the things of God.

We might be tempted to look around the world and come to the conclusion that not everybody has these things. It might seem like God is not coming through on His promise.

Well two things on that:

Are people really seeking God first and His righteousness? Because that was the condition, right? And the reality is that too many people are seeking to build their own kingdoms. We like comfort, we like comfortable, we like easy and so we tend to chase after those things rather than sacrifice, service and the Saviour.

Do those of us who have the ‘these things’ use them well when it comes to other people? Jesus told us, ‘The poor you will always have with you’ which many take to mean a defeatist attitude of ‘we will never be able to have no poor people’.

But actually Jesus meant something else entirely.  In the Old Testament it says, ‘There will always be poor people in the land. Therefore I command you to be openhanded toward your fellow Israelites who are poor and needy in your land.’ This is what Jesus meant. The call has been made on us to be looking after those around us and when we fail to do so, then it results in people who do not have enough.

ENTER THE KINGDOM

This has maybe given you a bit of a different picture compared to what you thought Christianity was about. Simply put, if you seek after the things of God, then all your daily needs will be met. On top of that your purpose is to use your life and posessions to be part of creating a world where everyone has greater access to having their needs met.

Are you able to imagine what the world might look like if all of us started living that way and using our resources to that end? It certainly is the kind of kingdom I have been interested in my whole life and I’d love for you to take a closer look.

 

Which Jesus will you be celebrating?

Brett Fish
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Which Jesus will you be celebrating?

It’s officially 17 days ’til Christmas. Jesus’ birthday is bearing down on us.

That is, if you ignore the whole “wasn’t born on the 25th of December” nonsense, of course.

As we gear up to “celebrate Jesus” (with a celebration that tends to look a whole lot more like it’s celebrating us) the question must be asked – which Jesus are we celebrating?

MIRACLE BABY IN A MANGER

Millions of people around the world will soon be singing that much-loved Christmas carol, ‘Away in a Manger’, with that completely ridiculous line ‘the little Lord Jesus, no crying he makes’.

Unless that was the real miracle of the Christmas story? Because you have a baby who is living in a cold and damp stable, surrounded by stinky animals, lying on hay (Have you ever felt hay? It’s sharp and prickly and if you’re sitting or lying on it, it can get itchy). I’m no parent, but if you’re telling me that this baby isn’t screaming his lungs out, at least for a good portion of the time, then this story is really unbelievable.

“But it’s just a song!” Yes, but if we’re singing lines in a song that aren’t true, do we need to be questioning what else about Christmas time we have edited to make it sound and feel good?

TIS THE SEASON TO BE GREEDY

The reality is that Jesus came into the world to swim against the tide. He came to tackle the present Empire and show it to be contrary in almost every way to the kingdom that He came to proclaim.

We see it in His life.

Jesus was constantly reaching out to those who were marginalised – woman and children pushed to the outskirts of the crowd; those of other cultures and those whose sickness literally kept them outside of the town; the poor and the destitute and the social pariah. Jesus called them near, and listened to them, reached out and touched them, invited them to follow Him.

We hear it in His words:

Woe to you who are rich, for you have already received your comfort. Woe to you who are well fed now, for you will go hungry. Woe to you who laugh now, for you will mourn and weep. Woe to you when all men speak well of you, for that is how their fathers treated the false prophets. (Luke 6: 24 – 26)

But also, ‘Love your enemies’ and ‘Turn the other cheek’; ‘Choose between God and money’; ‘Rejoice when you are persecuted’ and ‘Deny yourself, take up your cross daily and follow Me’.

We experience it in His death.

As a bloody, bruised and beaten Jesus uses some of His last breath, to speak out the unspeakable: Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.

WHICH JESUS IS IT ANYWAY?

Christmas tends to be a time of greed – of selfishness and gluttony. All things that the Jesus we are meant to be celebrating was against.

In the way that we celebrate His birth, can we at least be reminded of His life and His death and all that those were meant to achieve. A connection with God and people that completely supersedes anything we have known or experienced before. One that refuses to spend thousands on our pleasure when there are people living without even their basic needs being met. And those people are right on our doorstep.

Jesus told a story about the rich man and a man named Lazarus in Luke 16. Abraham’s response to the rich man who calls out to him from hell in agony, should be a reminder and watch word for all of us as the season approaches:

Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, while Lazarus received bad things, but now he is comforted here and you are in agony.

Take a moment and ask yourself – are you celebrating the fictitious baby who doesn’t cry at all when placed upon scratchy, uncomfortable animal food? Or the Man who took off his cloak, got down on His knees and washed the feet of the people who followed Him, reminding us in action as well as word, that the one who is last will be first.

Let’s see if we can find creative ways of celebrating Jesus this Christmas that embrace who He was over who we are. Who are the people you can invite to your dinner table to enjoy the feast with you? Who are the families in need whose lives can be transformed by the gift you are able to give, as opposed to those around you who more than likely could have bought for themselves what you have got for them?

Which Jesus will you be celebrating? And how will you do so.

The symbol formerly known as human

Brett Fish
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The symbol formerly known as human

‘Everyone in South Africa is always a human and a symbol at the same time.’

That was a comment someone made last night in the Q and A time we had after watching Ameera Conrad’s excellent play, ‘Reparation’.

They were discussing the complexity of race and the make up of a human being and how fitting into one category doesn’t necessarily remove you from another. Which I think is something most of us don’t realise. It was certainly an eye opener for me last night just heard it being said out loud.

THE TENSIONS WE CARRY

Typically life demands that we carry certain things in tension all the time. Things which seem to contradict and yet have to be held together because there is no separating them. So I am a son to my parents and I am a brother to my sisters but I am also a husband to my wife. Those are all man roles and yet all very different and require different things of me and sometimes those roles might overlap or contradict. At those times some juggling has to happen.

If you start examining privilege, then these things start to increase almost exponentionally. So I am a male in a largely patriarchal society (and let’s be honest, world) but then I am also a white male in a country where white is the minority but also used to be the oppressive ruling power. Layers upon layers.

Who I am and how I live is the most important thing. I can’t personally allow myself to be defined by those labels BUT at the same time, I am being defined by those labels every day. That’s where the symbolism comes in.

SYMBOLS WRAPPED AROUND HUMANS

I might be a really great guy. I might be someone who completely is against the patriarchal ‘Men run things – women bring them coffee’ mentality and way of doing things. But when a woman sees me outside of any kind of context or relationship, I represent a symbol of something that might have been very painful to her.

The symbol of a man might represent a silencing of her voice, an abuse of power, a sexual harrassment (or many), a distant father, someone picked for a role she is more capable of doing and so on. Before I am me, I will be seen as a man. I will be viewed as that symbol.

Same with race. I might be someone who is fighting for racial unity, who is protesting against systems and structures that 21 plus years later on in my home country of South Africa’s story still seem to be funneling towards whiteness. I might be completely fluent in a black African language and I might be in deep relationships with people of other colour and background to myself.

But the symbol of whiteness that I represent might also mean a silencing of someone’s voice, it might mean a pain towards their parents, it might be an attitude of superiority and a weakening of identity, it could be the symbol of oppression, of horrific words spoken or actions done. Before I am me, I will be seen as white. That symbol will be me.

THE IMPOSSIBLE DIVORCE

Among other areas of privilege I represent are being able-bodied, heterosexual, of the dominant religion in my country and I’m sure there might be more.

I cannot just stop being a man or white or able-bodied, heterosexual or Christian. Nor do I need to. But it can be helpful to be aware of them. When I meet someone for the first time, to realise the messages that I might be sending silently simply by being me. To understand when people show animosity towards me without getting a chance to get to know me, that it might be some of the things I symbolise that get in the way.

Once we realise that we are both human and symbol, then we can begin a journey of healing. As I said, the solution is not necessarily to get rid of the symbol and often we can’t. But it might be finding new ways of redeeming the symbol – working against the negative stereotype or history and presenting the best of that part of us.

What do you think? Is this something you have ever noticed in your own life? 

Break on through [to the other side]

Brett Fish
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Break on through [to the other side]

We chased our pleasures here
Dug our treasures there
But can you still recall
The time we cried
Break on through to the other side

Song lyrics: The Doors – Break on Through

One thing that Shane Claiborne wrote about in his book, ‘Irresistible Revolution’ was that the problem was not that rich people don’t like poor people, but that rich people don’t know poor people.

Yesterday, after presenting an Improv workshop in Cape Town for some young school children, I decided to catch the train home. When I got there, there was a two-hour delay on the train. So I had to make another plan.

Long story short there was a lot of walking and two minibus taxi trips. I absolutely loved those, because it has been so long since I’ve been on a taxi.

What blows my mind in South Africa is that probably most white people in this country have never been on a minibus taxi.

A FRIEND CANNOT BE AN OTHER

Another thing that is hard for me to get my head around is that most white people in South Africa have never stepped foot in a township.

A few months ago I visited my friend Nkosi and he took me to Shisa Nyama (which could boldly be translated as big plate of meat as that is what it is.) A line of braais (South African barbecues) on the edge of the township cooking some really great meat, where chicken might be seen as the side salad. It was an incredible experience and just a great time of getting a glimpse into where my friend lives.

Once you’ve visited a township with someone who lives there, you begin to have a very different understanding.

WHAT ARE THE WALLS YOU NEED TO CROSS?

You know the day destroys the night
Night divides the day
Tried to run
Tried to hide
Break on through to the other side

For some people it’s a minibus taxi or a third class train ride. For others it’s stepping into a township. But what would it be where you are? What are the artificial boundaries that have been created around you that help keep you away from people who are different to you in some way?

Because this isn’t just a Cape Town thing. It’s not even a South Africa thing. Some of it may be colour, some of it is class, some of it may be lifestyle or even religion. But there are things in place where we live and until we have crossed over and visited and looked and listened, we will likely sit with huge prejudice and judgement.

Any time we ‘Other’ someone for whatever reason we create a wall between us.

I found an island in your arms
Country in your eyes
Arms that chain
Eyes that lie
Break on through to the other side

But the moment we step towards. Or embrace. The moment we reach out and invite someone to share their story. That shift that happens when someone steps over the threshold into your house, or invites you to do the same at theirs. That is when relationships begins. And unity grows. Community starts to form.

How about if each one of us were to look for a way to ‘break on through to the other’s side’. Take your first taxi drive, jump on that third class train carriage, ask a township friend to show you around.

And then come back here and let us know how it went.

Christmas Day Evening and other new traditions

Brett Fish
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Christmas Day Evening and other new traditions

I am not a big fan of traditions… for traditions sake.

But I am excited – seven years into marriage – at the prospect of starting to creatively come up with our own.

Often when you get married, you inherit a whole new extended family (sometimes more than one) which can make celebrations tricky. Who goes where for Christmas? How do birthdays work? Where does the traditional New Year’s Veg out happen? And so on.

Each new family comes up with their own ways of navigating what can be delicate waters. For example, many couple I know take turns – your family this year, mine next year.

Which is great and fine and good and well and all, but also can lead to you, years down the line, realising that you have simply inherited the traditions of those around you. Which, if they are good traditions, can be a really good thing.

BUT WHAT ABOUT US?

My wife Val (aka tbV or the beautiful Val, to me) is really good at finding moments of pause and reflection in life. She introduced a beautiful tradition for us a few years ago in the advent season which is the lead up to Christmas.

We have a block letter sign that reads Eucharisteo (the Greek for Thanksgiving) and then a few lines of string that run along the walls, some teeny tiny pegs and some small pieces of card. Every day each of us have to write down one thing we are grateful for from that day. So instead of us jumping on the bandwagon of American Thanksgiving, we actually do thanksgiving for a continuous four weeks.

It’s a great way to remind yourselves, especially after a long, tiring and busy year, that there are so many things to be thankful for.

CHRISTMAS DAY EVENING

After we decided on Christmas Eve with my folks and Christmas day with tbV’s folks, all we were left with was Christmas Day Evening (I really like the sound of that). So we decided to claim it. To create a holiday tradition of our own.

This year will mark the first ever celebration of Christmas Day Evening and already it’s changed. We had the idea of just having friends over with leftovers and taking it easy at our place. But one of the key families we want to hang with has young children and it was going to be difficult for them logistically to bring them over to our place. So we just moved the whole party to their place.

So at the end of a full night and day of Christmas celebrations that people will largely be spending with family or friends, we will all converge. We will bring leftovers and dessert and drinks and have an agenda-free evening that might contain deep conversation or frivolous fun. There might be board games and there may even be karaoke. Who knows? The what doesn’t seem as important as the who, and we are very much looking forward to this who.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

The purpose of this post is not to get you stringing up a Thanksgiving Eucharisteo in your own house. It is not to encourage you to start your own Christmas Day Evening celebrations with dessert and leftovers. (Although you are very welcome to try either of those because they are two very amazing ideas!) But more importantly, to invite you to think about your own traditions. Those you already do. But maybe also something new you could start – as a couple, as a family, as a group of friends even. Or maybe as a single person if that is you.

The holidays are approaching – Christmas, Boxing Day and New Years – and so why not take some time now to consider a new tradition for one of those that you can invite others into?

It might be something you do by yourself on a day-to-day basis in the lead up to the big holidays. To quieten yourself down, to reflect, to celebrate, to remember.

Also it could be something you do with a special person or group of people. Something that takes you beyond the places you always go to. A new experience or practice or habit. So many options. I think sometimes we don’t make enough time to be creative.

So don’t miss out on this opportunity to put into place a new tradition that you can revisit every year at this time.

 

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