Fran Thring, Author at 1Africa

Inspiration from Stephen King

Art
Culture

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September 8, 2016

Choosing what to do in life is not easy. Some people grow up knowing they are going to be a pilot or a cricket player or a dancer. 20 years later they are doing that very thing. Some people aren’t too worried about what they do at work – if it pays the bills and keeps them occupied from nine to five, that’s good enough. For others of us, like me, finding your way through the wilderness of life decisions is a struggle.

I’m now at a place where I am happy. It has been a long long detour across rocky ground with lots of back paths. I work as a designer and I am also a freelance writer. It’s not quite perfect but I am moving steadily to a place where I am comfortable and fulfilled with what I do.

Somehow you need to figure out how to transcribe whatever is in your head or your heart to the world around you. The world is not always a kind or encouraging place. Your journey, especially as a creative person, may require years of effort, long months with insufficient finances and uncertainty.

For me, as a writer, when the going gets tough one of the best things I can do is look to those who have gone before me and succeeded.

Stephen King is one of the world’s most renowned writers. His books have sold more than 350 million copies, many of which have been adapted into feature films, miniseries, television shows, and comic books.

Let Stephen King cheer up your inner creative on its journey to purpose.

1. “Drive away and try to keep smiling. Get a little rock and roll on the radio and go toward all the life there is with all the courage you can find and all the belief you can muster. Be true, be brave, stand.”

2. “Books are a uniquely portable magic.”

3. “The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of because words diminish them – words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they’re brought out. But it’s more than that, isn’t it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you’ve said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That’s the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within, not for want of a teller but for want of an understanding ear.”

4. “Remember, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.”

5. “When asked, ‘How do you write?’ I invariably answer, ‘One word at a time,’ and the answer is invariably dismissed. But that is all it is. It sounds too simple to be true, but consider the Great Wall of China, if you will: one stone at a time, man. That’s all. One stone at a time.”

6. “Life isn’t a support-system for art. It’s the other way around.”

7. “Writing is not life, but I think that sometimes it can be a way back to life.”

8. “And people who don’t dream, who don’t have any kind of imaginative life, they must… they must go nuts. I can’t imagine that.”

9. “Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot of difference. They don’t have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.”

10. “It always comes down to just two choices: Get busy living, or get busy dying.”

11. “We fool ourselves so much we could do it for a living.”

12. “If a fear cannot be articulated, it can’t be conquered.”

13. “Love didn’t grow very well in a place where there was only fear.”

Slow down!

Fran Thring

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September 7, 2016

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I work in a digital agency, and agencies are notorious for being cut-throat and fast-paced. Basically, it takes a certain type of person to work there and a certain type of person to survive. You need to be efficient and hard working to an unhealthy degree. Why is this, you may ask? Every hour of work is billed and a client must pay. This means if I take a tea break – a client is paying for this. If I talk to a work colleague – a client pays for this.

Often, I find this mindset impacts my day to day outside of work. I start to get frustrated with cashiers who aren’t efficient, the old lady crossing the street, the never ending traffic to work.

Our culture is becoming addicted to speed. This addiction has even been given a name… hurry sickness.

Hurry sickness is “a continuous struggle to accomplish more things and participate in more events in less time, frequently in the face of opposition, real or imagined, from other people. Our pace of life is unhealthy. We accomplish more in less time, but at what cost?

Look at the life of Jesus – He never rushed. He didn’t cater to the world’s timing or demands. He simply did what he set out to do at his own pace. Hurriedness isn’t from God. A hurried life, although it seems like a full life, is not a good life.

A hurried life prevents us from knowing God.

Where is God? God is in the beginning… in the tiny hands of a baby, the call of an eagle, the view from a mountain top, a long stretch of beach and a gleeful giggle. God’s hand is everywhere we look and is reflected in everything good around us. A hurried world has no time for looking for God, no space to notice him, and no appreciation for his beauty.

A hurried life decreases compassion and empathy

Compassion is seeing the suffering or pain of another and desiring to help. Empathy is seeing the emotions of another person and feeling the same thing. Compassion and empathy disappear in hurried cultures. Rather than helping your neighbour or listening to a hurting friend or co-worker, we see this as a waste of time. We expect everyone to “get over” their problems and don’t rely on each other for support.

Jesus always made space for compassion, regardless of the demands around Him. He welcomed thousands of hungry people and was continually side-tracked to heal the sick and talk with outsiders. How do you respond when you see someone hurting? Do you stop?

A hurried life negates process and preparation time

It’s good to get things done but you can not fast track things in life without losing quality. Jesus was 30 when he started his ministry – the years prior to this were preparation years. They may look to us like wasted years but this isn’t the case. This time was valuable. It’s time we stopped looking at our times of “obscurity” as negative, but instead see the time invested into something as an important part of the process.

A hurried life destroys meaningful relationships.

Much of what makes life meaningful – friendships, family, and community – need the very thing we don’t have: time. Hurried people don’t have the time to invest in friendships. Great marriages take years and there is no way you can rush this process. Kids require huge amounts of time to become healthy functioning human beings and hurried people who have no time for their children look back and regret this.

A hurried life leads to a superficial, meaningless existence

People who don’t have time to think and reflect end up making decisions which don’t represent them. Uncovering the gifts God has placed inside you requires stillness and time with God. Time spent thinking means when we take action we take it with wisdom and intention in the right direction. We can not spend our lives being more concerned with what we are doing than who we are becoming.

How exercise shapes you far beyond the gym

Fran Thring

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September 2, 2016

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How exercise shapes you far beyond the gym

I hated athletics when I was in school. My worst day in the entire year was Interhouse Athletics. It was hot, dry, and dusty. Everyone was screaming for their house and at some stage of the day you knew you were going to have to line up, hear a gun go off, forget everything you knew and run as fast as you can to beat your neighbour.

I wasn’t fast. Third was the best I ever did, and it may have been luck, or because the athletes on either side of me had food poisoning from bad boarding school food. The whole day didn’t make sense to me – the war cries, the speed, the competition. Why not spend the day chatting to your friends, or reading a good book?

Somewhere after school ended and I started thinking for myself about life and the choices I made, I started to embrace my non-athletic athletic side. I joined the university gym in my third year, and attended step classes and went for runs. My motivation, at the time, was getting rid of my “first year spread” and looking good in the shorts I wore to lectures. I was clueless. I didn’t know about form, squats or protein, but I did know that sitting around behind computers everyday was not going make me a better person.

Exercise does more for you than increase your health and make you look good

Research shows that, if anything, physical activity boosts short-term brain function and heightens awareness. People who push themselves physically learn a key lesson: “embrace the uncomfortable”. Ask anyone who regularly runs a marathon, cycles up hills, does sprints in the pool, gets through High Intensity Classes, or a powerlifting circuit and they will tell you the same thing: difficult conversations aren’t so difficult anymore, a tight deadline is less intimidating or relationship problems are less problematic.

“In a world where comfort is king, arduous physical activity provides a rare opportunity to practice suffering.” – Brad Stulberg, Outsidemagazine

World-champion big-wave surfer Nic Lamb says being uncomfortable, and even afraid, is necessary to riding four-story waves. He’s learnt that while you can pull back, you can almost always push through. “Pushing through is courage. Pulling back is regret,” he says.

Big-mountain climber Jimmy Chin, the first American to climb up — and then ski down — Mt. Everest’s South Pillar Route, says there is an element of fear in everything he does, but he’s learned how to manage it: “It’s about sorting out perceived risk from real risk, and then being as rational as possible with what’s left.”

Exercise is what we call a keystone habit – this means that when you develop this habit it leads to changes in other areas of your life. What you do in the gym or on the road makes you a better, higher-performing person outside of it. When you develop physical fitness, you’re developing life fitness too.

For the past three years of my life I have been actively working out five times a week. It’s not a rule, but I try to keep to it as much as possible. For the past year I have moved these workouts to before work in the morning which means I need to be up at 5:30 am. This last year I have started a far more intense workout structure which is focused on building muscle and core stamina.

Change has been slow, but I can feel my non-athletic self start to adapt and change. I’ve found my mood has stabilised. I’ve found I deal better with stress. I’ve found my eating habits are more disciplined and my confidence levels are higher.

Do I like getting up in the morning and dragging myself to a gym to sweat all over mats and ride a bike to nowhere? No, but the sense of accomplishment and the benefits that this provides to the rest of my week are priceless. I still dislike athletic days, but like the benefits of regular exercise, and I recognise the importance of a healthy lifestyle. That, I’ll sign myself up for.

Are you overwhelmed? Don’t be…

Practical Faith

Fran Thring

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August 31, 2016

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“You know, I think the nature of living things is that they have to periodically be pruned.” If your life is growing you are going to need to be “cut” in areas – this is good news. You should be growing and as you grow your decisions change. You develop new skill sets and your life takes on a different shape. If you’re growing you may also feel overwhelmed – that’s okay too. If you feel overwhelmed, know you are not alone.

Everybody feels overwhelmed at times; the key is to manage this well and not let it get you off track. Here are some thoughts on how to better understand the dynamics which lead to us feeling overwhelmed, and then what to do when it happens.

Accept responsibility

Nobody got you to the place you are at, but you. You said yes to all your commitments. You have a choice: you could decline the work, you could negotiate the deadline, or you could delegate it. If you play the victim card you are going to be overwhelmed until the end of time. Don’t place blame on someone else; accept responsibility.

Confront your fears

Are you afraid of saying no? Do you think you might miss an opportunity, or get fired? What is making you say yes to everything? Are you trying to please people and in the process are unable to give someone a brave, firm “no”? Maybe you have a scarcity mentality? Think about what it is that is leading to your overcommitment. Don’t say yes for the sake of it.

Reduce the drama

Do you feel important being the person holding all the balls? Or are you always responding with the phrase, “I’m so busy” when people ask you how you are doing? If so, you probably need to get some perspective and dial down the intensity of your language. Most situations really aren’t always that bad. Change the way you think and you will change the emotions you feel.

Keep perspective

What you are going through is a season, not a sentence. It’s so easy to feel like things are never going to end when we are worked up and overwhelmed. Trust me, even the worst experience gets better when you realise there is a finish line at the end. Give yourself a goal and don’t feel bad about celebrating it- we all do better when there is something to work towards. All seasons do pass.

Make space on your calendar

If you are feeling overwhelmed it’s because you don’t have enough time to breathe, or enough wiggle room in your day. If you are booked wall to wall, you are never going to feel like you can cope with what is going on in your life. Sometimes you need to go through your calendar and clean it out. What may have seemed like a necessary commitment three months ago can be looked at again – maybe you can find another option that frees up more time? Try to keep your commitments but don’t be afraid of making some harder choices along the line.

Do the next most important task

When you think of everything that needs to be done it can be very overwhelming. Usually, not all of this is due for tomorrow. Some of it can be pushed down the line. The most important thing is to get started with the most urgent task. Other things can be worried about at another stage. Jesus sums it up:

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” – Matthew 6:34

Get enough rest

When you are tired you lose perspective and it’s much easier to become distracted. Make sure you prioritise rest and are able to attach things when you have the time and emotional reserve to deal with them.

Make a change

At the end of the day, it’s up to you and it’s up to me. No one else is going to take responsibility for building margin into your life. You have more power than you think so don’t remain where you are. Especially if your sanity, family, and health are at stake.

This post is inspired by a recent podcast by MichaelHyatt.com

Cheap travel destinations for Africans

Fran Thring

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August 26, 2016

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Time for a holiday? I know how you feel. It’s the end of winter and it has been a long four or five months of indoors and hard work. I need a change of scenery and I’m guessing you do, too. The thing is, every time I turn on the news I hear about the decline of our currency (I live in South Africa) and I see my visions of a packed bag, meetings with random strangers, and day which turns into night in an underground bar disappear quicker than the bottom of your beer on a summer evening.

This doesn’t have to be the case, even for us Africans. There are affordable options out there; you just need to do some research. Or maybe you don’t – I’ve done it for you! Brace yourself, don’t bury that wanderlust and take a look at these fantastic budget-friendly travel options.

Budapest, Hungary

Ok so yes, you have to pay for that pesky Schengen visa, but in terms of European destinations this is one of the best value for money propositions. Budapest is known for its cobbled streets, oldest ever underground railway system, and one of the largest synagogues in the world.

A 500ml beer: R20. A coffee: R22,60.

Sri-Lanka

There is more to Sri-Lanka than a cricket team! Sri Lanka is a rich and textured country teeming with wild animals, hilltop temples and delicious and inexpensive street food.

A local beer: R22. A soda: R8.

Bucharest, Romania

Always desired a trip to Paris but not the price? Bucharest is called the “Paris of the East.” A fascinating 21st century art scene, 17th and 18th century Byzantine churches tucked away on narrow streets, plus the gorgeous Cișmigiu Gardens, will mean it has as much art and culture as you can desire.

A 500ml beer: R24. A coffee: R30.

Zanzibar

Zanzibar is Africa’s Caribbean. With more regular flights leaving to this destination you’ll find it quick and easy to get away for a weekend or long weekend. The people are friendly and the local curries are tangy, tasty and economical.

A 500ml beer: R20. A coffee: R32.

Thailand

Looking for a more exotic island getaway? Of course, lovely Thailand is always a good option. Thailand offers many holiday packages which include a hotel, tours, and food for reasonable rates. Alternatively, for the more adventurous, the country is safe and easy to travel yourself. If you are willing to bargain a bit you can get very reasonable deals for food and even bring back a few shopping items at the end of your trip.

Beer: R27. A street meal: R35.

Cambodia

Thailand’s often overlooked neighbour offers another adventure. Visit Ankhor Wat at dawn and be captivated by the unbelievably intricate stone work and other-worldly sculptures. Cambodia has been through so much, yet the warm people and the buzzing scene in Pnom Penh will uplift you and the untouched islands in the South are a real treat.

R40 for a meal. R20 for a local draught

Vietnam

While you are tripping through Southeast Asia, don’t forget Vietnam. Experience magical Halong Bay on a traditional Vietnamese junk, then take on zest-filled Hanoi on two wheels. Vietnam is an intriguing combination of french and asian culture which has affected the cuisine, architecture, and fashion.

Cappuccinos go for R27 a cup.

India

You will never be bored in India! This country is a crazy collision of ancient and futuristic. India is bursting with world class technology and yet you will find sacred cows in the streets. There is never enough time to see or do everything the country has to offer. If you like and can handle spicy food then this is the place for you.

R17 a cappuccino; R26 a local beer; R32 for an inexpensive meal.

Mozambique

A little closer to home: Maputo is undergoing a revival. Always festive, the heart-thumping music scene is a draw, as are the young designers and entrepreneurs.

R20 for a beer; R25 for a cappuccino.

At the end of the day, these words are true: “Traveling – it leaves you speechless, then turns you into a storyteller” (Ibn Battuta). Go for it – don’t let anything hold back that travelling soul.

How to survive the tough times

Fran Thring

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August 24, 2016

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Hello, human being.

Yes, you, sitting at your desk with your big smile or scrolling through on your mobile as you read this. You will go through tough times. Life is full of adversity, hardship, challenge, and difficulty. It doesn’t matter who you are or what your position in life is – it’s tough. It’s not a case of if something happens, it’s rather a case of when something happens and how to go through it and prepare for it. Things happen all the time.

Your boyfriend/girlfriend suddenly breaks up with you.

You lose your job. Or you still can’t find one.

You have a parent who is ill.

Your best friend is in a critical condition.

Your spouse doesn’t want to be married anymore.

You have been single forever, and you feel like there is no hope.

You want kids but can’t fall pregnant.

You are in debt and another bill comes.

How do we survive this all? How do we go through it without becoming disappointed, disillusioned, and bitter?

Embrace the reality of the situation

You can’t pretend away a situation which is bad – it’s far far better to face it head on. Equally, though, you can’t over-dramatise it and turn it into a monstrosity when in actual fact it’s a little speed hump. The best way to gain perspective is to write down the problem and then speak to a rational friend.

Refuse to lose hope in the end

So often we simply give up on things. I would encourage you: don’t give up. Give your problem to God and trust him to either give you strength through the journey or turn the story around for your best. Very often it looks like God has walked off the stage when you need him most, but when you look back on these situations you gain more perspective and can see that he was in fact there in the details even though you felt lost and alone.

Accept the consequences

Sometimes we want to paint the ending of our story instead of accepting what happens. You can’t control how things will turn out and if they don’t turn out how you wish then you have to let your story go and embrace the here and now. In every crisis we are forced to go to God and even though things don’t turn out our way, trust that it is for his best – not for ours.

Remember this will pass

I know it feels like there will be no end to the pain or frustration you feel. All suffering has an expiry date. Often it’s far later than we think, but still, it does end. There is a lesson in all pain, and all pain changes us and creates depth within our hearts. Don’t run from this, walk through it step by step and let go of the grudges and heartache even when you want to carry it with.

Pain will teach you humility

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.” – 1 Peter 5:6

Pain, difficult times, and adversary teach us all humility. When we don’t have all the answers we look to sources outside ourselves. Pain shows us we aren’t perfect, it teaches us we are just humans and not demigods. Even though we don’t like it, it is good for us.

Don’t be discouraged my friend. I know its hard. Believe me, I know. Stay the path and remain strong. Let this all bring you closer to God and iron out your bad attitudes or rebellious ways. Let us not forget the words of Joseph in the Bible:

“You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people.” – Genesis 50:20

Don’t agonise, organise!

Lifestyle

Fran Thring

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August 19, 2016

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There are a few favourite moments in my day. One, when I step outside for a lunch break and the sun is bright on the street. Two, when I return to the ladies’ changing room after a workout, blood pumping furiously, and know I’ve completed my session. Three, the moment I open the door to my bedroom and everything is just as I left it. Four, when I close my eyes and know that for the next six to seven hours I don’t need to worry about anything.

Your bedroom is your sanctity. It is the small piece of space which you can call home. If you think of it as the only piece of space across this big wide world of billions of people which represents you, maybe you would think about it differently. For many people, their bedroom is the last thing they want to spend time on, and yet why? Walking into a room that is beautiful aids your sense of peace. It’s important for us to be in clean environments for us to think and reflect on life.

If you have been neglecting your bedroom – if, when you open your bedroom door, it’s like entering into World War III meets the laundry mat – it’s time for some bedroom TLC. Here are my top tips for creating a lovely space.

Use the back of the bedroom door

Put in some hooks and make the most of that unused space. Your bedroom door is usually unseen so it’s a great place to hang your scarf collection, old towels, and other bits and bobs.

Put shelves above the bed

Shelves above the bed is a nice way of displaying some of your more attractive objects. This can turn into a bookcase or ornamental display. Adding shelves above your bed turns your bed into a nice feature for your room and is practical at the same time.

Get a sofa bed

Everyone loves a good sleepover until you trip over your friend on the way to the bathroom. A sofa bed means your bestie can stay over, and you get a sofa for when you want somewhere to relax that isn’t your bed.

Make the most of under-bed storage

I hide my laundry dryer under my bed. I hide old paintings under my bed. There is so much space there and nobody ever sees it. Put the things that you never use there – not your shoes, but old boxes and pieces of equipment work well in this space.

Store jewelry in a picture frame

Didn’t think of this clever option did ya? Earrings and necklaces can be some of the most difficult objects to store and organise because they are small, get mixed up or it’s easy to lose the partner. Get those old picture frames out and turn them into a mini display case. You can use cork as the backdrop and pins for the earrings to hang on.

Use tins for storage

If you leave everything all over your desk and dressing table the room is going to appear messy. Get some bottles or tins and use these to store things. If you paint a tin it looks fun and colourful. If you remove a label from a bottle it can make a vase or place for trinkets.

Don’t agonise, organise! Trust me, it’s worth it in the long run. Your time well spent will fuel your peace and revitalise your mind.

How to deal with criticism

Practical Faith

Fran Thring

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August 17, 2016

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I remember the first time I had a review at work. It was awful. All my life I had been told how wonderful I was. I had done well at school, the teachers loved me, and I never failed a class at university. I had genuinely never had someone sit me down and say: You are doing well at this; but you’re not doing well at that.

I was new to the job and new to the role so obviously my manager had some positive and negative feedback. I handled the positive well, as you can imagine, but when she shared negative feedback with me I became angry and defensive. Didn’t she know I had never done this before? Why was she being so unkind when I was new? Couldn’t she see I was trying? What about the other people in the office – surely some of them were to blame for some of these errors too? I was offended.

The reality of life is we’re going to get criticised. There are going to be people who offend us and poke at our tender points. There are going to be times when people are going to tell you things you don’t want to hear. What is the best way to deal with offence and what are we going to do when it happens?

Offence is inevitable

If you are honest with yourself you will probably admit that you had the opportunity to be offended at at least five people today. Offence is all around us. It’s in our family, it’s at the bank, on the road, and in the supermarket.

“Woe to the world because of offences! For offences must come, but woe to that man by whom the offence comes!” – Matthew 18:7

Offence is often unintentional

People don’t wake up in the morning and think, “You know what? I think I’m going to find a way to offend.” Your husband doesn’t. Your wife doesn’t. Your children don’t. Your coworkers don’t. We think the whole world revolves around this movie that has us as the star. Actually offence is the simple product of differing agendas and ideas knocking against each other.

Offence can be good for you

Look at this story from the Bible: There’s Joseph, the patriarch of the Old Testament, who was, if you recall the story, ridiculed, kidnapped, and then sold into slavery by his own brothers. Years later, when he finally meets up with them again (and he does), he has this position of tremendous power. He’s second in command of the nation of Egypt and his brothers have to visit him as beggars to get provision. When he sees them he is not angry. He responds, “Do not be afraid, for am I not in the place of God? But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive. Now therefore, do not be afraid; I will provide for you and your little ones.”

I’ve gone through a lot of bad experiences, as you have, at the hands of other people. I’ve been fired, I’ve been lied to, I’ve had girls gang up on me. These were all really difficult experiences and I wouldn’t want to repeat them, but I wouldn’t want to trade them. Why? Because what others meant for evil God meant for good.

I love this verse from Romans 8:28, one of my favorite verses in the Bible. It says: “God works all things together for good to those who love him and are called according to his purpose.” We may never understand why all these things happen to us. What we can be confident in is that there’s a greater purpose at work and that these things can actually be used for our good if we embrace them and welcome them into our lives.

Being offended is a choice

You do not have to remain offended. You don’t have to hate the other person or build a war against them in your heart. Instead, choose to not be offended. There are way better ways to spend your time and your energy.

Sometimes offence can get us completely detracted with what we need to be doing. For example, somebody criticises something you said to a coworker, and instead of doing the job that’s actually going to move the ball forward, you have all this sideways energy on something that really isn’t worth your time.

Rather focus your energy on the good things in your life, deal with and learn from criticism, and place your trust in Jesus to be your redeemer at the end.

Offence is never a good idea.

(Based on an idea discussed in a Michael Hyatt podcast.)

A mature woman is a beautiful woman

Fran Thring

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August 15, 2016

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Our culture is obsessed with youth: models start at age of 14 and finish their careers at 24. The beauty industry makes millions off anti-aging creams and treatments. If someone thinks you are younger than your current age it is a huge compliment. Hairdressers die grey hair and companies offer botox or plastic enhancement to create the illusion of age. Magazines are loaded with images of young women and every issue with telling you how to remain “youthful”.

What our culture neglects to understand is beauty is far more than the stretch in your skin.

Beauty is the confidence you hold, the grace you embody, and the poise you exude. Beauty is not about makeup, fat cells, or the number of years you have been on the planet. In fact, women can become more beautiful with age and maturity. A mature woman is a beautiful woman. Here’s why:

Less drama

Women are infamous for creating drama – he didn’t text me back so I’ll create a fake account, follow him, create friends for the fake account, and try to see what he was up to on that day at that time so I have a reason as to the lack of communication. Wow! It sounds crazy, yet it happens. Didn’t you have a friend who arrived drunk at her ex’s house at 02:00 in the morning? We all get a little crazy when it comes to relationships, but women who are mature are far less likely to create drama. They have perspective on issues and don’t feel the need to read into everything.

Realistic expectations

As a young woman, we often want Prince Charming. We don’t realise we are going to have to date a real person with struggles, issues, and flaws. An immature woman also overlooks great guys because she has to date someone good-looking. Mature women see things differently. She has life experience, she has realistic expectations of a man, and is able to appreciate someone great when they come along.

A good self-esteem

Immature women battle with a desire for attention and a low self-esteem. An immature woman often doesn’t value what she has been given. She wants to look like someone else, or have someone else’s boyfriend, hair, or income. These girls require a lot of compliments and assurance to make them satisfied and comfortable in a relationship. A mature woman knows her value – she knows she doesn’t look like Jessica Alba, but also that she has her own unique thing going. She doesn’t need you to compliment every outfit and hairstyle. She is confident in who she is – and that’s hot!

A healthy sensuality

You’ve all seen the girl who posts pictures of her cleavage on Facebook or who wears the dress that is three sizes too small – it’s not a beautiful thing. Women are gifted with sexiness. A mature woman is comfortable in her own skin and has learned to embrace this in a healthy way. She no longer needs to be overly revealing or provocative – she knows where to draw the line and keeps things classy. Hello!

Stylish and sophisticated

Immature women often get caught up in unflattering trends which don’t bring out their best. A mature woman is less swayed by every fashion trend that comes walking down the red carpet. A mature woman knows her body type and what looks good on it. She has learned how to use make up in a natural and complimentary manner, and when to wear jeans, or a new black dress. She is sophisticated and she is stylish.

Finally, as a woman matures she learns how to say no, and invest in only the right things. If she makes the choice to be involved with a man, she is usually serious about it. She is able to provide support because she is emotionally strong and resilient. She is able to make mature decisions about her future. She has a security and inner strength which makes her lovely. Take that beauty creams – real beauty is maturity.

Honey, I’m home!

Fran Thring

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August 5, 2016

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There is nothing better than being in a beautiful environment. A home with lots of light, natural textures, plants, and carefully selected objects, is a pleasure. Put me in a lovely place and I’ll become a real homebody. I can spend hours snuggled up in grey cushions, a throw over my knees and a book in my hands. There’s something about coming back to a house that has had time and care poured into it which makes you want to announce with glee, “Honey, I’m home!”

The environment you stay in makes a big difference to your peace of mind. A few years ago I helped out with a team that goes into people’s homes and helps to clean or tidy up as a way of making a difference and helping out. The people were usually someone who had been through a rough time and to whom a bit of TLC would make a huge difference. There was one home in particular we used to visit often and this home rivalled TOYS R US or a two-year-old’s birthday party. There was stuff everywhere and I remember thinking, “this environment will never help someone recover.”

Someone’s home is often the last thing they pay attention to. We have to have clothes or a car. We need a place to stay but soft furnishings and the details are hardly a necessity. That said, a little bit of attention to detail, some creativity, and love go a long way. Your home should be a place you are proud of – a place where you can feel at rest, process your day, or invite friends over.

Here are some tips to sprucing up your home or place of residence:

Go for a neutral palette

A neutral palette is easier on the eye and easier to buy pieces for. Rooms with natural light and a good amount of white and soft shades do not need to be updated as often as rooms full of colour. Yes sure, everyone likes a pop of colour every now and then and you don’t need to deny your little girl her pink, but keep these colours to accents or details. Painting the whole room pink is never a good idea.

De-clutter

Clutter makes everything feel worse. Even the most beautiful of homes is no longer beautiful when there are papers all over the place, along with cords, old electronics, books not on a shelf, and a haphazard collection of odds and ends. Take a lean, mean approach to your home. Things that are no longer being used must be given away or stored in the garage. Buy storage bins and throw all your products into a bin. Throw away old magazines and clean out so old papers don’t lurk on every surface. A tidy house is a tidy mind.

Find inspiration

Thanks to Pinterest we have all the inspiration we need. If you are looking for crafty ideas or layout ideas there is a never-ending supply of gorgeous things to eye out. Create a board and begin crafting your look. What do you like, what ideas are feasible, what is everyone else doing with their fireplace or bedside lamps? Steal ideas and make them your own.

Pick a look

It is a design standard that you can’t mix styles. Don’t try and have a country rustic kitchen and a modern bedroom and a Japanese lounge. Your house will drive you crazy. You need to stick with a similar look and feel throughout the rooms. Try not to be driven by fashion or what your friends like; think about what you are naturally drawn to and what the home lends itself to.

Old and new

You do not need to buy a new set of furniture to turn your pad into a dream home. Nope, mix and match, but keep it in style. Secondhand furniture stores have loads of hidden charms that you can paint or fix up. Don’t be afraid of being slightly eclectic as long as you think through your purchases and vet them against the look you are going for.

Phase it

Go for quality over quantity. You don’t need to change everything right now. Start with one or two key changes and then work through the rest of the house when you can afford it. Time flies faster than you think and it is always worth investing in the right thing over something you may not like in a year or two. Sure, the in-between is not ideal but the wait will be worth it when you have a home you have curated over years. After all, “if you go anywhere, even paradise, you will miss your home.” (Malala Yousafzai)

Fran Thring

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