Fran Thring, Author at 1Africa

It’s not as bad as you think

Practical Faith

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August 4, 2016

Every so often I have a complete meltdown. And, when I say complete meltdown, I mean the whole works. Tears, drama, negativity, cynicism – it all comes pouring out. I can cry in a Friends episode when I’m in this frame of mind. Every little thing becomes an unbearable mountain. Work stress, relationships, body image, career… it all gets dumped on the same hopeless pile and I dissolve in a ball of pity and futility. Is anyone hearing me? Am I the only one with an emotional backlog which can tame two year’s temper tantrums?

The news is I usually recover from this deluge fairly quickly. A day or two later I’m back to my happy bubbly self with renewed focus, energy, and tenacity. In those moments though, I feel as if I am a failure. I feel as if my life is falling to pieces. I’m frustrated and I’m focused on what I don’t have, not what I do. Actually, I have a wonderful life.

Here are some pick-me-ups to remind you that life is good and you are going to be fine.

You’ve learned things

Yes, we all wish life was sand boarding across the Nambian dunes. It’s not: it’s more like climbing Kilimanjaro. It has challenges, curveballs, frustrations, and uphills. But, at the end of the day, it’s worth it. Every difficulty and trial teaches you something new. Every new challenge causes you to change and grow. Your failures may drive you mad, but they also make you who you are.

You have a bed to sleep in

My favourite time of my day is crawling into bed in the evening and snuggling into my soft pillows. A clean, dry bed is something which many people take for granted. A lot of people don’t have a bed. They sleep on the side of the street or in a small house on the ground. When it gets wet, they have no place to go. You sleep soundly and you are dry – this is a big deal!

You’re making progress

If you are frustrated it’s probably because you are trying to get better. As Einstein once said: “It’s not that I am so smart, it’s that I stay with problems longer.” In the grand scheme of things if you keep an attitude of “let’s get better,” you will see success in your happiness, love, and career. Hang in there and never stop striving to be all you can be.

You have/have had a job

If you have had a job and lost it, don’t fret. You will find another one. Sometimes, losing a job is the reason why we start something new and innovate. If you have a job, count your blessings. It is good to have a job and an income. Don’t take it for granted.

There are lots of opportunities to learn

In this day and age you don’t have to have lots of money to learn a skill. There are all sorts of places where you can source all the information you need online. Knowledge is power: keep learning, keep growing, and let all the learning opportunities out there power you onwards.

You have food to eat

Take a moment to remember how unpleasant it is to be hungry. Hungry people are desperate because hunger is overwhelming. You have enough to eat. In fact, you probably have more than enough to eat. The next time you eat a piece of cake, really enjoy it.

You believe in something greater

I find it easier to climb out of my pool of pity because I believe in something greater. When I know that my life counts for more than just me, it motivates me to raise my head and gain perspective. When you see your life as something which brings honour to God then you live it in a different way. Don’t lose the God-factor in your life. Keep him number one and you will find things work out better than you expect.

Style tips for men

Fran Thring

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July 29, 2016

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It’s not you, it’s your cargo pants.

Listen up boys of the world: style matters. Not like world peace matters, but like hygiene. It’s one of those little things in life which makes a big difference. Seriously, your personal style can be the difference between being selected for a job or not. You personal style can win you the girl. And most importantly when you look good, you feel good.

Here are some style tips to turn your look from sloppy to sophisticated in just one shopping trip.

1. The free T-shirts

Here’s a pointer – if you got it for free it’s probably for a reason. That reason is probably the endless free marketing you provide every day you pull that old fave out of your wardrobe and put it on. Free T-shirts usually have ugly logos and come in ugly colours and cuts. Buy your shirts.

2. But(t) sir…

If you have a flat bottom, we get it, pants fall down. Please sir, buy a belt. And use it. Make sure your shirt is long enough. Bend in the change rooms so you can check. Nobody wants to see that, so make sure they don’t.

3. Socks with sandals

If you are that attached to your socks, wear closed shoes. Sandals are for summer. This combinations looks strange and very unprofessional. There is no social group in which this is cool. Even if you have Simpson socks and long toes and it feels like a good idea at the time – don’t do it.

4. Shoes past their expiry date

Guys, I know your old Reebok running shoes from 1998 are super comfy. But there comes a time when all good things must come to an end and this includes the beautiful bond you have with your old shoes. If they have cracks in the side and you’ve forgotten what colour you initially bought them as, it’s time to move on.

5. Clothes that don’t fit

You don’t look better in loose clothing, even if you are carrying a few extra kilograms. People look best in clothing which fits. Overly baggy clothes look unkept and messy. Too tight looks, well… awkward. Don’t buy for “one day when,” and don’t make rash clothing decisions – only buy if you are sure its a good one.

6. Wearing wife beaters (these are sleeveless vests FYI)

You are not CJ from GTA San Andreas, so cut the act cool cat. Even if you are very, very muscular and silently check out your biceps in every mirror you pass, this looks is not great. This is a prime example of less is less, not more.

7. Joke shirts

Wearing jokes on your shirt seems really funny and everything, but after the first laugh all you’re left with the ugly shirt. Here’s a hint: rather tell the jokes and buy a decent shirt. These shirts put you in the maturity bracket of 14-19. Don’t wear them and expect people to treat you as someone to be taken seriously.

8. Excessive hair product

Unless you are at a Grease dress up party, half a bottle of gel is not the requirement for your daily hair requirements. Pay attention to your hair and style it – yes. Creating a brick on your head… not so much.

9. Cargo shorts

I get it, there’s a pocket for everything, but I ask you this: when has someone ever used every pocket on their cargo shorts? Do you actually need that many pockets? Unless you are going on a camping trip and decide not to pack an actual bag but instead put all of your life essentials in your pockets, those cargos ain’t worth their space on the planet.

10. Smell good

Is this a style tip? It’s a grey area. Is a man who smells like sweat, dust, and pizza slices attractive – not a grey area. This is not attractive. Nor is half a bottle of axe. Get some decent deodorant, don’t over use it and maybe consider cologne for occasions like date night.

And there you have it. The very essentials. Don’t deviate. Don’t pass begin. Don’t get your style tips from 80s music videos and you should be good to go. Oh, and feel free to throw away your cargo shorts now.

Do you know a Gossip Queen?

Fran Thring

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July 27, 2016

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My housemate is back together with his ex-girlfriend, my other housemate told me.

“She’s so controlling, and she cheated on him. I don’t understand why they are back together. My other friend knows her and says she’s a nightmare.”

Oh, okay well, when I heard this about that girl I kind of found it difficult to talk to her. As soon as I met this girl all sorts of things went through my head. I keep wondering if it’s going to last this time. Why does she have to be in my house? Sometimes, I feel sorry for the guy.

I almost immediately didn’t like this girl without giving her a chance. Then something stopped me. Something told me it’s not right to judge her when you have no idea what went down in that situation. It was true. I was completely clueless about her story. I hadn’t spoken to my guy (housemate) about it, and I hadn’t spoken to the girl about it. The only information I was using to judge this situation was some unpleasant gossip I had heard down the line. I decided I was not going to make assumptions about this girl or the situation because that was not fair.

I sat down with this girl one night, and we had a long chat about buying cars, living with your parents, and chocolate brownies. Suddenly, she seemed really nice.

Gossip is defined as second or third-hand information that someone dumps on you without your prior consent and without the consent of the person being gossiped about. Gossip can be true, partially true, or completely false. It can be motivated by good intentions, but it’s always negative personal information about another that puts them in a bad light.

Proverbs 18:8 and 26:22 in the Bible warn that listening to gossip is like ingesting choice morsels. It gets into one’s bloodstream just like poison does. And once consumed, it’s difficult to get out.

This is true: once those negative thoughts were in my mind there was no way of removing them. They affected my judgment.

I’ve come to learn that there are always two sides to any story. Sometimes three or four. In most of the cases I’ve heard the person who goes around complaining about someone else is the one who is spinning the facts and leaving out key plot points which often change everything.

“He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame to him.” – Proverbs 18:13

Unfortunately, gossip has become a normal part of our culture. People often congregate in the tea room discussing their work colleagues or they call up a girlfriend and subtly cut down a mutual friend. All this ever leads to is cliques, judgment, and broken relationships.

So, what should we do if we hear a rumour about someone else?

We should ask ourselves: Would I want someone talking about me like this? How would my family feel about this… my spouse, my mother, my father, my children, my best friends?

We should not believe everything we hear. Nor should we listen to or allow someone to gossip about someone else to us. We should believe the best about people. If something comes up that is questionable and it’s our place to get involved, we should go to the person concerned to get the full story from their side before we make assumptions.

Never spread something about another person without chatting to them first. Have an open mind to hear their heart. At the end of the day it comes down to “treat others as you would want to be treated yourself.” We were not designed to compete with each other but to work together, encourage, and equip those alongside us.

How to embrace your inner health nut

Health

Fran Thring

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July 22, 2016

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My best friend is a health nut (and I use the word because yes, she is crazy to the level of obsessed and also because she eats more peanut butter than I thought any living human could consume). We used to stay in the same apartment and she was always on some new mission to create nutritious but delicious snacks. I didn’t complain – it was heaven. They didn’t always work out though – at one stage half of our fridge was full of “banana ice-cream”, which really did not taste anything like ice-cream. Being friends with her has taught me a lot of things about how to control what I eat and how to make and prepare my food. Often we don’t need to eat less, we just need to eat right.

“Take care of your body. It’s the only place you have to live.” – Jim Rohn

Let me share some health nut approved tips with you:

Make your own food

It’s all well and good heading your trolley off to the health section of the mall and feeling accomplished, but many restaurants and stores claim healthy without actually being healthy. Sweet potato fries sound healthy, right? Nope, not if they are deep fried in oil. Chicken salad sounds healthy, right? Nope, not if there is more dressing than lettuce. You do not know what goes into your food unless you make it yourself. When you have no option but to go out, don’t be afraid to ask the waiter about what goes into the meal. It’s part of their job and you don’t need to feel bad.

Be prepared

You make bad food choices when you are more hungry than a wooly mammoth and there is nothing healthy to eat. Be prepared so when you don’t have time or want immediate satisfaction or a chocolate craving that rivals Nigella Lawson smacks you over the head, then you will have something on hand to fix the situation. A good option here is to pack a smoothie pack in your freezer which you can whip into action in no time. When you are making soup or a stew, make a double helping and free the extra one.

Replace carbs with veggies

I know I know, nobody likes to hear this. That white bread sandwich is just so good. The good news is the more healthy food your body becomes accustomed to having the more you like it. Remove reminded carbohydrates from your diet and replace them with “heavy veggies.” Heavy veggies still leave you feeling fill but they are far far better for you. A good example of this is beans, pumpkin, squash, brown rice or lentils.

Get Creative.

The internet is buzzing with alternative recipes for all the things we love, but don’t love us- think chocolate brownies. Stop making sugar queen in your life and get creative with the alternative options out there. Black bean brownies are a win. As are avocado chocolate puddings, apple sauce substitutes or almond flour. Don’t diss it until you’ve tried it I say. You never know, there may be a latent chef laying there in your dark depths.

Read the label.

You would think this is obvious. Nope, apparently not. I don’t have a single friend (minus the health nut) who actually reads the labels on their food choices. How do you know you much sugar you are eating unless you look, I fondly ask. Many of our food choices contain a lot of additives or are not as good as we think they are. You love your muesli until you find it has 25g of sugar per 100g. That’s a quarter of the entire nutritional content. To give you an idea- your additional sugar consumption per day shouldn’t be higher than 25g of sugar for a woman (that’s 6 teaspoons) and slightly higher for men. A study done in 2008 showed the average consumption across the USA to be: 76.7. Scary. Oh and your yoghurt has about 10g. Think again when you reach for that lovely strawberry Nutriday.

See, it looks like my health nut of a friend has turned me into a health nut too! I have no shame. As Thomas Edison quotes, “the doctor of the future will no longer treat the human frame with drugs, but rather will cure and prevent disease with nutrition.” Enjoy your kale friend.

You can hear the voice of God

Fran Thring

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July 20, 2016

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I grew up in a Christian family. My mom sang in the worship team (she was the worship team) and my dad drove us to church and read us Bible stories before we went to sleep. I remember being curled up in my bed patiently paging through stories which told of God talking to people in burning bushes, or through the mouths of donkeys. Of course, as a child with a wild imagination, I never thought this was strange at all.
As I became a teenager I was encouraged to “hear the voice of God for yourself,” and I experienced people coming up to me to tell me, “I think God wants you to know…” I always thought, “How do they know for sure that’s God?” I figured if God wanted to speak to me there were lots of donkeys on our farm – why couldn’t He use one of them!
I’ve learnt many years later you can indeed hear the voice of God. This is not special to pastors, evangelists, or overly zealous happy clappy Christians. This is a beautiful gift given to anyone who believes in Christ and is willing to surrender their lives to him.
If you wish to hear God’s voice there are a few things you should know:
Jesus is alive. He’s not mute. He cares about you and He still speaks to His people today.
What Jesus says will never contradict the Bible and what He said previously in the scriptures.
When Jesus spoke to His disciples after His ascension (this is when He went to heaven) it was usually internal not audible.
You don’t have to be able to read to hear the voice of God.
Learning to hear the voice of God is invaluable. It will lead you in difficult situations, it can provide the wisdom for challenges, and heal pain. Often, the problem is not that God is not speaking, its that we aren’t listening. All true believers can and do hear the voice of God; they just don’t recognise what they are hearing as being God’s voice.
We are too busy
Psalm 46:10 says:

“Be still, and know that I am God.”

It’s in stillness, not busy-ness, that we tune our spiritual ears to hear the voice of God. The Lord always speaks to us in that “still, small voice” (1 Kings 19:12), but often it’s drowned out in all the turmoil of our daily lives.
God communicates with our spirit
God’s voice comes from His Spirit to our spirit. It’s not voice to voice like a human experience. The Lord speaks to our spirit in impressions which we vocalise and interpret.
I read a story of a pastor, Andrew Wommack, who was on a trip around the world. He felt the impression that he should not go to his next destination and it wouldn’t leave him. The more he prayed about it the more he felt not to go. He phoned the team on the other side and told then he was not available. This, of course, was not an easy decision. Two days later the plane he was supposed to be on crashed and over 160 people died. He had been saved because of his obedience and ability to hear God’s voice.
“And let the peace of God rule in your hearts.”
It’s not always easy to interpret the impressions on your heart. In these cases, the best you can do, is make a wise decision, ask the right people for advice, and avoid indecision.
The most difficult part of hearing God is the fact that it takes time to learn to discern God’s voice – and it takes a humble heart. Jeremiah 29:12-13 says, “Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.”
We can’t make demands on an Almighty God. We can’t shake our fist at the sky and say, “all right God, let me hear you.” But we can ask, seek, and knock, and the Bible promises that God will open the door. God will reveal Himself to those who humbly seek Him.

Creativity hack

Career

Fran Thring

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July 15, 2016

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My mom always says she is not creative. I think she is comparing herself to her daughter, who has a brain wired like Willy Wonka’s Factory. Or maybe she is making a mental comparison between herself and her good friend, Leanne, a drama teacher at the local school. Leanne is flamboyant, laughs a lot, and loves baking. My mom is quieter, more stable, and hates anything that looks like an oven. And yet, my mom is able to write beautiful poetry, which to me makes her creative.

Anyone who met my dad would never ever say he is creative. He’s a farmer. He only wears shades of brown. He is as practical as practical can get. He likes history and sport and facts. Yet if I bring something broken to my father he is able to come up with the most ingenious solutions to the problem. To me, this means he is creative too. See where I’m going with this?

I work in IT, which nobody has ever said is creative. IT is logic and systems and databases. Most of the guys who code the software and applications we produce are straight forward logical thinkers. But if there is a problem and we can’t think of a way to solve it often I go to one of these “logical thinkers” and they are able to come up with a very creative solution to the problem.

All this leads me to think that perhaps everyone is creative, or able to be creative in a way, if they apply the right thinking and attitude to situations.

You like to solve problems

Whether it’s solving sudoku problems or maths homework, the ability to solve problems requires creativity. If you are able to see a problem and work towards a resolution you are able to think creatively.

You are motivated

If you are someone who never does much and needs a great deal of encouragement to get going, then I doubt you are able to be very creative. Creative people are motivated to come up with new and innovative ideas. They don’t stop at average or “it kind of works”, they keep going until they find something better.

You are courageous

Being rejected is difficult and when your creative ideas are not received well it can be discouraging. Creative people are able to rise up, gather courage, and fire at the target again. It takes courage to challenge things, courage to look for new options, and courage to come back to the drawing board to create something new.

You like playing

Your creative juices naturally flow better when you aren’t a stressed wreck. People who like to play are able to tap into their creative side better than those who don’t make time for this in their life. Forms of play, even as an adult, are important for our mind to access new areas and press open imaginary doors.

You aren’t afraid to be different

Someone who is creative isn’t afraid of doing something that may not be the norm. Creative people go against the grain; they create new rules and inquire instead of agreeing. Creativity grows in inquisitive minds who think beyond the problems they are faced with to see other options outside of the immediate.

You are empathetic

Most creativity comes from a place of empathy. You are able to place yourself in someone else’s shoes so that you can feel the pain or pleasure they will experience. This empathy is motivating and helps create better solutions and persist through the process.

Pablo Picasso once said, “Others have seen what is and asked why. I have seen what could be and asked why not?” Creativity is a beautiful thing and when we use it we feel proud and accomplished. Grow your creativity in whatever you are passionate about. I leave with a quote from Walt Disney: “Around here, however, we don’t look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we’re curious…and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.”

How do leaders navigate tough seasons?

Fran Thring

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July 13, 2016

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I visited the UK a few years ago during what they called the economic recession. It was admittedly not the best time to land in the UK looking for a job, especially as a foreigner having just escaped from university with not a lot of work experience to add to the mix. Anyway, I found work within two weeks and a more permanent position within a month. It was boring work but it paid the bills and it gave me the experience I required to get another position.

The thing which struck me about the economic recession was how people reacted to it. Everyone moaned and seemed to constantly be in fear of being retrenched. You couldn’t sit on the train without hearing about it, pick up a newspaper without reading about it, or switch on the TV without being confronted by more “doom and gloom.” I remember thinking: “Really! There must be a better way to deal with this situation.”

In life we all face times where things don’t go as planned in our work, relationships, church, and finances. This is simply a product of being alive. The thing is, if we wish to be people of influence and live a life of excellence then we need to know how to navigate these circumstances. We can’t wish them away with positive thought and at the same time we can’t drown under negativity. So how do leaders navigate tough seasons? What are the survival skills we need for these tough times?

Shift your perception

Your problem is part of a bigger story. When things get difficult it’s very easy to lose sight of the finish line and the greater story of your life. Confront the reality of the problem and then retain the faith that you will prevail through it. When a Vietnamese prisoner of war was asked how he survived eight years in captivity he said: “I never lost faith in the end of the story.” All difficult seasons have expiry dates.

Shift your intention

Problems and challenges happen, but what marks us as different in these situations is how we behave. Do we let the problem overwhelm us or do we step up and take initiative? Often our instinct when something tough comes, is to pull away. Don’t do this – lean in. Rise up. Do something even if you feel paralysed.

Shift your direction

Difficult times often require new strategies. If something changes, you may need to change too. Often your greatest ideas and accomplishments will come out of the hard pressure of necessitated change. Keep your objectives and try new ways to achieve them. If what you are doing with the kids isn’t working, try something new. If the business is not achieving well, try change your service offerings.

Shift your acceleration

You may not have all the answers to a problem but if you can be quick to move forward and make a decision then you will gain the major advantage of responsiveness. Even if you feel afraid it is important to keep pushing forward. This will allow you to fail early and will move you forward to find something that works.

Shift your allocation

We often invest in the wrong things in life and become caught up in emotional ties. If a product isn’t working, invest your time into one that is. If staff members aren’t pulling their weight, call them aside and have a chat. Invest into the people who are on board and adding value. Take care of yourself so you have enough time and energy to invest where it is needed and stop doing things that aren’t working.

There is a story of Jesus in a storm. He didn’t pretend there wasn’t a storm and he didn’t calm it. He was peaceful in the storm. He told his disciples to trust him, and he said he would be with them until it passed. I often think half of a problem is the gigantic “what if” debate we have in our heads instead of being proactive and trusting God with the situation. Don’t let storms cripple you – allow them to shape you and grow you. Prepare for them so when they hit your response is defined and let God guide you through them.

This article is based on ideas in a podcast from michaelhyatt.com.

What a real hero looks like

Fran Thring

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July 8, 2016

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Last weekend started with a wet and windy Friday night. I was exhausted from work and the week. No way was I going out. I dedicated the evening to me, the TV, and a bowl of butter popcorn. Luckily, my housemate has a hard drive which rivals Netflix and I had a huge selection to choose from. Unfortunately, this housemate also has actually watched most of these movies. We settled on something a little bit older because, let’s face it, they don’t make ’em like they used to. I have a secret love affair with 90s hip-hop and neither of us had watched this film.

It was Coach Carter.

Coach Carter tells us a story about a man who returns to his former school to teach basketball. The basketball team is on a losing streak and the school is infamous for its lack of discipline and failure rate in the end of year exams. Coach Carter brings back discipline and respect within the school. He teaches the boys team work. When he doesn’t see their school results improve he closes the gym (amongst a lot of opposition) and cancels matches until the school work improves. The man changes the destiny of the members in his basketball team. He teaches them character and through doing this changes the lives of their families and the people they interact with. The team doesn’t win the championship, but the team members’ lives are turned around. Coach Carter is what I would deem “an everyday hero.”

The story is best summed up in his quote: “I came to coach basketball players and you became students, I came to teach boys and you became men.”

The story inspired me. There’s a lot we can learn from the life of the coach and apply in our everyday lives.

Heroes grow in adversity

It’s easy to keep the winning team winning. It’s easy to grow your father’s successful business. It’s easy to stick in a marriage when you feel in love. It’s easy to believe for the miracle for the first month. When we see true heroes rise is when things get tough and they must muster courage, remain loyal, and do what’s difficult but right.

Heroes leave a legacy

The life of a true hero is not about him or herself. A true hero will lay down his life for what he believes in. A true hero is the teacher who visits the children’s homes when he doesn’t have to. A true hero is the dad who stays up late to work so his family can eat. A real hero is the woman who feeds children from the street because they have nothing to eat.

Heroes stand for what matters

True heroes will not give into peer pressure. If they have a conviction about something they will hold to it no matter what the general public says, or believes. It’s not easy to be strong when there is opposition and you can lose a job or friends, but these things should not let your integrity slip or your conviction slide.

Heroes are everyday people

So often we think a hero is some rich, famous, wealthy, or popular person. That’s not true. Real heroes are the people we meet everyday who have chosen to live bigger lives. People who have chosen to step up and step out. The employee at the grocery store who is the first person in his family to get a job, or the boss at your work who encourages you and takes the flack when things go badly.

True heroes are everywhere. So are people who pull others down, are given opportunities and don’t take them, are cruel, unkind, and selfish. At the core of each of us regardless, I believe we want to be a hero. We want to coach the winning team. We want to see people’s lives changed.

Stories like Coach Carter tell us “anyone can be a hero”. The question is, will you?

Should I help beggars?

Practical Faith

Fran Thring

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July 6, 2016

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A few nights ago I was heading home from dinner with a friend when we were approached in our car by a man. He appeared at the driver’s window, his hair scraggly and his clothes torn.

“Please,” he said. “Please sir, I won’t ask you again. I just need R20 for the shelter. I haven’t showered or eaten in days. Please help me. Please, I won’t ask you again.”

In a situation like this it’s always difficult to know what to do. My friend, who is very kind hearted, paused what he was doing. He looked in his bag. “I don’t have anything.” I was seated in the passager’s seat, and I reached over: “Here, I have R20.” We gave it to the man and he walked away.

As with all of these encounters it’s difficult to know what to do. A part of you has compassion for a person who lives on the street, another part has heard a lot of horror stories about men buying glue or alcohol with money given to them and doesn’t want to encourage bad habits. Yet another part is tired of always being approached and asked for money. I too have responsibilities and bills to pay, I often think. I work hard. Are you doing what you can to make your situation better, or are you playing victim?

There’s no easy answer to any of these questions and as those of us who live in a third world nation with poverty all around us know, it is a dilemma that we are faced with daily. Here is how to best deal with this situation:

Don’t let yourself be manipulated

Many people use fear to get you to give to them. You are under no obligation to give to someone because you are “rich” and they are not. It is not fair or respectful for someone to pester you, or try ploys like saying “Hello my friend,” or “Listen me out, listen me out.” If you are feeling uncomfortable, afraid for your safety, or pressured, you need to get out of that situation as respectfully as you can. Say something like, “I’m sorry, I said no and I would like you to respect that.”

Give food

Rather than giving away money which you don’t know where it will be spent, if you feel moved to help someone, give them food. A loaf of bread or some canned goods can help someone when they are hungry without encouraging drug or alcohol abuse. Try to give away food that has some nutritional value, keeps well, and isn’t sugar based.

Rather focus on helping one “right” person

It is far more effective to build a relationship and try help one person who wants help and assistance than giving away coins to hundreds of random people. If you meet someone in your neighbourhood or on your daily drive who you feel has an authentic need for help, talk to them. Get to know them, and find out about their background, skills, and problems. It doesn’t have to be all at once but a little bit at a time. As you find out more about them you may discover ways in which you can help. Perhaps you have a neighbour who needs some gardening work done. Perhaps you can sponsor a child to go to school.

Support NGOs

Sometimes we don’t have time to invest into someone or to get to know them, so if we wish to help people then we can give to NGOs doing great work to help people. Make sure the NGO you support has evidence that they are handling their finances with authority. Partner with a church you trust and find out what their greatest need is. Make a monthly decision to give a certain amount to a cause you believe in.

The Bible says, “Blessed is he who has regard for the weak” (Psalm 41:1-2). Caring for people reflects the heart of God and it’s important to be someone who helps other people. Jesus treats everyone as though they are valuable. Don’t become hard hearted to others who have less than you have. Be a generous person who gives to those in need, but does it with wisdom and discernment.

Sin or an everyday mistake?

Fran Thring

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July 1, 2016

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I don’t have children myself but I’ve baby sat and nannied enough to know a thing or two about it. Children don’t know how to interact in society and its our job, as adults, to teach them this. Little Sally hits little Johnny on the head with a building block, and she has to learn this is not okay. Little Johnny pinches his sister in the back seat of the car, and he has to learn from mom and dad this this is not how you treat people.

Sometimes children don’t know that what they are doing is wrong until they are told. They are children and the world is new to them. Thing is, part of becoming an adult is learning from your mistakes and taking responsibility. Little Johnny may get away with hitting his sister once, but, if once he has clearly been told this is wrong, he continues to hit his sister, then this becomes more serious. You didn’t know; fine. You did know; not so fine. This is where the difference between sin and an everyday mistake comes into play.

How many times have you heard a politician cover up for something they did with the words: “It was a mistake…”? How many times have you heard someone cover up for an affair with the words “Sorry, I made a mistake”? Technically, if you knew it was wrong at the time and you still went ahead with the action, you sinned. Sin is a deliberate action. This action was not outside of your frame of knowledge. It was not a mistake. A mistake implies an error in judgement. When Sally hits Johnny and tells you “I didn’t mean to…” when you have told her three times this is not right, she really means is “I didn’t mean to get caught”.

Everyone makes mistakes and everyone sins. However, a mark of a man is how he learns and deals with this. When you mess up, here are some points on the best way you can fix your bad situation.

1. Take responsibility: Take the hit. If you have sinned, own it. Even if you have made a mistake, own it. If someone provoked you and you responded badly, you should own that response. Being a person who says “Yes, I did that,” is far, far better than being someone who tries to shift the blame and claim innocence. When someone takes full responsibility they are more likely to be respected. The outcome always ends up being better.

2. It’s okay to feel guilty: Guilt is a legitimate emotion created by God to point you in the right direction when you do something wrong. It points you towards reconciliation. The important thing is to not sit in your guilt and do nothing about it. Your guilt will fade when you take the right actions, forgive yourself, and ask God for forgiveness.

3. Change your actions: Saying sorry means nothing if you keep doing the bad thing over and over again. Genuine apologies and remorse must be accompanied by change. Johnny has to stop hitting Sally. Tears and emotions are often part of an apology, but don’t let these cover up for a lack of authentic change.

4. Ask for forgiveness: You can’t demand forgiveness from a person. You are not entitled to someone’s forgiveness, this is their right to give or withhold. If you take full responsibility and show change then you are far more likely to be extended grace and forgiveness. Remember that you will have to forgive yourself too for what you have done.

Jesus forgives our sins. He died on a cross so we may be forgiven of everything we ever do. This does not mean that intentionally hurting people or sinning is okay. It means if you change your ways and ask for his help, he always makes a way out and enables you to change. Deal with your sin with maturity, don’t pass it over as a mistake, and endeavour to always work towards becoming a better person.

Fran Thring

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