Wednesday, December 25, 2024
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Fran Thring

Sex work: Should it be legal?

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It was 2 am on a Saturday night the first time Asanda had sex for money. The rain was falling fast; bullets from a machine gun. She remembers it – the puddles, the cold outside, and cold in her bones.

It all started when Asanda was staying at her cousin’s house. Her Mom, drunk, had kicked Asanda out: “You’re sixteen now, girl. Go look after yourself. I can’t pay for you. Find a job!”

Mom was pregnant again. She had no money for any of them.

Sizwe wasn’t the nicest, but Asanda didn’t know who else to ask. She sent Sizwe a message: “Please help. I don’t know what else to do.” Sizwe said she could stay, but she had to contribute.

“We’re going to work tonight. You must join. Nothing comes for free.”

Asanda agreed. Later that evening they put on make up and went to meet people at the bar. They drank beer. They smoked cigarettes and laughed when the men made rude jokes. After Asanda’s fourth glass she began to feel a mixture of euphoria and dizziness. She felt grown-up and sophisticated with Sizwe’s friends.

Soon, the women left the bar and made their way down the street to a petrol station. Sizwe saw a car approach them. She pushed Asanda forward, “Go, go. It’s your turn. Tell them R200.” Asanda looked around nervously. “Go!” Sizwe pushed her harder. Asanda noticed a few other women were milling around the station too. They were wearing short skirts and occasionally they would lean over and talk to someone in a car. The man beckoned her, and Asanda slowly approached his car.

Asanda’s situation is a common story for many women working as prostitutes. Many sex workers have felt trapped by this career because of social or economic circumstances. Often, they are victims of trafficking, or manipulated by pimps and drug lords.

In light of the growing number of women trafficked, the South African government is considering amendments to the constitution to allow for the legalisation of prostitution. If these changes are to pass, South Africa will be the first country in Africa to legalise sex work.

Many people support this change. The supporters argue that the legalisation of sex work will allow for regulations to protect the sex worker. At present, a sex worker can not call the police for fear of being arrested. With added regulation, pimps and drug lords who often profit at the mercy of those working for them, will have limited power. In addition, a liberal viewpoint insists women have a human right to sell sex if they wish.

However, the decriminalisation of sex work comes with many critics. Rachel Mora­n, founder of Space International and the author of the memoir Paid For: My Journey Through Prostitution, disagrees with this view: “I cringe when I hear the words ‘sex work.’ Selling my body wasn’t a livelihood. There was no resemblance to ordinary employment in the ritual degradation of strangers’ using my body to satiate their urges. I was doubly exploited — by those who pimped me and those who bought me.”

To me, it is impossible for anyone to have sex for money without any shame, doubt, or regret. Sex is not simply a physical act; it is deeply invasive and affecting for a person’s sense of self. Unfortunately, many men who hire prostitutes seek not just the physical act but the power over another human being. This leads to objectification, violence and dehumanisation of the person. This goes directly against what we believe in as a society.

As a society and as individuals we should stand against objectification of women and abuse. I don’t know what the right solution is regarding the legalisation of sex work. I do know God loves Asanda, he loves you, and he loves me. In the Bible Jesus gives forgiveness and a new hope to everyone, saying: “Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come.” (2 Corinthians 5:17)

Where are the real men?

Let’s start this conversation by listening to a song called Smack that by Akon and Eminem. Listen to the lyrics and push the beat aside. Take a long hard think about what this is saying about women. It’s not great, right?

Yes, but “it’s normal,” I can hear girls chime. Aren’t all men sex obsessed? Do you count yourself one of a lucky few if you manage to resuscitate a decent one from the growing pile of male lust and forgotten integrity girls have to select from?

I know, it can be quite depressing. Despite our hope as females fading faster than the natural resources on planet earth, there are still great guys out there. There are guys who hold together a family, who are strong for the ones they love, and who care about more than self gratification. These men are inspiring. They contribute positively to society. These are the real men of the world. Culture’s picture of what it takes to be a real man is not correct.

So, what actually makes a man – a “real man”?

A real man respects everyone

A real man doesn’t “trash talk” people around him, or place himself on a pedestal. He sees himself equal to the man who fills up his car with petrol, and the man who runs a large multinational company. He respects women.

A real man encourages

It’s easy to get together in the pub and talk about other people’s failures, or make fun of a wife or work colleague. A real man isn’t into taking others down, he works hard and believes in those around him. He speaks well of others and isn’t intimidated by  success.

A real man doesn’t lead women on

Dating girls for convenience or sex without being willing to commit to a relationship is cowardly. Yeah, that’s right, cowardly. A real man does not see women as objects, prizes or commodities. He is intentional, honest and shows dignity. He knows his mind.

A real man works hard, but isn’t about money

If you have a huge bank balance, but no time for your family, then you are wasting your life. We don’t need lazy men. And we don’t need workaholics. We need real men who are present as a father and husband. Who take responsibility for the children they have fathered.

A real man prioritizes the right things

So you love rugby, or soccer, or fishing – all good. If you put these hobbies above your wife and children you are compromising important things for trivial things. As a real man your priorities are  family, God, and work.

A real man doesn’t buy into a sex crazed world

The world is crazy: sex crazy. It’s hard not to get caught up in it. Lust is an insatiable desire: you make it satisfied. It always wants more and more and more. If you let lust get a hold of your thinking, you will throw away good things for cheap thrills. Real men show discipline in their thoughts and desires.

A real man is stable

A real man is not controlled by his emotions, or by other people. He knows when to say no and when to say yes. His wife and the people he knows are able to depend on him for solid wisdom and decision making. He thinks things through and he takes leadership.

A real man’s identity comes from God

A real man doesn’t need five girls on his arm, a convertible, an office with a plaque, a swiss bank account, and five tequilas to feel good about himself. A real man finds his identity and worth from his relationship with God. He knows God made him for a purpose and he has worth, without needing external validation.

A real man has integrity

It doesn’t matter how big or small something is, a real man will treat it with integrity. He is honest, shows consistency, and his actions and words match up. He doesn’t cheat, cut corners, or make unethical business decisions.

A real man takes responsibility for his actions

He doesn’t blame his family or partner for his mistakes. He apologises and is quick to change. He realises he isn’t less of a man because he says sorry, but more of a man because of his ability to admit wrong.

The world needs more good male role models to pivot the status quo. The world needs real men. Men, we beg you – don’t let culture rob you of true manhood. Women, don’t let yourself be treated badly or accept double standards. To the real men of the world, those who leave smacking to valueless celebrities: we salute you.

Do you care too much about pop culture?

A few years ago a the market for snow owls in England sky rocketed. Following this, sadly, many of the snow owls were found abandoned in garages and lofts. Turns out, snowy owls are fluffy, but they also have claws. Maybe not the best choice of pet.

Any idea why this strange phenomena appeared?

Need I remind you of a young wizard and his two friends? A wizard named Harry who was the proud owner of a snowy owl called Hedwig. A wizard who became wildly popular within the last decade.

I think it’s fair to argue popular culture influences what we like, don’t like, and what we think. People go to medical school because of the hot doctors in Grey’s Anatomy. Teenagers suck bottles so their lips can become like Kylie Jenner’s. Boys cut their hair so it looks like Justin Bieber, and they can get a girlfriend (this usually works).

The thing is, popular culture is like junk food for your brain. Yes, it is entertaining to watch seven episodes of The Bachelor in a row. And yes, it’s fun to flick through pictures showing which celebrity has the most cellulite. Especially when compared to the news, or a Shakespeare play.

Here’s the difference between consuming quality and consuming popular culture: take a McDonalds burger – it’s quick; there is no work to find it and consume it. It takes about three minutes, if you are very, very hungry. This burger offers your body no sustenance. Do this once or twice, and you’re fine. Do this for every meal, every day, and your poor body is going to implode. Your veins will become clogged with fat and you may get a heart attack; you may never fit into those size two skinny jeans again.

Compare this diet to a diet of good organic produce fresh from the farm. It may not initially taste better, but after a while your body will grow to like the taste of carrots which crunch. Yes, it takes longer to prepare and digest. Yet, the cost is worth it in the end. Eat this every day and you will feel stronger and have more energy.

It’s the same with our mind. We dull our ability to think with diets of popular culture. Our minds seek challenges, meaning, depth, and stimulation and we feed them fads, pictures, poorly written stories, greed, consumption, misogyny, and self-obsession.

I could watch MTV music videos all day for the rest of my life if I wanted, but I feel like my life is meant for more than that. I could gossip and follow the example of girls in Desperate Housewives but according to my compass for right and wrong, gossiping is not right, no matter how glamorous it may appear.

Popular culture at its core is not bad. It’s inevitable and it’s the product of free speech. It’s an expression of our collective experiences. What is bad, is the values popular culture esteems.

Ideally we need to be able to take in popular culture and decide what we will consume or won’t. Pull off the gherkins and leave the burger, so to say.

The way to do this is to know what you believe is truth. And to know what direction you wish your life to go in. I read my Bible and I follow the example of Christ because this has stood the test of time. Yes, current trends are interesting, but will we still care about Kylie’s lips in six months, one year, five years, or even a decade? I doubt it. The Bible has been passed from generation to generation and stood firm. People have died for it and it shows evidence that those who base their life on its values flourish.

Why God doesn’t (always) heal

I don’t know what you think about healing and God, but I would bet my small toe you’re interested in it. As for me, I’m fascinated and I believe it’s possible. I’ve seen people’s legs grow with my own pair of beady eyes. I’ve seen people with years of back pain walk away without a remaining twinge, and it’s never returned again. I’ve been told stories by good friends of doctors shocked because the results of a report are impossible. Yet they can not deny the results they see.

I believe in prayer. I believe God is our healer and we should ask him to heal us of our sicknesses. But sometimes, no matter hard we ask, how much burning faith we have in our beating hearts, or how many scriptures we quote and cupcakes we fast… God doesn’t heal.

It’s human nature to try and understand this. To try find a reason and a place to put the blame. We don’t like “why” questions which we have no answer for. We don’t like things that can make you questions God’s goodness. It doesn’t make sense to heal some people, and not others.

To be honest, I don’t have an answer to this question. I wish it was a straight forward equation with a right and wrong answer. It isn’t. God can not be put in a box, theorised or manipulated. He is God and he will do what he wishes. We have to believe his plan is best.

However, this aside, if we go through the Bible we do learn of God’s character and in reading it discover some of the possible explanations for why God chooses not to heal.

Your pain is part of your gift

I have an amazing friend who is disabled in her one arm. Her disability has meant she was bullied as a child. Every year she would stand in front of her classmates and tell them why she was different. She would say “God made me this way.” She couldn’t play sports like other kids and simple things like writing required years of physiotherapy. The disability, although a challenge, meant that she grew a rare tenacity and courage.

Four years ago my friend came out to South Africa to volunteer and ended up finding a school for special needs children where she could help out. Two years later she returned to America to start an NGO aimed at helping children with special needs. Her arm has given her a platform, which she would never had, had had she been “normal”.

I’ve asked her before: would you want a normal hand? When a healing evangelist comes to our church, people asked her if she was going to go forward for healing. “No,” she responded. “I believe God made me like this so I could help these children, and I won’t stop until I do.”

Maybe, our pain and difficulties enable us to give more to the world than we otherwise would without them.

Your testimony could be your strength

Everyone loves the easy win, the immediate response, the prayer and the visible evidence. Sometimes, the greatest way God is glorified is through your strength. It’s easy to say a prayer and be well; it’s not so easy to remain strong, walk through the pain with a good attitude, and to encourage another person.

I remember visiting some old ladies in a home for the elderly. They did not have very many visitors and they did not have many earthly comforts. Their life was a simple passing of time. Many of them were in a great deal of pain, and yet when someone new came to talk to them or give them something their faces lit up with joy. That joy in the midst of suffering was admirable, beautiful, and moving. That joy was more of a testimony to me than a lot of other things.

Pain teaches us empathy

We’ve all dealt with pain in some way. For some the pain is more emotional, for others it is physical. When I meet someone who has gone or is going through something difficult, because of all I have been through, I am able to identify and empathise with this person. Pain is a part of the human experience. Nobody likes it and yet it draws us together and draws us towards God. When we are weak, he is strong.

Friend, I don’t know if or why God does or doesn’t heal, but I do know this: as Moses said (Deuteronomy 31:6), “Do not be afraid or terrified … for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

No matter what pain you face, you do not have to face it alone. We do not have all the answers, but this we do know: God loves us and he is always there for us.

How not to become a bridezilla

Something happens when your friend gets married. Nice, sweet Thando becomes a monster. Somewhere in-between yes and I do, wedding planning can bring out anyone’s bridezilla side. I’ve had the pleasure (or pain) of being a bridesmaid many times and I can tell you that none is immune from the spirit of bridezilla.

I recall one hot hot summer day in Cape Town. I drove an hour to arrive at 8 am to check out the venue for a friend, and help decide on flower arrangements. I made a fatal mistake: I thought the morning would be over quickly so I didn’t eat breakfast. Which was fine by 10 am. Only, 10 am wasn’t when the morning finished. My job was to take pictures of the floral options and add my opinion to mom and the wedding planner. Come 2 pm I had nearly fainted from heat and hunger, however mom and the wedding planner were still debating which shade of pink the orchids would be. We didn’t finish up until 3 pm. I honestly considered resigning from my voluntary job as bridesmaid and rejecting any further requests.

Don’t get me wrong, I adore my friends, and I really would do anything to make their special day very special, but somehow weddings have a way of stressing everyone out.

You know what, if all goes according to plan you are only going to get married once. Why let one day, which should be a happy celebration, become a nightmare?

Here are my don’t-become-a-bridezilla wedding day tips.

1. Be clear about boundaries

Everyone is going to want their say in your wedding. Aunty Cynthia from Zambia who you haven’t seen for years is suddenly going to arrive on the scene and expect you to give in to her self-election as wedding president. She’s probably already planned everything from the guest list to the menu. Don’t let her. This is your wedding and you may have to offend a few well meaning people in the process. Let Aunty Cynthis kindly know upfront where and how she can help you and where you need to make your own decisions.

2. Delegate, delegate, delegate

If you don’t get people to help you, you are going to be paying for it in counselling fees. You simply can not put together a whole wedding by yourself. Image trying to paint those 200 candle boxes all alone. No ways! This is when you can make use of the Aunty Cynthias, moms, cousins, and friends who are in your life. Just make sure you aren’t unreasonable in what you expect from them – nobody wants to be remembered as the bride who worked her wedding party in to the dust.

3. Prepare for the unexpected

No matter how well you think everything through, try a million golden icing recipes or plan the day, you are always going to come up against the unexpected. Don’t freak out. It’s not about being perfect, it’s about having the people you love around you. And having fun. Don’t forget there are loads of apps and wedding blogs that can help you plan the day – make use of them. Do your best and then let it go.

4. Pamper yourself

You are going to need wedding free days so you can feel like a normal person. You are going to need long baths, spa dates, and back massages. Planning a wedding is a job on top of the job you already have. Then throw in a diet or new fitness routine, and trying to keep your relationship together so you still have one when the day  rolls by – it’s not as easy as it all looks. Relax, take your time, and don’t forget to look after you.

5. Keep perspective

At the end of the day, a wedding isn’t about a “perfect day” or showing off to your father’s rich friends. A wedding is a celebration of two people committing themselves to each other for the rest of their lives. A wedding is a promise before God to be faithful.

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” (Ephesians 5:31)

How do you stay humble?

“Life is a long lesson in humility.”

J.M. Barrie, The Little Minister

There are many successful people in the world. Many people who have accomplished great things. They own empires; they speak and thousands act; they overcome and inspire and become ever greater. And they are often not happy or fulfilled.

The world we live in has not taught us humility. The world we live in teaches us that it’s all about you. We turn on the TV to watch reality shows showing the lives of rich people, and we aspire to become them. We go to the shops when we don’t have money to buy things in order to feel better. We talk about other people when there are so many things to talk about. Why? Because it feels good to put someone else down and make yourself look good. Or, it’s entertaining for a moment. We sacrifice our relationships with our family to build businesses and go to meetings we never remember. We are governed in pride, and we are selfish.

In Mere Christianity, C. S. Lewis said this about humility:

“Do not imagine that if you meet a really humble man he will be what most people call ‘humble’ nowadays: he will not be a sort of greasy, smarmy person, who is always telling you that, of course, he is nobody. Probably all you will think about him is that he seemed a cheerful, intelligent chap who took a real interest in what you said to him. If you do dislike him it will be because you feel a little envious of anyone who seems to enjoy life so easily. He will not be thinking about humility: he will not be thinking about himself at all.”

Humility isn’t beating yourself up and complaining that you are worth nothing. Humility is a healthy view of you and the world. It is a view where you know your worth, and yet you don’t esteem it as better than another.

There are a few common traits humble people share. Look at these and they may prompt you to do some self-examination:

1. Nobody else is better or worse than you.

You treat everyone the same and see everyone as a person of worth.

2. You aren’t afraid to say: “I was wrong.”

Humble people always choose the right decision over the easy one. They admit they are wrong and would rather lose approval than lie or jeopardize a relationship.

3. You build bridges not walls.

Humility doesn’t judge or separate people based on preferences. Humble people are aware of their flaws and they are open to hearing from other people, and learning from other people. They let their weaknesses become a means of connecting with others.

4. You care about leaving a legacy more than creating comfort for yourself.

Humble people care about the world they leave for their children. They sacrifice buying lots of things for a life of significance and impact.

5. You listen more than you talk. 

Humble people are listeners. They don’t need the last word because they are not searching for validation and acceptance.

6. You celebrate the success of others.

Why are people so competitive instead of encouraging? Rather than uniting for a cause, we fight against each other for things that don’t always matter. Someone confident of their worth can celebrate the success of others.

7. You have values.

Humble people stand for what they believe in but don’t oppress or shame anyone else for thinking differently.

8. You don’t live above your means.

Humble people are content. They don’t need to jump on the train of unhealthy consumerism.

The best example of humility is Jesus, who was willing to give his life for those who had yelled at him, swore at him, and beat him up. If you truly wish to become humble, follow his example.

It’s time for a road trip

There is nothing quite like a road trip. I think a part of me will forever yearn for the wide open spaces, the wind in my hair, a map on my lap, a half eaten bags of crisps shoved in the glove compartment, and the ever alluring sense of space, time, and adventure . If you have never taken the road, tossed your cares aside, and embraced your wild side for a bit then, my friend, now is your time.

I have done many a road trip in my life. The university I attended was a long and curving 10 hours from where I lived. About twice a year, me and a bunch of friends would pile our overpacked suitcases in to the boot of someone’s car, wake up at 4 am in the morning and road trip our way through small Eastern Cape towns to our destination. We had our favourite stops: the spar in Umatata which sold fresh rolls, the homemade pies which kept you going from lunch until dinner and the coffee at the Wimpy at the bottom of the Fish River.  We turned the music up, talked about everything and nothing, and fell asleep exhausted but successful, in dorm beds on the other side.

I’ve road-tripped across America for one month. Friends and I bought an old car with no fifth gear, packed it to overflowing, and drove it from Colarado all the way through Las Vegas, the Grand Canyon, Wyoming, in through the top of California, down the coast through San Francisco, LA, and San Diego, where we left it in the hands of a hotel owner in return for a night of lodging. We nearly ran out of petrol when there was nothing but a lone cowboy for miles and miles. We stumbled upon small diners with big menus. We made friends with people I would otherwise never have encountered. We shared beds, we ate tuna sandwiches in the back seat. We listened to American country music, and for a small space in time we believed we were young and lost forever.

Yes, it’s time for a road trip.

Before you head off, let me give you some road-tripping tips. You want to remember your trip for all the right reasons.

Make a playlist: After a while everyone gets tired of talking.  The right songs keep everyone in good spirits when its 10 pm and you still haven’t found the motel. Also, songs are a great way to keep memories. If you listen to your tracks years later you will find yourself pulled back to certain people, places and times.

Plan something: It seems like a great idea to go where the wind will take you, and you should, but you also need to budget properly and have a rough idea. You also don’t want to miss out on anything great so if there is a must-see, plan and you can work around it.

Keep a stash of snacks: There is nothing worse than a car full of moody or hungry people. You often don’t know when next you are going to be able to find somewhere to eat and everyone is happier when they are well fed.

Make the space and time to enjoy yourself: You won’t have a great trip if you are worried about things at work, or broken relationships. Road trips are about getting away, letting your hair down, and gaining perspective.

We can’t run forever from the things in life that are tough, and they don’t go away because we leave them – but we can take a break and see the beautiful things the world has to offer. We can get away from distractions and take a good long think about everything. Often what you need is space and time with God and good friends in order to know what your next step can be.

Happy road-tripping. May the road be full of adventure and promise.

Toughen up, softy

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Before I start this story, let me tell you this: I am naturally a gentle and sensitive person. I get disturbed by horror films, I don’t like it when people speak loudly, or use harsh words. I cry, if you cry. I empathise with everyone around me and my heart dwells in details. Most of my life I have spent trying to “toughen up.”

I remember having an argument with a friend, which led me to write this article. I defended myself, telling her “God likes a gentle spirit.” She responded saying “gentle people get trodden on and get nowhere in life” (she had a point). I paused. Although there was truth in what she said, something about it still didn’t feel right to me. “No,” I said. “What matters isn’t how much we get done; it’s the people you care for and help on the journey. Being soft is important too.”

“Well, you won’t help anyone if you kick it at the first challenge because you’re so soft.”

We didn’t come to a conclusion, which has led to me thinking about the idea for  longer. What then is the answer? There are kids in the playground who get beaten up because they can’t stand up for themselves. People who succeed at work are rarely “gentle.” I thought about the people around me who I considered role models – what did this look like in their lives? Were they gentle or were they tough?

After a while I did the smart thing and turned to the person of Jesus Christ – what did the Bible say?

“A meek spirit is in the sight of God of great price.” (1 Peter 3:4) – looks like God likes a gentle spirit. But equally we also see Jesus crashing into a temple, and pulling down tables in anger. (John 2:14-16).

So how do we navigate the balance between the two? We have to be both gentle and tough.

I heard someone once say, “keep a soft heart, and a tough spirit.” I liked that explanation – it answered my question from the argument.

In our hearts we need to nurture a loving tenderness. We shouldn’t harden our hearts even if at times it does feel justified.  We should love on another; we should care for children and help those who are elderly and alone. We should see people around us as brothers and sisters.

At the same time, we need to have a tough spirit if we wish to live out our lives well and make a difference. Your spirit is the thing inside you, which makes you unique. Your spirit needs to be strong when the time calls for it. It needs to stand up against darkness and evil. Your spirit needs to have the strength to persevere when times get hard.

I had my answer: “Keep a soft heart, and a tough spirit.”

The people that I see do this successfully are Christian. It’s difficult to be loving and strong without the transforming power of Jesus in your heart.

I don’t know who you are, or what you think of God but I will tell you this: “as many as received Him, to them He gave the power to become the sons of God” (the Bible tells us this in John 1:12). When you give your life to Jesus something inside you changes – you gain an inner power. Your spirit changes from weak to strong and your heart grows soft and caring. I can be both these things because I have the spirit of God inside me.

In the end both my friend and I were right in our own ways. The answer wasn’t one, or the other, but both, with the help of Christ.

5 reasons you should read more

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So you wish to be successful? Maybe, when you see a blog saying “5 things to take on your success journey,” you click on it, and skim through the copy. Maybe, when you’re flicking channels and Oprah’s smiling face and perfect hair pop into view, you pause and listen. Maybe you subscribe to a leadership podcast, or go to conferences where smart executives click through powerpoint slides and try not to day dream.

You probably go for dinner with your cute friends and discuss your career over a glass of wine. You probably tell each other your dreams and desires, and express what frustrates you. You mention how you want so badly to succeed in life and in your career. Yet, isn’t it ironic that the last thing we do when are looking for the pathway to success, is to pick up a book? And yet within the pages of a book is the exact answer to the questions we have.

“But, I don’t have time…”

I can see you saying it already. Really? What if Ted messages – then you have time? What about the season finale for Game of Thrones? Then you have time. Sushi on Saturday evening? Then you have time. I rest my case.

Here’s why you should pick up a book more often:

It’s relaxing

A study conducted by the University of Sussex found that when you read it can reduce stress up to 68%; working faster than other relaxation methods such as listening to music or drinking a hot cup of tea (2009).

Our minds are usually buzzing at 10 thoughts per second, and we often struggle to slow down and wind down. Read a book before you go to bed and it will help you put the day to rest, immerse yourself in someone else’s story, and leave tomorrow’s worries for tomorrow.

It stimulates ideas

Your mind produces what it is fed. If you throw it junk food – a.k.a. reruns of the Kardashians – it will produce junk. If you feed it stimulating and challenging content, you will find the quality of your conversation and the ideas you are able to come up with are far better. The scientists over at Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis reported that just reading engages 17 regions of your brain.

You gain insight

We can never know it all. If we think we do, then we are in a very dangerous position. When you read, you gain access to points of view that are different to your own. You gain access to information filtered through a lens which is not your own and you are opened up to new ways of thinking and approaching things.

You provide stimulating conversation

You will gain very little respect by referencing Kim’s latest fashion range in a conversation. Whereas if you have read and understand a book on China’s economics, things would look a little different. I’m not saying read something you aren’t interested in – don’t, you won’t get through it anyway. But take your interests and instead of reading the gossip column in hello, read about it in a well written book.

You learn things in depth and detail

Some information simply can not be hashed out in a four-minute read. When you read a book the writer has space to go into detail on a subject. Your mind learns to focus and process more complex information. It’s like a workout – you need to work your mind with increased complexity in order for it to grow and change.

Books stretch your mind and once your mind is stretched it allows you to go places in your career and in your life which you would never imagine. If you read one book a year, challenge yourself to read two. I read the Bible on a constant basis and then I read leadership and career books as well as novels. On that note, it’s probably time you stopped reading this blog and found yourself a nice chunky hardcover. Happy reading and see you later!

God, where are you in the hard times?

When I first started posting on Instagram I had very few likes. If I got 20 I thought I was doing well. One day, I posted an image that went viral, at least compared to my other images. It was nothing special – handwritten black text on a white background. Simple. The reason why everyone “liked it” was because this was what it said: “Good things and hard things are often the same thing when they come from God.”

I posted the quote because it spoke to me. What? God gives us hard things. Yes, yes he does. I spend a lot of time fighting with God.  Asking him why. Asking him how. Telling him he doesn’t love me because of x-y-z. Wrestling with some of the challenges in my path, and growing frustrated when I don’t receive the help I believe I deserve.

As I’ve grown older, I’ve come to the dawning  realisation that God isn’t going to take away everything in life I don’t like. He isn’t going to whip out the cards that have “challenge” on them and hide them at the bottom of the pack; rather, he is going to use them to teach me things. He is going to walk me through them. Step by often painful step.

When it comes to hard times we have two choices:

1. Wish away your pain and frustration; or

2. Let your pain and frustration pull you closer to God, and let him use hard times for good.

Hard times make your relationships stronger

When things become difficult you find out who your “real” friends are. Difficulties have a way of filtering out the nonsense people in your life, and leaving you with the ones who actually care. When we share challenging times with friends, our relationships gain depth. Walking with friends through challenges makes people grow closer in a way that can not be done in only the good times.

Hard times make you appreciate the good times 

Going through difficulties is like living on boarding school food and then coming home to Mom’s home cooking (provided Mom is a good cook). It tastes so much better because you know how bad it can be. Hard times aren’t nice. They aren’t easy, but they do teach us to appreciate the rewards at the end of the seasons. Think of saving up for years to buy a house you’ve always wanted: You will treasure that house. If you had loads of houses and you got given another one, it wouldn’t be anything special. Too much good stuff and we become spoilt and unappreciative.

Hard times grow your character

The famous psychologist Viktor Frankl noted the following in his studies: If our circumstances will not change, then we ourselves are forced to change. Hard times make you more mature. Hard times teach you patience, empathy, kindness, longsuffering, and integrity. In every difficulty there is a lot of gold which can be learned, if we allow ourselves to be moulded by the challenge.

Hard times bring you closer to God

God’s primary concern is not your comfort, fame, ease of living, new shoes, or heartbreak. Yes, he cares about these things, but what he desires more than anything else is you. He desires relationship. When things get difficult and we can no longer fix them ourselves or join together all the dots, that is when we start to call out to God. Hard times make us humble before God. As a human race we are infatuated with ourselves. We are selfish by nature and it, so often, takes something very difficult to knock us off our road of self-satisfaction so we can get real about what actually matters.

Don’t let hard things get you down. Don’t wish away every challenge and don’t blame God for every unfortunate event in your life. Take responsibility for what you can change – your attitude. Then come to God in prayer. Talk to him, ask him for help, let him guide you through to the other side. He made you, he knows you, and he’ll be there through it all, waiting… waiting for you to turn to him.

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