Thursday, December 26, 2024
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Fran Thring

But, are you REALLY living?

Fran Thring
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But, are you REALLY living?

Sometimes I press pause internally. I stop what I have been thinking about for a moment or two (I struggle to do this for too long, my brain is a tumble drier) and I just watch. I watch the people around me in the street, on the bus and at the grocery store. I watch them scoop up their children and I watch them peel the bills from their wallet and place them on the dirty counter tops. I look at their eyes and I think this thought: “But, are you REALLY living?”

The thought comes with a dash of arrogance because who are we to judge another’s life? Who are we to say one is living and another is dying? We aren’t really, but at the same time I reckon many of us have stopped living. Life is hard, complex and disheartening at times. I get it. We all do. We’re all living on the same planet, and yet within me there is a little spark which says. “It is hard, but it can also be incredible.”

Sometimes, you must quit the life you hate to start living the one you love.

I’m a firm believer in a God who talks to you. Whether or not you believe in God, is your choice, but this aside you must admit that life sends you messages. The time your car broke down and your friend drove down the street and was able to assist. The teacher who spoke words into your heart which shaped something powerful inside you. The closed doors and the open ones which lead you left, or right. Up, or down. Listen.

We are privileged to live in a world where we are able to make our own decisions. We can make our way through life with minimal opposition. Want to become a teacher? You can. Want to teach in Uganda? You can. Want to teach adults in Spain? You probably can. Why in a world like this would you do something you hate? What would cause you live somewhere you detest? Or why would you chose a partner who doesn’t treat you well?

I’m refuse to adhere to the ‘do something I hate for 10 years, make enough money and then enjoy life’ movement. I refuse to adhere to the ‘let’s just do’ movements. House. Car. Babies. Schools. I want to do what’s right for me, and I want to do something which makes the world a better place.

Why is this so hard for us, why do we refuse to follow our dreams? We’re afraid.

“You may be 38 years old, as I happen to be. And one day, some great opportunity stands before you and calls you to stand up for some great principle, some great issue, some great cause.

And you refuse to do it because you are afraid. You refuse to do it because you want to live longer. You’re afraid that you will lose your job, or you are afraid that you will be criticized or that you will lose your popularity, or you’re afraid that somebody will stab you, or shoot at you or bomb your house; so you refuse to take the stand.

Well, you may go on and live until you are 90, but you’re just as dead at 38 as you would be at 90. And the cessation of breathing in your life is but the belated announcement of an earlier death of the spirit.” – Martin Luther King Jr.

You aren’t doing anybody a favour when you stop living. When you do what you love, you shine. When you find your purpose something inside you sparks, grows, is kindled and gives light.

I don’t want anyone to look at my life and see me lifeless, sad or depressed. I want people to look at my life and think, that girl has got something. She loves what she does. She loves the people in her life with every fibre of her being. She loves God and she listens to him. That’s truly inspirational to me.

What would you do if someone gave you 6 million dollars? Who would you be if you weren’t afraid of what people thought? What would you try? Where would you go?

Go for life, go for it full steam ahead. LIVE. Truly live.

I will always chose the people in my life based on how much they care

Fran Thring
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I will always chose the people in my life based on how much they care

I have been a part of church for 7 years. It may seem obvious but I don’t hate God, I don’t hate Christians and I actually don’t hate the church. I believe in it. I believe it is the answer to many problems in the world.  Despite this, there have been some things in my 7 faithful years that I’ve had to really work through. When I say work through, I mean Grade 12 end of year Maths Higher Grade paper – there was hurt, disappointment and frustration. I love God, I’m an advocate for sticking things out, but I nearly became another lousy, jaded ex-church twentysomething statistic.

One of these was an event I held roughly 3 years ago.

I’ve always liked events – the people, the pressure, the ‘you never know what could happen at the last moment’ thing, and the wow I pulled it off. I REALLY pulled it off.

I was feeling a little low and I decided to face it head on, take a faith step and put on an event – stretch myself and do something out of the ordinary. I will openly admit I was unaware as to what it requires to pull off something of the size my little mind had schemed. And I have since down scaled every event I have touched because the lessons were delivered thick and fast.

It was called “Party-it-up,” and it featured 5 local artists (I warned you, I went big) and 4 DJ’s and a warehouse. All the proceeds were to go to Uphold Global (my little best friend’s NGO which raises funds for disabled kids). There were smoke machines, photo booths, online ticket purchases, flyers – the works. We had bands bring in their entire set up. We had me set up as a MC. I did some radio interviews, I spoke at a few local churches to tell them about it, I had a core committee of helpers who helped to get the word out and handle some admin. I mean, it was a big deal and I made no secret about what I had invested. I asked everyone to come months in advance.

I felt ill that entire week. I worked like a crazy person and I think the only times I have ever felt that stressed before was my Driver’s License test and when I thought I was going to get fired from a job. Also, when they made me jump off the high diving board in Grade 3.

Party-it-up was rough around the edges – there were too many artists and we had to rush the last act. The DJ’s were cool, but people were kind of over it by the time we got there. We made a fair amount of cash and I learned a lot, but I woke up the next day feeling hurt. I felt like a lot of the people I genuinely had relationships with from church hadn’t bothered to come.

Listen, I’m reasonable. I know people have stuff on and things happen, but the idea of being “awesome” in church on Sunday and then living your life outside it with mediocre commitment, communication and care is something I’ll never be ok with.

Everything in me believes integrity is the key to ministry.

I don’t care what people do in that building, I care who they are to the people around you everyday.

I don’t care if they run a Youth Group of 3000 on a Friday night, if they can’t greet me when they know me.

I don’t care if you visit Jesus in heaven with all the angels, if you can’t bother to respond to the message when I ask you to my birthday party.

I don’t care if you are the hottest coolest new leader at the men’s group at church, if you flirt with me when you aren’t going to do anything about it – that’s not cool.

We will always find people who show us support and people who let us down. The thing is to not let bad experiences with people put you off trying church, or attending one. God is good, and he is consistent. Learn from the lessons and be wise. 

I will always chose the people in my life by their integrity. I don’t care what your faith it, to be honest you don’t need to share my faith to be my friend. I care about if you are there when the going gets tough.

“I surrender…”

Fran Thring
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“I surrender…”

About 3 weeks ago I attended a conference – there is something about those, the crowds of eager people, the pressure pot of 3 days of uninterrupted worship and workshops and the anticipation in a human heart, that something will be different afterwards. I did feel different afterwards, I felt like somethings were whispered into the fibre of my being, things I can’t always put words to, like peace and a sense of renewed purpose. These descriptions fall flat in the face of what has actually happened. During this conference two of my friends felt moved to spend some time in prayer.

Two friends and a mountain top experience

Let’s call the friends Sarah and Tess. Sarah and Tess drove up to the top of Signal Hill a big arching mountain which overlooks the Cape Town peninsula. They sat there and they prayed powerful prayers. They prayed prayers which said, “I surrender.”

A week later

There is not a lot more powerful than a prayer that starts with “I surrender” when the heart that utters the words means what it says. I contacted Sarah during that following week and found out that something had happened in both her and Tess’s jobs. On exactly the same day, a week later both of my friends were called in for reviews and their positions terminated. Both of them are hard working and smart girls – the timing was uncanny.

God directs our steps

When something negative happens in our lives, it is very difficult to see the story which is written along with it. When you are told you no longer have a job, it’s very easy to get worried. To call all your friends and moan about the injustice, to become angry at God because he has taken away something which is important to you. We all do it, it’s a very real obstacle.

Bad things are the best that can happen to us

If you believe that God directs your steps then you have to resolve, when these things happen, that you will see the best in the situation. At times, things need to end for other things to begin. It’s a part of life and it’s a part of how God works. Both of my friends could have looked at their situations and said, “oh no!” They didn’t. How they dealt with the experiences was both brave and inspiring. Both had been feeling that the situations they were in were not using their skills and passion as best it could have. The end of both situations means something new can begin.

Each piece of life is a learning experience

As humans we automatically want everything immediately. We want the perfect job, the perfect husband and the perfect life. We miss out on the beautiful messy journey of imperfection because we think perfect is better. Perfect isn’t better, it’s flat. It’s grey and it’s self serving. Each piece of our lives adds to who we are and enriches our experiences. To miss out out on the messy pieces is to miss out on life itself.

Sometimes we never know why the bad things happen

Sometimes we won’t see the closed door as a good thing, and sometimes when we pray “I surrender” and something awful happens it will be hard to feel like this is the work of an almighty and caring God. It will be hard to even see the potential in it, like Sara and Tess did.

If we chose to pray prayers which say I surrender then we have to accept what comes in the aftermath. Happiness and tragedy are woven with the same coloured thread and to hear God’s call is to acknowledge and accept both side of the tapestry. Don’t run from surrender, don’t panic over the closed doors, trust God with every fibre of your being and you will be ok.

Tips for a new you (well the old one, but better)

Fran Thring
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Tips for a new you (well the old one, but better)

It’s a little bit further on into the new year now, nobody is even thinking of New Year’s resolutions – we’re caught up in the everyday grind, the emails, the dinners, the school runs and the general hum drum of life. Not a lot has changed. Even if I look back at this year and the previous year, really there isn’t a HUGE difference and I have certainly forgotten about that list I put together with a friend on all the things we would do. Here’s the thing, our lives are not the summary of abstract decisions (like my list), but rather the summary of healthy habits.

Habits are like our default, they are the hum drum, they are what sum up our day, week and month. Unless we have good habits, our New Year resolutions fall flat on their face. Ouch, not a nice image – but its true…

Healthy habits are not easy to create (if they were then everyone would be a super fit, uber productive, happy happy smiling success). The good news is – “it can be done!” Yes, it can, habits can be broken and new habits can be built, it just takes some good practical tips to get you on the right direction. Guess what, here they are, now you have zero excuses.

Tip 1

Admit the problem. Face up! Yes, it’s great to pretend you don’t have a weight problem, but if the scale is telling you something different then you may want to rethink your ideas. Sometimes we trick ourselves into really believing we don’t have a problem. Be honest. Write it down. “I have a problem with…”

Tip 2

Understand how it all works

A habit has three components:

The trigger: whatever is getting you started (the box of Kitkats on the shelf, for example).

The behaviour: our response to the trigger (eating the box of Kitkats on the shelf)

and the reward: the hit we get when we do it. We feel rewarded, we feel good (those Kitkats taste delicious).

Think about the habit you have, what is the trigger? What do you think is the reward?

Tip 3

What could you replace it with? Find something new, enticing and interesting to replace your old reward with. Perhaps you could buy a new item of clothing for every week you go to the gym. Perhaps you want to picture you, slim and healthy as the new picture. Too often our problem is that we focus on breaking our current habit instead of focusing on the new habit which we want to have.

Try keep the trigger and the reward the same, select an oat bar instead of the Kitkat.

Tip 4

Track your progress. Things don’t happen overnight and they don’t happen without intentionality. Find a tool to track your progress. There are good apps, or just jot it down – whatever, the principle is visual accountability.

Tip 5

Ask for help

Listen, some habits are going to take teamwork. They are going to take your wife on your back. They are going to take support groups, training buddies and OTHER PEOPLE. There is nothing which can substitute this. Nothing. Bite the bullet homies, be open and vulnerable and get someone else involved.

Tip 6

Stay the course

This is the hardest part of the whole sche-bang. Seriously, just whatever you do keep making some small progress. Don’t stop, don’t give up and don’t throw in the towel if you fall off the bus. Any progress is progress.

It takes 70 days to create a new habit. And then most of the hard work is completed. But now that you understand the problem, if you keep at it consistently and smartly, I am confident you can shake free and experience the results you want.

Find someone who looks at you the way Adele looks at Beyonce

Fran Thring
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Find someone who looks at you the way Adele looks at Beyonce

“I love you, I always have and I always will,” these were Adele’s words to Beyonce at the night of the Grammys as she ripped her award in two, giving the other half to the woman who is also known as the “Queen”.

“I can’t possibly accept this award,” Adele said during her acceptance speech. “The Lemonade album was just so monumental, Beyoncé. It was so monumental and well thought-out and beautiful and soul-bearing… we appreciate that. All of us artists here adore you. You are our light.”

From PR stand point it was probably one of the best moves to come out of the night. The vivid image of Adele in her olive-green dress, tearing the grammy award in half is plastered all over the internet. It makes her look good in ways that a teary overly dramatic acceptance speech can never touch. It moved the audience and it moved Beyoncé to tears. YouTube clips show the Queen gazing towards the stage, touched at Adele’s kind words and admiration.

As much as publicity came from the moment, it didn’t feel staged – Adele later at backstage admitted that she had loved Beyoncé and admired her from the moment she first heard Destiny’s child singing “No, no, no.”

The experience begs us all to ask: Is our world changing? For decades upon decades the gold drenched world of Hollywood has been founded on fame, competition and getting ahead.

It’s all been about who was the best. Who was the king of pop? Who sold the most records, who topped the billboard for the longest and who created the most scandal. It was, and is, a money making, name dropping viper of a world which only those desperate with tenacity and drive seem to be able to find success.

But perhaps this world is waking up to the value of authenticity. Something new is in the air. With the invention of social media, influencers and the accessibility of the everyday person to fame and exposure a new era of celebrity is being born. A celebrity who endorses authenticity. Realness. Failure. Cellulite.

It’s as if the new scandal is the dirty reality of how imperfect you really are instead of how perfect you are. It’s going nuts. Tell us your stories, the world seems to be saying. Show us your imperfections, we want to know the REAL you. Beyonce’s lemonade album which touched the life of Adele and many others is a perfect example of the trend.

Lemonade is: “a conceptual project based on every woman’s journey of self-knowledge and healing”. Lemonade comes with a one-hour film divided into 11 chapters named Intuition, Denial, Anger, Apathy, Emptiness, Accountability, Reformation, Forgiveness, Resurrection, Hope, and Redemption. The film uses poetry and prose written by an expatriate Somali poet Warsan Shir and connects cultures along with the all-too-common stories of hardships and resilience in black women worldwide. It’s visual, it’s riveting, it’s creative but most of all it’s authentic.

Along with the drive towards authenticity has come a new era of feminism and girl’s empowerment. Examples, like Adele’s are showing us that we don’t need to compete with each other to remain on the top. We don’t need to see each other as a stepping stone, but instead women can unite to make the world a better place. Artists are becoming more secure in themselves and being “you.”

I guess it’s best summed up in the following sentence: “find someone who looks at you the way Adele looks at Beyoncé.” Don’t be the person who is intimidated by others, embrace your own uniqueness and be authentic. Truly authentic.

Things you shouldn’t do in your 20’s

Fran Thring
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Things you shouldn’t do in your 20’s
Base your worth on your social media following

It’s okay if you don’t get 100 likes on your pic of you and your bestie eating strawberry ice cream on the beach front. It’s okay if nobody wants to follow you. It’s okay if you would rather invest your energy in something other than social media.

Compare yourself to your friends

The best things in life take time and they happen at different times in everybody’s lives. You probably won’t end up at your dream job at the same time as your friends. And your friends won’t see things happen in their lives when they happen in yours. Encourage each other when cool things happen, and try not stress if it hasn’t happened to you yet.

Stay in a relationship because you are scared to be alone

Or scared nobody else will like you. Or scared because this is all you’ve ever known and you’ve become very comfortable. Your 20’s is a good time to end half-hearted relationships before they default into forever.

Justify all your choices

You are an adult now. You don’t need to justify all your choices to everyone in your zone. If people don’t agree with you, then be okay with it. You weren’t created to make people happy but rather created to make choices and experience life.

Fish for your value from others

Trust me, all your friends will get bored very quickly if they feel like you need them to validate you. It’s nobody’s job to validate you. You are enough. You don’t need to base your self-worth on someone else’s opinion.

Feel insignificant because you are young

Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do something because of your age. People have done crazy things at every age and it was because they didn’t let small-minded people hold them back. Be brave and go for it.

Hang out with toxic people

Seriously, why? Why are you doing this? You are no longer in school and forced to hang out with demarcated people. Cut the chord, let old friendships go if they are not taking you forward. You’re not being mean, you’re being smart.

Say you’ll improve your life and then never doing it

20 year olds always say stuff but their follow through rate is low. Write a list, set a deadline, reach your goals – it’s all on you. Ain’t nobody gonna make it happen for you.

Become stuck in your comfort zone

The comfort zone is the place dreams go to die. Nothing worthwhile happens there. It’s the anthesis of life. Leave the zone, dream, make a mistake, fail, learn and do it all again.

Live like a piglet

If you live like a piglet, you feel like a piglet. Just cause Mom isn’t on your back doesn’t mean you can’t pick up your own clothes, clean the toilet, wash your gym T-shirts. Look after what you have, many people don’t have all the beautiful things you do.

Do things because you feel obliged

Don’t say yes out loud when inside you are shouting no. Learning to say no is one of the best things you can do with your life. Set some boundaries and learn how to communicate them.

Feel like you need to know everything right away

News flash – you never will. You will keep messing up until the day you die. This is life and it’s good because it keeps us humble and shows us that we need more than just ourselves in order to succeed. Be happy about what you’ve accomplished and don’t stress because you don’t have a 5 figure paycheck.

Believe you must be married in your 20s

For some reason we all picture ourselves getting married before 30. Why? Get married when you meet someone who makes your heart dance. And don’t let this silly pressure ruin your life in the meantime.

Pretend you are fine

Adult things happen in your 20s and a lot of adult things hurt. They hurt and they require time, patience and support to work through. Give yourself these things. Do the healing process well and allow the baggage to drop.

Judge EVERYBODY

“Her hair,” “Her boyfriend,” “His body,” – nobody is perfect and nor are you. Use your words to build people up instead of tearing them down.

Be afraid to ask for help

Okay yes you are an adult now, but everyone, even the most adult of all adults needs help. When we ask for help we are being wise. We are doing the RIGHT thing. Don’t be afraid to reach out when you need it.

Think you are always correct

Dude, it’s okay to be wrong. I promise. You are still a human. Keep an open mind and accept when you’re wrong so you can learn for next time.

Ignore the hard questions about life

Just because it feels like you have your whole life to pick religious beliefs doesn’t mean you should ignore the greater questions of why we are here and what our purpose is. Take time to explore faith and religion.

The Drip Effect

Fran Thring
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The Drip Effect

Fitness

I’ve always ALWAYS been a strong (pun intended) advocate for a healthy and active lifestyle. When I’ve been unable to attend a gym I would try and fit some running into my shedule, walk instead of drive and get involved in the occasional team sport. 2 years ago I started training hard. My life was in a place where I had a constant income and could afford a gym subscription again.

I had no idea getting in shape and maintaining it was that much hard work. Seriously, I always thought if you applied yourself for a month or two you would be fine. Nope. 2 years later I find I am still working on strengthening my muscles and pushing my fitness boundaries. It’s been a long process of inch by inch changes and I’ve learned a crazy amount about patience and hard work.

Writing

The story has been the same with my personal blog. At about the same time in my life I decided to get serious about my writing. I’ve always known I was “born to write,” but I wasn’t very intentional about it. I would put a story down here or there. I would sit in my back garden and scribble down a poem when I felt emotional, but none of it ever accounted to anything. I figured now that I had made the decision to start a blog the people would come flocking and the influence would roll in. Think again. It’s taken years for me to craft my voice, message and style.

That’s the thing with life, the good things and the valuable things don’t happen first try. They happen on attempt 702.

Life

I often think we miss out on so much value from life because we want to move onto the next thing. Destination disease they call it. Ok, I did it once. That should be fine, let me move on. Ok, I read that great book (or half of it), where’s the next? Where is the next adventure, where is the next boyfriend? Where is the next job, the next country? The next place.

Here’s the secret to success in your career: find someone who does it with excellence, watch and practice the same thing yourself. Over and over and over and over again. Benchmark and repeat. Benchmark and repeat. Do you want to be able to create films like Film Supply – watch their work again and again. The style will become ingrained in your head. The quality will sink in like water on winter soil. The essence and the value will slowly start to eminate from your work and your hands.

Repeat, repeat, repeat

Why is it that when we love a Video, Poem, Podcast or Book we read or listen to it once. Don’t you know that quality gets better with multiple viewings, the nuances bounce off the page and the depth becomes more clear.

When I was on a school trip we went up the caves near Johannesburg to look at the stalactites and stalagmites. It was the first time I had seen anything like that, and it was beautiful. Year after year after year, drip after drip after drip they are built. It reminds me that things in life weren’t meant to happen overnight. The seasonal practice is where the true value is found.

That’s why I read my Bible frequently (not everyday, although I would like to). I read it because it is a book rich in value. I read it because it you don’t get the point where you can apply it after going over the verses once or twice. It’s in the repetition and the practice that the change occurs.

Great works are performed not by strength, but by perseverance. – Samuel Johnson

Maybe it’s time to stop saying “I’m so fat.”

Fran Thring
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Maybe it’s time to stop saying “I’m so fat.”

What is it with women? I know there is loads of pressure from every Shape Magazine, Project Runway and teeny tiny pop icon to be thin and in shape but I don’t think this gives us an excuse to whine. We are moaning all the time and creating an unhealthy pattern and habit for other women when instead we should rise up and be proud of who we are. Not in an arrogant “too hot for you to tap this” attitude but a dignified and beautiful way.

Ladies, it’s time to stop saying: “I’m so fat.”

When you wake up

So many ladies start the day making themselves feel bad about themselves. Instead of stepping into their day with powerful thoughts, they slip into a dress, stare in the mirror and tear themselves to shreds. “Just look at my thighs.”

Or, “I’m SO gross. Really need to gym.”

This gets your day off to a bad start. Don’t start the day by tearing yourself down. Rather, say things which speak to your value and capabilities and it will set the mood for the rest of your hours.

When you’re going shopping

Alright, I truly understand those mirrors in the stores are awful and yes, they possibly do add 5kgs to your frame. But still, when you go shopping and tell yourself “I’m so fat,” you often don’t end up getting the items you need because you are being so negative, or you end up buying things you don’t need because you are being an emotional shopper.

In your gym clothes

Gym clothes are not flattering for anyone except Kayla Itsines, ok? They are clingy and made to shape your body. They are created so that you can run, jump, reach, bend and climb – not to cover up your lumps and bumps. Don’t stress out and don’t berate yourself by calling yourself “fat.” Often when we beat ourselves up before gym we don’t end up having the workout we planned and instead of feeling good for getting active we douse our endorphins with negativity and ruin all the hard work

On social media

Everybody says everything on social media these days and it’s really not a good idea. When you tell the world about all your “fat feelings” online you end up looking like an emotional basket case  – it’s okay, we know you aren’t really and everyone has bad days. It’s just not smart to go sharing them with the world at large.

In front of guys

Guys are into confident ladies, if you go around telling everyone “Ugh, I’m so fat,” it creates a bad impression of you in someone else’s mind. It’s also not fair to expect everyone to make you feel good about yourself. You are a grown women and you have a lot going for you. Why moan about the size of your body?

We were all made different shapes and sizes for a reason. We are each beautiful and unique individuals who God created to be the way the we are. Looking after your body is your responsibility and nobody else’s. Make sure you eat properly and do enough exercise, and then don’t stress!

Keep healthy and keep happy. Don’t be another girl who moans about her size all the time. We need more ladies who work what they’ve got and make the world a better place. You’re gorgeous, now stop telling yourself you aren’t, and go get ‘em.

#Adulting

Fran Thring
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#Adulting

Oh my gosh, I had to do my taxes this week. It was SUCH a nightmare. Like, seriously. Whoever knows how to do taxes? Not me. Why didn’t they teach us this in high school?”

“Dude, I dunno. I’m like SO over this whole thing. My car was broken into the other day and had to pay for a new window. It cost me R1000.”

“R1000?”

“Yeah man. That plus electricity and water. I can barely eat this month.”

“Right?! Ugh, Adulting…overrated.”

This pretty much sums up some of the conversations I’ve had with others in my age bracket. Why, we ask each other is it SO hard being an adult?

Adulting is now actually kind of a thing. It’s a phrase which people use to describe doing “adult” things like car payments, 9-5 jobs, rent or, you know, making yourself dinner. People are popping onto social media and patting themselves on the back for being adult and brushing their hair, or their teeth. Made dinner which wasn’t hummus and carrots #adulting. I have clean laundry #adulting.

It’s hilarious, but also disturbing. When did growing up become optional? I mean, imagine your Mom holding a coffee cup and wearing a T-shirt with the slogan ‘Can’t adult today’. It wouldn’t happen, the generation before this one was far more mature.

We’ve been spoilt, you see. Our generation, or the Millenials as they are referred to, have more opportunity and options than any generation in the past. As women we are able to demand equal paying jobs and we don’t have to find a husband so that we can eat. If we are smart we are able to create a career out of something we love rather than being ushered into nursing, teaching or administration. So because we are so sheltered the little normal steps of being a grown up have now become a BIG DEAL.

I mean really. When did being able to put your washing into a washing machine become something which you are proud of? Let’s just take a step back here. 1. You have a washing MACHINE. 2. You have clothes. Why are you complaining?

The ironic thing about the adulting hashtag is that the people who are so very proud of their amazing adult feats are actually the ones who aren’t being that adult after all. The single Mom who is raising 4 children on 1 salary, she doesn’t have time to say how adult she is when she counts out the bills at the end of the month to make sure there is enough. The person in India whose family has saved all their life so that she can go to college to get a degree isn’t complaining about adulting – rather she feels the privilege and weight of the opportunity to learn and gain more responsibility.

It is possible that our problems are not as big as we think they are and we require some perspective?

Complaining gets you nowhere

The thing about life is that complaining about things, no matter what they are, will always get you nowhere. God spoke to the Israelites in the Bible and told them clearly to stop complaining. Why? Because it’s pointless. It also showcases an attitude which is not grateful. What if, instead of moaning about having to put your clothes in a washing machine, you were grateful for the fact that you have a washing machine? Wouldn’t that make more sense considering the world of injustice and lack that we live in?

Immaturity doesn’t look good on anyone

I hate to break it to you (and me) but taxes and rent are a part of life as a grown up and no matter how much effort it may take to “adult” they are not going to go away. Why don’t we change up the game, chose a good attitude and decide to embrace the responsibilities that come with life. Immaturity doesn’t look good on anyone and the world needs more people who are mature, not immature.

How about this, next time we get the urge to either complain about how hard our lives are, or share how impressed we are because we made scrambled eggs, why don’t we stop for a moment and rewrite our words so we say something of value which makes the world a better (and yes, more adult) place.

It’s nearly… Galentines

Fran Thring
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It’s nearly… Galentines

I was in church the other day and they showed some Valentines Day event on the screen. Ugh, a hefty piece of my inners convulsed. Great, the day where all the singles in the world are reminded that they aren’t in a happy, cosy, snuggly, let me give you a back massage place in their life. I lent over to my friend, who I was seated next to, and I said to her “You and me, baby. It’s a date?” She laughed. “It’s on.”

So Valentines day can be depressing and annoying at the same time. Mainly because it’s an over commercialised gimmick which makes those of us in a relationship feel pressure to do something “romantic” to show the person we love that we care about them, and those of us without a relationship feel empty.

This year, I’m reclaiming Valentines day and making it ‘galentines’. Sorry boys, maybe play a soccer game and you’ll feel better. Because I care about you gals… here are some ideas as to how all the single ladies can reclaim the 14th  February.

Wine ‘n Dine

Dinners are not only for couples. In fact, the most interesting dinners are those with a beautiful mix of people who are similar and yet different. Surprise your friends with the full deal – candlelight, starters, mains, and chocolate dessert. All the effort and planning will make you forget about your lack of love, plus giving gives you the best feel good chemicals.

Reading Evening

I hate the idea that nobody reads real books anymore, or that people don’t seem to appreciate the beauty and pain riddled through the pages of classic novels. Ahhh, we have much to learn. Take out your favourite romantic novels, the ones which make you cry, make you dream and make you see life differently. Have a reading night where you read them to each other, see how the words come alive and be inspired by the love stories of old.

Take a Walk

Claim back the long walk on the beach as the sunset goes down behind the mountain. These moments, where you step back from life and appreciate the beautiful things around you are special no matter who you share them with. Pack a picnic basket and head down to the beach, avoid the couple’s kissing in the corner, have a laugh and take an evening stroll. Your life will feel full and beautiful.

Yoga Class

I’m convinced that exercise is the best therapist on the planet. Get involved in a tough class, push yourself beyond where you thought you could go and you will feel on top of the world. I mean it – ON TOP OF THE WORLD (Just like the Imagine Dragons song). Take out all the fears, frustrations and feelings on the punching bag with your gal friends. Sweat ’til you can’t sweat no more. Wear your “Shelifts” Tee. Have a protein smoothie afterwards and show them all what you’ve got. 

Karaoke

There are few things more fun than karaoke. Gal friend, get out your golden oldies. Get some backing music, or find the sketchy spot in the middle of town and sing to your heart’s content. Belt out Celine, jam to Beyonce and shake your booty to Nelly – there is not a chance that you will feel a sign of Valentines depression.

If you are not in a relationship your life is not over. Single does not mean that you are not in a “good place”. Nor does it mean that you can’t have a good attitude to all the lovey dovey-ness. Remember life is about more than human love, it’s about love from God and that never goes away.

Look St Valentines and all the red hearts in the face this year. Stand up boldly and declare: I will not listen to your subtext, I will not buy into your ideology. I will reclaim Valentines and be grateful for all the love I have in my life, in its many forms.

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