Joshua Govender, Author at 1Africa

Stop trying to be cool

Culture

Joshua Govender

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May 9, 2016

I watched a pretty honest podcast the other day by a pastor called Carl Lentz that kind of put things in perspective for me. It was actually more of an honest conversation than a sermon. The theme of the video basically revolved around the relevance of the Bible.

He had a pretty surprising viewpoint that’s probably pretty similar to mine. He started by emphasising how important it is to stay relevant to the times and meet people where they are at, but he also said the Bible is the Bible – that we can’t change it. He described it as the most honest and truthful book ever written. Finally, he said: “The Bible isn’t about bad people becoming good, but dead people becoming alive.”

It was such a shift in perspective. I mean, I always knew that and in my heart, I believe that – but often when you’re around people you want to stay relevant and “cool”. However, sometimes we get so consumed by the desire to be relatable that we miss the truth of the gospel. That it is the most honest and truthful book ever written. That God himself never changes. The message never changes. Even though our methods may vary, He is true and good.

Hearing that podcast made me realise that we don’t need to water down the truth or try and make it fit in with society. The reality is that we can’t. The gospel is simple and his grace is there for you even when you feel like you don’t deserve it.

Be real.

God Speed.

Give yourself a chance

Culture

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May 5, 2016

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I’ve always been an introvert. It all started when I had to do my first oral presentation in front of my class. It was probably the scariest thing I had ever done in my life. The thing is that I would sweat – not just a light sweat; it would almost completely drench my shirt. It was like I took a shower with clothes on.

Thus, I was always too nervous to venture into the unknown. It was kind of crazy because I was so scared of sweating and what people thought of me that I would actually say no to a lot of great opportunities.

When I left school, in my first year of college, I didn’t really talk much. I always sat in the back and didn’t really pay attention. I preferred to be low-key. Things didn’t really change until I met a guy who was in college with me. He was a few semesters ahead of me and he was a lot older than me – but he was the coolest dude I had ever met; also a great friend.

He was a kids pastor at the time (a minister that works primarily with kids) – a strange concept for me, but I just went with it. He invited me to come check it out, maybe help out if I wasn’t doing anything. It was my first experience ever in a kids church this size – it was massive, and there were kids everywhere. It was like walking into another world with all the games.

Anyway, I watched as my friend got on stage and got the kids excited for the night. Then, out of nowhere, he called me up. Before I even got on stage I was already wet with sweat. I was so nervous my knees were shaking and I didn’t even say anything. Long story short: I enjoyed it so much that I came back a second time, and it was awesome. Then, he decided to introduce me as one of the speakers of the night. I’m not sure if I’ve said this enough… I was nervous! And not the good kind of nervous! I could hardly speak; I was fumbling over my words. I mean it was just a bunch of little kids, yet I was so nervous.

As the years passed I kept helping out with kids church. Four months into it I already began to see that my knees didn’t shake anymore. I wasn’t sweating anymore, and what I said actually made sense. It was like something that was always there was unlocked, and was now mine to use.

You see, I never ever gave myself a chance. This could pertain to anything in life. I didn’t want to be seen or heard because I was nervous and I actually created walls that were so hard to break that it took someone forcing me to do it. I look back on those days and think I would have never known if I did not try.

Give yourself a chance – do things that you wouldn’t do!

God Speed.

We hear, but do we listen?

Culture

Joshua Govender

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May 3, 2016

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I often find myself hearing and not listening.

“What’s the difference?” you may ask. It’s simple, really: when you hear someone without listening, you are not invested in them or the conversation; however, when you listen, you are fully invested in them and what they are saying.

I struggled with this for many years. I think it was partly because I got distracted quickly and because I wasn’t confident so I wouldn’t look anyone in the eyes. I soon realised that people won’t open up or talk to me because all I was doing was hearing them and not listening.

I always thought I was a great listener; that people loved to confide in me and open up. I had great friends that trusted me. I was great at leading teams… well, so I thought – until I realised one day that I wasn’t actually great at listening after all. I started feeling isolated. Nothing had really changed, but I just started feeling alone – like no one would talk to me or go out of their way to do so.

I turned to a trusted friend to talk about this, and he asked me a revealing question: “Are you hearing or are you listening?”

It hit me: All my life I was just hearing people. Five minutes after a conversation, I would forget everything we had just spoken about and move on to the next person. It was so bad that I would forget people’s names instantly.

I decided to start a journey of trying to learn to be a better listener. Here are two habits that helped me do so.

1. Remember names

The number one thing to do when trying to be a great listener, is to remember the name of the person you are talking to, and to use it within the conversation. This shows that you value the person. When someone remembers my name I feel like they actually care – and the same principle applies when speaking to someone new. This doesn’t just mean you need to remember their name for five minutes – remember it until you see them the next time, and then use it again. I often struggle with this one because it’s hard for me, but the more you practice, the better you get.

2. Lead the conversation

Another valuable habit is to learn how to ask great leading questions rather than closed questions. If we ask only “yes” or “no” questions, the conversation goes nowhere really quickly; but if we ask questions that invite others to speak and elaborate, it creates great conversations. You also get to know the other person much better.

Listening is a hard thing to do. It’s isn’t something we’re great with naturally, and many of us have to grow into it. Trust me, I’m still learning.

I will tell you this: listening to someone could just change their lives forever!

God Speed.

Stick with it

Joshua Govender

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May 3, 2016

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Over time, you learn that some things don’t last. Why is that? I’m referring to friends that you never talk to anymore; talents you never practice again; jobs that become boring and seemingly insignificant.

We all want more out of life – even though what we do sometimes feels small and insignificant.

But there’s only one way to truly achieve something worthwhile in the long run: consistency.

I didn’t realise it at the time, but this would become evident in my life about two years ago. It all actually started about three years before that, while I was studying music in Australia. The great thing about studying in another country is that you get to meet all sorts of people from all over the world. The not-so-nice thing, on the other hand, is that you find people who are younger than you who are – to put it bluntly – way more awesome. You can imagine how it felt when all my friends were getting an opportunity and living their dream of writing and composing and doing all things music, yet I was doing what seemed like meaningless tasks.

This was the beginning of a downward spiral – three years of doubt and inconsistency. I felt like I couldn’t do what I wanted to do – and for that reason I felt like I didn’t need to practice or even try. I complained and was upset, rather than actually putting time into my craft.

Fast forward to three years later when I moved back to South Africa. It was kind of different and surprising. Moving into a new city and meeting new people was kind of nice – no one knew me or what I was capable of, until the one time that I was asked to play. Instantly, every emotion I felt in Australia came back. I felt like I couldn’t do it; there was no way I could play on stage in front of other people. I mean, I only studied music for three years – and most of it was practical!

But I made a decision that I was going to be consistent in what I’ve been given. So I locked myself in my room and practiced day and night.

The crazy thing now is that most people don’t actually know this story. What’s even funnier is that I play so much now that I actually sometimes have to say no to opportunities.

Consistency makes way for your dreams to become a reality.

God Speed.

Good reasons to make bad choices

Culture

Joshua Govender

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April 28, 2016

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Over the past few years, I’ve learnt that it is easier to take the road travelled rather than the road less travelled.

We never really fully understand the weight of our actions or choices. We make them so freely, without hesitation or thought. Until it’s to late.

Do you ever choose something or make a decision when you know it’s going to have a bad outcome? All my life, I’ve struggled with making decisions for seemingly good reasons that end up turning out bad – whether in terms of relationships, friends, deciding when to do things, or even who to speak to. Reflecting on years of bad choices has brought me to the realisation that there are way too many good reasons to make bad choices.

With this in mind, I want to give you three ways to help you make better choices going forward. These three considerations will help you look past your immediate want, and will help you think about the outcomes of your decisions.

1. Understand your journey

We often look at others and where they are, and that leads us to make rash decisions in order to emulate them. When making a decision, make sure that it is going to push you forward on your journey, and not ultimately harm you.

2. Live without comparison

We sometimes make decisions based on trying to be better than others, or in an effort to have more than the next person. However, you need to remain real to who you are – and that includes making decisions that fit within your budget! Years from now your position will be sustainable, rather than one of stress and anxiety because you’re constantly trying to be the best.

3. Give it some thought

When making decisions – no matter how small – take the time and give it some thought. Look at the end result and decide whether this decision will ultimately benefit you or hinder you. Take the time and don’t be hasty – it doesn’t hurt to give it a little thought.

Decisions are all around us – whether it’s something as seemingly inconsequential as deciding what to drink, or something as huge as deciding to move countries. All those decisions end up shaping our lives. So take your time, and understand that you have the power to reach your potential by sculpting a fulfilling life through your decisions.

God Speed.

Good frustrations

Lifestyle

Joshua Govender

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April 26, 2016

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Lately, I’ve been learning that sometimes frustration is good.

Hear me out: We often think of frustration as a negative thing. We look at it as a roadblock or something that occurs because of a lack in our lives, which results in us becoming down, disappointed, and demotivated.

Recently I’ve kind of had a revelation about frustration, especially in terms of my own journey. I was spending time on Instagram, and started getting frustrated with the fact that I wasn’t where I wanted to be. I compared my life to the lives of others, asking myself why some people have achieved certain things, and I have not. Let’s be honest, we have all done this at some point in life.

Then it occurred to me: Why can’t my frustration be motivation to navigate this journey I’m on? I began to see life in a whole new light. It was like, for once, I wasn’t worried about what other people were doing. It’s simple really: I started every day with a little inner dialogue, listing my frustrations, and then looking at them, not from a negative perspective, but a positive one – a perspective of motivation.

Now, when I look at a problem or a situation or a frustration, I have the ability to work on it and actually see a result, instead of being unhappy with the outcome. By turning your frustrations into motivations, the end result will be positive, adding to your journey. It’s really that simple.

However, as with everything, it’s easier said than done. Here are two steps that helped me turn frustrations into motivation:

1. Identify your trigger

My trigger was social media. The minute I started looking at other people or what I didn’t have or where I could be, I became bitter and frustrated. To combat this I identified my trigger. I then put some boundaries in place. This meant deleting a few apps for a little while, and staying away from certain pages, to prevent myself from being triggered in moments when I’m not mentally prepared.

2. Reading the moment

When we are frustrated, we tend to make rash decisions and lash out at others. What helped was that the minute I began to feel frustrated, my internal dialogue kicked in: I began to remind myself of my journey; that my journey is unique to me; and that my frustrations will push me in the direction where I want to be. Over the course of time, my reactions and emotions began to reflect a more positive attitude, without comparison or blame.

I pray these two steps help you. Remember: you may not be where you want to be, but you are where you should be.

God Speed.

Time to grow up

Joshua Govender

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April 25, 2016

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I moved out the house as soon as I finished high school.

It was considered a weird thing to do in the city I grew up in. The custom was that you finish school, study at the local university or technicon, get a degree you probably won’t use, then either get a job or work in the family business. So you can imagine all the questions I had to answer when I left – especially from my friends, who still all live in my hometown. Don’t get me wrong – there’s nothing wrong with living in your hometown, but it’s a problem when you don’t see progress out of your high school phase.

I recently visited my hometown and had a catch-up with all my old friends. I was surprised at how much everyone had changed. I was expecting these crazy, wild friends who still drank until the sun came up – but instead they all seemed so responsible; it was weird.

I hadn’t seen them in forever, so I did not follow their journey of progress, but I was very happy. It was like they had grown up overnight. They were talking about work, their responsibilities, and how they are saving and trying to buy houses and cars. It almost made me feel like I needed to up my game.

Don’t get me wrong – never have I ever thought I was better than them or anyone from my hometown, but I must admit it kind of motivated me a little. It made me think that if my friends can change that drastically, then anyone can. It was amazing to see them, and I definitely left feeling a little bit more motivated.

It made me think that often the quick fix joys in life are not what we need to progress. It’s about time we get real for a bit and understand it’s time to grow up. Life will not wait for you – so get real and start looking ahead.

Be real with yourself!

God Speed.

Get out of the comparison trap

Culture

Joshua Govender

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April 21, 2016

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I think I’m a pretty tough guy. I don’t complain much. I thought I pretty much had everything together – until the other night when I found myself having an unusual feeling. It’s one that I haven’t had in a long while: I started getting that sinking feeling you get when you compare yourself to other people.

I found myself comparing my life to that of others on social media – looking at the places they have seen; the people they know. It was tough because I actually didn’t know how to outwork all of these feelings in a healthy way. So I did what every person dreads and tried to open up to someone. For me it was my girlfriend. As soon as I did it, it was like a waterfall of frustrations and feelings – ones that I didn’t even know I had. I decided to try and outwork these feelings in a sensible way.

The first thing that I had to make peace with is that this apprehension to tackle a problem like this head-on is normal to a degree. Sometimes we feel that we can’t open up to people – especially when it comes to the subject of comparing ourselves to others. But we have to understand that this happens to all of us, and we need to be able to face it and discuss it.

The second aspect to understand is that things always look better on social media. Some people’s lives look great online, and often taking these images and posts at face value can cause us to begin comparing ourselves to these idealised pictures, which distracts us from our own journey. Your journey is the only journey you will ever have.

The third thing is to understand the importance of confiding in a trusted friend or family member when this issue presents itself. Often, we think that we are okay and that we can deal with this without the help of people. However, I’ve learnt that I am more in control of my emotions when I have great support behind me.

I hope this helps you on your journey.

God Speed.

Why slower is better

Culture

Joshua Govender

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April 20, 2016

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I recently learnt that slower is better – a hard lesson learnt!

I was driving down from Cape Town to East London, a drive of about 12 hours. I’ve done this drive before, but the difference this time was that my girlfriend came along with me.

As a guy, you want to go as fast as you can and get there the quickest. But as you can probably imagine, my girlfriend likes to appreciate things around her – which made this trip kind of interesting. Don’t get me wrong, we didn’t have any arguments or anything like that, but it made it harder for me to go quickly when all she wanted to do was stop and look at things, or to have breakfast at random little coffee shops.

On one of our stops we pulled up at a breakfast spot. It looked kind of weird from the outside, but because she was hungry and adventurous I decided to stop for brunch. We sat down, ordered a meal, and relaxed a bit. Then, suddenly it hit me: it was like for a split second I could see what she sees – the beauty around her; new people; new places.

I soon realised that I was missing small details of this crazy awesome journey we were on simply because I was in a rush.

Our food arrived and I didn’t want to admit it but it was great. Everything was done perfectly. We left the restaurant and started our journey towards east London. For the first time, the journey didn’t seem tiring. It was actually enjoyable. I began to see the little details that I would often miss while trying to get there as quick as possible.

That journey taught me one thing: to slow down. Take the details in and enjoy the trip while you can. Often, we think we are wasting time and just want to get things done, but sometimes it’s refreshing to just live in the moment.

Don’t miss your journey because you are too focused on your destination.

God Speed.

The story of Chinaman

Culture

Joshua Govender

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April 18, 2016

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I know you’re reading the title of this blog and thinking this may be racist in some way – but don’t worry, it will all make sense.

About two and a half years ago, walking towards my car – it was pretty late at night – a car guard rocked up out of nowhere. I won’t lie – he looked bad, apparently still high from the drugs he had taken earlier, smelling like alcohol, clothes all ripped up. It was very alarming at first, but we started a conversation.

“Hi, my name is Chinaman,” he said.

I thought it was funny, so we both had a laugh – and that was the start of a very unlikely friendship.

It’s funny – I meet a ton of people on the street. I know them by name. But there was something different about Chinaman.

I would chat to him most nights of the week, even if it was only for 10 minutes. Every time I saw him, I told him that I would not be giving him money; that I was just there to chat. It got to the stage where if I ordered food, I would order and extra plate to go, just for Chinaman.

Although our friendship may have been one-sided in a way, Chinaman doesn’t know how he actually helped me: He taught me how to love; how to talk to people; he taught me how to be happy even with nothing.

There are a million stories I could tell about him, but I’ll keep it short for now. If you were to see him today, you would never say it’s the same person. You see, the Chinaman I once knew was a drunk, drugged up old man on the brink of death. The Chinaman I know now is a man clean from drugs, has an ID, is about to open a bank account, and has a great influence on the street he lives on.

I will never forget the story of Chinaman. And neither should you. Because none of us are so broken that we can’t be made whole again.

Joshua Govender

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