Joshua Govender

I recently found myself head bopping to some old-school songs I used to listen to back in the day. It was kind of random because I switched my radio on and there it was – track after track; it was like they had my early high school playlist. It was funny but I loved it.

You know, that was the first time in a while I felt like I didn’t have a care in the world. It was just me and the music, reminiscing over the different events connected to each song. I couldn’t help but chuckle and turn the music up.

I began to think: imagine if I could experience these good vibes every day. Imagine if, for 20 minutes in the day, nothing mattered. What if all of life’s problems disappeared and you where just left with good music and great memories?

So I challenged myself: I began a journey where I listened to at least one old school song that brought back memories every day. That sounds really easy, but to be honest life has a way of catching up with you and it’s actually not that simple.

With all of life’s twists and turns, taking time out to enjoy simple things is often near impossible. However, this is one of the greatest habits I’ve cultivated in a while. It made my days a lot more stress free, and I began to see the joy in the day. It was like I could handle everything I had to do in a day with more ease.

Try to challenge yourself: start looking out for those moments where you can enjoy life. It may not mean listening to old school music, or taking long drives – but what if, every day, you took just 20 minutes to focus on something that makes you feel joy?

I’m not saying your life will change – but you will certainly feel a whole lot better.

God Speed.

I come from a past where addictions ruled my life – whether it was drugs, alcohol, women, or affirmation. I was addicted to most anything and everything, and for some reason, it was always easy for me.

Someone recently asked me how I seemed so in control, given my history of multiple addictions. This really challenged me, because I’ve never really given much thought to it. I was aware of it, of course, but never really obsessed about it. I began to think of three major things that I did to combat addictions. I’m not saying all of these will necessarily work for you, but they certainly helped me.

1. Be confident in yourself

I found myself relapsing sometimes because I was never confident in who I was. It was really tough for me to be in control of my feelings, because I simply wasn’t confident in who I was as a man; a person; a being. This may seem trivial, but for a year every morning, I would get up, look in the mirror, and tell myself: “I’m confident”. Over time,  my mindset changed without me even knowing it. Five years later, I still do it from time to time.

2. Set healthy boundaries

One of my biggest challenges was sex – I loved it. Don’t get me wrong, sex isn’t a bad thing – it’s the longing and craving for it in the wrong context that is bad. I currently have a girlfriend and we have been together for one year, and we have never had sex or been sexually physical. Don’t get me wrong, it’s the hardest thing in the world not to do anything, but one way I prevent myself from falling back is by setting boundaries. For example, one of my boundaries is that I won’t stay at her house later than 10:30 pm, because we all know nothing good happens after that! Of course my boundaries will look a lot different to yours, but the moment you discover them, they should be the most important thing in your life. It’s the difference between you becoming great, or falling back into a shallow life.

3. Surround yourself with great people

This is probably the hardest of all three. Often, it’s hard to leave what you know and step into something completely different and new. For me that looked like changing countries for three years and making new friends. It was the hardest decision to make because I knew when I came back things wouldn’t be the same with everyone. However, looking at how far I’ve come, there is no doubt that the journey I’m on is the right one. I’m not saying leave your friends and ignore them forever; all I’m saying is seek out people who will do this journey with you. I still talk to some of my old friends, but the influence I value is from friends that I know will influence me to grow and not fall.

I hope these pointers help you. They worked for me – if you knew me then, and looked at me now, you would know!

God Speed.

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If you are anything like me, you sometimes get yourself into situations that either drain you physically, or are just way beyond your capacity, and you become over-committed. I found myself in a similar situation recently where I needed rest during the busiest part of the month – I was running around early mornings and late nights, and even had to stay up late on my days off.

I would sleep and get up feeling more tired – physically, my body was breaking down. My mood would go up and down. It was like rest wasn’t an option (and you have to bear in mind that this was all volunteer work, which means I get no income).

I started to realise that eventually my body would need some sort of rest. That is when I discovered how powerful the word “no” is. Such a seemingly small word can be such a massive game changer.

I began a  journey of growing my “no” to bless my “yes.”

At first is was weird. I often got weird looks from people that weren’t used to me saying no. It was weird for me too, because you want to seem committed, but you also know that your health comes first. You want your leaders to be happy, so you’re faced with a tough decision.

To be honest, it’s been the greatest decision I’ve ever made.

Setting non-negotiables and sticking to them  means that I will have to say no to some things. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I say no to everything – I actually say yes more than I say no – but the fact that I am saying no is a massive improvement already.

I’ve learnt to not be a people pleaser all the time. You will only burn yourself out. Be wise with your time and look after yourself.

God Speed.

Do you ever experience days where you constantly doubt yourself?

It’s like you can never make up your mind, no matter how hard you try. You just can’t seem to settle on something. From the small, insignificant choices to the big life decisions, doubt is something that is and will always be there. What matters is what you do with it.

I found myself going through a time like this a while ago. I kept doubting myself and everything I did. I’m a pretty confident guy – quiet, but confident – so it was a very unusual feeling to keep doubting myself.

I began to think of ways around all of this. It was hard at first because I began to doubt if these ways were even right, but eventually I got it down to three simple but true steps. This may seem a bit too “Christian” to you – and for those who don’t believe in God, I just want you to understand the principle behind the method for now:

I basically began a ritual where I would get up each morning, and tell myself three things: I’m called, I’m confident, and I’m a child of God. At first I felt so stupid, because there I was standing in front of my mirror talking to myself. I couldn’t even look at myself because I would start laughing or just feel so lame.

Two weeks into it, I began to feel so much more confident – to the point where my doubts were no more and I began to see clearly. It was like speaking about who I am, helped me to be who I am. It’s a crazy concept, but it hit me: my mindset determined how my day would be.

I encourage people to do the same. I have been doing this for nearly six years now – not because I’m crazy and not because I’m scared, but because I want to continually remind myself that there is no reason to doubt, or to have too little confidence. That above everything, I was made for greatness, and so are you!

If you speak it, eventually you will believe it.

God Speed.

I recently found myself in a conversation with an old friend. Without even thinking, I mentioned that I follow Jesus now and volunteer at church.

Usually I would try to make the other person feel comfortable when I talk about this kind of thing, but this time around I kind of just “let loose” in a good way.

I was surprised by the outcome.

I thought it would be weird or even awkward, and my friend would probably never speak to me again, but the conversation took an interesting turn. She began to ask more about church and how to get involved. She even said she wanted to start coming more regularly. I honestly wasn’t expecting a reply like that. It’s crazy how God can surprise you in a random conversation.

She later went on to say: “There is something different about you.”

I began to think about what she saw that was different in me. I actually couldn’t pinpoint a definite aspect – I’m just plain old me. But I realised something that day: It matters what you say and how you say it. You don’t necessarily have to go around confronting people straight-up, but people notice something in the way you carry yourself.

To have influence, you have to carry yourself in a consistent way through pain, joy, hurt, and happiness.

Be consistent in what you carry – you never know who’s learning.

God Speed.

I found myself facing a tough question recently.

I was asked the following: “What is the one word you want this year to be themed around?”

I kind of froze for a bit. I have been asked questions similar to this one before, but never really tried to express it in one word. It took me a while – in fact, it took me so long that I left the conversation without really finding an answer.

It wasn’t until a few days later that it dawned on me. It was actually a pretty simple idea: I wanted this year to be about “others.”

It’s so simple, but so powerful: We all have the ability to make the lives of others stronger and healthier, and to help them grow spiritually. It was like a whole new world opened up for me.

We all have an innate sense that helping others is the right thing to do, but when you make it the main thing you do in a year, it’s crazy how God brings people to you!

How do you go about doing that, though? Here are a two ways to begin to put others first.

1. Find your capacity

We often think we need to have a lot of free time to help people. Sometimes, we don’t help others simply because we are too busy. But I’ve found that purposefully thinking about my capacity to help others, helps me devote time to do so. I now devote one to two hours a day, two days per week just to speak to people. I find I get to know the person better in that one hour than I would just trying to meet up with them on a regular day in an unplanned way.

2. Be attentive

When you set aside time for others, make sure that all your attention is on them – that they are the most important person that at that moment in time. I usually put my phone away and focus on what the person is saying, and maybe even work through some of the stuff – they need to know you’re listening.

Making time for people should come naturally, but because of life and the way our schedules may look it’s hard to give ourselves to others fully. The two elements above have helped me to just listen and take time with people. You can’t help everyone, but you can help someone.

God Speed.

Recently, on a clear, almost perfect night after a meal at a local burger joint, my friends and I decided to walk over to a local spot for some coffees. On our way out, we were met at the door by four little kids, scruffy looking and high on drugs. We began a conversation with them.

My friend began speaking to them, almost in an “angry dad” voice – I bet they have never been spoken to that sternly before! While he was talking, I began a conversation with one of the youngsters. His eyes were rolling back; he could hardly stand or speak. I asked him his age; he said he was 12 and lived in a township about 30 minutes away.

I began to ask him what he was doing there. All of them fell silent – presumably shocked that someone older actually cared enough to get a little angry with them. We ended up telling them to be at church on Friday night for youth, and to be there Sunday as well.

We walked away that night with a righteous kind of anger – not only because they were 12, but because their parents were clearly nowhere to be found. Why were they on the street? Why weren’t anyone doing anything about it?

All these questions began running through my mind. If we were the only people to ever speak hope and grace into their lives, then that’s not good enough! If we are ever going to change our streets, our neighbourhoods, our city, our nation – we need to start with people like these four little kids.

They may not ever go to church or get off the street but if they see us again they will never forget how much God loves them and cares for them – not because of who we are but because who God is.

Don’t be silent.

God speed.