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Alistair Shaw

I Am Strong Because I Am Weak

Alistair Shaw
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I Am Strong Because I Am Weak

In this day and age we are all so concerned with ourselves. At the same time we are always looking over our shoulder to see what the person next is doing and how we measure up. Our friends, family spouse etc… We compare our journey to theirs and for some reason we have decided that if we somehow are not where they are or have not succeeded in as many things as them then we have failed. We put so much pressure on ourselves to always be better, but not in a healthy way, but rather in a way that stresses us out unnecessarily, and that’s when we start to doubt ourselves.

When we feel like we have failed we feel weak. I have come to realize that when I am weak I am actually at my strongest because I am not in control and I can actually let God be in control of my life. It is such a liberating feeling to know that when I don’t know what to do anymore, I know that God Who holds my future is in control. You see, two people can never be fully in control at the same time and be effective; ultimately somebody has to be in the passenger’s seat.

​”And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.”

Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.”

2 Corinthians 12: 9​

I can’t speak for anyone else, but if I am in control of my life all of the time then when things do go wrong ( and trust me they will )? I will not be able to handle it in my own strength, I am imperfect, impatient, short tempered and insecure. BUT, if I put my unfortunate circumstances in God’s hands and let Him take the driver’s seat, all of a sudden my vision becomes clearer, I become stronger and I get a confidence that I can only get from Him. I even become a nicer person and I can be who He has called me to be.

You see, God wants us to get to that point where we are weak so that we can rely on Him, because He wants us to win in life, He wants us to succeed in everything that we do. But when we do it alone we will always be struggling, we will be looking over to other lanes in the traffic so to speak. When you get distracted, that is when you get into an accident​.

Ways that have helped me to stay focused when I feel like I am weak:

1: Read the word of God – it is alive!

The Bible renews your soul, gives you vision for your future and it’s Gods voice speaking into your situation.

2: Surround yourself with people that build you up not break you down​

Life is too short for negativity and people who don’t edify your life.

Be an encourager and you will attract encouraging people into your life.

3: Have that one person you trust with your life that you can tell everything to

A mentor, someone older and wiser that can be honest with you and with whom you can be honest with.

4: Always make sure your speech of others and yourself is positive

Always honour with your words even if the person isn’t in the room and even if the person upsets, frustrates or irritates you.

In my weakness, God is my strength.  Therefore, I am strong, when I am weak!

If you feel like life is too difficult and you just can’t carry on, please click on the banner below and make contact with us today!

 Credit: Edited // http://tayloredheart.com

Erasing The Stigma One High Five At A Time

Alistair Shaw
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Erasing The Stigma One High Five At A Time

There’s a certain stereotype that follows men of color collectively, wherever they go, no matter what they do. It’s the notion that they’re deadbeats, thugs or just simply not that involved in their community.

DeVaughn Ward and Pastor AJ Johnson know these stereotypes all too well, so they planned an event that puts those notions to shame — just in time for the first day of school. After seeing a group of men in Georgia greet kids on their first day, Ward and Johnson knew they had to bring the idea to their hometown of Hartford, Conn – erasing the stigma one high five at a time.

The men created a call-out group on their social media pages called “Calling All Brothers” and asked the men of color they knew to tag others. Their goal? Form a group large enough to greet the children of Martin Luther King Jr. Elementary School on their first day. And do it wearing suits.

“In an urban community, people say that black men [aren’t] valued or there aren’t enough black men doing something,” Johnson told A Plus in a phone interview. “I wanted to prove everyone wrong.”

http://www.timefrozen.com/

www.timefrozen.com

Two days later, on the morning of Aug. 25, 50 black men gathered and formed a greeting line for the kids. A little later, there were 100.

They cheered and high fived the kids as they walked through. The kindergarteners were a little apprehensive, but the older kids were having a blast.

“They were running through like they were at the Super Bowl,” Johnson recalled with a laugh.

Johnson told A Plus that that particular school has lots of kids from the inner city area, most of which are children of single mothers. He wanted his fellow black men to be there not just to break stigmas, but to show the kids themselves that the men in their neighborhood really do care.

“For a group of well-dressed men to be there meant a lot,” he said.

He recalls one of the men who came out being in his 50s or 60s, and had seen the height of the civil rights era. He turned to Johnson and told him, “Brother, you’re on to something.” A mother of one of the little girls who attends his church came back in tears after dropping her daughter off.

“[She] was just in tears and said ‘this is beautiful.’ “

http://www.timefrozen.com/

www.timefrozen.com

When asked if the recent events regarding police brutality and black men’s portrayal in the media affected Johnson’s decision to organize the men to do this in any way, he agreed what happened on Monday morning is exactly what America needs to see.

“The way the media portrays us is that we’re thugs. We don’t know how to dress, we don’t have anything. If you leave it up to Fox [News], we’d just be viewed as nothing,” he told A Plus. “For this image to get out of well-dressed men coming together, its what the country needs at the moment.”

Johnson’s not the only one to realize it either. After the event last week, he says a group of the men went to another school that same day to greet the kids afterwards. He sees a real momentum and plans on going a step further.

“I would like to organize these 100 men for real power in our community,” he said. “It started with us coming together under the umbrella of the children, but it’s my intent to bring power back to a powerless neighborhood through these men.”

With a graduation rate of just a 47 percent graduation rate for black men and less than 1 percent of fortune 500 companies led by black CEO’s, it’s a change that’s long overdue.

Johnson is tired of waiting for those in power to do anything about it, so he’s going to try.

“It takes initiative, if you want to see something done, we cant wait for anybody else to do it.”

http://www.timefrozen.com/
Credit:// Edited  Timefrozen & Aplus

Dealing With Death

Alistair Shaw
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Dealing With Death

Death is inevitable, yet the loss of a close friend or family member always showers us with a range of emotions. One day we might desperately try to avoid the pain, anxiety and feelings of helplessness we feel when a loved one dies. Other days, we feel like life has returned to normal—at least until we realize that our life has changed irrevocably.

Despite the gamut of emotions we feel, grieving for a loved one helps us cope and heal. The intense, heart-breaking anguish indicates that a deep connection has been severed. Without a doubt, grieving is painful. But it is also necessary.

Going forward doesn’t mean forgetting about the loved one who died. Enjoying life again doesn’t imply that the person is no longer missed. Piecing together your shattered emotions doesn’t mean you, somehow, betray a friend or family member. It simply means that your grief has run its course.

While no single pathway through grief exists, people do share common responses.

In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced what became known as the “five stages of grief,” which represent feelings of those who have faced death and tragedy.

  1. Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
  2. Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
  3. Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
  4. Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
  5. Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what has happened.”

Although these are common responses to loss, there is no structure or timetable for the grieving process. That said, understanding grief and its common symptoms are helpful when grieving. Recognizing the difference between trauma and depression is also beneficial.

Besides understanding how stress can take a toll on us physically, emotionally and spiritually, we need to understand the practical guidelines to ease the process. These include taking care of our bodies, spending time with others and reaching out to the church community.

Finally, there will come a time when someone close to us experiences a significant loss. Knowing how to respond to a grieving friend is a good first step in acting as a reliable companion.

Dealing with death and the loss of a loved one is a shattering experience with far-reaching implications. As difficult as the loss may be, it is possible to move forward with hope for the future.

If you’ve suffered the loss of someone you love and need someone to talk to, please click on the banner below and someone will help you deal with this difficult process.

Credit: Edited // Focus on the Family

Why Is Having Friends As an Adult So Hard

Alistair Shaw
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Why Is Having Friends As an Adult So Hard

I just accepted a great job several hours away from where I currently live. I have a great group of friends here, and I’m really sad to leave them. I want to keep these friendships, but I don’t want to get stuck in the past too much while I’m adjusting to my new life. How do I navigate that?

– Fickle Friend

Dear Fickle,

Yours is a question we all will face at some point in our lives: What the heck happens to friendships as our lives change & why is having friends as an adult so hard?

As we get older, genuine friendships just don’t happen as easily or authentically as they once did. It takes longer to build up a close-knit crew after we leave school, and each relationship looks totally different.

You don’t need to feel guilty if you don’t stay super close with all your friends. It’s tough, but normal. You’re not alone in navigating changes to friendships.

Friendships go through seasons. And just because things change doesn’t mean they have to be bad. It’s just reality. A solid friendship at 18 might look like late-night study groups and spending every waking hour together; at 30, married and maybe with kids, it might mean the occasional dinner, text or almost quarterly run-ins where you pick up where you left off (hopefully).

But you’re right in not wanting to cling so tightly to your old friends that you can’t make space for new ones. You’ll need friends living in the day to day with you. Friendships are vital. We need other people, their perspectives, their encouragement. Biblically, it’s also pretty clear that making yourself vulnerable and available to others is huge. Here are just a couple of ways the Bible talks about friends:

Friends make you better & friends help you in times of need.

Face Reality

Chances are, you’ll see and talk to your friends less often after you move. You’ll also make new friends. So you can’t expect things to just be business as usual. The nature of your friendships will change, and that’s OK.

Recognize it, consider how you can/should adjust and roll with it. You may have to make some mistakes or have some tough conversations, but that’s reality. It’s better to anticipate this stuff than be blindsided.

Talk It Out

Speaking of tough conversations, if you find yourself experiencing those awkward feels around one of your old friends, or maybe you’re feeling overwhelmed with guilt because of your “poor performance” as a friend, talk it out with whomever you need to.

How Worry Warps Your View of God

Alistair Shaw
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How Worry Warps Your View of God

Lately, there have been a lot of stresses weighing on me. I just lay  in my bed with pieces of uncertainty or unfinished business glowing on the checklist of my mind, causing me to not sleep well.

Somewhere in there, I remember Jesus saying not to worry about tomorrow.

But wasn’t Jesus worried in the Garden of Gethsemane when He literally sweat blood and asked the Father to remove the cup of suffering that Jesus was about to have to drink?

Have you ever wondered how worry warps your view of God?

So how is this whole “don’t worry” thing supposed to look in my life? What’s the line between “not worrying” and being naive and unprepared?

Trusting in God’s Strength

In Philippians 4, Paul says he has learned the secret of living whether he has plenty or is in need, and that secret was that he could do all things because of the strength God gives.

To Paul, not worrying means we live in confidence of God’s strength.

Worry is the opposite: it is when we live without confidence in God’s strength.

“When I don’t know what’s going to happen, I don’t have much control over the outcome, and I’m not comfortable with that arrangement.”

That’s a lot different from Paul’s approach, which didn’t depend on the situation, but in the unchanging nature and character of God.

Trust vs. Control

Trusting in God doesn’t mean we have to love the situations we find ourselves in. Jesus clearly didn’t love the day of agony and abandonment He faced.

If my issues and problems are bigger than God in my own eyes, they will have a bigger influence in my life than God does.

There’s nothing wrong with making plans and preparations, but if we ignore the nature of God (all powerful, all knowing, all present), how much good can our plans really do?

How do we incorporate trust in God’s strength into our everyday lives?

The secret could be found in Philippians 4:6-7:

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”

I like to boil this down to a pseudo-mathematical formula:

Pray + Thank = Peace.

Pray

This is not about telling God what you want Him to do. This is about remembering His nature and character.

Prayer may not result in God “fixing” your situation the way you would demand from a genie, but He promises that He will strengthen us as we seek His will both in and through our lives.

Thank

If you’re following Jesus, I’m guessing you have a story or two about instances where things seemed pretty hopeless, but in the end they worked out. Remind yourself of those stories.

Thank God for what He’s done, and choose to exercise faith by thanking Him in advance for what He will do.

Peace

Jesus says that His peace goes beyond all understanding, so our ability to stop worrying isn’t linked to our ability to figure stuff out.

In fact, our uncertainty about the future is a chance to trust God.

If you need peace in your life, please click on the banner below and get in touch with us, we are here to walk a road of healing with you.

Credit:  Edited // Relevant Magazine

Why You Should Start a Business in Your Twenties

Alistair Shaw
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Why You Should Start a Business in Your Twenties

If you are anything like me, you’ll have an aptitude for entrepreneurship and making money using the skills in your heart and the tools in your hand.  The challenges however are always the same.  Lack of finance, fear of success, perhaps even “where to begin?”  I started my own part time business many about 8 years ago and now I’d like to encourage you with this article I found, “why you should start a business in your twenties.”

The Case for Pursuing Your Entrepreneurial Dreams

I can fill up a notebook with people I’ve met who’ve gotten solid degrees but have coasted through their twenties afraid to try new things and unsure of their purpose.

If you’re like me, you were fed the expectation that you’d finish college and immediately get lined up with a fulfilling job that utilized your knowledge.

But unless you majored in a very specific field, this is rarely ever the case. We take the safe route, bounce from one unfulfilling job to another, and stay weighed down by indecision. We develop experience, but we don’t often acquire new skills. Many of our hidden gifts and abilities go untapped in favor of doing what seems practical. We often exchange opportunity for a sense of security, and we end up unfulfilled.

For those with an inner entrepreneurial drive, we end up hardly taking the risk of trying to bring our crazy business dreams to life—and building a business could be exactly what God designed you to do.

If there were ever a time for entrepreneurship to flourish, it’s now.

It’s easier than ever before to start a business.

All you need to be in business is an idea, a computer, an Internet connection, a phone and perhaps an Amazon account. Many businesses have successfully launched via online crowd-funding campaigns.

The Internet is the ultimate equalizer, and if you’re willing to put in the work and be smart, you can find ways to connect with clients and customers. There are countless free resources online to enable you to build your business quickly and soundly, and earn a little extra cash.

It’s easier to quickly learn new skills and develop specialized knowledge than it ever has been.

Another benefit of the Internet is its strong educational potential. If you know where to go and how to go about it, you can learn almost anything about anything, usually for free. There are online courses easily accessible to the public that can equip you with knowledge and skills to develop products and services as an entrepreneur. Additionally, there are loads of great resources for helping you get your business off to a healthy start.

Developing new skills might be easier than you think.

Specialized skills are in high demand.

If you want to increase not only your financial security but your personal freedom, you have to find ways to add a specialized base of knowledge and skills (what economics calls “market value”) to yourself. Our evolving marketplace trades dollars for the value you offer to it, and the need for specialized skills is increasing rapidly. Developing more of these skills or services may help you devote more time and resources to building God’s Kingdom, pouring into your family, into others, and making the most of your time on earth.

Paul’s Example

The Apostle Paul set a fine example of using his skills in the context of his earthly ministry. In Acts 18 we learn he made tents, which was no menial task. He had likely studied and practiced intensely as an apprentice to develop the skills required to make tents, and the tools he used were portable enough to allow him to conduct business along his missionary travels.

Because Paul had a specialized trade that earned respectable compensation, he had relative freedom to give his life to the precious work of Gospel ministry.

Credit: Edited // Relevant Magazine

5 Things The Ashley Madison Scandal Taught Us

Alistair Shaw
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5 Things The Ashley Madison Scandal Taught Us

Over the past month, hundreds of people have been exposed through the hacking of Ashley Madison—a website that encourages and facilitates extramarital affairs. The outrage and scandal over those exposed is just one example of how quickly and easily bad news spreads across the Internet.

Our culture loves exposing people’s sins and flaws and gossiping until we’re out of breath.

Well-known Christian figures were not immune to the hack, and one of the biggest news stories to come out so far was that 19 Kids and Counting star Josh Duggar paid for an account on the site.

As I read the headlines about Josh Duggar, and others like him, my heart grieves for them and their families, but I’m also awakened to the reality of what this situation brings to light:

1. Christians are not Immune to Sin of Any Kind

In the comments sections on the most recent news stories, people express shock and disbelief that even people who claim to follow Christ could be seeking to cheat on their spouse.

But as a professional counselor, I see sin at its worst, and I’ve watched it destroy lives and hearts in the process. Those experiences have taught me that just because you’re a Christian, doesn’t mean you’re healthy.

We have the responsibility to choose health and healing in our lives, and that’s something Jesus Christ empowers us to do.

2. The Church Needs to Stop Giving Out Band-Aids and Start Giving Life-Support

We don’t often think of the Christian life as a battle anymore, but it is. If we keep in mind our capacity toward sin and the enemy’s tactics to steal, kill and destroy us, we’ll realize that God’s Word says that we’re in a full- on battle that is “not against flesh and blood.”

We don’t need anymore “motivational talks” from the pulpit. What we need is life-giving education and preparation to battle the constant ammunition coming our way. We need to stop avoiding and start talking about the hard topics, because our silence is destroying us.

Let’s start preaching about affairs, about divorce, about pornography, about abuse and about other difficult issues. Let’s repent, confess, learn, heal and grow together as a body of believers. Because, united with Christ, we have the power to overcome and obliterate these enemies.

3. Each One of Us Has Sin to Take Ownership of

One problem in making this issue about Josh Duggar and the other website users is that we use them as scapegoats. In our fear and shame, we’d rather look at and talk about the sins of others rather than turn the mirror on our own hearts and lives.

So what about you? What is the enemy using to ravage your life and your family right now? Is it your anger? Is it your lust? Is it your insecurity? What do you struggle with behind closed doors, when no one is looking?

4. It’s Not Enough to Stop Doing Wrong If You Aren’t Doing Right

Refraining from sin isn’t enough if you’re not taking the next steps into grace, forgiveness and building healthy habits. The good news is, this isn’t something you have to do on your own—God, in Christ, is the one who transforms your desires and habits. But you do have the responsibility to choose this day who you’re going to serve—and whether you’re going to allow Him into your life to do so.

Get real with who you are and where you’re at and get plugged into a local church, into accountability, community and even professional counseling.

5. Healthy People Make Healthy Relationships

Marriages are suffering because the individual people within those marriages are broken, bruised and in need of healing.

We bring all our baggage and our junk into marriage, and then we’re surprised when it rears its ugly head. But I can guarantee you that all your junk will be multiplied and magnified within the pressure cooker of marriage.

Christians, let’s not be naive—the very things you struggle with while standing alone will be the very things you eventually struggle with in the context of your marriage.

Whether you are single, married or somewhere in-between, there is no better time than this to look inward and allow God to open your eyes to the things you need to work out in your life—and then to actually do something about it.

Your name might not be found in an Ashley Madison database, but you and I have sin, we have things in our lives that distance us from God and drive a wedge in our relationship with God.  If you need freedom from sin, please click on the banner below and contact us today.

Credit: Edited //  Relevant Magazine

10 Health Benefits of Chocolate

Alistair Shaw
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10 Health Benefits of Chocolate

We all love chocolate,  but is it at all healthy?

If you scoff lots of it, obviously not. But there are a host of medically proven ways in which chocolate — good chocolate, which is to say dark chocolate, with a cocoa percentage of around seventy per cent or more — really is good for us.

Research is continuing all the time, and experts have already found that chocolate is good for the heart, circulation and brain, and it has been suggested that it may be beneficial in such major heath challenges as autism, obesity, diabetes, Alzheimer’s disease and even ageing in general.

And in fact, the very latest research suggests that even milk chocolate may also provide valuable nutrients which lower the chance of heart problems.

Here are ten scientifically established health benefits of good chocolate.

1. It’s good for the heart and circulation

A recent study found that dark chocolate helps restore flexibility to arteries while also preventing white blood cells from sticking to the walls of blood vessels – both common causes of artery clogging.

2. It reduces risk of stroke

Researchers in Finland have found that chocolate consumption lowers the risk of suffering a stroke – by a staggering 17 per cent average in the group of men they tested.

3. It’s mineral rich

Dark chocolate is packed with benficial minerals such as potassium, zinc and selenium, and a 100g bar of dark (70 per cent or more) choc provides 67 per cent of the RDA of iron.

4. It reduces cholesterol

Consumption of cocoa has been shown to reduce levels of “bad” cholesterol (LDL) and raise levels of “good” cholesterol, potentially lowering the risk of cardiovascular disease.

5. It’s good for your skin

The flavonols in dark chocolate can protect the skin against sun damage(though you’d probably better still slap on some sun cream).

6. It can help you lose weight

Chocolate can help you lose weight. Really. Neuroscientist Will Clower says a small square of good choc melted on the tongue 20 minutes before a meal triggers the hormones in the brain that say “I’m full”, cutting the amount of food you subsequently consume. Finishing a meal with the same small trigger could reduce subsequent snacking.

7. It’s good for mothers and babies

A Finnish study found that chocolate reduced stress in expectant mothers, and that the babies of such mothers smiled more often than the offspring of non-chocolate-eating parents.

8. It may prevent diabetes

It sounds mad, but cocoa has been shown to improve insulin sensitivity. So dark chocolate – in moderation – might delay or prevent the onset of diabetes.

9. Chocolate is good for the brain

Flavanols are thought to reduce memory loss in older people, and the anti-inflamatory qualities of dark chocolate have been found beneficial in treating brain injuries such as concussion.

10. Chocolate makes you feel better

Chocolate contains phenylethylamine (PEA), which is the same chemical that your brain creates when you feel like you’re falling in love. PEA encourages your brain to release feel-good endorphins.

Chocolate, like everything else should be consumed in moderation and never overdone!  So, a small block of dark 70% chocolate a day could do wonders for you, and even make you look younger.

Credit: Edited // Telegraph

5 Sins the Church Ignores

Alistair Shaw
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5 Sins the Church Ignores

What if the big sins, the ones we try hardest to avoid, aren’t necessarily the greatest threat to the Church’s mission and our joy?

Maybe it’s the sins lying underneath, the ones considered “normal” or “acceptable,” the ones going undetected, that are affecting the Church the most. I want to address 5 sins the church ignores:

Fear

The phrases “do not fear” and “do not be afraid” appear 365 times in the Bible. I don’t think that’s a coincidence.

Often, the Church is scared to make decisions out of fear. Christians are hesitant to step into dangerous situations out of fear. The catalyst for our obedience is fear.

Apathy

Apathy’s best friends are passivity and entitlement. Together, they’re a vicious threesome.

There’s nothing mediocre or normal about God. His power is beyond comprehension and His love is beyond measure. The same God who created the universe and formed stars desires a relationship with you.

Yet, the attitude is often, “OK, God loves me. That’s great. What’s for lunch?” Our apathetic approach to God explains a lot about why people in our world aren’t lining up to become Christians.

I mean, think about it. How many Christians have you met that left you thinking, “Wow, I want to be like them?” But this should be the norm. In Scripture, when men and women truly experience God, everything changes. And apathy—toward God, toward other people and toward injustices—is no longer an option.

Gluttony

Gluttony is primarily about the heart. It’s a craving for excess. Gluttony tries to fill those voids God is supposed to fill with the gifts He’s given us.

But as we gorge our stomachs with food and flood our houses with trinkets, our discontent only increases.

Gluttony happens when you lose your awe of God. As long as your eyes are fixed on Jesus, your heart’s desire is for Him.

Flattery

I like performing. I always have. And while there’s nothing wrong with the spotlight, there’s a lot wrong with making yourself the centre of it.

If your identity is tied to man’s praise, you’ll be eternally discontent. People are fickle. They’re for you one day, against you the next. They love you when you agree with them, dislike you when you don’t.

Jesus, however, didn’t need the praise and glory of men. He didn’t care what they thought. His only concern was doing the will of God. This attitude is what the world is desperate to see.

Let’s be honest, it’s hard to point people to Jesus if you need their approval.

Comfort

Comfort might be the patriarch of the “church approved” sins family. When the church becomes comfortable, Christianity starts to die.

Christians must be extremely intentional with their thoughts and actions to avoid comfort. If not, you become resistant to change. You start making secondary issues primary. You begin to see the mission as catering to insiders rather than reaching outsiders.

The Church can’t be missional and comfortable at the same time. It’s time to make a decision.

If you need help breaking free from sin or if you feel your current lifestyle is holding you back from the more important things in life, please click on the banner below and contact us today.

Credit Edited:  relevantmagazine

How To Become Mentally Fit

Alistair Shaw
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How To Become Mentally Fit

There are a lot of ways to get stronger. Adding more resistance, adversity, or stress is one way, learning how to adapt to the challenge is another, and adopting dialectical thinking is another. Yet for all of these ways to get stronger, without removing the obstacles in our own approach to adversity, we will see little gain. So if you want to know how to become mentally fit, here are five things to stop doing right now.

Stop Off Loading Responsibility. Mentally strong people know what is their responsibility and what is not. What they take responsibility for is their behavior, thoughts and feelings. They have long since let go of the idea that anyone is going to make things better for them. While they know that sometimes things happen that are out of their control, they know that they — and only they — are solely responsible for how they respond to these things. You will never see them pointing a finger, blaming anyone else for “messing up their day,” “making them feel bad” or “making them angry.” Instead they simply take responsibility and accept their responses as their own, aware that these are choices they are making — and if they don’t like them it’s no one’s fault but theirs.

Stop Taking Things Personally. Those who get through setbacks and come out stronger know that these things are not personal. Whatever those around them do, they recognize is a reflection of that person’s character, and only that. Mentally tough people do not believe that anyone “has it out for them,” or “that the world is against them.” Instead, they recognize that what happens to them is the result of other people’s actions, thoughts, and feelings — which they are not responsible for. So they spend no time wondering why others do the things they do, and a lot of time thinking about what they will do about it.

Stop Forecasting. Mentally strong people — as tough as they are — know that there is one thing they cannot do. They cannot predict the future. And they don’t waste any time thinking about, anticipating, or foretelling the future. Because they know the action is right here, right now, and the future is not now. But they also know that when their mind is in the future, it’s not in the now, and they are likely to miss critical details and make mistakes — simply because they were distracted by what could happen as instead of focusing on what is happening.

Let Go Of Illusions. While we all love to dream, mentally tough people know dreams are not reality. The chances are, it will not “all just work out.” More than likely, tough people will tell you, there will be good and bad. Thinking life is “all good”, they know, is just a fantasy that promotes denial. And denying what might not be going so well is a sure way to keep it going that way. 

Stop Holding On To The Past. For many of us, holding on the past would allow us to avoid loss. Yet mentally tough people know that wishing things “could just go back to the ways they were,” is a wish, and not reality. They know the past — as great as it might have been — is gone. And they also know you can’t drive a car, and you can’t go through life, looking backwards. So they accept the losses, and instead of wishing they could go back in time, think about what they need to do in the present. Because focusing on the wonderful things happening yesterday is a sure way to miss the opportunities that might be right in front of you.

Becoming mentally tough is a hard earned battle — and one that is not won overnight. And while sometimes we have to learn how to fine tune our approach and leverage the adversity, sometimes we also have to learn how to get out of our own way.

Credit Edited: psychcentral

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