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Ruth O'Reilly-Smith

Shopping In Pyjamas

Ruth O'Reilly-Smith
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Shopping In Pyjamas

I’m afraid I haven’t got the nerve. Believe me, there have been days when I wanted to waltz out the front door in my turquoise pyjamas, scraggly hair and no make-up, but I just don’t have the guts. I wish I had the confidence to roll out of bed, stumble into the car and with bleary eyes, drive the children to school in the morning, but I can’t.

Going make-up free and leaving the house in your PJ’s seems to be the latest craze however, with celebrities leading the charge. Mainstream tabloid news outlets have taken to publishing photos of these ‘style-icons’ going make-up free and wearing their PJ’s on the school run, to the shops, the movies and even to the theatre. I recently heard a well-respected BBC news reader proudly proclaim that she had, on numerous occasions, attended the theatre in her satin pyjamas. I just can’t get my head around that and I’m not sure if I should, or if I want to?!

Now I will admit that I have, on the very odd occasion, rushed out the house without my trusty foundation, eye-liner and mascara on, but in those rare moments, I’ve always worn my enormous and very dark sunglasses. I have also, at times, ventured out in my scraggly track suit pants but, I have never dashed out in my pretty pj’s.

So there it is then, I don’t like to leave the house without make-up on and I definitely can’t leave the house in my pyjamas. I may not actually enjoy the process of making the effort, but I do love the feeling of having clean, brushed hair, being well-dressed (or at least being dressed in something other than my track suit or pj’s) and having make-up on. It somehow makes me feel powerful, unstoppable, invincible and – ready to conquer the world.

Last week, I read a report on the damaging effects of the ‘selfie culture’ as the growing obsession with taking selfie’s appears to be leading to an alarming rise in eating disorders. I am not therefore, advocating an obsession with appearance. I am however, all for taking pride in who we are and how we take care of ourselves and our appearance.

In my gran’s era, most people would take great care to dress immaculately whenever they left the house. Even a short trip to the local grocery store would require a substantial effort.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s something truly warm and wonderful about being able to go make-up free and slop around the house in pyjamas or track suit pants in front of family and close friends, but I do think that when it comes to being productive and getting down to the hard work, I need to dress for success. Even when I’m working from home, I’m far more productive when I’ve made an effort to clean my teeth, wash my face and brush my hair.

So, if you’ve been feeling lethargic and uninspired, maybe it’s time to get out of bed, change out of your favourite pyjamas, slap on a dash of make-up and go show the world what you’re made of.

Put Away Prejudice

Ruth O'Reilly-Smith
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Put Away Prejudice

I was twenty-four when I realised I have an accent. I knew other people spoke with an accent, but I didn’t think I did. I was born into an English family and spent most of my early years in Pretoria, South Africa. The first time I set foot outside my country was at the age of twenty-three when I flew to Malaysia as tutor. No one ever commented on my accent in Malaysia. In fact, I’ve since travelled to many other countries, and the only place anyone has ever commented on the way I speak, is in England.

I think the realisation that I speak with an accent hit me all the harder in England because I thought that it would be the one place where I would feel at home – given the fact that I had grown up in an English-speaking home.

Everything about me was different though. The way I dressed, the way I thought, the way I spoke. This last difference held particular significance for me however. You see, I speak for a living. I’m a radio broadcaster and I’d been a well-respected presenter in South Africa before coming to the UK. I assumed therefore that I could walk into the BBC, hand them my demo tape and be offered a job on the spot. How wrong I was. I had an accent and in 1999, that did not go down well on UK radio.

I was gutted, but I chose to re-group. I surrendered my desires and talents to my Maker and, resolved to make an effort to get to know these people.

I immersed myself in all things English and in six months, I got my first radio job in England. I had to move though – two hours north of London, to Birmingham. This is where I quickly realised that my time in London had made me acutely aware of accents and, I did not like the Birmingham accent. To my shame, I arrogantly stated that I would never marry a Brummie (someone from Birmingham) because of the way they spoke.

How foolish I was.

I thank God for bringing me to my senses because I did marry a Brummie. We’ve been married for almost fourteen years now and have two beautiful children together.

Prejudice could quite easily have kept me from some of the greatest joys of life – fulfilled purpose and true love. Prejudice keeps us from experiencing the wondrous depths of humanity. We live sad, insular lives when we distance ourselves from others just because they look different and sound or act differently from us.

Let’s #PutAwayPrejudice in 2017. What great adventures and beautiful stories will come from opening our hearts and giving everyone a chance this year.

When We Get What We Don’t Want

Ruth O'Reilly-Smith
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When We Get What We Don’t Want

Towards the end of last year, my father was diagnosed with stage-four osteoarthritis in both his hips. The news was a huge blow to our family as dad has always taken good care of his health. Now though, his movement was severely hampered and he was in terrible pain.

Years ago, my pastor and his wife went to see a medical specialist. They waited to hear the results of tests they’d had done on their son. As they sat nervously, the specialist confirmed their worst fears – their son had severe autism.

Whether it’s a heart breaking diagnosis, the loss of a loved one, a relationship breakdown or a job loss, there are things that come our way that we don’t want.

At the start of a new year most of us are looking forward to getting great things in 2017. But what happens when you get what you don’t want?

Jesus Christ reminds us that “here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world”. You don’t need too many days on earth to realise that this is true. If we expect to sail through life without any storms, we’ll soon be disappointed. Not that we should go through life expecting bad things to happen but, it’s more about our perspective and the questions we ask when bad things do happen.

And, are they really ‘bad things’, or are they perhaps opportunities for growth. By no means am I wishing for ‘bad’ things to happen, but I am beginning to think about those challenging situations a little differently.

Rather than getting bogged down with debilitating questions like:

  • Why did this happen to me?
  • Why did it happen now?
  • Why didn’t I take better care of my health or my relationship?
  • Why didn’t I see the warning signs?
  • How am I going to survive?

Begin to change your perspective on the ‘bad’ thing that’s happened by asking more helpful questions that will help you focus on the future, rather than what’s happened and the past (which you can’t do anything about).

  • What does this experience make possible?
  • What can I do differently?
  • What can I learn and how can I grow from this experience?
  • What good can come from this?
  • What can I be grateful for in this moment?
  • How can I move forward?

“Experience teaches nothing, but evaluated experience teaches everything” – John Maxwell.

Following surgery, my father’s got new hips and is back to moving freely and without pain. My pastor friends have a far greater capacity to care for the suffering and compassion for the broken-hearted. Their circumstances have not changed and son still has severe autism, but their hearts have changed. Their perspective on life and people has changed – for the better.

This year, rather than focusing on getting great things and being sad when we get bad things, let’s aim to get a great attitude. Learn to be grateful for what we do have and view every moment as an opportunity to learn and grow.

Use Your Failure To Succeed

Ruth O'Reilly-Smith
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Use Your Failure To Succeed

I’m a pretty good cook. Not a master chef, but a decent cook. I have the ability to use whatever’s left in our near-empty cupboards and fridge at the end of the month to whip up something delicious. It may not look like a Michelin Star dish, but it usually tastes pretty good.

Until that is, I made beetroot soup. What a disaster. Our neighbour gave us a few of her last beetroots of the season and I thought I’d have a go at making something different with them – I was in the mood for soup and having only the week before made a delicious butternut soup, assumed it would be easy enough.

I think the leeks ruined it. I used two leeks, when I should probably only have used one, maybe even half. It tasted awful and in order to get rid of the bitter taste, I added potatoes but, they didn’t help either. I added salt, and herbs and carrots and the taste still didn’t improve. After two days of trying to fix my beetroot soup, I surrendered and threw it all away. What a waste. What an epic fail.

Looking back at 2016, have you failed at something you’re usually quite good at? Perhaps you consider it your strength or your talent and now your confidence has been shaken and you’re nervous to venture out and try again.

I think it’ll be a while before I have a go at making beetroot soup again. I will try though and, in the meantime, I’ve learnt a few lessons from my disastrous fail:

  • Choose to stay positive by looking at your failure through the eyes of learning. Thomas Edison once said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” Be humble enough to expect to fail on your path to learning and growth.
  • Own Your Fail. Rather than blame someone or something else, take ownership of the mistakes you made and learn from them.
  • Bounce Back. Don’t stay stagnant by wallowing in self-pity. Learn the lesson and move on.
  • Face Your Fear. When we genuinely believe that failure can help us grow, we can have the confidence we need to move forward and try again. Corrie ten Boom said, “Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength”.

Consider where you failed this year, learn the lessons, grow, make the changes you need to make and then try again.

You Can Stop Smoking

Ruth O'Reilly-Smith
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You Can Stop Smoking

Was that one of your resolutions for 2016? And 2015? And 2014? And, will it be on your wish list for 2017? You long to stop smoking, but you just can’t seem to quit.

We easily become disheartened when we consistently fail to achieve our goals – our hopes are shattered and we are tempted to give up all together. “Unrelenting disappointment leaves you heartsick, but a sudden good break can turn life around” – Proverbs 13:12 – The Message.

I’m not a smoker but I recently heard Allen Carr’s story and thought I’d share it with you. Allen started smoking during his national service in Britain, age 18. Following numerous attempts to quit, he finally stopped in 1983, aged 48. Carr had two realisations which enabled him to quit: Firstly, he realised that he was an addict – he was addicted to nicotine and, secondly he realised that the physical withdrawal from nicotine left him with an “empty, insecure feeling”. This is what he was trying to get rid of, and why he kept lighting up. Once he stopped smoking, he had an overwhelming desire to explain his method to as many smokers as possible. Allan Carr was on a mission to rid the world of smoking.

23 years after he stopped smoking and after he’d helped many hundreds of people quit, Allan Carr was diagnosed with lung cancer at the age of 71. He died aged 72.

On being told the news of his terminal cancer Carr said: “Since I smoked my final cigarette, 23 years ago, I have been the happiest man in the world. I still feel the same way today.”

Don’t give up on your dream to walk away from smoking for good. You can do this!

One step at a time

Here are Allan Carr’s top ten tips to stop smoking:

  1. Set your date and time to stop. Carry on smoking as usual right up to that time – don’t try to cut down beforehand, that just makes cigarettes seem more precious than they are.
  2. Remember – you’re not giving up anything because cigarettes do absolutely nothing for you at all. They provide you with no genuine pleasure or crutch, they simply keep you addicted – a slave to nicotine. Get it clearly into your mind: you are losing nothing and you are making marvellous positive gains not only in health, energy and money but also in confidence, self-respect, freedom and, most important of all, in the length and quality of your future life. You’re going to enjoy being a non-smoker right from the moment you put out your last cigarette.
  3. Light your final cigarette and commit to never puff on another one or take nicotine in any form again, regardless of what highs or lows may come your way in the future. This is one of the most important decisions you will ever make because the length and quality of your future life critically depend on it. Having made what you know to be the correct decision never question or to doubt that decision.
  4. Your body will continue to withdraw from nicotine for a few days but that doesn’t mean you have to be miserable. The physical withdrawal is very slight – there is no pain – and it passes quickly. What’s more, it’s what smokers suffer all their smoking lives. Non-smokers do not suffer it. You are a non-smoker and so you’ll soon be free of it forever. If you associate a cigarette with a coffee, tea, drink or break, have your coffee, tea, drink or break and at that moment, instead of thinking: “I can’t have a cigarette now”, simply think: “Isn’t it great: I can enjoy this moment without having to choke myself to death”.
  5. Do not try to avoid smoking situations or opt out of life. Go out and enjoy social occasions right from the start and do not envy smokers, pity them. Realise that they will be envying you because every single one of them will be wishing they could be like you: free from the whole filthy nightmare. No smoker wants to see their children start smoking which means they wish they hadn’t started themselves. Remember it’s not you who are being deprived but those poor smokers. They’re being deprived of their health, energy, money, peace of mind, confidence, courage, self-respect and freedom. If you’re offered a cigarette, just say: “No thanks – I don’t smoke”, rather than start a long conversation about how long it has been since you stopped.
  6. Don’t try not to think about smoking – it doesn’t work. If I say: “Don’t think about a brick wall, what are you thinking about? Just make sure that whenever you are thinking about it, you’re not thinking: “I want a cigarette but I can’t have one” but instead: “Isn’t is marvellous: I don’t need to smoke anymore and I don’t want to smoke anymore. Yippee, I’m a non-smoker!” Then you can think about it all you like and you’ll still be happy.
  7. Never be fooled into thinking you can have the odd cigarette just to be sociable or just to get over a difficult moment. If you do, you’ll find yourself back in the trap in no time at all. Never think in terms of one cigarette, always think of the whole filthy lifetime’s chain. Remember: there is no such thing as just one cigarette.
  8. Do not use any substitutes. They all make it more difficult to stop because they perpetuate the illusion that you’re making a sacrifice. Substitutes that contain nicotine, i.e. so-called Nicotine Replacement Therapy – patches, gums, nasal sprays and inhalators – are particularly unhelpful as they simply keep the addiction to nicotine alive. It’s like advising a heroin addict who’s smoking the drug off foil, to start injecting it instead.
  9. Do not keep cigarettes on you or anywhere else in case of an emergency. If you do, it means you’re doubting your decision. Non-smokers do not need cigarettes. You are already a non-smoker the moment you put out your final cigarette. In fact one of the many joys of being free is not having to worry about having cigarettes and a light on you.
  10. Life will soon go back to normal as a non-smoker but be on your guard not to fall back into the trap. If your brain ever starts playing tricks on you by thinking “Just one cigarette”, remember there is no such thing, so the question you need to ask yourself is not: “Shall I have a cigarette now” but “Do I want to become a smoker again, all day, every day sticking those things into my mouth, setting light to them, never being allowed to stop?” The answer “No”. Why not? “Because I didn’t like being a smoker – that’s why I decided to become a non-smoker”. That way those moments can become pleasurable as you congratulate yourself that you’re free and that way you can enjoy remaining a non-smoker for the rest of your life.

I trust that as your mind-set changes, you will begin to celebrate life and enjoy true and lasting freedom from smoking.

What Matters Most At Christmas?

Ruth O'Reilly-Smith
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What Matters Most At Christmas?

I did all my Christmas shopping before the start of December this year – that’s a first. Then, much to the delight of our nine-year-old twins, we finally put our Christmas tree up the first weekend of December – they’d been asking since the start of November. We trawled through the store-room and found the tree, the lights, the tinsel and decorations and had Christmas carols playing in the background as we went to work. The result was breath-taking. In a few hours, the house was transformed into a brightly coloured wonderland. Our children were wide-eyed and beaming. Then, they convinced us to build the gingerbread house, fitted together with deliciously decadent icing dripping like snow from the roof. Wow! What a weekend. I was pooped, but relieved that it was done. Now, I could relax.

Well, not really and when Monday arrived, I started coming apart at the seams. I snapped at my husband, flew off the handle with my son and lost my cool with my daughter. I was seething on the inside and I didn’t know why. What on earth was going on?! Only a day before in church, the pastor had been speaking about what matters most in the run up to Christmas – people. And here I was getting cranky with the people I love most.

I thought I’d made these precious people my priority?! I’d worked hard to make sure I wouldn’t be distracted the whole weekend. I wanted to be fully present because I knew that our children had been looking forward to putting up the Christmas tree.

As I pondered my seemingly irrational feelings, I realised that although my family may have been my top priority over the weekend, they had slipped down my list by Monday. As I reflected, I recalled how I’d been thinking of all the things I still needed to do before Christmas, which meant I got out of bed in the wrong mind-set. I got up, ready to do battle. I didn’t mean to do battle with those I cherish most, but I did and it took me until Monday evening to finally realise what was happening and make amends.

How sad, that at one of the most wonderful times of the year, when the whole world is thinking of how we can give gifts to those we care about, we often get so caught up in the organisation of holidays and Christmas, that we lose sight of what really matters.

I was stressed and my family suffered because of it. I thank God for bringing clarity to a situation that could have spiraled out of control and continued for days and weeks. I made a decision right then to de-clutter Christmas. To simplify everything and to let go of anything that was making me feel stressed and anxious. Sure, some stuff still needed to be done but, I resolved to do what I could every day and leave the rest to the next day.

Here are a few things I started doing – it seems to have given me some head space:

  • I pray and ask God to help me. I tried on my own but only hurt myself and those I love most.
  • I made a list of everything that I wanted to get done before Christmas.
  • I made a list of everything I needed to do before Christmas.
  • Then, I resolved to start with the ‘need to do’ list first.
  • I got out of bed 45 minutes earlier.
  • I focused on doing one thing at a time, rather than being distracted by everything that I wanted to get done.
  • I let go of some stuff.
  • I let some stuff roll over to the next day.
  • I practiced saying ‘not right now’ to the voices of the urgent.
  • I practiced being present in the moment and allowed myself to enjoy it.

It struck me that we can sometimes be kinder to strangers than we are to those closest to us.

Every year, we are given an opportunity to remember just how important people are to God. He came to earth in human form and made a way for us to know Him – as Heavenly Father.

If people matter to God, then people should matter to us. Let us not be too busy with the preparation of Christmas and risk losing what matters most – the people of Christmas.

Adding Value This Christmas

Ruth O'Reilly-Smith
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Adding Value This Christmas

Do you want this Christmas to be significant or are you happy for it to float on by and fade into the mists of triviality?

For Christmas to be truly significant, you have to be intentional about doing something to make it significant. John Maxwell says we become significant and create significant moments when we intentionally commit to adding value to people.

  • Your Perspective of People

A life of significance only begins when we value people. Every person has value, and to make a difference this Christmas, we must intentionally value others and express that value to them.

  • How Can You Add Value To People?

Plan to add value to people in your life. Make a meal or cookies for a neighbour, buy a coffee for your spouse, give your friend or colleague some flowers or write a special love note for your child and leave it on their pillow. Think of how you can be a blessing to someone today.

  • Prepare To Be Spontaneous

Once you get into the habit of intentionally planning to add value to others, you’ll develop the habit of being more outward focused and you’ll constantly be on the lookout for how you can make someone’s day.

  • What Can You Do To Add Value?

John Wooden said, “Don’t tell me what you’re going to do – show me.” You can think about what you’d like to do to add value to others, but at the end of the day you need to get on with actually doing something. Doing something special for someone else and adding value to their lives in the process is a wonderful expression of the Christmas spirit.

John Maxwell regularly asks himself one question: “Did I add value to people today?”

  • Encourage Others To Also Add Value

Significance is meant to be shared. It may begin with you but, as you develop the habit of adding value to others, encourage those close to you to do the same.

I hope this Christmas will be truly significant as you commit to intentionally adding value to others. There are so many needs around us and with the right perspective, we can see them and take action to meet them. Enjoy!

The Unopened Gift

Ruth O'Reilly-Smith
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The Unopened Gift

One Christmas, I received an email from a company I’d done some work for, wishing me a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I appreciated the mail and forgot all about it until a few weeks later. I felt compelled to open it again and this time, I read all the way to the end. Only then, did I realise that the company had included a gift voucher for me from an online retailer and I had just a few days to redeem it. I’d almost missed out on a great gift because I hadn’t read my email all the way through to the end.

Who does that?

It seems silly to think that anyone would consider not opening a gift and yet many do exactly that. At Christmas, we give and receive gifts as a reminder of the gifts Jesus Christ was given at his birth – gold, frankincense and myrrh. The greatest gift however was Jesus himself – a gift from God to humanity.

If you knew that a gift with your name on it could help you with a particularly frustrating problem, wouldn’t you want to rip it open and gratefully make full use of it?

Something’s missing

Does it feel like you’re missing something? What do you lack? What’s been getting you down lately? Are you feeling fearful, anxious or frustrated? Do you feel unfulfilled even though you seem to have everything together on the outside?

Jesus is our source and will fulfil our every need. He is the Prince of Peace. So, if it’s peace you lack – He is your gift of peace, receive Him and enjoy His peace. Jesus is our love, joy, comfort, wisdom and power. He is our deliverer, our advocate, our brother, friend and saviour – He made a way for us to know God as Heavenly Father.

We live in a broken world and accepting, receiving and unwrapping the gift of Jesus will not fix everything in this life. Jesus does however promise that He will be with us in the midst of our brokenness and the imperfections of life and that’s what makes all the difference. God came to us – through his Son, Jesus. He is with us now, through His Holy Spirit.

How then do I receive and unwrap this gift of abundant life through Jesus?

The Bible gives us this promise

“If you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.” (Romans 10:9)

Believe and acknowledge that Jesus is who He said He is – the Son of God and welcome Him into your life.

What a truly wonderful Christmas you will have when you accept and open your gift – the abundance of life, through Jesus.

How To Prepare For 2017

Ruth O'Reilly-Smith
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How To Prepare For 2017

Happy December! Welcome to the final month of 2016. I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty eager to get this year over and done with. It’s been full of personal challenges, political surprises and general global upheaval and I could quite happily allow it to slip quietly into oblivion, never to be thought of again.

Thing is, if I want any hope of facing 2017 with hope and confidence, I’m going to have to look back at 2016 and take stock.

Michael Hyatt asked a number of high achievers how they prepare for a new year.
Eight things high achievers do now in order to accomplish more next year:

Reflect On The Past Year.

John Maxwell blocks out the last week of every year and reviews his entire calendar from the current year. “Evaluated reflection turns experience into insight.”

Stay Positive.

High achievers choose a positive attitude as they look ahead to a new year. Jon Acuff says, “The most important thing I do at the beginning of a new year is leave the old year where it fell. It’s good to learn from the year you just lived, but if you stare at it too long, regret over the opportunities you missed or mistakes you made will blossom.”

Express Gratitude.

Research suggests that gratitude has a measurable effect on achieving our goals.  Robert D. Smith says, “I set myself up for a great year by writing down fifty things I’m grateful for. I find that taking time to count my blessings keeps my mind focused on helping others and achieving even more than last year.”

Jon Gordon includes gratitude in his everyday life. “I take a daily walk of gratitude. While walking I practice gratitude and pray. The research shows you can’t be stressed and thankful at the same time. If you do this walk just one day, you won’t experience a huge benefit. But if you do it daily, you’ll notice incredible benefits and major life change.”

Eliminate The Excess.

Derek Halpern: “I review my previous year and decide what I won’t do in the upcoming year. I don’t just quit things I hate. I try to quit things I love that aren’t delivering the results I want.”

Set Compelling Goals.

High achievers set goals that harness their emotional energy. Dave Ramsey: “I have to intentionally stop and dream again. What can I work on next year that makes me smile? Then my mind automatically moves from the strategic to the tactical. In detail—how can I organize my work and my life to do the things that cause that same smile?”

Break It Down.

High achievers break those big goals down into manageable pieces. Lysa TerKeurst breaks her goals down into three categories: Giving, family, and personal development. This is how she looks at personal development: “This is a great year to become an expert on something. By pre-deciding what that something is, I can become a strategic student and an eventual expert.”

Chris Brogan sees it this way: “My great years are built on keeping a bigger mission in front of me, but looking at my daily actions as the ‘molecules’ of that mission. Your day is your week is your month is your year. Best years come from best efforts performed daily.”

Schedule The Year.

Once they’ve set their goals and broken them into manageable pieces, the seventh thing high achievers do is schedule them. Michael Hyatt says, “What gets scheduled gets done”. Marie Forleo: “I block out calendar time for my most important outcomes—vacations, fun and time off and major business and creative projects. Those ‘stakes in the ground’ ensure that what’s most important happens.”

Unplug For A Time.

High achievers are intentional about taking time away to refresh and recharge. Andy Stanley: “The single most important thing I do to set myself up for the best year ever is take the last two weeks of December off”.

Although I won’t be squeezing all these practices into this final month of the year, they have certainly made me want to hang on to 2016 for just a little bit longer. Long enough perhaps to consider what I’ve learnt from this year, how I’ve grown and how I can prepare myself for a great 2017.

You can download Michael Hyatt’s ebook for free: Achieve What Matters In 2017.  The 8 Strategies Super-Successful People Are Using Now to Accomplish More Next Year: http://bestyearever.me/achievers/

Road Rage

Ruth O'Reilly-Smith
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Road Rage

I used to love driving. My car was an old powder-blue Mini panelvan and relished the idea of beating the car next to me at the lights as soon as they turned green – even if it was only for a split-second at the pull-off. I also loved taking sharp corners – well, I still do, but I’m afraid I seem to be losing my joy of driving. Driving has become scary because the drivers have become scary. As drivers, we’re allowing all our pent-up anger and stress to come out on the roads, and road rage is deadly.

In the last few days, I’ve been tailgated, cut-off and almost smashed into, leaving me tempted to ditch the car and walk, although that can also be quite hazardous.

I was born in South Africa and this is where I learnt to drive. I have also lived in the UK and Dubai and in my view; South African drivers are some of the most aggressive, while those in Dubai tend to be frustratingly impatient and dangerous, while British drivers tend to be some of the most courteous and calm. I recently returned to the UK after being out of the country for a number of years however and the one big difference I noticed was the driving. Although still mostly polite and courteous, there is sadly a growing level of rage on the roads.

Prevention is better than a cure

Why does it appear that our deep-seated stress and anger comes out so easily when we’re driving, how can I be more calm when driving and what can I do when I’m faced with road rage?

    • Stress globally has increased dramatically in recent years and many of us don’t effectively manage this increased stress. If I don’t have a healthy outlet for that stress, the car (which is a relatively anonymous place) becomes a space where I can vent my frustrations.
    • Take action. Instead of regretting the consequences of a bout of road rage, manage your stress by scheduling time for exercise, a hobby, relaxation with friends or family or doing something that makes you laugh out loud. Become aware of the negative impact of stress on your health, your relationships, your job and your driving and then take action – be proactive and do something to help you de-stress.

Reaching boiling point

No matter how you try sometimes even the most even-tempered person gets angry.  Here are some things to remember when confronted by road rage:

    • Recognise your rising anger.  Angry or vengeful thoughts, muscle tension, headaches or an elevated heart rate are some of the indicators of rising anger.
    • Take time to calm down.  If you’re able to get off the road safely and stop for a few minutes, do it. Collect your thoughts and calm yourself down, before returning to the road. If you’re unable to leave the road, try to calm down inside the car. Driving while angry puts you, your passengers and other road users at risk. Take deep breaths and count until you can feel yourself calming down.
    • Listen to calming music.
    • Resist the urge to retaliate. If someone does something to upset you on the roads, your initial reaction may be to blast your horn, flash your lights, scream or swear at them and maybe even use a rude gesture. It may initially make you feel smug, but it will also aggravate the other driver, and could lead to an explosive situation on the road.
    • Keep your distance. You may be tempted to drive right up to the person who’s just pushed in front of you but this is dangerous and could cause an accident.
    • Take the high road. Getting angry and losing your cool on the roads is just not worth it. Let it go and get to your destination safely.
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