Ryniel Muthusami

The South African Springboks first hosted and made their rugby debut in 1995, where the Springboks defeated All Blacks (New Zealand) 15-12. This moment is recorded as one of the greatest moments in South Africa’s sporting history

Winning the Rugby World Cup in 2019 has given more than 57 million South Africans the unique opportunity to unite as a nation and celebrate the excellent sportsmanship, talent and sheer resilience found in a country, which has been plagued with social ills over the past years. It has also provided the country with a golden opportunity to unite in addressing deep growing economic, financial and social challenges.

South Africa is now considered as one of Rugby’s most elite nations securing three world cup titles. The country’s victory is inspiring and there are a few great lessons we can take from this win.

Defy the odds

The Springboks went into Japan as the underdogs against an England team that played a sterling game against the legendary All Blacks in the semi-finals. This was undoubtedly a great challenge faced by the team. Not only was this challenging, but it was also intimidating. In spite of what they knew about their opponents, in spite of what they had witnessed in the semi-finals, they still performed, gave it their all and won in the end.

Develop resilience and agility

After England ended the All Black’s eight-year reign in the semi-finals, it was predicted that a tough game was on the cards for the Springboks in the final and yet again the Boks gave a colossal performance of sheer resilience in pursuing the victory. They struck the minute the opportunity arose and never backed down.

Pave the way

This time around, the Springboks was led by Siya Kolisi, the first black player to captain a South African Rugby squad. Siya grew up in the impoverished township of Zwide and was watched during the match by his father, who had never flown before. This proves just how true the saying is that where you come from does not have to be your ending. With the right level of determination and willingness to grow, you can overcome anything.

South Africa still faces various challenges economically, politically and socially, but the Springboks victory in the 2019 Rugby World Cup has inspired fresh and positive energy into the nation. South Africa is filled with hope, filled with faith and for now, as they live in the afterglow of this victory, there is so much to look forward to in this Majestic country.

Stereotypes are prevalent all around the world, but none as common as the stereotypes that exist between youth and the older generation. Examples are quite easy to find. Our favourite movie series’ often depict the older relative as frail and feeble, available for a rare dose of wisdom and thereafter the victim of a crude joke among friends.

We’re taught at school to excel and that an education is the only thing that nobody can take away from us. They’re right! This happens to be the case. Finishing school will be one of the most glorious moments of our lives. Our degrees, certificates and other qualifications will be the highlight of our twenties and thirties. Being young is quite a thrilling experience, but what happens when we’re older? Is there really no more to us than what we have to offer in the prime of our youth?

Perhaps we should re-adjust the lenses when it comes to how we view those older than us. After all, education is not the only thing that cannot be taken away from us. 

Experience is another.

How often have you seen a job advertisement for a senior employment opportunity, that requires a degree and no experience? When we have zero to no experience we’re usually classified as juniors. Once were gain experience, confidence and the insight needed for the job, our educational qualifications are amplified. This is usually when we’re promoted to a new level, which is always more senior. During the process of being a junior, we’re always trained by someone who has more experience and who knows the ropes, and is willing to teach them to us too.

See, when we look at things through a different lense our perspective changes. As much as our independence has to do with our resolve and commitment to progressing in life. We cannot deny that from time to time we need to consult someone with experience. Someone who has been there before and survived to tell the tale. Who better to consult than the older generation?

This goes beyond the home remedies that ALWAYS work. The older generation has the wisdom to assist us through some of life’s most challenging situations. We all get to an age where we utter “If only I listened to my parents” or “I should have taken my dad’s advice”.

Not all advice may be sound, but this does not mean we should disregard it as such, before listening to it at all. Someday you’ll be older too. Can you imagine being ignored because you just not ‘young’ anymore?. By then you would probably agree that with age comes wisdom.

The truth is we all need a helping hand now and again. And, no matter what the world tells you, the older, wiser ones ahead will always be better equipped to show the way you should go. Allow yourself to learn from them. In the same breath, life has had a significant, abrupt transformation in the past 20 years. The problems we are experiencing now are things no one could have ever even dreamt about, let alone anticipate. Learn to lean on much stronger support than anyone you could ever find on earth. A personal relationship with Jesus is all you will ever need to navigate the chaotic crossways of life on earth. Let that be the foundation upon which you build everything else.

 “The Fatherless Generation”.

It is what they are calling this generation, another box society has created for us to fit in. According to some studies conducted, there is a possibility that 64% of children grow up without a present father figure in their life. Fatherless households have been shown to lead to higher suicidal rates, increase in depression, anxiety, aggression, low self-esteem as well as an increase in divorce rates and social and behavioural problems.

Fathers are an imperative component in the wellbeing and development of their daughters. Girls who grow up with involved and respectful fathers have a better example of how women should be treated and are less likely to get involved in toxic relationships. According to a study that involved 700 girls, it was discovered that females that came from homes where fathers were absent, displayed significantly higher rates of sexual activity and adolescent pregnancy and abortion. It also leads to earlier sexual intercourse compared with those with “intact families”. According to research females that come from a fatherless background are also significantly more likely to endure, tolerate and suffer from abuse. David Mech (a pornographic producer) stated that many women in pornography have been sexually abused.

The Sugar Daddy Dilemma

Another controversial topic that is becoming more and more popular is “sugar daddies”. A sugar daddy, a blesser, ‘oga’ – whichever definition you know- is defined as a rich older man who lavishes gifts on a young woman in return for her company or sexual favours. Although many young women have various reasons for getting involved in these type of relationships, it has been suggested by psychologists that many young girls who start these relationships have a foundation in father issues. Due to the lack of a father figure, girls can subconsciously choose older men, an attraction they may not even realise. The problem is not with the age gap necessarily but many of these vulnerable and broken girls get taken advantage of by older men. Due to the socio-economic challenges many communities or households face, girls are left vulnerable and in very desperate situations. When an older man comes around and promises to lavish them in gifts, money and care many of these girls are so ready to escape their circumstances that they are not even aware of the situations they get themselves caught up in. Human trafficking, pornography, sexual abuse, manipulation and control. Before they know they are stuck and have no way out.

Choose your tunnel wisely

Steven Furtick says it so well: “when the enemy can catch you desperate, he will try to get you to change something into something it is not supposed to be”. You can start off as just finding ways to meet your inner needs. Maybe it is the inner need and desire for love that you try to meet through sex and it will work for a while. Sex can feel just like love and give release for a while. But if you escape your loneliness through sex, you will eventually be a slave to what you used as an escape. But don’t let the tunnel that you used to try and get out, become the trap that keeps you underground. And that is the challenge that many young women face: being so desperate to escape a situation that you go to all kinds of measures that end up getting you trapped in worse situations.

 When you look at the consequences of the lack of a father figure in the lives of females, it is evident that it can be the cause of a destructive pattern of behaviour and decision making. Although it is possible to avoid these patterns, it surely does put these individuals at a disadvantage navigating a patriarchal society without any predetermined set of values.

The way, way back…

Being a by-product of an absent father, 4 failed marriages and the inconsistency of male role models throughout my childhood, I can see the traces of heartache, blemishes and cognitive distortions that still to this day infiltrate the very core of my being. I can see how the absence of a father, a safe place, a daughter’s first hero impacted my self-esteem, my understanding of love, a husband, a father and most of all; my understanding of God. It influenced my decision-making when it came to substance abuse, my sexuality, my self-worth, my value, my ability to succeed in life and what treatment I deserved. I am so grateful to have discovered that after all the failed male relationships I have encountered, it was my relationship with Jesus that never failed or disappointed me.

I realized that if you allow him; he will atone for the lack of love and support in your early years. He can reset the past and heal the hurt. He offers a new and fresh perspective and builds every part of your life that has been stripped and broken down. He is the perfect father and the escape that we all desire. He will provide a way out that is better than any solution you could come up with on your own. If my story triggered anything within you or you simply wish to talk to someone about understanding and accepting Jesus into your life, please reach out to us below.