Friendships are family that we choose.

We don’t have much of a choice as to what families we are born into. However, we do have a choice when it comes to having those special friends that we do life with. Our Amigo’s, our homies, our besties, our sidekicks! The special people that we let into our hearts, the friends that we laugh with, share our secrets with, cheer each other on through the good times and the bad times.

Over the years, I have experienced fly by night friendships, to seasonal friendships, to the friends that have basically become family not only to me but to my actual family. Sometimes people think I am related to some of my friends, because we sound similar, or have the same sense of humor, to similar mannerisms! I have friends that I may not see on a regular basis, but when I do see them it’s as though we have never been apart!

Over the years, I have learnt,  a few interesting things when it comes to having and maintaining great friendships. Now, these things that I have learnt have been due to failed friendships, due to disagreements, through to lifestyle changes. Some friendships I have learnt to let go of and make peace with it, whereas with other friendships I have learnt to fight for, and work on in order to maintain a great friendship by being a great friend.

HOW TO CULTIVATE GREAT FRIENDSHIPS

ENCOURAGE THEM

I can’t stress this enough, but it is very important to have friends that support you, encourage you and cheer you on in the good times and in the bad times! Friends should always choose to see the good in each other, and speak words of life and courage into the hearts of their friends. The truth is, we all need encouragement to help carry us and strengthen us to keep on keeping on.

Encourage Definition: To give confidence, support, or hope to someone. To motivate, inspire, uplift, stir up, revitalize, and fire up. 

BE A GREAT LISTENER

When a friend is sharing with us, and seeking advice or support, it’s no use that we just sit there with a vacant smile and nod our heads but our thoughts are a million miles away contemplating grocery shopping! Be present when your friend is sharing with you, listen to them, listen and look out for the things that they are not saying. When we truly listen to what others are saying, we will know how to encourage them more effectively. Sometimes people just want to be heard, knowing that you are there taking it in with them shows the most love and support for them.

BE HONEST

Often people do not want to offend others by sharing what they really think or feel, in case others may respond negatively towards it. Then they hold it back, then it builds and resentment starts to make them act out in an irrational sort of way. However, if you are honest with your thoughts, feelings to your opinions, others will respect you more for being open and honest with them. I remember having a conversation with a very old friend, that I have known for many years now, open up to me about her concerns and insecurities within our friendship. I remember feeling like I was being taken off guard, and I felt a bit defensive, but I heard her heart and understood where she came from. It encouraged me to be more open and honest with friends, as I recognized the strength in being honest with my opinions and feelings.

CONFRONT AND CHALLENGE

Let’s be honest having those tough conversations with friends is not always easy! Calling a friend out on something they may have done wrong, or maybe something that they are doing that is not good for them or for those around them is NOT FUN! I have had a few conversations like that, where I would practice the conversation before hand in my mind because confronting others was not always my strong suit. I would either explode and say very mean things, or I would ignore the person for the whole of eternity. However, I knew those options would never resolve long term pressing issues, and it wouldn’t change or refine me in character.

The important thing to note when confronting a friend is to always tell the truth in love, then remember you cannot control their reaction afterwards. They may choose to listen and take to heart what you have said, or they may choose to react and melt your face off with their eyes! That is out of your control. You may need to give them some time to digest it all and process what you have said.  Please note, when you decide to confront think what you are wanting to say, and how you are wanting to say it. Be fair in what you say, do not go in guns blazing, ready for war, the receiver will put their walls up and out of defense they may react emotionally and not be open to what you are saying. The thing with challenging and confronting others, it should always lead others to want to improve in character. Therefore speak to them with love, and encourage them during the challenging conversation.

FORGIVE QUICKLY

Friends are people with flaws. After all, we are human, and humans make mistakes, ALL the time! If a friend makes a mistake and is remorseful and they are trying to make amends with us, we should move forward from the issue by forgiving them. Forgiveness is releasing for both parties concerned, unforgiveness becomes a burden that slowly starts to weigh us down and it wears away at us. However, when we choose to forgive, we are then choosing to move forward, to grow, we are choosing to be released from the oppression that hurt brings along with it. If a friendship is worth salvaging, then I say fight for it, by choosing to forgive.

USE WISDOM

I know that I may say this a lot, but without wisdom, we entertain and allow for very silly things to transpire in our lives. We need wisdom when it comes to the people that we choose to speak into our lives. We also need wisdom when maintaining healthy friendships.

DO TO THEM, AS YOU WOULD HAVE DONE TO YOU

Treat others, as you would have them treat you. If you want to be respected, then respect others. If you want others to speak well of you, then speak well of others. If you want others to be kind to you, be kind to others. We often want others to do all these amazing things for us, but we aren’t willing to do any of those things for them. Friendships are give and take, and we should always try to give the best version of ourselves to others. So the next time, you find yourself wanting to gossip about a friend, maybe ask yourself if you would like it if they spoke badly about you.

LET LOVE LEAD

When we let love lead in our relationships and in our friendships with others, it will always add strength to those around us. When we let love lead, we choose to see the best in others, we choose to take care of others and have their best interests at heart. When we let love lead, we learn to overcome difficult situations, we learn to seek the truth, we learn to be the best version of ourselves for others. Choosing to love is not always easy, as it requires us to be bold, to get over pride, choosing love refines our character! I believe that when we choose to love others, it will not only bless us, but it will bless those around us.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
1 Corinthians 13: 4 – 6 

I am trusting that your friendships will grow from strength to strength, this may require us to be more intentional in certain areas. However, the reward long term will be great! Here’s to a fun festive season spent with family and friends!