How do we nurture and instil healthy family values whilst moving in a fast-paced, ever evolving world? Before we unpack that question, maybe we need to ask ourselves: “Why is it so important to place value on family members?” Well, the simple truth is that if we don’t make the time to place value on one another, our family dynamics would fall apart quite easily.

THE IMPORTANCE OF PLACING VALUE ON FAMILY MEMBERS

When we place value on one another as family members, we encourage a deep level of respect and love for one another, which in turn encourages and builds trust. It also builds a sense of security and confidence within one another.

Placing value on one another makes others feel significant, loved, and important. When people feel loved and valued, they start to flourish.

When we instil a sense of value in our children, they feel safe and confident as individuals. They will also grow up understanding their worth.

HOW DO WE CREATE HEALTHY FAMILY VALUES?

There are many ways in which we can create moments within our family dynamics that can nurture a healthy and loving environment in which all members flourish. This may look different for everyone, as each family dynamic is unique and different.

1. SWITCH IT OFF

We live mostly online, on our phones, reading and responding to emails or text messages, or maybe we just get caught up with social media. Or maybe we choose to “switch off” by switching on the TV. When the children are awake, especially in the evenings, we need to be mindful that those moments with them mean the world to them. Messages, emails, and social media can wait. Switch off the noise and focus on your family. Be present emotionally and mentally with your family – life is far too short and unpredictable to waste it by being distracted.

To be in your children’s memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today. 

2. SPEAK OPENLY AND HONESTLY

I think it’s so important to clear the air, especially if something is bothering you. If we don’t communicate what we feel – even if it feels small and silly – those feelings start to build and fester, and they become unhealthy. Families should encourage a loving and open level of conversation amongst family members. This means we need to let others speak, and not dismiss them and cut them off whilst they are talking. We need to listen to what they are saying, and not get defensive and overreact emotionally. We need to acknowledge what others are feeling, and respect their views and thoughts.

3. LISTEN

Listen closely to your family members. Listen and look out for things that may seem small, or may seem hidden. Listen with intent; listen to one another as a means of learning and delving into the very soul of each family member. Through active listening you open the doors of responding and loving with more clarity.

Listen earnestly to anything your children want to tell you, no matter what. If you don’t listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won’t tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all it has always been big stuff. – Catherine M. Wallace

4. FORGIVE QUICKLY

We tend to forget that people are, well… people, and like most people, people will make mistakes, fail, and fall short. We need to always show forgiveness, compassion, grace, and mercy, especially towards family members. Yes, there are consequences for our actions and firm conversations and corrections are needed. However, I believe that when children are truly remorseful, there is no need to rub it into their faces and hold it over them. If we don’t teach them by showing them forgiveness, they themselves will never know how to forgive, and they will suffer in the guilt and shame of their mistakes.

Be completely humble and gentle, be patient , bearing with one another in love. – Ephesians 4:2 

5. ENCOURAGE

I believe that when we encourage one another, we are not only instilling courage, but we are refining and nurturing confidence within others. Encouraging family members could mean saying well done on overcoming something that was challenging for them; it could mean acknowledging when they are working hard at something; or praising them whilst they are exploring things that they are passionate about. Encouraging the character of a person affirms them as a person. I love seeing my son light up whenever I encourage him.

There needs to be more emphasis on what a child can do, instead of what he cannot do.

The way we talk to our children, becomes their inner voice. – Peggy O’Mara

6. HAVE FUN

Having fun and laughing together always encourages an atmosphere of unity. It’s like medicine for the soul – it makes you feel less stressed! Trust me, try it out and see for yourself!

7. CREATE MOMENTS

Create moments with your loved ones that are unique and special. Maybe your children love doing specific hobbies, and maybe it would mean the world to them if you joined in on the action. Being a part of their world by actively taking part and showing interest in them shapes their world and affirms their self-esteem and value. Children won’t remember all the times you worked very hard; they will always remember how you made them feel. Look for those little moments where you make one another come alive!

Today’s little moments, become tomorrow’s precious memories.

I don’t know about you, but I am determined to encourage a strong family dynamic that can embrace every season of life with joy and with confidence knowing that they are loved and valued. Every day is a new day to press the refresh button, and find ways to breathe fresh life over our situations and seasons!