So you have been hurt by someone and you either do not want to forgive them or do not know how to forgive them. How often does that happen? I know in my own life when someone does me wrong, forgiveness is the last thing on my mind.
‘I will never forgive them. I will never forget what they have done.’
We sing these songs ’till we are blue in the face’, until we do something hurtful toward someone else and then we want forgiveness? You see, forgiveness is like trust, people do not hand it out like pamphlets on the side of a road. Just as someone needs to earn your trust back sometimes we want them to beg us for our forgiveness. However, when we harbour unforgiveness, we are also actually harbouring feelings of hurt and hate. These feelings then hold our hearts back from ever letting go of these hurtful situations. Forgiveness can sometimes be really hard, but it is really essential. Not only is forgiveness important for the other person but also for you and your own well-being. Still, how do I forgive someone who had hurt me?
You communicate with them.
Instead of blocking the person on WhatsApp or unfollowing them on Instagram, pop them a personal message, or a phone call, and ask them to meet up so that you are both able to discuss the situation. Sometimes this can be hard, and it may turn into a screaming match but try not to let it get to that. Effective communication is essential in solving any issue because most of the time someone may not know how you feel due to miscommunication or unvoiced feelings.
Here is how you communicate:
Listen
When you are hurt by someone it is so easy to block out anything they say to you:
Why must I listen to what they have to say? They are the ones who are wrong, not me!
If we are not willing to listen to someone (who has hurt us), we will not be able to hear what they are saying and then we can never forgive them and move on. Listening to what someone else has to say (not just hearing what they have to say), is also important for effective communication to take place.
Speak
I love it when people tell me that I have done something that has hurt them, so I know how to fix it and what to do or not to do the next time. This is the same when someone hurts you. I know in the moment, talking the situation out is the furthest thing from your mind but I also know that when we harbour feelings instead of talking them out, the situation becomes more intense. Failing to speak up can make forgiveness seem so far away and often a situation that could have been resolved in one conversation, is allowed to continue on longer than it should have.
You see, forgiveness is a touchy subject for a lot of people but I can honestly say that once you forgive someone you are actually setting yourself free, more so than the other person. If we communicate effectively with someone by telling them how we feel and then listen to what they say, we will be able to forgive quicker and heal more effectively.