I met her in the maternity ward. I was about to give birth to twins and she was in there with her number two. Maybe it was the environment? The packed room with pregnant women and the caring nurses, it was our little isolated world and we hit it off instantly. I felt blessed to have made a wonderful friend so quickly, especially given the fact that I felt completely out-of-my-depths as a first-time mom.
We swapped numbers and I looked forward to catching up with her once the dust had settled after the birth of our children.
I messaged her – no reply. I messaged again – no reply. I called – no answer. I called again and left a message – no response. I messaged – no reply. I left it for a few weeks and messaged again – no reply. Hmmm… maybe she didn’t want to get together after all?
I messaged again, just in case – no reply.
I left it a few months and messaged again – no reply.
I gave up.
Years later, I realise I’d been ‘ghosted’.
My ‘friend’ had done a disappearing act and I had no idea why. It took me ages to admit that she didn’t want to see me again. She didn’t even want to tell me that she didn’t want to see me again – not face to face, by sms or phone?! How could that be? We’d got on so well? Well, I thought we had. What did I do? Why didn’t she want to be my friend?
Once I finally realised that she just didn’t want to pick up where we left off after our emotional goodbye in the maternity ward, I was able to move on.
Sound familiar?
Maybe it’s happened with someone you dated for a few weeks or months? In an instant and without any explanation or warning, they disappear.
You’ve been ‘ghosted’.
Or maybe you’ve done the ghosting?
Time To Move On
- So you’ve been ghosted.
If you’ve tried to make contact over a few days or weeks, with no response, recognise that you’ve been ghosted.
- Own it.
Don’t hang on to false hope. Accept that it’s over. Your recovery begins when you accept that it’s happened.
- Don’t track them down.
Don’t stalk them or position yourself in places you’re likely to ‘accidentally’ bump into them. You’ll heal up quicker if you choose to move on.
- Learn the lesson.
People who ‘ghost’ want to avoid conflict or confrontation, they hope the ‘problem’ will go away if they avoid the person. Have the courage to learn from this experience. Ask yourself some tough questions. Maybe there was something you did, or said, that alienated your friend or partner? Were there certain behaviours or personality traits that caused conflict? Look for how you can grow through this.
- Go easy on yourself.
Technology makes meeting up with people easier than ever, giving the false impression that there are ‘plenty of fish in the sea’. Many people are sadly never content with what they have and with easy access to so many different options, are always looking for someone or something else to provide the next ‘high’. The decision to ‘fade’ or ‘ghost’ you, may not be solely your fault – it’s partly our culture.
- You’re awesome – now move on.
Rather than rebounding to the next date or the next best friend, rather pause for a bit. You are awesome. Rediscover who you are and what you love and just enjoy being you. Learn to be single and happy. Focus on and enjoy the people who are in your life right now and regain your self-confidence. Then, look up and see if there’s someone new around you – someone amazing, like you. Someone who wants to be with you – for the long-haul.