What should you be looking for when you’re seeking out a spouse? What are the things that make for a successful and happy marriage? Anyone who has ever considered getting married has most probably asked these questions or ones similar at some stage. What are the answers? I’m not sure anyone can provide a completely cast-iron, fool-proof method for finding ‘The One’ but there are things that contribute to and aid a relationship.

I recently watched a television show called ‘Married at first sight’ (I’ve included spoilers so be warned) and yes it really means what it says. Hundreds of brave (and possibly slightly crazy) individuals, all wanting to find a spouse placed their love-lives in the hands of relationship experts in the hope that science could find them the perfect partner. The hitch being that once a match was found they would happily walk down the aisle and wed a complete stranger.

According to the experts a combination of DNA, personality traits and personal preferences can be used to find compatible partners who should, in theory have the right ingredients between them to make a marriage work. Sadly, in the season that has just aired, of the four couples who married, only one stayed together beyond a few of months. It would seem it takes more than the factors analysed to make a successful marriage.

So what should you look for when seeking out a marriage partner? Here are a few things that are worth bearing in mind.

A desire to commit

It may sound ridiculously obvious but being committed to your relationship is really important. Married life isn’t all sunshine and roses. There will be tough seasons and chances are at times you may not even like each other all that much. In those moments you need to know that both of you are committed to making your marriage work and aren’t going to give up and head for the door. Finding ‘The One’ starts with finding someone who wants to be married and stay married.

You like each other

You need to want to spend time together. It’s important that you enjoy each others company and want to be in the same place. After we got married my husband put it this way,

‘Marriage is like dating, only she (that’s me!) never leaves.’

If you don’t actually like who the other person is, that isn’t going to change and it’s going to make living in the same space and sharing a life really difficult.

Common goals and interests

If one of you wants a family and the other doesn’t then you haven’t found the right person for you. Whatever your life goals are, if your other half doesn’t share them or support them, you’re going to have a really hard time. Enjoying similar hobbies and activities isn’t a complete deal breaker but being able to do things together and find enjoyment in a shared activity is much better than always going separate ways. Sharing views on life, faith and family all are  desirable when choosing a partner

Mutual attraction

Being married is so much bigger than sex, but attraction is still important in a relationship. Sex is kind of like the icing on the cake. You can’t just have icing without cake and vice versa. Find someone who sparks you.  Someone who makes you feel alive and excited about life!

Being able to communicate

Being able to share your feelings and both feel like you’re being understood is really important in any relationship. In a marriage where you should be working as a team, it’s vital that you both feel heard and are sharing your thoughts with each other. Keeping too much to yourself or feeling like you’re being held at arm’s length is never a good sign.

Complete trust

Marriage should feel like a safe space. You should both be able to put complete trust in each other and know that you are in this together.

The bible tells us that when two people get married they leave their families and become one with each other.  That is why marriage isn’t something to take lightly or jump into without being sure.  The truth is that there is no such things as ‘The One’! What you are looking for is someone who you can commit to. If you’re already married then the person who you promised forever to is ‘The One’ for you.  If you’re still looking for that person to share your life with, remember that you don’t marry the end product.  Marriage is a process of growing together and developing as individuals as your relationship takes shape.  Above all it’s important to submit your life