What it is like to be a parent? Sometimes it feels like you’re trying to herd cats. There are those amazing days when you get it all right (mostly) and everyone is happy and content and it’s a joy. Then there are days when it would be easier to convince a Bengal tiger to take a bath than persuade your offspring to do, well anything. Convincing another human being to do something they’re not inclined to do can be tricky at the best of times but when that human being is below the age of 18 and knows you love them more than anything, there are times when getting them to comply is nigh on impossible.
It’s fair to say that most children can be strong willed from time to time. This can be labelled as wilful, stubborn and at times naughty but more often than not it’s a case of asserting their independence and exploring boundaries. A truly strong willed child however has a natural inclination to challenge the status quo and a determination to have their say in any given matter.
Here are some behaviours often displayed by someone with a strong will:
High energy
Childcare experts tend to agree that strong-willed individuals tend to have higher levels of energy. If something is worth doing, then they want to do it quickly. This can also mean that they struggle to be patient and when they want something, they want it now.
Great debaters
A strong willed individual will find loopholes and alternatives in any argument if they disagree or don’t see the reasoning behind a decision. Power-struggles don’t scare them, in fact they seem to welcome the opportunity to prove their mettle.
Very particular
A spirited child can sometimes be seen as bossy and fussy because they want things done a certain way. This can come across as controlling and inflexible and be highly frustrating for a parent trying to achieve certain ends when their child doesn’t agree with the methods employed.
Finding a way to effectively parent and nurture a strong willed child, without crushing their spirit, can be challenging. Having a strong will and being able to follow your convictions is a powerful trait in an adult but it needs to be correctly handled in a child so that it is a positive characteristic and doesn’t become a problem in later life.
Here are a few parenting practices that may help:
Don’t fight fire with fire
Having a power-struggle with a toddler (or a teenager) is never pretty and more than likely will end in a lose/lose scenario. If you win, your child is crushed and you’ll need to repair the damage; if they win, you’ve created an even bigger problem for yourself because they will feel like they can walk all over you. Don’t get into a battle of wills, instead have boundaries and rules in place and stick to them. These non-negotiables could look like; Bedtime is always at 7pm, snacks are always eaten at the table, we always hold hands when we cross a road, homework happens before television. When you take discussion or options out of equation you can avoid becoming involved in negotiations or bartering.
When possible give options
Telling a strong willed child exactly what they should do can cause problems, instead try giving them a choice between two scenarios. This could be two snack options or choice of outfit for the day. Pick something that you as the parent are happy with either way, that way you get your win and your child still feels that they’ve had a say in the process.
Engage and listen
A strong-will child wants to be heard and contribute to the decisions being made. Communication can go a long way to diffusing frustrations and making sure you catch melt-downs before they become really ugly. This way you may be able to work as a team to find a solution rather than pulling in opposite directions.
Raising any child can be challenging but with love, patience and a little wisdom parents are able to find a way to bring out the best in their children and raise incredible individuals who will contribute greatly to the world around them.