The world is much smaller than it used to be. It’s much easier to jump on an aeroplane or take a train to who knows where and arrive before you know it. Global markets and trade deals also mean that companies do business across boarders and oceans and consequently employees travel. I am married to a travelling employee. I was, and still am, a daughter to a travelling employee. So when it comes to having a parent who travels I know the drill from the child and the parent’s point of view.
Solo parenting is a tough job. I take my hat off to parents who raise their family and face their challenges alone fulltime. Having a parent who is absent occasionally brings a whole unique batch of challenges, some of which are unexpected. It helps to have a game plan and so here are a few things I’ve learnt (and some I asked my mom about) which may help you too.
Ready, set, GO!
Approach travel as a team
Before one of you even gets on a plane for the first time, you both, as a couple needs to be in agreement. Travelling can put an awful lot of additional pressure on relationships and family life and if you’re not both 100% on board then you have a recipe for disaster. Be clear on the motivation behind the need to travel. It’s one thing to travel as a way to provide for your family, it’s another thing entirely if is as a way to avoid family responsibilities.
Be positive
Even if you’re not looking forward to being alone for a period of time, don’t be tempted to complain about this in front of your children. By all means say you will miss your spouse but keep any fears or grumbling to yourself. Your children may experience enough anxiety or anger without you adding to it.
Keep things simple
Whatever your usual at home routine is, stick to it. Don’t try and add extra activities or tasks to your list that will compromise your ability to keep the ‘normal’ happening well. You may find your children become a bit more needful of attention or even less obedient when one of you is travelling. Keeping things simple means you can give attention where necessary and negotiate any emotional moments.
Make it fun
When it’s just you and children, find (easy) things that you can all enjoy. Have a movie night, with popcorn. Sit and read a book of their choice together. Make their favourite meals for dinner.
Don’t worry too much about phone calls
It may sound strange but a phone call home isn’t always helpful. My kids have got really upset talking to their dad while he’s on a trip, which made things harder on everyone. If your children are happy, don’t worry about keeping the phone calls, or Skype chats until after they’re in bed.
Celebrate the reunion
Do something fun together when the trip is over. Make a special meal. Put time aside to catch up on the things that have happen while you’re apart. Make a big deal over how well everyone has done coping with the change in situation. It might be nice if the returning parent bring something from their trip. It doesn’t need to be much, even a bottle of shampoo from the hotel or foreign coin can be a fun memento.
Be prepared for the return
As much as everyone is looking forward to being under the same roof again, when the traveller returns it can sometimes take a while for things to get back to business as usual. Just as you and your children had to adjust to being alone there may well be an adjustment to be made to reincorporate your spouse back into your daily routine.
Balancing work and family life can be challenging at times but remember that you are all on the same team. Also be mindful that in difficult seasons God is there to be your source and your guide. He can equip you with the skills and patience needed to navigate the most demanding circumstances.