I remember the first time I had a review at work. It was awful. All my life I had been told how wonderful I was. I had done well at school, the teachers loved me, and I never failed a class at university. I had genuinely never had someone sit me down and say: You are doing well at this; but you’re not doing well at that.

I was new to the job and new to the role so obviously my manager had some positive and negative feedback. I handled the positive well, as you can imagine, but when she shared negative feedback with me I became angry and defensive. Didn’t she know I had never done this before? Why was she being so unkind when I was new? Couldn’t she see I was trying? What about the other people in the office – surely some of them were to blame for some of these errors too? I was offended. 

The reality of life is we’re going to get criticised. There are going to be people who offend us and poke at our tender points. There are going to be times when people are going to tell you things you don’t want to hear. What is the best way to deal with offence and what are we going to do when it happens?

Offence is inevitable

If you are honest with yourself you will probably admit that you had the opportunity to be offended at at least five people today. Offence is all around us. It’s in our family, it’s at the bank, on the road, and in the supermarket. 

“Woe to the world because of offences! For offences must come, but woe to that man by whom the offence comes!” – Matthew 18:7

Offence is often unintentional

People don’t wake up in the morning and think, “You know what? I think I’m going to find a way to offend.” Your husband doesn’t. Your wife doesn’t. Your children don’t. Your coworkers don’t. We think the whole world revolves around this movie that has us as the star. Actually offence is the simple product of differing agendas and ideas knocking against each other.

Offence can be good for you

Look at this story from the Bible: There’s Joseph, the patriarch of the Old Testament, who was, if you recall the story, ridiculed, kidnapped, and then sold into slavery by his own brothers. Years later, when he finally meets up with them again (and he does), he has this position of tremendous power. He’s second in command of the nation of Egypt and his brothers have to visit him as beggars to get provision. When he sees them he is not angry. He responds, “Do not be afraid, for am I not in the place of God? But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive. Now therefore, do not be afraid; I will provide for you and your little ones.”

I’ve gone through a lot of bad experiences, as you have, at the hands of other people. I’ve been fired, I’ve been lied to, I’ve had girls gang up on me. These were all really difficult experiences and I wouldn’t want to repeat them, but I wouldn’t want to trade them. Why? Because what others meant for evil God meant for good.

I love this verse from Romans 8:28, one of my favorite verses in the Bible. It says: “God works all things together for good to those who love him and are called according to his purpose.” We may never understand why all these things happen to us. What we can be confident in is that there’s a greater purpose at work and that these things can actually be used for our good if we embrace them and welcome them into our lives.

Being offended is a choice

You do not have to remain offended. You don’t have to hate the other person or build a war against them in your heart. Instead, choose to not be offended. There are way better ways to spend your time and your energy.

Sometimes offence can get us completely detracted with what we need to be doing. For example, somebody criticises something you said to a coworker, and instead of doing the job that’s actually going to move the ball forward, you have all this sideways energy on something that really isn’t worth your time.

Rather focus your energy on the good things in your life, deal with and learn from criticism, and place your trust in Jesus to be your redeemer at the end. 

Offence is never a good idea.

(Based on an idea discussed in a Michael Hyatt podcast.)