Something happens when your friend gets married. Nice, sweet Thando becomes a monster. Somewhere in-between yes and I do, wedding planning can bring out anyone’s bridezilla side. I’ve had the pleasure (or pain) of being a bridesmaid many times and I can tell you that none is immune from the spirit of bridezilla.

I recall one hot hot summer day in Cape Town. I drove an hour to arrive at 8 am to check out the venue for a friend, and help decide on flower arrangements. I made a fatal mistake: I thought the morning would be over quickly so I didn’t eat breakfast. Which was fine by 10 am. Only, 10 am wasn’t when the morning finished. My job was to take pictures of the floral options and add my opinion to mom and the wedding planner. Come 2 pm I had nearly fainted from heat and hunger, however mom and the wedding planner were still debating which shade of pink the orchids would be. We didn’t finish up until 3 pm. I honestly considered resigning from my voluntary job as bridesmaid and rejecting any further requests.

Don’t get me wrong, I adore my friends, and I really would do anything to make their special day very special, but somehow weddings have a way of stressing everyone out.

You know what, if all goes according to plan you are only going to get married once. Why let one day, which should be a happy celebration, become a nightmare?

Here are my don’t-become-a-bridezilla wedding day tips.

1. Be clear about boundaries

Everyone is going to want their say in your wedding. Aunty Cynthia from Zambia who you haven’t seen for years is suddenly going to arrive on the scene and expect you to give in to her self-election as wedding president. She’s probably already planned everything from the guest list to the menu. Don’t let her. This is your wedding and you may have to offend a few well meaning people in the process. Let Aunty Cynthis kindly know upfront where and how she can help you and where you need to make your own decisions.

2. Delegate, delegate, delegate

If you don’t get people to help you, you are going to be paying for it in counselling fees. You simply can not put together a whole wedding by yourself. Image trying to paint those 200 candle boxes all alone. No ways! This is when you can make use of the Aunty Cynthias, moms, cousins, and friends who are in your life. Just make sure you aren’t unreasonable in what you expect from them – nobody wants to be remembered as the bride who worked her wedding party in to the dust.

3. Prepare for the unexpected

No matter how well you think everything through, try a million golden icing recipes or plan the day, you are always going to come up against the unexpected. Don’t freak out. It’s not about being perfect, it’s about having the people you love around you. And having fun. Don’t forget there are loads of apps and wedding blogs that can help you plan the day – make use of them. Do your best and then let it go.

4. Pamper yourself

You are going to need wedding free days so you can feel like a normal person. You are going to need long baths, spa dates, and back massages. Planning a wedding is a job on top of the job you already have. Then throw in a diet or new fitness routine, and trying to keep your relationship together so you still have one when the day  rolls by – it’s not as easy as it all looks. Relax, take your time, and don’t forget to look after you.

5. Keep perspective

At the end of the day, a wedding isn’t about a “perfect day” or showing off to your father’s rich friends. A wedding is a celebration of two people committing themselves to each other for the rest of their lives. A wedding is a promise before God to be faithful.

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” (Ephesians 5:31)