Every so often I do this thing where I sit down with my notebook and I write down all the things I need to get better at. The list is long, needless to say. I sit and I pull apart my failures, strand by strand like a fussy child eating spaghetti and I put them down in the notebook. Then I resolve next time I do this, I will be better. I will have half those things off the list. I will have perfected all my weakness and I will be well on the way to becoming wonder woman.
Except it doesn’t always work that way. There are things about myself that I have come to learn to love and accept rather than try to change. It hasn’t been an easy journey getting to this place. As acceptance is often difficult and goes against our human nature. But yes, with maturity I am starting to see what I can and can’t change and focus with a little less fixation on the things I need to change.
In fact, I’m going to change trying to change me. Does that make sense?
Yes, I think it does. This is how I am going to start, I’m going to create a list of the things about me that I like, and even though they may seem strange or silly, I don’t think they are every going to change.
I can have 5 different emotions attached to the same situation in the course of one week.
Yes, I have emotions. A lot of them. And either I can fight them, or manage them. I’ve come to realise that as I process things I will go through a range of feelings and that’s ok. Now I know that I may feel angry about this now, but once I have spoken to someone and thought it through then I won’t feel that way anymore.
I hate it when people cancel at the last-minute
I’m very much a ‘say you’ll be there and be there’ person. I don’t like it when I make plans with people and then at the last-minute they decide to cancel. I get hurt, it feels inconsiderate and I don’t remain friends with you for long if you do this often. I’ve learned that this is just the way I am. I’ll take your word as your word because when I say I’ll be there, I will.
I always swing between feeling like I need more people time in my life and less people time in my life.
I have an extroverted personality but I love me time. It sounds kind of strange, but it’s true. I always have to make sure I live in some kind of healthy medium in the middle where both bits of me are satisfied. Too much one way and I’m exhausted. Too much the other way and I’m bored and restless.
I will always be dreaming of a plane ticket
I love adventure. I love the suspense of the unexpected and the feeling of something new. I love to travel. I’ve travelled a lot and while friends of mine are building houses and popping out babies I’m thinking about hidden alleyways and untold stories. I’m thinking about the wide open field and languages I can only laugh in.
I’m a single woman and I may be for a long time yet
I used to feel like I would never find someone nice who gets me (I still do feel this at times), but now I’ve started to accept the fact that my life isn’t someone else’s life and I can’t make magic happen. I’ve come to realise that my life as a single woman is beautiful and rich in its own ways. I’ve have loads of interesting friends, I can spend my evenings writing and eating chuckles from a plastic bag. My time is my own and I like that.
These are my 5 things, and I could, of course, write many more. What are yours? Stop for a moment and think about all the things about yourself that you can’t and wouldn’t change.