I can do it myself
There comes a moment in every toddlers life when they stop being happy to have everything done for them and decide to assert their independence. We’ve just reached that stage in my household with my son. At 16 months old his whole motivation in life is to see what he’s capable of. This takes many guises. Climbing; walking; emptying things; repacking things; taking off shoes; putting on hats and in poll position on his list is feeding himself. It’s a fun stage but it has its challenges.
Milestones
Child development experts tell us that a newborn baby is not aware that it is separate from its mother but somewhere around four or five months old a baby will begin to realise that it is a separate individual. It’s a gradual process but a wonderful milestone in a baby’s life because it opens up a whole new world of communication, relationship with others and exploration. Being a separate person can be scary though, and this realisation is sometimes accompanied by a level of anxiety, especially when mom happens to leave the room.
Growth is good! It is a sign of health. Being mom or dad is a lifetime role but no one wants to be changing nappies and feeding their child when they’re 18 years in the same way they would at 18 days. Your role changes dramatically over the months and years as your child grows and hopefully they become more and more capable of functioning as an independent individual.
Independence = Mess
One of the things I’ve noticed about increased independence in my children is that it normally goes hand in hand with an increased amount of mess. My two and half-year old daughter has recently decided that she is big enough to get her own drinks. It’s not enough to ask nicely for my help, she wants to pour her own juice from the bottle into her cup. This has resulted, on several occasions, in a juice puddle all over the floor. At the same time my little boy is no longer satisfied with being fed his meals and insists on feeding himself. This is fine when there is toast for breakfast but you can imagine the mess when it’s spaghetti for dinner. This is increased when he decides that his chubby little hands would be more effective tools than using the spoon or fork provided, but it’s all part of the developmental journey. Fortunately, despite the fall out during these learning experiences, Mom is there to clean up, ready for the next try. At this stage in their life, that’s what I’m here for.
With all of my kids, it has been very obvious that as they reach for new levels of independence they are less worried about whether they are able, and more concerned about jumping in, boots and all, and just having a go. There is no question of ‘am I ready?’ but it’s a case of trial and error, and a whole heap of mess, until the new skill has been acquired. It’s also very clear that they have an unshakable faith in the fact that their parents are right there beside them, ready for the moment something doesn’t quite go to plan.
Got your back
As adults we tend to like things to be certain before allowing ourselves to take a leap into a new situation, but in reality progress or growth rarely happen in nice neat stages. Development requires effort; at times, courage and is, on occasion, messy but you will never develop or grow unless you learn to step beyond what you know and reach for something outside of your current understanding. It has to be said, it’s easier to make these leaps, if there is someone there who can pick you up when you fall and help you face whatever mess may occur as a result. Maybe that is one of the reasons why the Bible refers to God as our Father.