I was driving from Cape Town to Port Elizabeth a few years ago and stopped to fill up with petrol. I was quite peckish so I went into the shop, bought a newspaper and a box of biscuits and went outside and found a table to relax at.
Shortly after that an older man asked if he could join me at the table and I said, “Of course!”
As I looked back at the newspaper article I’d been reading, the old men reached over, grabbed my box of biscuits and proceeded to open them. He reached in, took a biscuit and started munching on it.
I was completely taken aback. How rude! I reached across and grabbed a biscuit, half glared at the man, to let him know, and proceeded to eat is as I continued to read. The old man smiled at me and once he had finished his biscuit he reached across, grabbed another one out of the box and started eating it.
By now I didn’t know what to do. His behaviour was really starting to get to me. I grabbed another biscuit out of the box which lay between us, smiled a sarcastic smile at him and proceeded to eat.
This continued until the whole box was finished. The old man continued to smile at me while saying nothing, and munch his way through half of my biscuits.
When he was done, he stood up, grabbed the empty box, wished me “Good Day” and walked over to the bin and threw the box away.
I was now fuming on the inside and so I grabbed the rest of my newspaper that was sitting on the seat next to me, only to see that my unopened and very much full box of biscuits was still there, completely untouched.
SLOW TO JUDGE
This is not actually a story that happened to me but versions of it seem to have been around for many years. I have heard it told twice as if it were an actual account and I read about it in Douglas Adams’ novel, “So Long and Thanks for All the Fish” (1984) although apparently it had been around in other versions even before that.
The reason the story strikes me and perhaps why it keeps surfacing in different places is because it speaks of how wretched my heart can be at times. I see something that doesn’t make sense to me (or maybe makes too much sense) and I jump to a conclusion and make a judgement, only to find out later that I didn’t have all the facts.
This story and my seeing of myself in it, reminds me a lot of Jesus. Or more importantly, the opposite of Jesus. There were often people around Him who were being judged by everyone – women who were not considered important in those times; children who were even less so; lepers who were banished outside of the town because they made everything ‘unclean’; a woman who is caught in adultery; a tax collector… even a Roman official who Jesus’ disciples would have likely judged.
Yet, each time, Jesus sees something deeper than anyone else and responds by inviting these people to come close. He plays with the children, He encourages the women, He touches the leper, He has a meal with the tax collector, He heals the servant of the Roman and so on.
SEE THE POTENTIAL
The Bible tells us to “be slow to anger” and “in your anger do not sin” and yet I feel that from Jesus’ example we could also add, “Be slow to judge” and “Don’t let judging cause you to sin.”
A helpful way to help us to avoid making quick unnecessary judgements is to take time to listen better and also to ask questions when we don’t understand why someone is acting the way they are.
Plato once said: Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
I think that is true. It’s not always the same battle. But there is always something else going on. Slow things down before rushing to anger and see if there is not some other explanation or perspective available.
Next time you feel anger rising about something a person near to you has said or done, take a moment to remember the example of Jesus and to look a little deeper. Who knows what you might discover? Maybe even more than just an extra box of biscuits.