What is loyalty?
The dictionary says the following:
1. The act of binding yourself (intellectually or emotionally) to a course of action. 2. The quality of being loyal – unwavering devotion to a friend, or a vow or cause. Steadfast in allegiance or duty, and inspired by love for constant support.
Worldwide, there are countless criminals and “problematic people” with intense family issues, and many of them are rooted in disloyalty.
In the introduction to their impressively named Comparison of Family Functioning and Content in Families Faced with Disloyalty and Normal Families, Ladan Hashemi and Tahereh Didgah argue the following:
“In recent years, the family organisation due to cultural, social, industrial, scientific, and belief changes have been faced with many problems. The precariousness of many traditions, ethics, customs, ceremonial and beliefs that were the agent for the strength and stability and balance of the family have now threatened family functioning and context seriously. During these years, several theories and models have been introduced in the field of family functioning and dynamism and challenges and ways to deal with multiple problems and issues. Some of them being spouse disloyalty… Although marriage and relations with a spouse are one of the most healthy and satisfying relations, there are many damages that can cause harm to these relations. One of these damages is disloyalty from each or any of the spouses. These types of damages or relationships outside of the family leads to deep conflict, separation, divorce, other trauma and social damages.”
Now, say what you want, but I’m of the opinion that all of us (even if we aren’t acting up as much as those criminals) have been affected by disloyalty of some kind. Some of us, on the other side, are incapable of commitment and in turn are constantly disloyal because of stuff that we haven’t dealt with within ourselves.
Like the script said before, the change in social culture has had a lot to do with the inability of people (young and old alike) to be loyal. The same, however, applied in the times of the Bible.
Look at King David… who was also a murderous adulterer:
His son Amnon, raped Tamar (his-half sister), sister of Absalom (2 Samuel 13:22), and so Tamar became a depressive recluse living in Absalom’s house. Absalom couldn’t deal with it and so he invited his half brother over to his house for a drinking party and killed him – talk about dysfunction?
Absalom was upset with his dad for not doing anything about the issue, and eventually kicked him off of the throne, after which he went and raped 10 of his dad’s concubines on the roof of his house in front of the whole nation, Israel.
Yep. Disloyalty very obviously creates deep, horrible cycles of pain, and hell on earth – for example, girls having babies with people who never ever intended to be loyal to them.
The perfect model
I have a designer friend who makes sample pieces of her new ranges before letting it go into production. Jesus, God’s son, was sent to earth to model all kinds of good and true things – including loyalty. The perfect sample piece!
Are you finding it hard to be loyal to your friends; in a relationship; at work?
Here are a few solutions for those of us who may be battling with this:
1. Stop playing the blame game
Stop blaming others, fess up, and practice true repentance. Hard! Each one of us needs to accept responsibility for our rebellion, disloyalty, and undermining of authority. We should be careful of being passive aggressive, which is a defence mechanism that allows people who aren’t comfortable with being openly aggressive, to get what they want under the guise of still trying to please others. Basically, you want your way, but you also still want people to like you.
2. Make it right
“If a man steals an ox or a sheep and kills it or steals it, he must pay back five head of cattle for the ox, and four sheep for the one sheep…” – Exodus 22:1
Disloyalty (even in the form of talking about people that you’re working with behind their backs), can really set a good work back. So if you’ve done wrong, make it right!
3. Decide that you are going to be loyal through thick and thin, in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer
Making a resolve to commit though “thick and thin” to one’s friends, family, or church is so crucial for one to see the blessing of God in their lives. Look at this example of loyalty to the word of God and what it tells us…
Whatever it takes to gain Wisdom, do it! To gain understanding, do it! Never forget this! Never stray from what I am telling you. You don’t forsake Lady Wisdom, and she will protect you. Love her, and she will faithfully take care of you – cherish her, and she will help you rise above the confusion of life – your possibilities will open before you. Embrace her, and she will raise you to a place of honour in return. – Proverbs 4:5-8
Basically, if you’ve already decided that you’re going to be loyal in a situation, no matter how opulent the offer, the decision will be a no-brainier. No confusion.
4. Don’t live life with half-hearted commitment; being and giving nominal wont do
I’ve just walked into a new life situation and from the start, I made the decision that I won’t just be “another number to be counted on,” giving a nominal effort, or never going the extra mile. It helps to go the extra mile instead of always giving the minimum.
It’s so important that we work to get out of the insane cycle of disloyalty that perpetuates itself all around the world. But only by receiving Jesus Christ, God’s perfect model, can we actually find the grace to break from this.
For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all people. It trains us to renounce ungoldly living and worldly passions so that we might live sensible, honest, and godly lives in the present age. – Titus 2:11
If you’re interested to know more about this, why don’t you click on the banner below?