It’s one of life’s biggest mysteries. What is it about the two words “I’m sorry” that makes it so hard to say? The biggest problem is that being able to apologise is a fundamental skill to learn and without nurturing healthy and strong relationships is virtually impossible. Adults, who had supposedly learnt how to control and master their emotions, find it hard to apologise at times so is it really surprising that children need to be guided through the process of learning how to say sorry.
Never too young to start
My last-born child is nearly two. Being the youngest of four he’s had to learn quickly to stand up for himself and make his voice heard in an already loud and full household. Unfortunately he hasn’t yet learnt how to control his temper and at times it bubbles over, with dramatic results. The funny thing is that even at this stage, when he doesn’t fully understand what it means, saying sorry is a bit of a challenge for him when he oversteps the mark. Despite his age there is still a level of stubbornness and self-pride that makes admitting a mistake difficult.
Regardless of your age, being able to sincerely say that you’re sorry is a big step towards maturity and says a lot about you as an individual.
- It shows that you are able to own and be responsible for your mistakes.
- It tells others that you value them and your relationship.
- Saying you’re sorry reveals that you are secure enough to be vulnerable.
The art of apologising
So whether you’re trying to encourage this ability in your child or maybe trying to get better at it yourself, here are a few things to keep in mind when you’re learning to say sorry.
- Saying you’re sorry isn’t always about apologising for being wrong. Sometimes you can be right but in a way that hurts someone. For the sake of the relationship an apology is the best approach.
- If you’re going to say you’re sorry, you have to mean it. An insincere apology is painfully obvious and may do more harm than good.
- Don’t delay when an apology is needed. The longer you wait the harder it will be.
- An apology doesn’t need to be fancy but it sometimes will require some action behind your words. Be ready to back up your sorry with a change in behaviour or approach.
More than words
The Bible talks a lot about being sorry or repenting. In a biblical context sorry means not only to admit fault but to turn away from it and move towards a place of being right. In other words, it isn’t enough to acknowledge when you’ve done something wrong and admit it – a change in lifestyle and behaviour is the only way to show that you’re truly sorry.