We’ve had fifteen Valentines Days together and I can still remember our first date. I’d agreed to go on a date with him because he’d captured my heart with those stunning long-stem roses, delivered to my workplace on Valentine’s Day. My colleagues had swooned at the sight and convinced me to give the guy a chance – surely only good could come from dating a man who makes such grand gestures.

This year, after almost thirteen years of marriage, we spent Valentine’s Day evening sitting in our grey Vauxhall Zafira, waiting for our two sprogs to finish swimming lessons. We ate pasta out of Tupperware and I’d made an effort to bring two wine glasses and a bottle of Pinotage. As we sat chatting in the parking lot, eating pasta and drinking wine, I realised just how much I’d changed – and mostly for the good. In this moment, I felt truly content.

As I mentioned earlier, I can still remember our first date. When my flatmates asked about it the following day, I wrote it off as a complete disaster. I think many first dates would rather be forgotten but as I reflect on our dinner of Nando’s chicken and diet coke, I realise that the main reason I thought it was a horrible failure was because I was terribly conceited at the time.

That man loved me unconditionally then and he loves me unconditionally now and that has made all the difference. I still have plenty of selfish moments and I absolutely would welcome more grand gestures of love from my husband, but I now realise that I’ve been blessed with what I always wanted – to love and to be loved.

It hasn’t been easy, but I can see how our commitment to keep on loving each other through the tough times has strengthened and deepened our relationship. The stuff that mattered fifteen years ago now seems vain and superfluous. Now I finally feel content to just be – no frills attached.

A well-known television presenter recently stated that having a stroke changed his marriage for the better. A number of studies also point to the benefits of working together through challenging times in a marriage, suggesting they ultimately make for long-lasting happiness.

I think it’s all about perspective and compromise, or surrender. Surrender of our own will, in favour of the person we’re journeying with.

Let’s keep our marriage vows – “… for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health…” – at the forefront of our hearts and minds as we choose to love – always.