I remember growing up with these strange “Love is…” cartoons that somehow managed to be safe for kids despite centering around these two supposedly naked people. I have no recollection of where I saw them, they just always seemed to be around and the one message that has stuck with me all these years is this one:
Love is… never having to say you’re sorry.
It sounds romantic. It feels like it should be true. When you love someone so much, you never have to say the word ‘Sorry’ because your love is so strong and maybe you both know it or you won’t do anything that will ever require the saying of that word.
The older I get, the more I realise it is exactly the opposite. I have been married for six years to the beautiful Val [or tbV as I call her] and marriage for us has been a hard thing. Really great, but not easy.
And one thing we have had to learn to say to each other, and mean, and live out in action afterwards, is the word “Sorry!” And we are still working on that day in and day out.
MORE THAN JUST SAYING IT
Remember when you were a child and you did something wrong to some other kid or maybe broke some adult’s thing and your parent’s forced you to face the eternal shame of going to that person and saying “Sorry!” Back then it seemed all about saying the word. Often you weren’t really sorry, but were just really glad when it was all over and you could head back to your room for a good cry. Or maybe that was just me.
But at some point we start to realise that saying the word, without attaching any meaning to it, makes no real difference at all. I can say “Sorry” to you, but unless I am willing to change and try to live differently so that I don’t end up at the exact same place having to say the same words again, then the words really don’t mean anything.
The bible uses the word ‘Repent’ and what it literally means is the idea of walking in one direction and the stopping and turning around and walking in the other direction.
THIS IS OUR RESPONSE-ABILITY
We seem to be living in a world of decreased responsibility where people struggle to own up to words, action and even systems that they are part of that are hurtful to others. This happens too often in marriages where people forget the wedding vows to put the other person above themselves and start to live selfishly and protect themselves from feeling bad.
But loving someone means there are times when you have to face up to the fact that you were wrong and it is embarrassing, awkward and uncomfortable to face someone and say, “I was wrong.” But to be able to say the word “Sorry’ and then follow it up with a commitment to do it differently can be one of the most powerful things in the world.
So, rather than the cringeworthy cartoon and the Hallmark greeting phrase that sounds right, I would like to suggest that Love is Ever having to say you’re Sorry. Every single time you get it wrong. And committing again to trying harder and thinking more of the other person and being responsible in terms of acting better.
This becomes easy when we remember that God did it first for us. Despite having nothing to be sorry for, Jesus chose to be responsible for the sin and pain and destruction in all of our lives, to make a path for us to be able to do it better in the future.
If you’d like to hear some more about that and how it works, why not click on the banner below and let us tell you.