I have been married to my husband for almost ten years, and we have been together as a couple for almost twelve years. In that time, I have watched as some of my single friends have remained single for quite some time, others for not so long, whilst there are still the odd few who are still single, and are happy as can be.
I will be honest, there were moments where as a friend I would worry, if my single friends were truly happy, or if they perhaps felt lonely, left out, or like they are just waiting on the shelf collecting dust. Please hear me out, my concern came from a very genuine, and sincere place. As I just wanted to know that my single friends were happy, and hoped that they would find “the one” that they could call home. My husband and I would sometimes try to host little get togethers at our house, and take on the role as cupid’s little helpers, and invite some of our single friends, in hopes sparks would go flying between potentials (don’t judge) but alas, nothing – not even a tiny sparkle. Again, this all came from a good place.
Finding love cannot be rushed or forced
However, when I think about how my husband and I met many years ago – it wasn’t via an orchestrated blind date, it wasn’t via a dating app, it happened when I wasn’t even looking for love, it happened naturally, and out of nowhere and took us both by surprise. Which served as a reminder to me, that love will happen when it needs to, and at the right time for my single friends. Some friends dated a few frogs, before finding their prince, whilst there are some still waiting, and that is perfectly fine too. I don’t think there is a specific timeline for finding and nurturing love, I truly believe it happens when it should.
Married couples try to give advice, and practical tips to their single friends on all the things that they “should or shouldn’t do” whilst dating, and again – they all mean well. But we should remember that what worked for us, our personal love stories may not work for others, and that is okay. Instead of worrying and placing unnecessary pressure on our friends that are still looking for love, we should be encouraging confidence, joy, hope in the season of waiting. After all , they are still humans, they are not projects, and being single is not a life threatening disease.
Be a good friend to your single friends
Instead of trying to play match maker to your single friends, rather place your focus and energy on just being a good friend to them. That may mean listening without trying to problem solve, or without judgement. This may mean encouraging them to have some fun, and to celebrate who they are. This even may mean not talking about dating at all, and talking about things that makes them who they are. Things that they are passionate about, things that they enjoy, and love. Not every conversation has to be about dating and love!
Also, another side note don’t ever try to make out like they are missing out on life because they are not married, or don’t down play marriage, and never ever talk about it. Sometimes, your single friends want to know about marriage, and learn from you. Most importantly, just act normal, and be the friend that you were when you first met, love and encourage one another regardless of the seasons you find yourself and your friends in.