Do you see people? I mean really see them?
I asked this question on my Facebook page the other day: Name one time this week when you dehumanised someone else.
Naturally people didn’t come running to answer, but I’m hoping that just by asking the question I made people think about it.
Even starting to write about this prompted me to head back to Facebook to write this summary post:
I wrote a status the other day inviting people to share a story about when they have dehumanised someone this past week – surprisingly people didn’t come storming in to comment (I mean it’s not like I was touching you on your holiday house this time) and to be honest I wasn’t expecting you to.
But I did hope it would at least get people thinking. We might be too embarrassed to say or write out loud when we dehumanise people but I imagine for a lot of people it happens every day.
When someone comes up to your car window at a traffic light to beg for money or ask you to buy something. Not giving them money or not buying something is not dehumanising them. Refusing to look them in the eye, or flash them a smile, or an apology, or engaging them with a simple hello, is.
When you refer (directly or indirectly) to someone who is thirty plus who maybe works in your garden, or looks after your children, or cleans your house, as ‘boy’ or ‘girl’ that is quite dehumanising and an easy test is to question whether the things you call other people would feel as comfortable if someone was doing that to your mom or dad, or sister or friend.
When there is no human interaction at a till as someone runs your groceries or clothes through and you simply see that person as a means to an end rather than a person doing a job you probably wouldn’t choose to do (I’ve done till duty – probably my worst job ever) that is probably dehumanising. As opposed to greeting them – perhaps in their own tongue – finding out their name, wishing them a good day.
In fact I think it is possible to throw money at someone and dehumanise them at the same time. I’m pretty sure I’ve done it.
Not taking the time to learn someone’s name that may be a little trickier for you definitely falls into that category.
Let them know you see them
The title of this article is a play on the words “I see dead people” from the movie The Sixth Sense that Haley Joel Osment’s character utters to Bruce Willis’ psychologist. In the movie his character Cole is the only one who can see the spirits of the dead which is where dehumanisation comes in. We dehumanise people when we refuse to see them.
Look at the above examples again – typically there are people who are in some kind of service to someone else. And it can be so easy to use the service but not see the person.
On the flip side this is something very easy to get right. Looking someone in the eyes, greeting them, asking their name, asking how their day has been. You don’t have to give someone money to see them or let them know that they have been seen and are important. That they count.
We don’t give dignity, we recognise it
The same as with a voice, I don’t think we can give dignity to someone. But we can take time to notice it in them and affirm their humanness. And if it’s not something you have done before and doesn’t come naturally to you, it may require a bit of practice.
So how about for the rest of this week you give it a practice. Especially when it comes to the people who fill your car, pack your groceries, stand at the side of the road, let’s aim to make eye contact and smile and ask a question and let them know they are seen. You may totally transform someone’s day.