Ever have someone post something on social media that you disagree with? If the answer is “Never!” then I’m not sure you’re using social media properly.
The truth is, with the freedom of opinions these days (especially post Trump’s victory in America) there are going to be things you disagree with in front of your eyes most of the time. If you want to spend your time commenting on every single thing you disagree with, you are not going to have time to lead any kind of healthy and responsible life.
YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES
But what if something someone says really makes you angry. Maybe you felt that it was racist or sexist? Perhaps the person was joking about something you don’t feel jokes should be made about, like rape or a bunch of people dying?
Is there a time when you should jump in and how do you do it well?
RELATIONSHIP HELPS
I had two interactions on Facebook this morning. One was from a friend of a friend who I’m not actively even really friends with any more. They took issue with a status I had written and wrote me a private message to tell me how and why they thought I was wrong.
The second came from a friend of mine, someone who I deeply respect and have had a lot of conversations with. He felt like a video I had shared and a comment I had made was out of line. Instead of telling me I was wrong (like the first guy did) he actually asked me a few questions to try to understand why I had posted it.
Both of these rebukes/challenges made me think about my actions. I wrote a long message back to the first guy explaining some of my reasoning behind the post and why I disagreed with him. I wrote a shorter message to the second guy thanking him for his concerns and explaining some of my reasoning, which I realised had not been as strong as it could have. Although he hadn’t asked me to, I decided to delete the video, because I had not given it enough thought and didn’t have as strong a reason to post it as I thought I did.
Two different scenarios but the one was helped immensely by the fact that I had a relationship with the guy. I could have still decided that the first guy was right and deleted that post, but because we don’t have any relationship to speak of, his words carried a lot less weight. I weighed them up and disagreed with him and explained why.
WHEN SOMEONE SINS AGAINST YOU
So relationship helps, but I don’t think you should only challenge people if you have a relationship with them. If you don’t though, you generally need to be a little bit more careful, because you don’t have that person’s natural trust.
In the Bible, Jesus actually gives a helpful piece of advice when it comes to conflict between people.
“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.” (Matthew 18.15-17)
What is interesting though is that Jesus often didn’t seem to follow His own advice. We see Him challenging the Pharisees publicly as well as Peter, James and John, His own disciples, who He had a good relationship with.
The difference as I see it is this. If someone has done something that has hurt you and only you, then it’s a great principle to approach them as Jesus says above.
But if the person has done something that has affected a lot of people publicly, then sometimes it is better to deal with it publicly.
THE CROWDS NEED TO KNOW
If someone makes a joke about rape in their status on Facebook for example, I don’t think that’s okay (ever!). I could message that person a private message and ask them to remove it, but so many people have probably already seen it, that it actually might require a public statement. That for me is the difference.
When the Pharisees were being hypocrites, Jesus wanted the crowds to know and understand that their words and failure to live them out were a big problem. So he challenged them publicly.
So first things first, when someone does something that offends you online, ask if it is just between you and them and if so, message them directly.
If something has happened that affects more people and requires a public response, then try figure out the kindest way to do that.
Whichever way you choose to deal with conflict, another helpful principle from the bible is that of ‘Speaking the Truth in Love’. Remember that more important that winning an argument or being right is to try to establish a good relationship with the person involved and come up with the best resolution together.